Counselling - worth it?

After a few problems in my new college course (and the last one), it has been suggested by my Guidance Tutor that I look into counselling. Basically, I'm just wondering if it would be worth even trying. I used to see a therapist when I was 15 and it was a huge waste of time, so is there any reason to assume it'd different now?

Also, if I do agree to do it, what if someone finds out? That's pretty much the biggest thing that's stopping me from doing this.

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mypersonality.info

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it."
George Bernard Shaw

"An oyster can play catch if u only give it the oprotunity"
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If you do it grudgingly or to please someone else, it probably won't help. If you're doing it because you want to have a better quality of life and would like someone to help you acquire the tools to make changes, it could be beneficial. It very much depends on you and the counselor you're working with. If you note the same lack of benefit that you observed when you were younger after having tried it for some time, it may be that you just haven't found someone you can work effectively with, not necessarily that therapy is a waste of time.

Of course therapy isn't any kind of instant cure and it doesn't help everyone who tries it, but from what you posted previously about the state of your life it does seem as if you are not very happy and that perhaps therapy would be a way to improve the quality of your life.

As far as the stigma is concerned, it unfortunately does still exist, but part of the professional code of conduct would require the person to be discrete so I hope you won't let this stop you from trying something if you feel it might be helpful.

I have been reading a forum where a lot of people have been greatly helped by finding the right counselor for them, of course there are plenty of people in the forum still searching for the right counselor too. It makes me want to try again, but I too have a bad experience with counseling in my past... Combined with excessive social anxiety, I've been putting it off for more than a decade.
But the more I read about the people who are getting good help, the more I want to try again. I just want to land on the right counselor for me the first time, not have another bad experience, and probably more than one.

I agree with yurble, and that counselling can be great if you find the right match. I had to 'fire' several psych nurses from my treatment at MH, because I knew they were not a good match for me. I was even labeled a difficult patient, because I was assertive about who treated me.

I was finally assigned one nurse who basically saved my life. She was awesome, and she worked with me for years, until she finally retired. Without her help, I don't know where I would be today. I don't know what kinds of therapy would help your situation, but I basically received cognitive-behavioral therapy and it worked wonders.

As for the stigma, it will always be there. However, now that I've received treatment, I am a fully-functioning person who enjoys her life. Nobody, except my family and a few select people, even know I have a MI. It is quite freeing, really. I still have to take meds, but I realize I will have to do that for the rest of my life.

I still have unresolved issues, but I plan on working on those, too.

Hope I've helped! Also, don't do this for anyone but yourself! You deserve to have a happy, healthy life.

Presto and strange aeons (and anyone else this might help) :

If, for any reason, you feel like you can't/won't go to a counselor, there is a website you could try. It's set up to basically teach you cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and it's run by Australian National University. It's moodgym (dot) anu (dot) edu (dot) au -- they also have another one called e-couch. Both are free.

I haven't used either (yet), but I've heard good things about the sites from people who have. I'll probably start using them in a few weeks. I have a bunch of stuff going on, and more stress that is coming up, and my coping skills are non-existent.

I also had a horrible experience with counseling as a teenager, when I was desperate for help, that has made me very wary of going back to any counselor. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to at some point to get my ADA papers for my new school. They won't take my old ones. They also refuse to say if they can even work around my extreme anxiety (3 speeches/presentations are required for my major, 1 is required no matter what the major), which doesn't help.

Anyway, I hope those websites help you at least a little bit.

"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live." - Oscar Wilde

SA - are you on BC pills? Or any other type of hormonal BC? This could be your problem.

Your hormones might be wonky in general too. You should get that checked.

Might be a simple fix.

Hormonal BC does not agree with many people - if you are on this - it might be the problem.

Another vote for how productive counseling can be if you find the right counselor. One thing to remember is that even though you're paying them (or your insurance is), they kinda-sorta work for you. See it as a partnership. You can set up a counselor "interview/first date" to check experience, background, biases, any other stuff that would work against you.

I worked with a counselor for a while when my life was going through the shitter. I told her going in that I didn't have much money, and her attitude was "Well, we'll do as much as we can with the budget you have, but really my goal should be to work myself out of a job anyway". That right there told me about her professional ethics. She wanted to help me with my issues, not set up a long-term wallet siphon. We met for a few sessions, she gave me some good tools and good perspective, and it helped me get through that rough patch.

amethyst114, that site sounds very interesting, I'll have to check that out.

Amethyst114, thank you for posting that info! wink

I have checked out ecouch, and it seems to have some great info for people who suffer with depression, PTSD and social anxiety. I suffer with social phobias stemming from BDD, so I have registered and I'm going to go ahead and work on it myself.

I would do anything to not have to go back to MH again, even though they were a great help when I needed them. To go back now, would seem like a backslide to me, so I think I'm going to work on these issues on my own.

