Kid's evil bicycle turned into the path of a car!

From our fishwrap...I HATE when they write like this. It's the evil, possessed bicycle's fault! I'm surprised they didn't blame the bicycle helmet for not being on the kid's head while they were at it.

A 9-year-old boy suffered "extensive injuries" Saturday afternoon in his hometown when his bicycle turned into the path of a car driven by a 19-year-old woman, the State Police reported.

Nathan C. Benjamin, whose parents' names weren't released by the ISP, was not wearing a helmet when his bicycle made a left-hand turn in front of a 2001 Chrysler driven by...

So now either his breeders' health insurance, or the state, will get to pay his medical bills because of all of their stupidity. Idiots.

Yup - a possessed bike! They should make a movie about it. Like Stephen King's "Christine".

Or maybe the woman's car acted as some kind of super-magnet for the bike, and an unbreakable field of energy was created - melting the brat's helmet in the process.

A 9-year-old boy suffered "extensive injuries" Saturday afternoon in his hometown when he turned his bicycle into the path of a car driven by a 19-year-old woman, the State Police reported.

Nathan C. Benjamin, whose parents' names weren't released by the ISP, was not wearing a helmet when he made a left-hand turn in front of a 2001 Chrysler driven by...

I suppose the alternative sounds like he did it on purpose because he was stupid - we can't have that!

My version of the story starts:

Stupid Brat Damages Car

A careless, stupid nine year old brat deliberately steered his bicycle into the path of an oncoming car driven by an unfortunate 19-year old woman, the state police reported.

**** (Brat's name)****, whose parents are being held on suspicion of raising useless fucktrophies, was not wearing a helmet and injuring himself during the commission of his assholery.

The 19-year old woman is unharmed, but her car is on life support at **** (Name of garage)**** and recovery is uncertain. The state police added that charges will be filed against the brat for reckless endangerment of an automobile and for being an overt public nuisance. The district attorney added that he will be seeking life imprisonment for the brat's breeders in a two-room apartment with a constantly screaming baybee with a loaded diaper.

I certainly like YOUR versions better, boxedalice and CFBitchfromLA!

CFBitchfromLA Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My version of the story starts:
>
> Stupid Brat Damages Car
>
> A careless, stupid nine year old brat deliberately
> steered his bicycle into the path of an oncoming
> car driven by an unfortunate 19-year old woman,
> the state police reported.
>
> **** (Brat's name)****, whose parents are being
> held on suspicion of raising useless fucktrophies,
> was not wearing a helmet and injuring himself
> during the commission of his assholery.
>
> The 19-year old woman is unharmed, but her car is
> on life support at **** (Name of garage)**** and
> recovery is uncertain. The state police added
> that charges will be filed against the brat for
> reckless endangerment of an automobile and for
> being an overt public nuisance. The district
> attorney added that he will be seeking life
> imprisonment for the brat's breeders in a two-room
> apartment with a constantly screaming baybee with
> a loaded diaper.


If only... *sigh*

CFBLA, you forgot a few things: "The 19-year-old driver of the car has filed a lawsuit against the 9-year-old parents for damages done to her car, as well as for pain and suffering from the traumatic event. When asked to comment on the ordeal, she said, 'I am glad I am childfree and will remain that way for the rest of my life so I can never deal with these sprogs again!'"

CFB's version is definitely more honest. 9 years is definitely old enough to know better.

Yep, those dang bikes with a mind of their own!!

Most of these "tragic accidents" are actually just parental negligence. WHAT was that kyd doing riding without a helmet? WHY was he allowed to play in traffic? WHERE were his parents while he played unsupervised, in the streets, and dangerously without exercising basic safety measures? If more careless parents were prosecuted then we might see a reduction in this kind of shit.

Well, obviously the absence of the helmet threw off the bike's delicate mechanical balance.

Most kids these days expect that everyone else will watch out for THEM, rather than understanding that THEY are the ones that who are ultimately responsible for their own safety. I think it's because kids are so sheltered these days, they do not give any thought to the world being a sometimes unpredictable and dangerous place--someone has always protected them from harm, why should things be any different riding a bike down the street?

Driving will become more interesting for all of us when these inattentive kids get their learner's permits and are now behind the wheel of the family's behemoth 3-ton SUV--a sobering thought for any of us who bike, run, or just want to cross the street.

Tiquer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> >
> Driving will become more interesting for all of us
> when these inattentive kids get their learner's
> permits and are now behind the wheel of the
> family's behemoth 3-ton SUV--a sobering thought
> for any of us who bike, run, or just want to cross
> the street.

Crap, their mothers can't be trusted.

A good point that I completely overlooked.

Tiquer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Most kids these days expect that everyone else
> will watch out for THEM, rather than understanding
> that THEY are the ones that who are ultimately
> responsible for their own safety. I think it's
> because kids are so sheltered these days, they do
> not give any thought to the world being a
> sometimes unpredictable and dangerous
> place--someone has always protected them from
> harm, why should things be any different riding a
> bike down the street?
>
> Driving will become more interesting for all of us
> when these inattentive kids get their learner's
> permits and are now behind the wheel of the
> family's behemoth 3-ton SUV--a sobering thought
> for any of us who bike, run, or just want to cross
> the street.


This is the kind of kyd who will plow a vehicle over safety rails and into The East River because the GPS said to "turn right", and then drown because you are supposed to keep your seatbelts fastened while in the vehicle. Most of these kyds don't appear to have any common sense what so ever and suffer from an inability to form opinions, make decisions, and take appropriate actions based on their circumstances. If the TV remote stops working, for instance, then they will assume that the TV is broken. It won't occur to them to change the batteries, or that it even HAS batteries, and it would NEVER cross their minds that there might be a way to change a channel other than a remote. Sadly, I didn't make the remote story up. I witnessed it unfold with a 14 y/o once and was absolutely floored at the sheer unadulterated laziness of it with NO effort made to correct the problem, the inexcusable ignorance of something very basic and simple, and the complete lack of awareness and ambition to even TRY to look for or seek a viable solution to the problem.

I learned that day that most teens would rather roll over and take a nap, miss a much anticipated movie, and wait on someone else to fix the problem rather than make the slightest effort to correct it on their own. They know there will be countless chances to catch the show on reruns and that someone else will always step in and "fix it", if they sit there like a zombie long enough. Therefore, they do as little thinking as humanly possible, expend the least amount of energy, and would likely just sit there in a burning house because the firemen will rescue them. I have never seen anything like it in my entire life until I was around teens when I had a stepkyd living with me. I stayed APPALLED on a near daily basis at their complete lack of ingenuity and total laziness. The WORST part is that when it's brought to their attention, they STILL don't seem to care.

I'm guessing the whole reason for this 'possessed bicycle' nonsense is that the brat was at fault through his carelessness or plain stupidity. But of course if they printed THAT, they'd have mobs of screeching moothers to deal with. Not like a kid 9 years old is old enough to understand darn well that "car pwns bike any day so stay out of the road"...put the blame anywhere besides on him!