My response to Dear Carolyn: pull your head out of your ass

Dear Carolyn: I’m 65 and single. For so many years, I’ve been gifting at showers and weddings and babies, and now it’s another generation of showers and weddings and babies , and never — never! — a return. Can I ever be done? Do I have to keep giving? And giving? And giving? — Anonymous

Dear Anonymous: No! You can be done. Just decline the invitations to the showers and weddings and showers. Sending a note to the guest(s) of honor with your warmest wishes will show you care.

For what it’s worth, all these invitations to life celebrations show that people care about you. Stop seeing them as forced transactions, and maybe that bright side will come into view.

My response:

Dear Carolyn:what a fucking idiot you are. Should the day come when this older person is less ambulatory, do you think that any of the multiple generations who have enjoyed that person's generosity will be around to provide driving service or be so generous to gift them in return with small favors?

Signed: Cynical Me

My response to Carolyn:

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lab mom

Perhaps the many invitations show that people know they can hit this person up for gifts, because s/he's always ponied up in the past. If the communication continues after the giving stops, then they actually care about you. Also: communication should consist of actual dialogue or letters, not just invitations.

I used to like Carolyn's responses, but she has taken a very definite turn for the breederific the past couple years. She must have shat a loaf or three, or maybe she has older brats who are now of the Bridezilla/Pregzilla persuasion themselves.

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Carolyn HACKS
For what it’s worth, all these invitations to life celebrations show that people care about you. Stop seeing them as forced transactions, and maybe that bright side will come into view.

How can ANYONE, much less an "advice" columnist, try to portray these greedy fucks as "caring" for the recipient victim? The most they care about is the person's wallet.

I''ll say it again...fuck you, Carolyn HACKS.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shauna's like a gluten-free Jim Jones for dumb, lifeless middle-aged women. I swear, this bitch could set fire to a orphanage and they would applaud her for bringing them light. ~ Miss Hannigan

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For what it’s worth, all these invitations to life celebrations show that people care about your wallet. Stop seeing them as forced transactions, and maybe that bright side will come into view.

Carolyn missed a couple of words, but I think I fixed it for her.

Seriously though, the letter writer needs to take a step back and see how often these people are contacting her. Are there requent visits, emails, letters, etc. outside of all the invites? Or is the only time she hears from them the times that gifts are expected? I wouldn't be shocked if it is the latter.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________
"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

During our 13 years of marriage, my DH and I have bought numerous gifts for weddings, baby showers and birthdays for our siblings' children - we have eight nieces and nephews, ages 29 to 3 years old - and now we're at the point in our lives in which our friends' children are graduating from high school and we're being invited to graduation parties or receiving graduation invitations.

I agree with Dear Carolyn - the letter writer should just send best wishes when she declines these invitations, because it's the polite thing to do. But if the letter writer sends gifts and doesn't get a least a written thank you (a phone call is better) - it's time to stop sending the gifts!

I was very surprised last night when my younger sister called me and put my 8-year-old niece on the phone so she could thank me for the birthday gifts that DH and I recently sent her, plus tell me a little bit about what she's been doing and have a nice chat with me (she's a really intelligent girl, and I enjoy talking with her).

In the past, we've sent gifts to our niece and my sister's three other kids - 11-year-old nephews and a 4-year-old nephew - and received no thank yous AT ALL. I had about reached the point of cutting off the gifts, but it looks like my sister has wised up and decided to teach her children some manners.

Our other siblings - my older sister and DH's brother - have always either thanked us for sending gifts to their kids, or the kids themselves have thanked us. My older sister's son, who's now 19 and a college sophomore, was very good about thanking us, over and over, when DH and I decided to travel from Texas to Idaho to attend his high school graduation last year - he's a good kid, and he seemed like spending time with us.

And my response to this:

Dear Carolyn:what a fucking idiot you are. Should the day come when this older person is less ambulatory, do you think that any of the multiple generations who have enjoyed that person's generosity will be around to provide driving service or be so generous to gift them in return with small favors?

...is "It depends on the kids."

