Dating and Looking for Love Rant

When I was starting to be interested in dating guys about two years ago, I have been very unlucky in love. Never dated and still a virgin with a high sex drive.

Found out my former crush several months back was seeing someone. I was disappointment and I have since moved on, but what pissed me off about this epsiode was that he lied about his facebook status (He didn't place a relationship status and there were no pictures of him with his girlfriend or fling). I think I dodge a major bullet with this one because he seems to be a player who likes to fuck with womens' emotions.

Upset by this, I tried online dating and went on a "date" with the guy I mention on the bad dates thread.

At my former job, there was a guy who had a crush on me, but I wasn't interested due to a big age difference (He was in his late 30s to early 40s, I'm 24) and he seemed to have major committment issues. Fortunately, I got let go before he asked me out. Another bullet dodged.

I tried online dating several times and the majority of guys were just wanting to get laid. The ones that messaged me wrote only hi. Didn't write them back.

And a few people who are my age are already or getting married.

I know there is someone out there for me, but I havent found him yet. I'm in therapy right now to help fixed issues that are causing me to not having such a good dating experience.

I feel better now since I let this off my chest.

EVERYONE goes through dating difficulty. EVERYONE. I dated my share of screwed up guys, so don't let bad luck at this time get you down. You have to dig through an awful lot of garbage to find the treasures. We aren't going to be compatible with everyone. Cull the ones who don't work out for you, and the more willing you are to do this and the more ruthless you are about it, the closer you get to your goal of finding the right one for you.

Don't give up, and don't get down. Keep hanging in there and try to have fun. Even the worst dates make for good stories.

Yes! ^^^
I waded through three years of bad first dates and a few second ones before I found my sweety.
The funny part is, the message he sent me was "Hi." I checked out his profile and liked what I saw. I get that most people want something more as an introduction, but since all the other messages I received were backhanded compliments like "You don't look too stuck up." I was pretty over anyone who was just fishing for a lay. It might be worth at least looking at the profiles of these "Hi." guys, they could be bad at typing, like mine is. LOL!

Best of luck in your search. And keep digging, there's good ones hiding amongst the losers. It's hard not to get emotionally invested when what you're looking for IS an emotional investment. I fully sympathize with how hard a blow it can be when you've been thinking hopefully about what info you can glean from a profile, only to have the guy say something scuzzy about "How long you gonna make me wait???" It's a tough search.

I agree with what's been said about sorting through partners who don't work to find one that does. Raise your standards now, before accepting dates. Ask lots of questions BEFORE getting attached. I learned to ask a guy's opinion about having kids IMMEDIATELY, before becoming romantically entangled. No reason to waste time, money and energy on a relationship that is doomed. There are other questions that I find important too.
Despite the rush to the altar that your friends are making, I wouldn't advise you do the same. A person changes a lot between 20 and 30. I'm not the same person I was in my 20s.
It's likely that those people who marry too early in life will get divorced as they change and their partners change.

I'm late 30s and not really interested in men at the moment. Have different priorities, personally. Like it floods here all the time and I need to get the fuck OUT! I'm stuck in survival mode / shit keeps hitting the fan.

WANTED: MAN WITH BOAT. SEND PIX OF BOAT

LOL. It's no joke though, extreme weather and it keeps getting worse. We just had another monsoon like storm. Have to stay home to man the sump pumps. Or, might get evacuated (this has seemingly passed now though. Please. Jesus.) I have been evacuated at least 5 times in 3 different states here.

Meet new people at the Emergency Red Cross Shelter!

I sometimes mention various neighbors here - this is why I know everybody. I'm not Suzie Social - I'm Debbie Disaster. Hey - don't I know you from the last flood?

I have no sex drive either, that was kilt off by Chemo drugs. You know what made me sick? Flooding. Polluted water. OY.

But, I have 'been around' enough in the past and IMO sex is over rated. And, maybe I'm just getting older too? I don't know. I have many other things to think about. Kayak. I should get a Kayak.

I am only interested in meeting someone who shares my 'life visions' / plans I have. I'll show you my sump pumps if you show me yours ~
Like building something *on stilts*. Canoeing.

Gah. Yeah anyway, people change - and situations change too. Friend calls - wanna go out? Can't, manning the pumps. And you should be too.

