#1798 - Dear Abby Moo

This could be filed under the *but for the sake of DOG goes I* files.

My first husband turned out to be a serious wannabreeder (he *decided* this long after the wedding). If I had gotten knocked up by him, and he found out, he and his breeder famblee would have moved heaven and earth to keep me from aborting the thing. Never mind that his famblee all hated me in the first place...I'd be nothing but an incubator to them. They all LURVED baybees!

I'm lucky in that I live in an area that has good public transit, and easy access to Planned Parenthood clinics. If I had gotten knocked up, it would have been easy for me to just have an abortion and not tell anyone. And that's the way this woman should have gone, if it was possible.

She signs herself, "going crazy in San Diego". SD probably does have good abortion clinics and stuff, but keep in mind that she says that she NOW lives thousands of miles away from her family. We don't know where she lived when she got knocked up. It could have been in some shithole where abortion clinics are not to be found for hundreds of miles. Maybe she didn't have the resources to travel to one in another state. And if the asshole husband is in the military, no effin' way in hell would they pay for or provide an abortion, under TriCare (military health insurance). The military is usually very breeder-friendly.

But still...she should have found some way to get out, before telling the asshat about the repugnancy. If there was no way to pay for an abortion, she could have had the loaf in another state, where non one knows her and the husband, and dropped it off at a fire station or hospital (after making sure that state has the *Safe haven* loaf drop-off law). Then, who would have known?

Such as it is now, my advice to her would be to scrape up enough money to leave, and go to her family or someone else who'd be supportive. Leave the loaf with the duhd, let him deal with it if he wants it that badly. Then file for divorce, get a job, and start a new life. The worst thing that could hapen is that she'd be forced to pay loaf support. I doubt that any judge would force her to have custody or even visitation with *the girl*, given the curcumstances.

And it would not be as if she'd be leaving *the girl* in a dumpster someplace...she'd be leaving her with her daddy, who wants her so much. No crime committed here! If the duhd doesn't care for his own kid when she is left in his care, that's his problem, isn't it?

She needs to do what Catmommy said. It's too bad she didn't abort it. Ugh what a mess. I'm surprised Abby didn't tell her she'd change her mind. She's such a breeder friend person.

I forgot to add that if I ever found myself in such a situation, where I was knocked up, married to an asshole like that, with no resources to escape and have an abortion...I'd be swilling down some Clorox or something. Seriously.

I WOULD kill myself before I would allow myself be forced to carry, birth, and then keep a loaf that I never wanted. This woman sounds very suicidal, and I can understand why. I'd feel the exact same way!

This poor woman should have never told her husband she was pregnant and gotten abortion. Most men do have this ego when it comes to their DNA souvenirs. They don't have to do the c*nt work so it is no big deal to them when their wives are near a nervous breakdown over dealing with a nasty baby. I bet if this woman ever left her jack*ss of a husband, he would probably refuse to take care of the kid he wanted so d*mned badly! I am firm believer in women aborting WITHOUT telling the man.

most men dont have the ego, we dont understand kids, but the men usually go along with it, i know some men who dont want kids, but they had one coz the wifey felt as if they needed one..

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

Most men do not understand or even care for kids but they get do this ego when a woman is "carrying THEIR child", a term they use. I've been there done that. Contraception failed twelve years ago. I knew I was going to abort. No questions about it. Yet, the fellow I was seeing at the time had such an ego. Even though he had his ex-wife have a couple of abortions when they were married, he tried to guilt me into birthing the d*mned thing by asking how I could kill little bay-bees. I really feared this man would try to stop me so I stayed at a friend's house the night before the abortion. If I had to do it over, I would have never told my former boyfriend I was pregnant and have gotten the abortion without telling him. It would have been less stress for me...

I re-read the rant. Funny how Daddio cannot stand the baby but is firm about keeping this little albatross around his wife's neck!

So very sad. I hope the woman gets some help, puts the baby up for adoption and leaves!

Too bad she was not in Amsterdam. I heard from a colleague who worked there, that there are little incubators spread around town. If someone doesn't want their loaf, they just drop it there. The loaf goes down by way of a little elevator and the city receives a signal that the incubator contains a baby. Within 15 minutes, a representant comes to pick up the baby and put it up to adoption. It's as simple as that. It's efficient and anonymous.