I honestly believe that when DH and I are perhaps unable to care for ourselves without help in 25 years or so (30+ if we're lucky), that our 19-year-old nephew and his 29-year-old sister, who was so grateful when DH and I attended her wedding and gave her and her husband a nice gift (not to mention the birthday gifts we gave her when she was growing up and the interest we've shown in her life) will help us.

I think DH's brother's children, who are still very young, will be the same way - their parents have always been very gracious in thanking us for their birthday gifts, and I think those children will be taught to thank us themselves when they're older.

Not sure about my younger sister's kids - but, as I said, maybe my younger sister is finally realizing that thanking aunts and uncles is very important (I'll add that she also sent me a gift and had her children draw get-well cards for me in June and called to see how I was after I had unexpected surgery). Or maybe I mentioned to my mom at some point that Younger Sis hasn't always thanked us for her children's gifts, and my stickler-for-manners mom called her and yelled at her for that.

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familyoftwo
I honestly believe that when DH and I are perhaps unable to care for ourselves without help in 25 years or so (30+ if we're lucky), that our 19-year-old nephew and his 29-year-old sister, who was so grateful when DH and I attended her wedding and gave her and her husband a nice gift (not to mention the birthday gifts we gave her when she was growing up and the interest we've shown in her life) will help us.

You are blessed. I think I can count on one hand, with a couple fingers left over, all the people I've encountered in my half century of life who can say this about their relatives. Both Dh and I come from families who produced a lot of kids. When they were younger, we were diligent about sending small gifts and cards - nothing that would really enrich them (as many begets as our siblings produced, it would have strained our budget to send lavish gifts), but just to acknowledge them and show affection. And, in those younger years, they called and sent thank yous. I think this was more about the parents showing off their burgeoning verbal and writing skills. Once they got old enough to be responsible, themselves, for acknowledging gifts, the thank yous stopped, but the notices about graduation, marriage and births continued. I finally instituted a cutoff when Dh had a stroke and no one - not even his freaking brother - called to ask how he was.

I think your situation is the rarity - most people probably experience a scale ranging from conscientious acknowledgment to indifference. But, I am glad to hear that it happens for some.

Yeah, suuuure they care... about your money and/or gifts. They don't really care if you're there or not, just so long as you send a relative with a card containing cash.

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For what it’s worth, all these invitations to life celebrations show that people care about receiving as much attention, gifts, and praise as humanly possible. Stop attending these forced transactions, and maybe that bright side will come into view.

Fixed. wink

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familyoftwo
During our 13 years of marriage, my DH and I have bought numerous gifts for weddings, baby showers and birthdays for our siblings' children - we have eight nieces and nephews, ages 29 to 3 years old - and now we're at the point in our lives in which our friends' children are graduating from high school and we're being invited to graduation parties or receiving graduation invitations.

I agree with Dear Carolyn - the letter writer should just send best wishes when she declines these invitations, because it's the polite thing to do. But if the letter writer sends gifts and doesn't get a least a written thank you (a phone call is better) - it's time to stop sending the gifts!

I was very surprised last night when my younger sister called me and put my 8-year-old niece on the phone so she could thank me for the birthday gifts that DH and I recently sent her, plus tell me a little bit about what she's been doing and have a nice chat with me (she's a really intelligent girl, and I enjoy talking with her).

In the past, we've sent gifts to our niece and my sister's three other kids - 11-year-old nephews and a 4-year-old nephew - and received no thank yous AT ALL. I had about reached the point of cutting off the gifts, but it looks like my sister has wised up and decided to teach her children some manners.

Our other siblings - my older sister and DH's brother - have always either thanked us for sending gifts to their kids, or the kids themselves have thanked us. My older sister's son, who's now 19 and a college sophomore, was very good about thanking us, over and over, when DH and I decided to travel from Texas to Idaho to attend his high school graduation last year - he's a good kid, and he seemed like spending time with us.

And my response to this:

Dear Carolyn:what a fucking idiot you are. Should the day come when this older person is less ambulatory, do you think that any of the multiple generations who have enjoyed that person's generosity will be around to provide driving service or be so generous to gift them in return with small favors?

