Ask Amy Smackdown: Kids at Weddings

It's that time of year: the Wedding Season, and this question/complaint always seems to occur. Love the bolded snark at the end.

Dear Amy: I am commenting on the issue of destination weddings. It is rude for a bride and groom to have a destination wedding and to invite parents with children and not invite their children. If a couple having a destination wedding does not allow their guests to bring the kids along, they should: 1. Offer onsite baby-sitting facilities with reputable staffing, preferably by relatives/friends they and the parents know, or 2. Provide a nanny if the children are left at home. — Reader in North Carolina

Dear Reader: Couples hosting destination weddings are not obligated to provide baby-sitting services.

Parents of young children sometimes aren't able to attend faraway events because their first obligation is to attend to their kids. This seems to be surprising to you, but one of the lessons of adulthood is that you can't always do every single thing you want to do.

Smackdown, indeed! I'll bet the moron writer's sitting at her computer huffing and crying about how everyone is sooooo meeeaaan! larious

What an entitled reader. No, it's not DF and I's responsibility to pay for someone to babysit your brats, they're YOURS.

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What is a home without children? Quiet. ~Henny Youngman

I don't want people who want to dance, I want people who have to dance. ~George Balanchine

"I took the batteries out of my biological clock and put them in my vibrator"

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This seems to be surprising to you, but one of the lessons of adulthood is that you can't always do every single thing you want to do.

HARDCORE!!!!! :yr

Provide a nanny? Is this breeder bonkers? (Stupid question.)

Great answer! Finally, some sanity! wink

Even if there was on-site babysitting, that still wouldn't mean the wedding is kid-free because Junior would be nearby and the kiddies could probably easily be heard screaming no matter where the adults were. How about if there's an open bar, making sure those who have had too much to drink have a ride home? It's not the obligation of the marrying couple to provide brat-care for their breeder friends, but they should also have someone at the door to the ceremony and reception to not allow anyone with children in.

If the Moos can't be away from their iddle myrakulls for a few hours, then they don't have to go to the wedding. No one will miss them. Let them stay home and play wedding with their kids since most of them are probably emotionally married to their brats anyway.

Wedding Planning for Considerate Couples:

- food that is vegan, vegetarian, halal, kosher, low salt, low fat, and delicious to all attendees
- childcare for all kids under age 12 with licensed certified, supervised angels from heaven (must be female and have a police records check)
- designated drivers for the drunk relatives
- parking attendants for attendee who can't park worth shit
- excellent escorts for the lonely singles who want a date
- a ceremony that seems traditional and religious to some family, but trendy and atheist to other attendees.
- all women in the wedding party to not be any more attractive than the average married woman in the building
- distracting conversationalists to lure away annoying dates

Pure awesome!

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lab mom

And now for the flipside. A rare, sensible parent vs Bridezilla who favors quantity over quality of guests

DEAR ABBY: My husband's sister is being married in a few months. The wedding is in her hometown, which is more than 1,400 miles from where we live. My husband and I have three small children.

Taking our entire family and staying for three or four days will cost almost $3,000. Two of the children would not be able to attend the ceremony without causing a disruption, due to naps, feeding, etc. In spite of the financial burden and the fact that it will be a difficult trip for the children, the bride-to-be is demanding that all of us be there.

Abby, are we obligated to make this trip, or would it be acceptable for only my husband to attend? If he goes alone, he will have time with his sister and the rest of the family, whom he does not get to see very often. We want to do the right thing, but the reality is that taking our family of five would be difficult and stressful for everyone. -- ANXIOUS IN OHIO

DEAR ANXIOUS: Your husband needs to assert himself and talk some sense into his sister. While it is wonderful that she would like to have all of you at her wedding, an invitation is a request -- not a summons. If being there with the children would be stressful financially, logistically and emotionally, you are right to stay home.

Wow. I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the absurdity of that letter from the moo in North Carolina. It's almost like the English language needs a bigger word than "entitled/entitlement" because breeders have taken it to such heights.

With that said, I think destination weddings themselves are rude and entitled. I can't fathom expecting people to fork out thousands because I want to be married in Tahiti or wherever. If you want to be married in some exotic locale, great. Elope.

