Almost accused of stalking, wtf?

I was seeing a guy I met online several months ago. We hit it off, spent a few weekends together, and every time we said goodbye he hugged me for a long time, gave me a kiss and said he couldn't wait to see me again. I was falling for him, he made me smile through a period of horrible depression and made me feel pretty and confident in myself after years of feeling ugly and unworthy of love after my ex came out as transgendered.

Two months ago, he completely stopped talking to me. At first I was worried that something happened (he had a few chronic health issues), but it became more obvious that he was just ignoring me without giving a reason. It hurt, but I gradually accepted that he was an asshole, but messaged him a total of three times (I checked) over that two-month period. Just benign stuff, like "I hope you're well" or "I hope things are looking better for you", that sort of thing. I never went near his part of town as he lives pretty far away and there's not much of interest where he lives. I never tried calling him, never even met any of his friends/family, never drove by his work, nothing. I figured he simply lost interest and took the coward's way out by just removing himself from my life.

The other night, I saw he was online. Paraphrasing the conversation as I've deleted it and blocked him, but this is pretty accurate:

Me: Hey, I hope you're doing well. Just saw you online and thought I'd say hi.
Him: Ok, you're just crazy. Stop messaging me. You give off the creepy/stalker vibe. I have a restraining order against another girl and don't want to go through that again, have a nice life.

I don't fucking get it. That's just such a serious accusation to hurl at someone. I blocked him from facebook, deleted his number from my phone, blocked him on the dating site we met on, and pretty much just erased any evidence he was ever in my life just in case he did for some reason decide to pursue some sort of legal action (not that he would have any ground to stand on, as I said before, three messages in two months. I really don't think that constitutes stalking but I am not familiar with stalking laws.)

I'm just hurt, I've never been accused of something so horrible and I just feel sad that he didn't think I was worth the effort to say "Hey, this isn't working out for me, but I wish you well, yadda yadda whatever". I'll likely never see him again as we live in a major city and he lives several miles away, but I'm kind of worried that if I ever were to bump into him at a store or restaurant or something he would flip out and cause a scene. Of course I'd be tempted to kick him in the nuts, but he's not worth my awesome shoes.

Total overreaction on his part - you did nothing wrong or stalker-ish at all. He sounds a little wackadoodle.

I agree with jezebel daisy. It sounds as if this guy has a history of doing this to women. I think you made the wise choice in deleting him out of your life. He sounds like a nutter! You did absolutely nothing wrong.

I agree with the other posters. You did nothing wrong. It sounds like this guy was playing mind games with you.

People who like to play mind games on others are such assholes. Better yet, they're narcissistic assholes. I experienced something similar earlier this year with a guy I was interested in. It was very hurtful and I was pissed, but I eventually let it go, remembering that there is someone better out there.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but take care of yourself for a while before dating again.

There isn't really enough information here for me to make a judgement. We're you all exclusive? We're plans from week to week? Was there ever any indication that this was an ongoing relationship.
Regardless of the answer to any of the above, there is no doubt in my mind he is total douche canoe to not give a phone call or send an email that it wasn't working out.
That said, I would find it odd if somebody I had ignored for months bothered to notice I was online and initiate contact. I can see contacting once, maybe twice, but I think the whole "I saw you online" is what made him think you were monitoring his online activities.
I still don't think you did anything like stalking but I do think it comes across as desperate to keep trying to initiate contact with somebody who clearly is ignoring you.
Move on, and consider it a bullet dodged. Also, in the future, I would make sure you are clear of what the expectations are. Until I had clearly agreed we were only dating each other I had no future expectations.
Don't get me wrong, he sounds really immature and like a jerk and a drama queen. However, in the future, I would stop trying to contact somebody who clearly has no interest in me. It hurts. It sucks, but who wants somebody like that anyway? You deserve better.

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evilchildlessbitch
There isn't really enough information here for me to make a judgement. We're you all exclusive? We're plans from week to week? Was there ever any indication that this was an ongoing relationship.
Regardless of the answer to any of the above, there is no doubt in my mind he is total douche canoe to not give a phone call or send an email that it wasn't working out.
That said, I would find it odd if somebody I had ignored for months bothered to notice I was online and initiate contact. I can see contacting once, maybe twice, but I think the whole "I saw you online" is what made him think you were monitoring his online activities.
I still don't think you did anything like stalking but I do think it comes across as desperate to keep trying to initiate contact with somebody who clearly is ignoring you.
Move on, and consider it a bullet dodged. Also, in the future, I would make sure you are clear of what the expectations are. Until I had clearly agreed we were only dating each other I had no future expectations.
Don't get me wrong, he sounds really immature and like a jerk and a drama queen. However, in the future, I would stop trying to contact somebody who clearly has no interest in me. It hurts. It sucks, but who wants somebody like that anyway? You deserve better.

I do totally see where you're coming from. We hung out a lot, but yeah, we were never "exclusive". I'm sure he just saw me as a fuck buddy and I was hoping for more, but a lot of his actions were very affectionate. He held my hand, was very sweet, seemed genuinely into me. I wanted to ask him to be exclusive but always got too nervous. Kinda glad for that.

I only saw him online because I was going to message another person and just wanted to say hi and see what he was up to. I don't believe him for a second that he has another restraining order. Frankly, he just isn't the type that girls fall all over and he isn't social at all. He owns a business and is pretty much married to it, which I understood and supported. I never had to talk to him every day and would sometimes go weeks without hearing from him because he was swamped with work, but he would always be apologetic and say he missed me. I guess that's why I was so weirded out by him calling "STALKER!". I'm over it and him. I almost wish he would encounter a real stalker (not really, I've been stalked and it's terrifying, but you know...) just so he would gain some perspective.

Thanks for the replies, either way. I miss the idea of him (and his magical hands), but not the person himself. He would be lucky to have me, but I can do better than him.

What an a-hole that guy is. I can relate in a couple of ways, as it happened to me in my first real relationship. Guy just stopped contact, I had no idea what was going on and I did stalk that guy to find out wtf was happening. He actually enjoyed being "chased" around by me and seeing me upset and confused by his actions, it stroked his ego.

Another guy tried to disappear too but there were too many entanglements so he just got mean and said crazy things to and about me. He wanted out and became irrational and angry, name calling and being cruel, when he just could have said he wanted to break up. So I was bothering him even asking what was going on, I was not allowed to question or have an opinion. Years later after his marriage and divorce he calls me like nothing happened and wants to meet for coffee. LOL.

I know they can get very mean and shift blame when things don't go exactly as they like. They lose interest or find someone else and that should be the END of it and fuck you for daring to have feelings or questions about it. That's being an awful person.

Wow, what a POS. If I were you I would put him on DDHG.

Trust me on this.
And I'm not a religious person.
But.
REJECTION IS GOD'S PROTECTION!!!!

You did indeed dodge a bullet.
If you were in my town, I'd buy you a drink and tell you MY story...

The guy sounds rather childish. Very typical. His kind hide behind the phone texts, internet, etc., but they have no guts to say it to the person that they no longer want to be with them. My opinion is that guy is a coward.