...is "It depends on the kids."

I honestly believe that when DH and I are perhaps unable to care for ourselves without help in 25 years or so (30+ if we're lucky), that our 19-year-old nephew and his 29-year-old sister, who was so grateful when DH and I attended her wedding and gave her and her husband a nice gift (not to mention the birthday gifts we gave her when she was growing up and the interest we've shown in her life) will help us.

I think DH's brother's children, who are still very young, will be the same way - their parents have always been very gracious in thanking us for their birthday gifts, and I think those children will be taught to thank us themselves when they're older.

Not sure about my younger sister's kids - but, as I said, maybe my younger sister is finally realizing that thanking aunts and uncles is very important (I'll add that she also sent me a gift and had her children draw get-well cards for me in June and called to see how I was after I had unexpected surgery). Or maybe I mentioned to my mom at some point that Younger Sis hasn't always thanked us for her children's gifts, and my stickler-for-manners mom called her and yelled at her for that.

Are you expecting them to help you? I would be thankful if my relatives wanted to help me out in my old age, but I would never expect them to. It would honestly make me really uncomfortable to have relatives taking care of me. I know that has got to be emotionally, mentally, and physically stressful. This is one of the reasons I don't want kids. I wouldn't want them to feel any pressure to help me out.

I took care of my mom for the last 6 months of her life, in Chicago. Being an "only child" she told me that she felt bad that she didn't have any other kids and that I had to deal with her illness and her passing alone. She knew she was dying - she told me so less than two weeks before she passed. Yes, it was difficult and very tiresome, but I never felt obligated to care for her; I did it out of love - she was a PARENT, not a breeder; she was always there for me when I needed her and I wanted to reciprocate. None of us knows what the future holds for us when it's our time of illness or death. I can honestly say that I am STILL glad that I didn't have any brats; nowadays, most kids could give a shit less about their parents; they're more concerned with having pre-teen sex, having babies, gang-banging, and being general assholes. Then again, the parents ARE to blame for their brats' behavior. I guess my generation is one of the last who actually gives a shit about their elders. I was with my mom when she passed and I wouldn't have had it any other way. It's a pity that this generation of kids don't realize that if it weren't for their parents, they wouldn't exist.

Back to the OT: like I stated earlier, majority of the time when people are invited to wedding and loaf showers, it's really for the "gimmies." I had a small wedding shower as well as a small wedding. I know too many people who've had big, splashy weddings and were actually upset when they'd received duplicate gifts or they didn't get what was on their list of wants. I will NEVER go to a baaybee shower. For starters, I hate babies. I cannot bring myself to "ooh and ahhh and awwwww" over something I really couldn't give a shit about. Besides, when you give clothing for loaves, they grow out of it so damned fast anyway, what's the point in wasting your money?

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labwoman
I took care of my mom for the last 6 months of her life, in Chicago. Being an "only child" she told me that she felt bad that she didn't have any other kids and that I had to deal with her illness and her passing alone. She knew she was dying - she told me so less than two weeks before she passed. Yes, it was difficult and very tiresome, but I never felt obligated to care for her; I did it out of love - she was a PARENT, not a breeder; she was always there for me when I needed her and I wanted to reciprocate. None of us knows what the future holds for us when it's our time of illness or death. I can honestly say that I am STILL glad that I didn't have any brats; nowadays, most kids could give a shit less about their parents; they're more concerned with having pre-teen sex, having babies, gang-banging, and being general assholes. Then again, the parents ARE to blame for their brats' behavior. I guess my generation is one of the last who actually gives a shit about their elders. I was with my mom when she passed and I wouldn't have had it any other way. It's a pity that this generation of kids don't realize that if it weren't for their parents, they wouldn't exist.

