Antidotes to "The most putrid song out there."

For those of you who lost their lunches due to the putrid songs in that Topic, I give you some good ol' fashioned Antidotes and Cure-Alls:

"Kevin Bloody Wilson - Hey, Santa Claus!"
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=lDBnSqBaffE

"Kevin Bloody Wilson - Mick The Master Farter"
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=tIJMf24N3YY

"Kevin Bloody Wilson - I Wanna Be A Builder When I Grow Up"
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=0iGoMTFqsX0

Those are funny, but I still have "I've never been to me" stuck in my head.

For those of you who don't yet have that song stuck in your head...(music video link in first line):

Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life
You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife
I've no doubt you dream about the things you'll never do
But, I wish someone had talked to me
Like I wanna talk to you.....

Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run
I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me

Please lady, please lady, don't just walk away
'Cause I have this need to tell you why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me still living in your eyes
Won't you share a part of a weary heart that has lived a million lies....

Oh, I've been to Nice and the Isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht
I've moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got
I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see
I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me

[spoken]
Hey, you know what paradise is?
It's a lie, a fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be
But you know what truth is?
It's that little baby you're holding, it's that man you fought with this morning
The same one you're going to make love with tonight
That's truth, that's love......

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete
But I took the sweet life, I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet
I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free
Hey lady......
I've been to paradise, (I've been to paradise)
But I've never been to me

(I've been to Georgia and California, and anywhere I could run)
I've been to paradise, never been to me
(I've been to Nice and the isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht)
I've been to paradise, never been to me
(I've been to cryin' for unborn children that might have made me complete)
I've been to paradise, never been to me
(I've been to Georgia and California, and anywhere I could run)
I've been to paradise, never been to me.

and for Templar's request for songs as antidotes to the kiderrific ones I nominate one of my long-term favorites, Billie Holiday's version of "Autumn in New York."

It isn't anti-kid specifically but the ideas and images are quite adult. I find them very poignant. She owned and transformed this song ever so much better then Frankie ever did...and I find this particular version, linked below in the first line, to be her best. . . and one of the best versions of any song, ever IMO . . .


Autumn in New York
Why does it seem so inviting
Autumn in New York
It spells the thrill of first-nighting

Glittering crowds and shimmering clouds
In canyons of steel
They're making me feel - I'm home

It's autumn in New York
That brings the promise of new love
Autumn in New York
Is often mingled with pain

Dreamers with empty hands
They sigh for exotic lands

It's autumn in New York
It's good to live it again

Autumn in New York
The gleaming rooftops at sundown
Oh, autumn in New York
It lifts you up when you run down

Yes, jaded roues and gay divorcees
Who lunch at the Ritz
Will tell you that it's . . . divine

This autumn in New York
Transforms the slums into mayfair
Oh, autumn in New York
You'll need no castles in spain

Yes, lovers that bless the dark
On benches in Central Park
Greet autumn in New York
It's good to live it again

Autumn in New York
That brings the promise of new love
Autumn in New York
Is often mingled with pain

Dreamers with empty hands
They sigh for exotic lands

It's autumn in New York
It's good to live it again

I always like, "Grandma got run over by a reindeer", and "Put another log on the fire".

(Shel Silverstein)
Waylon Jennings & Tompall Glaser

Put another log on the fire
Cook me up some bacon and some beans
And go out to the car and change the tire
Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.

Come on baby you can fill my pipe and then go fetch my slippers
And boil me up another pot of tea
Then put another log on the fire babe
And come and tell me why you're leaving me.

Now don't I let you wash the car on Sunday
And don't I warn you when you're gettin' fat
Ain't I a gonna take you fishin' with me someday
Well, a man can't love a woman more than that.

Ain't I always nice to your kid sister
Don't I take her driving every night
So sit here at my feet cause I like you when you're sweet
And you know it ain't feminine to fight.



I remember hearing this song as a kyd and picturing a trailer trash woman TRAPPED with 4-5 kyds in tow and thinking, "Not I".

I'm not sure if this will work, forgive me if it doesn't.

Listen to it several times and all other songs that have been plaguing you will leave your mind forever!

Oh, dear gawds, bratBgone - now I have jaw cramps from laughing so hard!!!

(And, huh, I have that exact same bottle of French's - so now I must go throw it out.)