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Am I having a midlife crisis?

Posted by Cambion 
Am I having a midlife crisis?
June 22, 2017
I'll be bidding farewell to my twenties in about a month and it didn't quite hit me until recently that I'd be turning 30. I've spiraled into a depression over this; it's been a while since both the numbers in my age changed instead of just one and I'm not coping very well. I've always regarded one's twenties as their very best years - physically, mentally, financially (okay, maybe not always financially), socially - and once those are gone, everything is just going to get worse. You get fatter, uglier, sometimes poorer, usually sicker and just plain older. I'm having difficulty accepting that I feel like I've wasted my "best years" and have very little to show for it, and that I'm still stuck living at home, too poor to be independent while my peers have good jobs (or jobs that pay enough for them to survive on) and some even own their own homes. I want my twenties back - I'm not ready to let them go.

But isn't it a bit early for a midlife crisis? I thought they occurred between the ages of 35 and 50, but why else would I be so depressed over starting a new decade if not due to a midlife crisis? All I know is this funk is not getting better and I hate crying so much every single day. Why can't I accept this change? Is this a normal reaction, and if it is, can somebody please tell me it will pass?

I guess I feel like I can't look to the potential in my future because I don't see any. I don't ever see things improving for me because I firmly believe that where I am now is as good as it will ever be and all I can look forward to is every single thing getting worse and worse, which seems to hurt more than it should because I don't want anything extravagant out of life. I want simple things and I can't even have them. All I feel like I can hope for is that I get so sick and tired of life that the thought of getting closer and closer to the end of my life sounds better than waking up to yet another day that I have to slog through.

This feeling honestly sucks. I was feeling so productive lately and was making some decent progress on some stuff I've been meaning to do for a while, then I thought about my age and I lost all desire to do anything. I feel like I'm "too old" to do anything fun anymore and have even briefly considered throwing away all my games and comics (yes I know how ridiculous that sounds, but cut me some slack, I'm not in a rational state right now). I've been watching stand-up comedy since this started just in an attempt to get myself to maybe just smirk a little, but no dice. Not even Carlin can get through to me in this state. I just don't know how to handle this.

I don't know if any of that made any kind of sense. I'm just wondering if anybody else is experiencing similar feelings, or has experienced them at my age.
Re: Am I having a midlife crisis?
June 22, 2017
Thirty was tough, tougher than 40. After 30 you can no longer really call yourself 'young' and that's hard to give up. Your potential no longer matters when people judge you, only your accomplishments.

Financially, things are tougher all around, and millennials have a lot of debt. People who entered the job market around the 2008 crash didn't get those introductory jobs they needed, and by the time the market improved there were newer graduates available. That kind of a start can have a scarring effect on future earnings. None of that is nice to hear, but it does mean that a lot of what you experienced cannot be considered a personal failure but systemic.

Some decline is inevitable, some is a matter of choice. I got healthier in my 30s because I finally figured out how to manage my conditions, after years of trial and error. This is not to say that I haven't noticed aging, but the things I've noticed are more vanity than important, like not being able to stay up all night and function the next day, or observing some grey hairs. Age hasn't really started to bite me yet. I'm also still seeing opportunities. I'm in the middle of a career change and there are quite a few people willing to assist, despite the fact that I'm older.

30 is a milestone so it is natural for you to look at your life so far, and if you aren't very satisfied to feel unhappy about it. But don't mistake that for thinking that you're living with one foot in the grave after 30. You're making progress. Build on that. Instead of reflecting a lot on your expectations when you were 20, think about what you realistically want for 40 and what you need to do to get there.
Re: Am I having a midlife crisis?
June 23, 2017
I suppose it's possible I'll still look like a passable twenty-something for a couple more years, but I feel old mentally, and all it took was one moment of counting backward to make me age 50 years in my mind. I feel like I can't talk about this with anyone in my social circle because they're all older than I am and I don't know if they could sympathize with my level of instability because they've already passed this hurdle.

I honestly have no expectations for one, five, ten or even twenty years from now. All I've learned in my life is that any time I have an expectation for myself, it never becomes reality, so I quit having any expectations. I expected to at least be living on my own by the time I got to this age, but I'm in the exact same goddamn spot I was ten years ago.

I know I've talked about it, but I think it might genuinely be time for me to be on anti-depressants. I truly cannot deal with this life change to the point where I can't function and I get physically sick thinking about it. It's affecting my performance at work. I think this might actually be what makes me go truly and fully crazy. I think it bothers me so much because, unlike other problems I've had, it won't resolve on its own and it's nothing I can try to fix. It will happen no matter what I do. I feel like I've wasted so much time and I'm ashamed at how much I've wasted and I just can't cope. I can't. There is no potential or hope for me and I honestly feel as though there is no point sticking around for whatever time is left for me. I honestly can't do this.

A vast majority of my co-workers are all older than I am, yet they all seem to be in good spirits. Why can't I be like that? Why can't I accept things and take my age in stride? Why can't I be normal?
Re: Am I having a midlife crisis?
June 23, 2017
I'm no expert on the matter but you have sounded quite unhappy for years, and it cannot hurt to look into whatever forms of help are available to you.
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