Not sure if this is relevant to you, but if it isn't, it might be to another person reading:

If you are going to talk about childhood stuff, be aware that some states have mandatory reporting laws for abuse. My state says that it has to be reported no matter what- even if the abuser is dead, and then there has to be some sort of investigation.

That's why I'm pretty certain I'm the cause of my mom's investigation at her school. It lines up really nicely for the couple of months I went to the campus counselor. (I stopped because she wasn't great and just sat there listening instead of helping me understand things, and also because things I told her about my family made her visibly uncomfortable. It really is important to find someone whose personality you are comfortable with.)

Sorry for the late response - been busy not doing my coursework. (Supposed to be doing "sketchbook investigations". WTF, why? What for?)

So... I'm leaning towards at least giving it a shot, but I'm still a bit apprehensive. I get that therapy can work, I'm just still not sure it'll be much use to me. For one, discussing my problems face to face with another person makes me very uncomfortable. Plus, talking to a counsellor will inevitably involve going into sensitive things and if I end up crying I'll very uncomfortable AND thoroughly humiliated. Also, I for some reason really dislike the idea of someone getting inside my head. Odd, really.

yurble - Yeah, part of me does kind of think I'd only be doing it because I felt obligated. As much as I don't like to think I'm a people-pleaser that may well be the case.

And you're pretty much right - I'm not terribly happy. I should be, though, but knowing that I have no good reasons for being unhappy just makes it worse. I guess feelings are a huge problem. I tend to deal with my bad feelings by either "beating" them into submission or fleeing them. And just when it seems I'm feeling better something happens to completely ruin any progess made. I definitely need to do something because I'm just making the same mistakes over and over.

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mumofsixbirds
Hope I've helped! Also, don't do this for anyone but yourself! You deserve to have a happy, healthy life.

Do I, though? I'm starting to think I'd be better off accepting that I'll always be at least slightly depressed, that I'll have the "black dog" stalking me for the rest of my days.

I guess I'm just afraid that if I do seek active help, it'll fail and that'll just reinforce what I'm thinking.

amethyst114 - I'll definitely look into that. The therapist I saw as a teenager tried out CBT with me but it didn't take. I'm not really the same person now, though, so it'll be worth a try at least.

Zzelda - Nope, not any sort of hormonal BC. Didn't know they could do that to you, though! Also, my hormones (as well as iron levels and all that jazz) were checked out a while ago after a little health scare - everything's fine, shockingly. No imbalances, no deficiencies, nothing.

randomcfchick - I'd have to see a counsellor through NHS anyway, so the money's not an issue (every cloud and such). I do get what you're saying about checking out their experience and background, though.

And if only they all had your counsellor's ethics!

seamstress - No abuse to speak of, personally. And I'm in the UK. Come to think of it, I've no idea if there are any such laws here. Better check anyway, just in case.

And your counsellor pretty much did what mine did - just listened, did nothing to help and wasted an hour of my time every week!

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mypersonality.info

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it."
George Bernard Shaw

"An oyster can play catch if u only give it the oprotunity"
Some random YouTube commenter

"hate comments will be deleted!! fuckers!"
Some random YouTube uploader

Quote
strange aeons
And you're pretty much right - I'm not terribly happy. I should be, though, but knowing that I have no good reasons for being unhappy just makes it worse. I guess feelings are a huge problem. I tend to deal with my bad feelings by either "beating" them into submission or fleeing them. And just when it seems I'm feeling better something happens to completely ruin any progess made. I definitely need to do something because I'm just making the same mistakes over and over.

Thinking you should be happy because other people are dying of ebola or whatever is of no use. If you have a chemical imbalance, it really doesn't serve any purpose except to make you feel worse. Hyperbole and a half did a nice story on what depression is like that I would suggest reading, if you haven't already.

You really cannot bottle things up forever, it will just burst out at an inappropriate time. It's like trying to diet by denying yourself everything nice and focusing on the control. Eventually there will be a binge. That's my observation at least.

I think you could enjoy a better quality of life and hope you find a way to make that happen.

I did therapy once but it didn't work out well for me. My therapist throught my problem was I wasn't social enough, which I didn't agree with. I also tried group therapy, that didn't work for me either. I quit after a few sessions.

You will not get any benefit if you go with a negative attitude before you have even started. It does sound like there is something wrong, and I think it would be a good idea to see a physician to rule out things like hormonal imbalances, thyroid trouble, etc. I would also recommend seeing a psychiatrist and being open to trying a medication. There are some issues that simply can't be solved without medication, like bipolar disorder. Always advocate for yourself, but at the same time, you have to be open to the idea that somebody else may have the answer you don't. I am sorry that there is stigma attached where you live. I live in the South most of the year in the United States and I know more people.in therapy than not. It isn't any big deal in my part of the city. Do what is best for you but also try to keep an open mind. My husband is bipolar and he sees psychiatrist for med and a therapist for anxiety and cognitive behavior issues. I saw a therapist for about 6 months after we got married to help me deal with suddenly living with this other person with mental illness after living alone for many years. She helped me a lot and was able to give me some neutral, unbiased feedback about my own behavior and that of others. She taught me a lot about drawing healthy boundaries, not over obligation myself, not being a perfectionist and not thinking it was my job to save the world or my husband.