Back to the OT: like I stated earlier, majority of the time when people are invited to wedding and loaf showers, it's really for the "gimmies." I had a small wedding shower as well as a small wedding. I know too many people who've had big, splashy weddings and were actually upset when they'd received duplicate gifts or they didn't get what was on their list of wants. I will NEVER go to a baaybee shower. For starters, I hate babies. I cannot bring myself to "ooh and ahhh and awwwww" over something I really couldn't give a shit about. Besides, when you give clothing for loaves, they grow out of it so damned fast anyway, what's the point in wasting your money?

You sound like an amazing daughter. I respect and admire your choice to take care of your parent. The way I see it, it should be a choice, not an obligation. I agree that kids wouldn't be here without their parents. However, it was the parents' choice to have them; the kids had no say in the matter and should not be obligated to take care of an ailing parent, which can be emotionally, mentally, and physically challenging; it's not something everyone can do. I believe that parents should make it their responsibility to have their means of care-taking prepared in advance and not rely on their children to take care of them. My parents do not want my brother and I to take care of them (though I will start a fund for them and assist/visit them). The care-taking issue is one of the reasons I don't want to be a parent; I wouldn't want my kid to feel guilty about not taking care of me. I would hope for visits every now and then, but that's it. Anything else would be too much.

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labwoman
I took care of my mom for the last 6 months of her life, in Chicago. Being an "only child" she told me that she felt bad that she didn't have any other kids and that I had to deal with her illness and her passing alone. She knew she was dying - she told me so less than two weeks before she passed. Yes, it was difficult and very tiresome, but I never felt obligated to care for her; I did it out of love - she was a PARENT, not a breeder; she was always there for me when I needed her and I wanted to reciprocate. None of us knows what the future holds for us when it's our time of illness or death. I can honestly say that I am STILL glad that I didn't have any brats; nowadays, most kids could give a shit less about their parents; they're more concerned with having pre-teen sex, having babies, gang-banging, and being general assholes. Then again, the parents ARE to blame for their brats' behavior. I guess my generation is one of the last who actually gives a shit about their elders. I was with my mom when she passed and I wouldn't have had it any other way. It's a pity that this generation of kids don't realize that if it weren't for their parents, they wouldn't exist.

Back to the OT: like I stated earlier, majority of the time when people are invited to wedding and loaf showers, it's really for the "gimmies." I had a small wedding shower as well as a small wedding. I know too many people who've had big, splashy weddings and were actually upset when they'd received duplicate gifts or they didn't get what was on their list of wants. I will NEVER go to a baaybee shower. For starters, I hate babies. I cannot bring myself to "ooh and ahhh and awwwww" over something I really couldn't give a shit about. Besides, when you give clothing for loaves, they grow out of it so damned fast anyway, what's the point in wasting your money?

This.

My mother helped her dad after her mom's passing, and before his passing. too. Very respectful.

I'm not interested (much) with other people's weddings and certainly not baybee showers. I simply could give a shit less.

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lab mom

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JayJay
I would be thankful if my relatives wanted to help me out in my old age, but I would never expect them to. It would honestly make me really uncomfortable to have relatives taking care of me. I know that has got to be emotionally, mentally, and physically stressful. This is one of the reasons I don't want kids. I wouldn't want them to feel any pressure to help me out.

At my age (50) I've seen plenty of people move from their brisk, youthful years to old age. My grandparents (though Grandpa died at a relatively young age - 64); aunts and uncles who I remember as a kid being parents themselves, youthful and active; my own mother. Now they're dead, or slow and succumbing to illness or chronic conditions. Keeping in mind the age when I noticed them take a turn for the worse, I tell myself "another 20 years - 25 at the most - and then I'll be ready to check out." I hope it will be something sudden and irreversible: heart attack, stroke, turn into the path of a speeding semi in a moment of befuddlement ..... if not, I may just take matters into my own hands. I definitely don't want to end up in a nursing home, and just can't see any relatives taking my care into their hands. It seems kind of ridiculous for me to ask them to take on that burden. I know from watching other family members have old people on their hands that it is a difficult task, even done in love.