The Netherlands is way ahead of Americans regarding sexuality and equal rights for women. From what I hear (I could be wrong), there are more women in higher positions over there and marriages tend to be more egalitarian. When I still tried to be a Catholic, these pro-life women had all of these fliers. One of the fliers stated how "ungodly" the Netherlanders were for allowing women to perhaps surpass men. Most religions and societies are not secure with themselves unless a woman is squashed. To totally squash indepedent women, religous leaders and society's leaders try to trap them with infants.

they have the greatest parental leave, and the greatest amount of tax paid

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Income_tax_in_the_Netherlands

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20060825/ts_afp/indianetherlandsusairsecurity_060825152118

i live about 2 hours from amsterdam

not all gay marriages work, its only been legal for gay marriages since 2001

http://www.csmonitor.com/2003/1120/p14s03-woeu.html

**Even legal protections have limits, though. Other countries do not recognize Dutch same-sex marriages, creating problems for couples who travel or move.

Katharina Boele-Woelki, a professor of private international law at the University of Utrecht, tells of two Dutch men living in Germany who came back to the Netherlands to be married. When they returned to Germany, authorities there regarded the men as cohabiting partners, with no rights as a married couple.

Registered partnerships, now legal in approximately 10 European countries, also vary widely and do not cross borders.

When the subject turns to divorce, Dutch observers say it is too early to track the breakup of same-sex marriages. Beerten thinks gay divorce rates will probably parallel those for straight marriages.

Despite widespread tolerance for same-sex marriage in the Netherlands, opposition exists.

Peter Kohnen, spokesman for the Dutch Bishops' Conference, reiterates the Roman Catholic position, saying, "The institution of marriage needs to be exclusively reserved for the relationship between a man and a woman." Even so, he finds that in general "people want the church to bless these kinds of relationships, as the church blesses normal marriages."

**

the equal rights, are very much like the Uk equal rights, and the american ones.. open to abuse..



So, action plans, but also implementation with far-reaching effects for the Dutch society. Because, bearing in mind that we come from the traditional breadwinners' model, the redistribution of labour and care is gradually taking on the aspect of a silent revolution. Women are increasingly engaged in work and gradually men are getting more engaged in care. Shared labour and shared care, the so-called combination scenario. Care for children, for the elderly, for the sick. That is our objective and step by step we are gaining ground. Because by now 51 per cent of the women in the Netherlands have paid employment. And 35 per cent of the men have taken up care tasks. But the majority of the women works part-time, whereas the men work full-time. That is why women still account for a mere 28 per cent of the income. So, it still needs a lot of effort to put this situation in balance.

**The Dutch government is in the process of creating the conditions to achieve this. How? By introducing paid adoption leave, maternity leave for fathers, the 10-day care leave and the flexibilization of parental leave, the act on the adjustment of working hours, the right to temporarily work less and return to the job later. We subsidize initiatives for experimenting with new forms of daily routines for men and women; harmonizing childcare, school and work. On a large scale, we finance the possibilities for parents to place their children in care centres**

there are some good things, but the uk does the same,

http://www.feministcampus.org/know/news/newstory.asp?id=8255

The Netherlands Christian Democratic-led government instituted a new law requiring women over the age of 21 to pay for contraception, ending its policies of free contraception for all women and widespread sexual education in the country. The new law came into force on the first of this month.

The President of the Dutch Society for Contraception fears that the new law will result in a surge of abortions, particularly amongst poorer women, reports BBC News. According to Kaiser, the Netherlands was known to have the lowest teen pregnancy and abortion rates in Europe, though the number of abortions in the country has been steadily rising over the past decade. One of the reasons for the increase in abortions has been attributed to the withdrawal of sex education programs that were once available as well as the fact that Dutch authorities are becoming more complacent, reports BBC News



*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

It looks as if Christian theocracy attitudes are spreading worldwide -- even in the liberal Netherlands. I have no problem with people paying for things...but it seems that women get the brunt of it when religious-political leaders put contraception on the chopping block hoping that hitting the pocketbook will result in less sexuality for females. Here in the US, many insurance companies will cover Viagra - a very expensive drug - yet will not cover women's contraception. Many religious leaders claim Viagra is acceptable since it helps men do what the Male God wants but that women should have no access to birth control since that Male God wants them to have all of those babies.

the netherlands can be liberal, but in other cases it can be a bit more extreme, i got a few people i know who live there, its not all sunshine and roses.. the reason netherlands can pay for all this is they have one of the highest tax rates, i think something like 40% goes in taxes.. to pay for the moo leave (one of the highest amounts), and so on.. not always rosy there..

