My Wife Is a Freakin' Breeder-Pleaser

Before my wife left to go home to moomie and duhdie, she got all bent out of shape because I called her family breeders. Moomie isn't going to get grand brats from her real children, so she's saying that skanky SIL's brats are her grand children. They're not.. this person was a foster-child. They never got to adopt her, so I point out that Skank isn't Anna's real sister. Then Mrs. Herne got further bent out of shape because I'm pissed that MIL's Fakebook photo isn't one of her REAL children with her. Nope, it's Wannabe Grandmoo and her fake :"grandchildren". The fact that she doesn't see anything wrong with it makes her a breeder-pleaser in my book.

And does anyone think it's bad that I told her that if she kept this suicide BS up she end up in the state hospital? It's the damn truth. She says it was unforgivable and when I said that I snapped any connection we might have had. I think it was high time that she heard the truth. She says she came close to suicide, so she checked herself into a local mental health triage center. Of course her idiot therapist and a bunch of people claim I was abusive to her. Why? For telling her to grow up and quit being an oblivious little snow flake. That's not being abusive--that's telling her the truth instead of coddling her.

Anyhow, so nice to know that she's a breeder-pleaser. And yes, most people with children are breeders. Her parents raised two utterly useless children...neither of them are worth the powder to blow to hell. She's mentally-ill and so's her brother. And she's epileptic on top of it all.I almst wish she had committed suicide.

Not that my opinion holds much water because I don't know much about what happened, but calling someone a breeder-pleaser, telling them that their family are breeders and calling them a snowflake are basically fighting words. Even if it's the truth.

I don't like most breeders myself, but if someone called me those names, I'd be pretty pissed with them. If someone attacked my family, I'd tell them off. Even the ones with kids. I'm not a lot for kids, but I love some of the people in my family who have them. Also, publicly wishing that your SO had committed suicide is a dick move. It could also be considered abusive.

Not trying to be adversarial or rude, but I thought I'd share my two cents.

Just to bring some context into this, I didn't publicly wish she'd commit suicide. I told her if she kept this nonsense she would end up in a mental institution...and that is the truth.

All her family is doing is to badmouth me to her and to coddle her. She needs to come home, get a job and keep it. Mumofsixbirds, I have supported her for almost eleven years (she quit work to go to school), moved wherever she wanted to live, struggled to put her through massage school, bought her all the massage equipment necessary, even furnished her area at a massage studio and paid for her license. She ended up working 5 days a month. Then she dragged me out here so she could get her black belt in Karate (the system has very few dojos in the US). And what did I get for helping her? Being called an abuser.

Her latest is that she wants to go to nursing school. I don't know how when she couldn't work and finish a simple CNA class ( she FINALLY got a job because I told her she needed to work her way through school now that she's maxed out her loans and I do not have the income to pay for her schooling.

There are two sides to every story.


It's fine. I'm not upset at anything you've written. I welcome input.

I would recommend counseling for yourself to discover why you ended up in the relationship you did. As bad as she is, you picked her and stayed with her and gave too much.

In my younger years I ended up in relationships where I gave way more than I should have. Therapy helped a lot.

Also might want to check out the Karpman drama triangle. Because I grew up in dysfunction, I thought that was normal behavior and that everyone lived and interacted like that. They don't. There are normal people who don't live like that. You need to get yourself healthy enough where you are attracted to normal, healthy people and where they are attracted to you.

Like at my age, that's possible---not. And with FASD and other mental issues? I am in therapy. BTW. I had another girlfriend who was abusive. I want this one back. Her trashy dipshit Moo is not going to win this one. I don't know how, but I do NOT want that bitch winning. Mrs. Herne needs to come home, get a steady job and grow the hell up. I have not done everything I've done to see her staying with mommy to be coddled.

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bell_flower
I would recommend counseling for yourself to discover why you ended up in the relationship you did. As bad as she is, you picked her and stayed with her and gave too much.