I sometimes wonder if my realistic view of old age, and the pragmatic ideas I have for bypassing its effects, is an offshoot of being CF. None of my (childed) siblings talk of such things. Heaven forfend! For them, they view old age in terms of being grandparents and great-grandparents. My grandmother (evil old biddy whose death was rung in with the song "ding dong, the witch is dead!") constantly told us "oh, I don't want to die. I'm afraid I might miss something!", even as she became housebound, decrepit and crabby; a manipulative burden everyone resented having to tend to.

I have some goals I want to accomplish: travel to some special spots with Dh, see all my pets live out their lives, get a chance to read Jean Auel's last book (jeezus lady, 30 years to write 6 books!?) ... then I'll consider my life well done and figure there's nothing else to live for. Why keep going if you are rotting and falling apart?

I think that the best to thing for anyone to do is to have a living will. It also wouldn't hurt to attach a detailed list of what your wishes are should you not need to have a "plug pulled", so to speak, but are just demented in the head, possibly irrational and difficult to reason with, or have lost your original personality and memory, like what happens often in late stage Alzeimers. That way, NONE of your loved ones will be forced to make painful decisions about your care(or lack thereof), where you will be housed, or in many cases how and when you will die, such as with life support and DNR orders. It's a GIVEN that family members will have varying opinions about what should and shouldn't be done. The patient not having made his or her own wishes known IN WRITING is a major cause of problems at or near the end of life for most families.

I do NOT want my husband to be at odds with my other family should he ever be in a position to have to make these choices as my next of kin. I have heard of SO many cases where families end up in a lifelong squabble over what "Uncle Cliff" would have wanted and they ALL think that they knew him best. If he hadn't died intestate, without a living will, and without his wishes being in writing or even better, also recorded in his own voice, then none of this would have been a problem.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

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kidlesskim
I have heard of SO many cases where families end up in a lifelong squabble over what "Uncle Cliff" would have wanted and they ALL think that they knew him best. If he hadn't died intestate, without a living will, and without his wishes being in writing or even better, also recorded in his own voice, then none of this would have been a problem.

As in the Terri Schiavo case

(Lord, it's been 5 YEARS Since the Schiavopalooza tour? :crz )

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Dorisan

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kidlesskim
I have heard of SO many cases where families end up in a lifelong squabble over what "Uncle Cliff" would have wanted and they ALL think that they knew him best. If he hadn't died intestate, without a living will, and without his wishes being in writing or even better, also recorded in his own voice, then none of this would have been a problem.

As in the Terri Schiavo case

(Lord, it's been 5 YEARS Since the Schiavopalooza tour? :crz )

That case was forefront in my mind as I typed that too. I have seen it happen on a much lesser scale, unlike the FIFTEEN years of it like with Schiavo, in families that I have known. Even in families where you wouldn't expect it. they bicker over life insurance, personal property, real estate, and famblee "heirlooms". In many cases there isn't even anything of any actual value really. yet they still fight over who gets what. It's the same way with discontinuing life support. A friend of my mother's who had a sickly husband had to deal with ALL three kids fighting amongst themselves about whether "mom" should have a DNR in place or whether she should be intubated and fed, etc.......It was AWFUL for the old man because he just wasn't up to it, but alas it was HIS final decision. I think that they let that poor woman linger on for a month, which of course left less assets for them to bicker over after she finally died due to the medical bills.

Then there was another case of an acquaintance of mine who got into a squabble with her father for utilizing a rider on a life insurance policy that allows you to assign it to whoever in the case of a terminal illness that is medically diagnosed to last less than a year. He wanted to use 100k of it for alternative medical care in the hope that she could be cured and the daughter thought that it was a waste of money. It turned out that the daughter was right, BUT STILL. It was sweet that he wanted to save her, even though it turned out to be pointless, but he didn't know that. It made me re-think my living will though, because I have a rider like that on one of our policies, but it has to be "chosen", at no extra charge, BEFORE the diagnosis.