Driving around to all night hardware stores to buy generators ~
A convo I had with a friend. And he's NW of here. Floods all the time there too. At the store - there was only one left - and it had just been returned because the Wife and Husband both had the same idea - they had both gone to stores and got generators, came back with the extra one to return it. It is an example of 'being in sync' with a person, eh? Yay! And lucky for my friend too, who'd been frantically calling everywhere trying to find one, and then just went to this place even further W of him hoping - and just then - the returned one came in and he was able to get it.

Maybe there is some "synchronicity" to life ~

Hang in there.

My biggest fear about being a virgin is that guys will find this odd and wouldn't want to date me as a result. I just want to lose my v-card before I turn 25.

20% of me wants to be in a fwb situation just to lose it and gain sexual experiences, but the majority of me says this is a very bad idea since I get attached easily.

I know I will eventually meet a guy who wouldn't mind, but I can't help but feel about these anxieties.

Awww, well... it kinda reminded me of my situation. I am 25, and wanted so badly to be in love again, that i joined dating sites like okcupid etc.
Found some pretty nice people on there, not just potential dates, but also some other girls like me with whom i just chatted for fun.
Anyway, what quickly turned me away from these sites was the men who always told me they were going to wreck me if they ever got to fuck me. After an incident in which that one guy (with whom i went on a second date) threatened to abduct and kill me, i thought "fuck that shit" and wondered if to not just give up on men entirely.
A bisexual friend confessed to me that she has been in love for me for years, and since we just click so well and i trust her, i just told her, she can have my v-card. That way we both had sonething the other wanted, and it was a fun experience. Turns out, she is my girlfriend now and i couldnt be happier.

in my experience, when men get to know you are a virgin, they pursue you even more relentlessly, because that makes you an unsoiled object.

Darkerthanblack,

That was the same reasons why I left those sites. There were a quite of few men on there who wasn't in the right frame of mind mentally. I'm glad that you found someone you love.

As with me, I'm just going to wait until that special guy comes along, even if it takes another year or so. To me, I find sex a very personal thing and losing it to someone who cares about you and has feelings for you makes it very special. I'm not wired to do fwbs and causal sex. I know other posters on here have different opinions, but this is just how I feel.

I sounded a bit freaked out on my last post due to pressure.

If people are still crept out about me being sexual inexperienced at my age, then they can fuck off. Ironically, these are the same people who have kids without thinking and don't think outside of the box.

In the meantime, I'm just going to take care of myself before that special guy comes along.

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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

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Miss_Hannigan

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empresskitty
To me, I find sex a very personal thing and losing it to someone who cares about you and has feelings for you makes it very special. I'm not wired to do fwbs and causal sex. I know other posters on here have different opinions, but this is just how I feel.

There is nothing wrong with this viewpoint. On the other hand. I if my husband croaked, I would very likely soon have a rotating roster of available stud horses to come service me at my whim. Considering that I am surrounded daily by young, available men, many of whom are smokin' hot and very flirty. Why settle for one when you can have the whole box?

/fantasy

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law
I if my husband croaked, I would very likely soon have a rotating roster of available stud horses to come service me at my whim. Considering that I am surrounded daily by young, available men, many of whom are smokin' hot and very flirty. Why settle for one when you can have the whole box?

/fantasy

*snork*

Interesting how one's attitude gets changed by marriage/long-term commitment.

When I was in my late 20s, having lived by pretty much the same creed as EmpressKitty, but luckily meeting far fewer scuds, I married my current spouse. It has been great; almost 30 years of emotional/sexual/generally fun fulfillment; but if I had to do it again? *sigh* I dunno. Most likely - yeah, but Older Me now sees that being in it for the long haul is a lot-lot-LOT of work. And the "grow old with me, the best is yet to be" part is a fallacy. It can be very comfortable and settling, aging with a compatible mate, but new worries and fears crop up. I know that if anything happened to my spouse, while I'm still in early middle age (something I did face, not that long back), that would be it for me. From here on out, the situation would be to connect and have fun, but not expect to settle down.

Empress - it seems harder these days, finding a good mate. Being CF gives one a lot of latitude. You aren't rushed to find someone to be a mate/wallet/sperm donor. The guy to whom you lose your V doesn't have to be :::drumroll::: THE ONE!

I would suggest that if you can find a guy who isn't a V Trophy hunter, and not a fucking weirdo, but someone compatible, fun and with whom you share a lot of characteristics and would like to be with for a certain amount of time, go for it. Don't worry about settling down right now. In fact, don't worry about settling at all. Looking back, I acknowledge all those worries I had in my 20s were likely created by biology and the fear of never finding anyone and being alone. As a middle age woman, I wish I could get in a time machine and reassure my Young Self that time and experience gives one a lot of assurance.

