Help, I need blog tips

I have a blog and I've finally gotten around to trying to make it visible to others. The problem is that it isn't. It doesn't come up in any of the search engines and I don't now a thing about how to make it do so.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
" ... what's one more once you've already got two shedding on the couch?"

I don't have a blog, I got nothing to say / am a boring person.

But - I might like to do this - strictly to try to make ad money. So I'd have to come up with some good stuff then, eh? I'm at a loss.

But - I then thought of all this NSA spying. Could that work FOR you?

My idea was - if I put in a whole lot of 'hot button' terms - would that attract 'hits' and drive my revenue up? Would the gov 'hits' work for this too?

As example - say I decided to make a cooking blog. Let's say I write something like this -

"Today I am making some chicken. It's not co operating with me, I'm going to have to go Al Qaeda on it's ass! I'm also making some peas - they're not co operating either - time to call The Taliban!

If I should insert such terms - would this drive up page hits and thus ad revenue?

Just an academic question at this point, I'd have no idea what to write about. And if I did - you know I want to make money.

What if you just made a blog that was a wall of text repeating the phrases KIDDIE PORN and AL QAEDA? Could it work? Would the NSA trawling give hits that translate to revenue?

This blog gets a million hits a day! Advertise here!

Could this work?

Yeah, I'm all about the money.

Your blog should be visible in search engines just by creating it, since most of these blogging sites are owned by larger companies. Ensure that the settings are public by asking someone to look at it. Then, you increase the rankings by having it linked to. See if there are places where you can mention your blog without being annoying.

Blog rings used to be a big thing, you'd make friends with other bloggers and all link each others' blogs at the bottom of every page. But now with the giant companies supplying the hosting and page builders, there's much less incentive to do that for each other for some reason.
I would make a tumblr, twitter, and an instagram account and then link your blog in the about me section, and then start posting to related streams or hashtags or whatever the fuck they call them these days, mentioning your blog with a link wherever it doesn't seem too spammy. Make some friends in related subjects, see if they want to do reciprocal linking, I'll link you if you link me!