Why am I friggin magnet to married and taken men?

My profession aside (most of my clients are married) Im talking about my personal life....

Im wondering if this common among all of you ladies also (because were CF) or if its just me? But I swear in my personal life im like catnip to men who already have wives and girlfriends. And I always politely tell them (unless theyre a paying customer ofcourse) that no hard feelings but wives and girlfriends are dealbreakers, and they always say "derpy derp im right on the edge of divorcing/breaking up" (yeah right they never leave their wives/gfs for the sidepiece, NEVER). They will string said side piece along for yrs with false promises (cheating men are such martyrs not wanting to hurt their wife/gf and all).

If Im attracted to the guy ill say something like "your relationship situation is none of my business. And if you are unavailable the "whys" of it are irrelevant to me, I just care whether you are available to be mine or not, if not no hard feelings but im not pursuing matters. If you want an affair its none of my business but it wont be me. Now if things dont workout (you are broken up for atleast a month), and Im still available then we can talk, but until then friends only." they always say "oh u bet! Were breaking up very soon"


Ive had several unavailable men say that, more than both hands can count, and not a single one of them come back after that convo, not one.

I just want to know if this is a phenomenon among cf women or if its just me lol....... I think my being a magnet to married/taken men is why I do so well in the business lol. Like I said earlier, I dont care WHY hes unavailable, hes just unavailable. If hes with her cuz shes holding a gun to his head, bottom line is that hes still unavailable to me.


I dont care if you have a joint mortgage, I dont care if your staying for the kids (tho if u have kids im not interested anyway), i dont care if you work for her father, I dont care if your staying for her feelings/waiting til the right time, I dont care how "legit" your excuse is, I want him available to me (ie not currently in an exclusive relationship).

Last year I was hit on by several men whom I later learned had wife & kids. They knew I was in a relationship, and didn't care.

I just ignored them, since I was not interested. Unlike them, I would not be in a relationship if I was not happy. But I didn't consider their interest in any way personal or a compliment, I figured they were just scum and willing to try their luck with any woman. I encountered a lot of scum in 2016.

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yurble
Last year I was hit on by several men whom I later learned had wife & kids. They knew I was in a relationship, and didn't care.

I just ignored them, since I was not interested. Unlike them, I would not be in a relationship if I was not happy. But I didn't consider their interest in any way personal or a compliment, I figured they were just scum and willing to try their luck with any woman. I encountered a lot of scum in 2016.

Over the years, I have had situations such as you describe, regardless of my relationship status or theirs.
Basically, a certain amount of men will try for an ego-boosting flirt, hoping it might lead to sex.
I ignore it because their attempts are irrelevant to my life.

When I was single I actually dated a married man (long distance) without knowing it. He always came to see me. (long story, broke it off immediately when I found out.)

I once dated a guy who was separated. He was living apart from his wife and had been legally separated for two years but was wrangling over the property settlement. They had one teenaged kid and Wifey had sat on her ass for 20 years and refused to ever work again and it cost him. This was 30 years ago and way before Bratfree and even though he was a decent person who had made a mistake, going through that mess was So Not Worth It^TM. I got to see the drama first hand...he was paying chyld support on the dot every month, yet when he would pick up the kid, the Moo would ask him for money in front of the kid. She told the kid he wasn't paying. When I gave a simple suggestions such as: take the cancelled checks, put them in a notebook and show the kid you are meeting your obligations, I was shot down. Not my business, but I still got to hear the whining.

Live and learn. My policy going forward was: no kids, no wives, and if I met someone who was separated" and interested, I would say, call me when you are available: one year after the ink is dry. "Available" means truly available and without baggage.

I don't think being hit on was a compliment either--it was function of demographics, statistics and age: being 25-35, not having kids, being attractive, and meeting many people who had chosen wrongly in the spouse department. And I agree there are a lot of guys out there that I call 10 percent-ers---they figure if they proposition 10 women for casual sex, they might get one of them to say yes.