The only problem with that though is that should a catastrohic medical crisis occur and the famblee assets get wiped out, legally the hospital could FORCE you to hand it over to them, whereas they have no legal rights to a regular life insurance policy. It's also taxed money, where if you wait until after death, it is not. There's a LOT to think about and plan when it comes to this stuff and after it happens, it's always too late.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

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JayJay
Are you expecting them to help you? I would be thankful if my relatives wanted to help me out in my old age, but I would never expect them to. It would honestly make me really uncomfortable to have relatives taking care of me. I know that has got to be emotionally, mentally, and physically stressful. This is one of the reasons I don't want kids. I wouldn't want them to feel any pressure to help me out.

I'll never understand people who *expect* their children or other family members to take care of them in their old age. Why would anyone want to put someone they supposedly love through that? This hits home with me because of my dad. I posted a while back that we had a massive falling out earlier in the summer, and we haven't spoken since. There are a ton of issues, but one of the biggest was his assertion that I'm not doing enough to help him. WTF? I was there for him for a major back surgery and rehab, then a hospitalization after he nearly DIED of a diabetic reaction. During both of these, I took care of all arrangements, cleaned his house, did grocery shopping, cooked some meals. When he put me down for "not helping him" is when I lost it. Apparently I'm supposed to be his 24x7 live-in nursemaid!!

He can WELL afford all kinds of options, such as hiring a housekeeper, etc. or even moving into a retirement place where housework and meals are taken care of, and there are other people his age for companionship. But no. He'd rather lay a guilt trip on me to be all those things for him, even after a lifetime of emotional abuse.

My mom, rest her soul, would be HORRIFIED at his behavior. She was the polar opposite, never wanted to be a burden for even the smallest things.

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JayJay
it should be a choice, not an obligation. I agree that kids wouldn't be here without their parents. However, it was the parents' choice to have them; the kids had no say in the matter and should not be obligated to take care of an ailing parent, which can be emotionally, mentally, and physically challenging; it's not something everyone can do. I believe that parents should make it their responsibility to have their means of care-taking prepared in advance and not rely on their children to take care of them.

It's extraordinarily difficult for one person to care for another even if they have a GOOD relationship. If not, it's damn near impossible. I know I couldn't do it without losing my sanity, and I mean that seriously. As much as it is drummed into us to help our parents, that does not mean I'm supposed to sacrifice my mental and physical health over it. And I won't. Not sure what that means for him, but that's for him to figure out.

DH and I are trying hard to make sure, as much as one can, to NOT be a burden on anyone. The ideal situation for us would be a CCRC (continuing care retirement community), where there is a range of care arrangements at one location....independent living, assisted living, and nursing care. Yes, they are expensive, but we're handling our money in such a way (in no small part to not having brats) to hopefully make it possible.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shauna's like a gluten-free Jim Jones for dumb, lifeless middle-aged women. I swear, this bitch could set fire to a orphanage and they would applaud her for bringing them light. ~ Miss Hannigan

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CrabCake
The ideal situation for us would be a CCRC (continuing care retirement community), where there is a range of care arrangements at one location....independent living, assisted living, and nursing care. Yes, they are expensive, but we're handling our money in such a way (in no small part to not having brats) to hopefully make it possible.

I'm fine with the independent living, somewhat mollified with assisted, but after that ... it's time to go. I'm probably influenced by the time I spent visiting my mother when she worked at several nursing homes and then seeing my father through his last days at such a place. Mygawd ... :bawl .. what a nightmare. And those were actually well-run, clean, and compassionate toward the patients. I suppose the people there are of such a mental state that they pass most of their time in a fog, but that would be a worst case scenario for me that I dread falling into.

Btw, I've researched extended care insurance. The younger you apply, the cheaper the rates. However, watch out for the fine print. I actually spent several hours with an agent, discussing the terms. Enrolling in a program can be littered with landmines laying out the teeniest reasons for dismissal of coverage. Dh had a stroke before 50; it was determined to be caused by a dissected artery, most likely caused by getting his neck wrenched as part of a chiropractic procedure a few weeks before (something I warn people against ever since and practically threatened the life of my own chiro who approached my neck while treating my sciatica: "don't you dare touch my neck!"). Even though his stroke was most likely the case of being caused by injury; rather than any disease or organic cause; and not likely to reoccur, he is no longer eligible for long term care insurance.