*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

india_darshan Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I re-read the rant. Funny how Daddio cannot stand
> the baby but is firm about keeping this little
> albatross around his wife's neck!

Exactly what I thought, india! This giant jackass is in the service & gone for months at a time. How convenient for him. So it's easy for him to say keep it.

She is living one of my nightmares-literally. I feel awful for this woman & really hope she gets some help.

Wow. Sucks to be her. Some of her many options would have been: 1) strap on a set of balls and tell hubby "kid goes up for adoption or I'm outta here - YOU can raise it 2) could have had an abortion in secret - not telling the clinic you are married 3) Dump the kid while he is away, if he comes back and wants it, let him go through the channels to fight for it, and the moo should ditch the marriage at that point

Can you IMAGINE the bashing she's going to get from the mommies? Telling her what a cruel and horrible person she is? I feel bad for her but she has options.

The husband sounds EXTREMELY selfish, and like an asshole to boot. Why would she want to stay with him anyway? Being gone so far away from my friends and family would be enough for me to say "fuck this" and be on the next plane home, having left the loaf behind.

I, for one, am GLAD when the woman leaves the husband AND the loaf behind. Usually, the woman gets stuck with the kid in the event of a divorce. Daddio is on to a better standard of living while Moo is stuck as a single parent on often too little money and a sh*t job. Years ago on a CF site on iVillage, a woman did that and even many of the childfree women flamed her for not "taking responsibility" for her chy-uhld. Excuse me...but the lady's HUSBAND had insisted on this woman, who wanted to be childfree, to birth that baby. By the time the baby became a toddler, the man decided that scr*wing other women was better than sex with his wife whose body was messed-up from breeding. Then...he did not want the kid he hollared for because he claimed the little boy prevented him from meeting people aka getting l@id. I am glad the lady stood her ground and made the S*O*B take on the brat....

India I hate iVillage. How could they flame that woman? Gads the man was an utter cad! Women are so hard on other women. I'm assuming you stood up for her?

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't the signatures of both parents required to put a child up for adoption?

This woman's life is beyond the definition of Hell if you ask me. Had I been in her shoes, I would have been choking down anything toxic during the pregnancy and "accidentally" falling down a lot. If that did not work, I would sooner take the kid and leave it somewhere - anywhere - before I'd care for it against my will. I mean the fact that this woman has contemplated shaking the hell out of her kid is a pretty damn good indication that she needs to get away from the kid and the asshole who impregnated her ASAP.

sharon j. Wrote:
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> India I hate iVillage. How could they flame that
> woman? Gads the man was an utter cad! Women are so
> hard on other women. I'm assuming you stood up for
> her?

I find that women are the nastiest when it comes to other women. Women always want to defend that man. I did stand up for the lady, who respectfully posted on the CF site. Yes...I got flamed BIG time by both CF'ers and a moo who started all of the problems on the site which got us the moo-of-four-sprogs moderator -- talk about a total slap in the face to the childfree.! The childfree-by-choice club is long gone on iVillage.

Pick up something excruciatingly heavy. It might to the trick...

Women can be each other worst enemies...

---

lab mom

When I read this rant it brought chills up my spine. I was seeing my mother all over again. My mother hated me from the moment of conception, and admitted she would have aborted me, but my father would not let her. My mother even called me 'girl'. She was very abusive and neglectful to me. Never let me forget how she hated me. I am so afraid this child will end up abused by this woman all her life as I was by my mother. I am CF, and this woman is definitely living a nightmare, and if she can't get her husband to OK adoption, this child will suffer very much. I can't even imagine how the mother feels. My God, this is bad all the way around. It makes me physically ill. It's even worse, as the man doesn't even want 'the girl'. He needs to let her go so she, and the woman can have a good life. This rant is affecting me so much, I can't even type anymore. Both sides of this are just awful. I think I'm going to be sick.

I am so sorry to hear you went through that crap as a kid. I agree, the child will suffer horribly if she is not put up for adoption or if the family dynamic cannot be corrected. Hopefully her husband will wake up and see what is best for the child.

You are not the "wrong child". I wish I knew what to say. For once, I am speechless! You are right how the husband does not even want the girl. It is as if his ego and pride are running rampant.

Thank you, guys. I seriously hope this man wakes up. He is ruining 2 lives by doing what he is doing. How can he be so cruel?