In my younger years I ended up in relationships where I gave way more than I should have. Therapy helped a lot.

Also might want to check out the Karpman drama triangle. Because I grew up in dysfunction, I thought that was normal behavior and that everyone lived and interacted like that. They don't. There are normal people who don't live like that. You need to get yourself healthy enough where you are attracted to normal, healthy people and where they are attracted to you.

Thanks for posting about the Karpman drama triangle bell_flower. I used to also give way more than I should have in relationships, it isn't always safe to assume things like killing someone with kindness or exercising the golden rule will have results. Oftentimes if you waste these things on the wrong person then you will never have any sort of reciprocation.

MerlynHerne, most massage therapists are utter flakes. A massage therapist is the one who told me this. And I know of another one who has never held a full-time job although she has two Master's degrees, a teaching license and her massage therapist license. She student taught in school after talking her new (at the time) husband into paying for yet more school. And then decided it wasn't for her prior to working. And she was in her early 40's at the time. I now completely avoid her and the rest of the drama because wherever she goes, the drama isn't far behind.

That is sad about that woman in her 40s. I don't get this "professional student" thing where someone keeps going to school yet never really gets a job. Maybe that's because by my forties I had been a nursing assistant (hospice) for some time. I have problems from FAS and did go through periods of being unemployed, but when things were OK, I worked. To me, college is mostly a means to an end--namely to get a decent job. After all the expense of massage school (including a massage table and chair, massage table, linens, license, insurance, lotions, etc., my wife never worked more than maybe 10 hours a month. Then after moving to Washington State, her parents got her the necessary license but, she never worked at all in Washington. As far as I can tell, she never seriously looked for a massage job. She finally got hired at Walmart but got fired after three months. Seven months later she got hired again, but right around the third month, she pulled this nonsense with suicide. She was taking a course for nursing assistant and what got me mad was that Washington State was paying for it. When I visited her at the Kitsap Triage center, I tried to wake her up to some reality and told her that if she persisted in this stuff, she would end up in the state hospital (they can still do that if someone tries suicide more than once). It's a long story, but my therapist thinks the whole thing is bogus. Well, between that and my insistence that she start helping with the bills, she had an excuse to run home to mommy. I guess I don't understand because my parents raised me to be independent. my mother didn't even tell me to come home when I was homeless years ago. I don't think that her parents are doing her any favors by letting her run home like this. Lest I forget she's in hock for loans she took out to go to automotive school--you guessed it all that schooling never resulted in a job, either.

She wants to become an RN (probably because her mother is a retired RN), but if she couldn't deal with a nursing assistant class, how does she think she can get through nursing school? Because nursing school is much, much harder than a CNA course. I've looked over the syllabus for nursing school and none of the courses are easy. I never went for an LVN or RN since I really liked being a nursing assistant.CNA's do a lot of the bedside nursing that is required and can make a real difference in their patients' lives.

I just don't understand some people and their continuing to act like a teenager long after their teen years have ended. I've known quite a few people like this and it rarely ends well.

I remember when you spoke about her going to an automotive school. If I remember correctly, it was a for-profit establishment. I don’t know about other places, but most well known for-profit automotive schools tend to promise a whole lot more than they deliver. Many for-profit schools lost access to direct loans (federal student loans) for very good reasons. Their students could not buy a job even if they paid a lot for it. Large number of graduates failed to secure meaningful employment in the area of study and have defaulted on their loans. Lack of employment, at least in that area, may not be 100% on her.

With that said, need is the mother of all inventions. Many people do what they do because they have to. Going to work and paying bills is a need for many people. Given a choice, some people do live off their parents well into their 40s.

Oh, I agree the automotive school was a bust. Sadly, I think she's likely to end up sponging off Mommy and Daddy as long as they are alive. I will never forgive her mother for letting her come live with them instead of making her stand on her own two feet like an adult and dealing with her problems. But she's a coward who doesn't have the guts to address her marital issues..