If you aren't interested in any of this, I suggest the book that (I think) is called The Drama Triangle. It has some hippy dipped stuff in it I don't agree with, but the main point was that dysfunctional human interactions end up with a person being in one role on the triangle-they are either a persecutor, a victim or a rescuer. The book says that most people have the characteristics of one of the 3 but the longer it goes on the roles shift so that eventually a rescuer becomes a victim, a victim becomes a persecutors and the the persecutors becomes a rescuer. The whole point of the book though is how to stay off the drama triangle because once on it is hard to get off.

I loved finding out about the drama triangle! I stumbled upon it a few years ago looking into dysfunctional family dynamics. Once you know about it, it is almost amusing to watch people with problems ride one of the roles into the ground. Like my mom. It does take some of the personal sting out of our interactions to realize she's got more problems than I do, even though a lot of the time she appears more functional on the surface. At least I can genuinely interact with people instead of assigning them roles and then working as hard as I can to visualize and keep them in that role.

Also on dysfunctional family dynamics, this page was helpful: http://www.mudrashram.com/dysfunctionalfamily2.html
It explains why families which are dysfunctional in different ways can turn out to have very similar dynamics within them.
Everyone in the family is focused on never acknowledging the problem, and working around the problem at all costs. This leads to scapegoat and golden child roles, although there are several others I grew up in a two child family. One of us was good and the other was bad(me).
I am pretty sure this is heavily related to narcissism and the behaviors that crop up around people with cluster B personality disorders. Splitting people into either all good or all bad, depending on the least little change in mood or interaction is something you will see a lot of with cluster B disordered thinking.

All right, I've decided to go ahead with counselling (even typing that has filled me with shame...). Now I'm just trying to work up the nerve to contact them. It's hard. Every time I go to dial the number I feel sick with shame and chicken out but I guess I'll just have to do it.

This decision is mostly due to your responses (thank you, BTW) but also due to the fact that I've realised another reason why I need some form of help - anger. It occurred to me yesterday when I nearly broke my hand punching a wall (no broken knuckles, just a large colourful bruise). I'm generally an angry person; I have a very VERY short fuse and have been known to upend the odd table or break the occasional glass in anger.

Another childhood thing, I think - when I was a kid I just wasn't "allowed" to be angry - but my parents had every right to be angry at me, apparently. I don't want to sound like I'm just blaming my parents like a vindictive child but they're hardly innocent.

Anyways, thanks again for your responses, I know I do go on and I hope I'm not being whiny or unreasonable.

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mypersonality.info

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it."
George Bernard Shaw

"An oyster can play catch if u only give it the oprotunity"
Some random YouTube commenter

"hate comments will be deleted!! fuckers!"
Some random YouTube uploader

Quote
strange aeons
All right, I've decided to go ahead with counselling (even typing that has filled me with shame...). Now I'm just trying to work up the nerve to contact them. It's hard. Every time I go to dial the number I feel sick with shame and chicken out but I guess I'll just have to do it.

This decision is mostly due to your responses (thank you, BTW) but also due to the fact that I've realised another reason why I need some form of help - anger. It occurred to me yesterday when I nearly broke my hand punching a wall (no broken knuckles, just a large colourful bruise). I'm generally an angry person; I have a very VERY short fuse and have been known to upend the odd table or break the occasional glass in anger.

Another childhood thing, I think - when I was a kid I just wasn't "allowed" to be angry - but my parents had every right to be angry at me, apparently. I don't want to sound like I'm just blaming my parents like a vindictive child but they're hardly innocent.

Anyways, thanks again for your responses, I know I do go on and I hope I'm not being whiny or unreasonable.

I wish you best of luck and hope it helps you. I know about the anger thing too. I've punched a few walls in my time too. I've punched holes in sheetrock a couple of times, I once ripped a curtain rod out of the wall, and even broken a glass or two.

Like you, I wasn't allowed to be angry as a child either. It was always wrong for me to show even the slightest negative feeling and if I did, my parents really exploded at me. I never understood why it was OK for them and everyone else in the house, but not OK for me. I have an older brother who was prone to violent outbursts. He broke his eyeglasses multiple times, the boxes of our boardgames either had the lids taped up or no lids at all because when he would lose, he'd tear up the lids. He also broke tennis rackets a lot. My sister would have tantrums and stomp up to her room and slam the door when she wasn't getting her way. Nothing was ever said to them to correct their behavior and once my sister had her tantrums(she was still pitching them when she was 19), they'd give in to whatever she wanted. I never understood why such behavior was OK for them and lesser stuff was wrong for me.

Right now I'm dealing with depression over some things going on in my life. Not sure what I'm going to do about it, just can't seem to pull myself out.