I don't "have to" be in a relationship, but if something happened to DH I would abide by these same rules. I don't even want to spend casual time with a man who is not quality--and let's face it, a guy who is in a relationship and is hitting on women is a dirt bag, at least in my opinion.

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bell_flower
When I gave a simple suggestions such as: take the cancelled checks, put them in a notebook and show the kid you are meeting your obligations, I was shot down. Not my business, but I still got to hear the whining.

On my list of deal-breakers is "prefers to whinge, not fix things." I'm not against having a bit of a moan, I often do that myself before I roll up my sleeves and address the problem. And some things take time to fix, some things can't be fixed, etc. But in general, I have no interest in a partner who doesn't deal with shit and get it done.

If the solution is simple and the person still hasn't done it, they are either stupid or they prefer things as they are. It's amazing how many people prefer drama.

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On my list of deal-breakers is "prefers to whinge, not fix things." I'm not against having a bit of a moan, I often do that myself before I roll up my sleeves and address the problem. And some things take time to fix, some things can't be fixed, etc. But in general, I have no interest in a partner who doesn't deal with shit and get it done.

Very well said. IIRC correctly, his objection was that he "didn't want to say anything bad" about the Moo and didn't want to "traumatize" his teenaged kid. Wake up there Dude, because Moo has NO problem lying to your kid and telling her you are a deadbeat. He could have done it without trashing the Moo, just presented the facts to the 15 year old kid (3 years from adulthood, not a little kid by any means) and let her draw her own conclusions about the finances. If anything, it would defuse the tramatization and stop the controversy.

Divorced, childed people don't even want to date each other, because they don't want to deal with kid and ex drama, but most of them figure that's all they can get. (Or they want to relegate their kyds to the back of the couch and Do It Right Next Time^TM.

All very depressing scenarios and all avoidable!

I've had my share of men here in FL particularly elderly men (eww) try to hit on me the worst time being at the YMCA when Mr. S and I had memberships. I tried everything to discourage these guys, including wearing headphones with music turned on really loud.

I suspect a number of men - especially married or taken men - are in a perpetual "Do I still got it" mode. They think they are gorgeous (even had a male co-worker refer to himself as such right in my face years ago at work; this guy was actually pretty ugly with his beak nose and Boris Karloff eyes) when they are not and actually turn women off.

What I can suggest for those who meet someone either in person or online, is to run a background check on them. It is very easy to run background checks nowadays online and is very cheap (20 to 30 bucks). It is worth it.

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selidororous
I've had my share of men here in FL particularly elderly men (eww) try to hit on me the worst time being at the YMCA when Mr. S and I had memberships. I tried everything to discourage these guys, including wearing headphones with music turned on really loud.

I suspect a number of men - especially married or taken men - are in a perpetual "Do I still got it" mode. They think they are gorgeous (even had a male co-worker refer to himself as such right in my face years ago at work; this guy was actually pretty ugly with his beak nose and Boris Karloff eyes) when they are not and actually turn women off.

What I can suggest for those who meet someone either in person or online, is to run a background check on them. It is very easy to run background checks nowadays online and is very cheap (20 to 30 bucks). It is worth it.

I seem to get the older men hitting on me too, unfortunately. Of if there is a 'younger then old geezer' guy, half the time he's married, which is an absolute no go for me. First guy I ever got serious with turned out to be married with kids, didn't learn about it until later in the relationship, after I had really fallen for him.

It largely broke my trust in men, because I don't want to be an accessory to a breakup of a marriage. Plus it is degrading to me to be used like that, being lied to as part of a means to an end, my feelings and time and resources meaning naught but what I can give to him in the present.

Such a person I wish would cut off his own balls if his sexual feelings bother him that bad, then he can be like a neutered dog that runs around happily while still bring joy and delight to all, while not being being a lecherous annoyance that makes walking by him a trial.