Old age is inevitable; insurers are careful about the conditions under which they will be liable for your care.

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Dorisan

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CrabCake
The ideal situation for us would be a CCRC (continuing care retirement community), where there is a range of care arrangements at one location....independent living, assisted living, and nursing care. Yes, they are expensive, but we're handling our money in such a way (in no small part to not having brats) to hopefully make it possible.

I'm fine with the independent living, somewhat mollified with assisted, but after that ... it's time to go. I'm probably influenced by the time I spent visiting my mother when she worked at several nursing homes and then seeing my father through his last days at such a place. Mygawd ... :bawl .. what a nightmare. And those were actually well-run, clean, and compassionate toward the patients. I suppose the people there are of such a mental state that they pass most of their time in a fog, but that would be a worst case scenario for me that I dread falling into.

Btw, I've researched extended care insurance. The younger you apply, the cheaper the rates. However, watch out for the fine print. I actually spent several hours with an agent, discussing the terms. Enrolling in a program can be littered with landmines laying out the teeniest reasons for dismissal of coverage. Dh had a stroke before 50; it was determined to be caused by a dissected artery, most likely caused by getting his neck wrenched as part of a chiropractic procedure a few weeks before (something I warn people against ever since and practically threatened the life of my own chiro who approached my neck while treating my sciatica: "don't you dare touch my neck!"). Even though his stroke was most likely the case of being caused by injury; rather than any disease or organic cause; and not likely to reoccur, he is no longer eligible for long term care insurance.

Old age is inevitable; insurers are careful about the conditions under which they will be liable for your care.

I am glad that you mentioned this type of insurance with it's little rules and exclusions. I looked into it a while back and noticed some things that appeared a bit suspicious as far as what they could exclude. If I am going to start paying for something before I am 50 and may not need it for 20-30 years, it needs to cover ANY reason for needing care. Some of the reasons for exclusion are vague, subjective, and easy for them to use as an excuse for non coverage. Although there were several, one exclusion says that it will DENY coverage if the condition is deemed in ANY way to be connected with alcoholism. That's a bit too vague for my taste because I might start drinking heavily when I am older for whatever reason, which would run up the numbers on the liver enzyme test, but I might have an illnes that isn't related to drinking at ALL, but they could still say that it was an "underlying factor" or contributory to the illness or injury.

I suppose that someone could stop drinking long enough to "pass the tests", but not if the medical need was for an accident. Even IF the patient wasn't drinking when he fell, those pesky tests COULD make them check the "alcoholism" box and like smoking, ANYTHING remotely related to that will be blamed on it. These insurance companies will avoid payment for anything that they can. I can't say that I blame them necessarily, but I don't want to get screwed due to a "loophole". Depending on age, it seems better to just save up some damned money and maintain decent health insurance. If I put the $100+ aside every month that they want for this extended care coverage for 25 years, I would probably have enough saved to tide me over for some home health care, IF health insurance won't pay.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

How sensible are we. Get the insurance, get the will, and get the living will. Stay hooked up to the 'net for your essentials.

Do NOT, under any circumstances, even THINK that someone from the younger generation is going to be knocking on your door with home-baked pies, bags of groceries, and offers to give you a bed bath. It won't happen. No, not even if you had kids. Forget about it. At least, not having kids, you won't be sitting there simmering in hostility about how your three children have body-swerved your attempts to get them to come over and cut your hoary old toenails.

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"The death of creativity is a pram in the hallway"
- Cyril Connolly

It sounds to me like the letter writer is tired of the same old "wedding, wedding, wedding, babies, babies, babies,... GIMME GIMME GIMME!" gift grab.

I can relate.

Since I consider neither of these to be an accomplishment, I'm tired of opening up my wallet every time they happen.

Disclaimer: No this isn't a rant on married people. Get married if you want to. But why are you expecting me to give you money?

Further question: When do I get anything? It seems like I am always on the opposite side of this.