Empress, the best thing is not worringabout losing your V-card, although it ashames me a little, I still have mine and I'm almost 28. For a time I was obsessed about it, I even considered going with a prostitute, but in the end it didn't felt right so I decided to stop thinking about it.

My dating history it's also very crappy, for some reason I'm a single moo magnet. Actually my first GF when I was 18 was a teen moo a year younger than me. That's how I learned that single moos are just a bunch of trouble, a few months later I dated a girl who cheated on me (I learned that after we broke up) and soon after I dated a girl that was a possesive psycho. After that, I haven't been on a relationship for almost 9 years.

I tried mainly online dating becauseI'm very shy and it's really hard for me starting a conversation with someone I don't know. But as I said before, I0m a moo magnet. In my last attemp I caight the attetion of a married moo that's now a single moo (guess why). But my other attemps haven't been very succesful.. Last one was trying to ask out a girl from my French lesson. She always said yes at first, but then she would put any excuse to change the date for going out and in the end she just plain ignored me. I can't help but wonder if just saying no is that hard.

So I'm probably the worst person you could ask about dating advise since for now I just gave up and I'm not even trying, but the only thing I can say is that you should do whatever makes you happier.

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law

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Miss_Hannigan

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I echo what the above posters have said and wanted to throw in my two cents. I've had my share of despair with dating, thinking I'll never meet someone, its impossible, ect. It sucks. It can be disheartening. Its easy to lose faith.

I am glad you're in therapy to work out the issues that are causing you problems dating. I completely understand that everyone is a work in progress, and I think working on your own personal wellness is a service both to yourself and the people you will date. You don't need to be entirely worked out personally to date, but you do need to be in a place where dating would be healthy for you personally. If things do take a turn for seriousness with someone you are seeing...be upfront about them. Its a good test in terms of both your own comfort in confiding in a partner and evaluating their level of support. Ask yourself "is this something I would want to know?". If you're not yet comfortable sharing it, ask if it could be harmful not to share.

Approach this with a sense of adventure and seek self-discovery as well as an ideal partner. I've dated people that were destructive, people that were disrespectful towards me, and people that, while perfectly lovely, weren't a match for me. Every person you date, good or bad, is a learning experience. While I wouldn't wish my most damaging relationship on anyone, I've taken it as a really harsh learning experience, about what to look out for, what to look for, and, most importantly, about keeping sight of what I deserve. As you continue on in the dating world, chances are you'll have one or many instances where things didn't work out. Take those experiences and use them to your benefit...ask yourself what you liked about the person, and keep alert for what you want to change. You may surprise yourself. Much of dating is figuring out what you need in a relationship, and finding someone who is both able and willing to give it to you. Be discerning, but make sure to distinguish what you require, and what you prefer. Be open minded, but discerning, and never give up what's really important to you.

Note that as much as dating is about self-discovery, realize that as things progress, relationships can take work. Open communication is key. I am very happy romantically right now, and I think part of my happiness came from the realization that I can't expect my SO to read my mind, and accepting that there will be times where one of us doesn't entirely deliver. Realize that it won't always be perfect, just make sure its something you can be overall happy and comfortable with. My relationship is not perfect, and we will always be working on things...but taken as a whole, our general needs are met and we are happy.

Lastly, approach this with kindness and respect. Bad dates do make great stories, and you shouldn't let people treat you poorly, but do your best to be kind and respectful as a mindset. Dating is hard for everyone, and just because someone isn't a match is no reason not to treat them with respect. Go with the right intentions always make sure never to settle for less than you deserve.

If you live or can travel to a large area, singles parties/lock and key/speed dating is good, you can rule out people quickly, and only waste a minute or so with them, if you hit it of you can have a chat later on in the evening and then maybe set up a proper date later on.

SInce your chatting to loads of partners quickly,it's a great confidence builder and gets your expirence up. You can always take a friend,chat to a friend later and disscuss the guys to help you pick a good choice. Now it's true that a lot of the guys will probably be having proper dates with multipe partners but so can you and you can be open about it. If you hit off then yo u can bring up being exclusive.

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Zzelda
I'm late 30s and not really interested in men at the moment. Have different priorities, personally. Like it floods here all the time and I need to get the fuck OUT! I'm stuck in survival mode / shit keeps hitting the fan.

WANTED: MAN WITH BOAT. SEND PIX OF BOAT

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Zzelda's next date location :-D