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Shauna's like a gluten-free Jim Jones for dumb, lifeless middle-aged women. I swear, this bitch could set fire to a orphanage and they would applaud her for bringing them light. ~ Miss Hannigan

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Dorisan
And now for the flipside. A rare, sensible parent vs Bridezilla who favors quantity over quality of guests

DEAR ABBY: My husband's sister is being married in a few months. The wedding is in her hometown, which is more than 1,400 miles from where we live. My husband and I have three small children.

Taking our entire family and staying for three or four days will cost almost $3,000. Two of the children would not be able to attend the ceremony without causing a disruption, due to naps, feeding, etc. In spite of the financial burden and the fact that it will be a difficult trip for the children, the bride-to-be is demanding that all of us be there.

Abby, are we obligated to make this trip, or would it be acceptable for only my husband to attend? If he goes alone, he will have time with his sister and the rest of the family, whom he does not get to see very often. We want to do the right thing, but the reality is that taking our family of five would be difficult and stressful for everyone. -- ANXIOUS IN OHIO

DEAR ANXIOUS: Your husband needs to assert himself and talk some sense into his sister. While it is wonderful that she would like to have all of you at her wedding, an invitation is a request -- not a summons. If being there with the children would be stressful financially, logistically and emotionally, you are right to stay home.

This sense of entitlement is anot unique to breeders; I have an adult relative who behaved like a 14 year old until she got her face shoved into it - now that we don't hear from her (2 kids!) it's been heaven. No more command performances.

There's a current eHell thread creating quite a bit of breeder consternation: A bride was aghast that despite planning a varied menu that included macaroni & cheese and mild chicken for the kids, one family went out to a nearby McDonald's, brought back bags of food and proceeded to eat it and leave all of their fast-foot trash strewn across the white tablecloth.

Amazing the number of breeders insisting that 4 year olds need to eat "every couple of hours" (I don't remember this; we had breakfast, lunch and dinner and I've never had a cheerio in my life) and otherwise trying to excuse the speshul needs of the chyld. Odd that the obvious solution: Leave HOME anyone who can't conduct himself/herself at a formal dinner party -- doesn't seem to strike them.

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Melanie
There's a current eHell thread creating quite a bit of breeder consternation: A bride was aghast that despite planning a varied menu that included macaroni & cheese and mild chicken for the kids, one family went out to a nearby McDonald's, brought back bags of food and proceeded to eat it and leave all of their fast-foot trash strewn across the white tablecloth.

Amazing the number of breeders insisting that 4 year olds need to eat "every couple of hours" (I don't remember this; we had breakfast, lunch and dinner and I've never had a cheerio in my life) and otherwise trying to excuse the speshul needs of the chyld. Odd that the obvious solution: Leave HOME anyone who can't conduct himself/herself at a formal dinner party -- doesn't seem to strike them.

I have heard :BS like this before. No dumbass breeder babies eat every couple of hours. Idiot breeders stuffing their kids with wacdonalds every couple of hours is why they are so damn fat now.

No kid needs to eat every two hours. Kids who do are that way because their mommies stuff their mouths with shit to keep them from crying or asking for something. Why should Moo entertain her iddle mirakull when she can just shove a Pop Tart or some french fries in his mouth? Besides, way too often have I seen or heard kids whine for food and then when they get it, they aren't hungry anymore.

And no, you do not bring outside food to someone's wedding, especially when they go to great lengths to try and accommodate everyone's tastes. If Junior doesn't want what's served, he can go hungry or get taken back home where he belongs. I would never want to see a little kid at a wedding because you know they're going to be ogling the cake and the second their handler looks away, they're going to run full-tilt at the towering confection and start fingering it because hey, the cake is obviously for HIM because it's CAKE and he wants some!

Even if all the nanny and babysitting were provided, you just KNOW that Moomy and Duhd would be getting them out of said care and parading them all over anyways, because we know they can't stand to be separated from their crotch droppings for more than a few minutes at a time.

the only kids who need to eat every two hours are extremely premature babies and they don't eat mcdonalds.

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Melanie
There's a current eHell thread creating quite a bit of breeder consternation: A bride was aghast that despite planning a varied menu that included macaroni & cheese and mild chicken for the kids, one family went out to a nearby McDonald's, brought back bags of food and proceeded to eat it and leave all of their fast-foot trash strewn across the white tablecloth.

I can't believe that, as if bringing fast food into a sit down restaurant wasn't bad enough, but somebody's wedding reception? I haven't been to see this on eHell, but it wouldn't surprise me if the breeders were defending doing that. How low can they go?

On top of that, with all the fast food kids eat today, we're going to have a generation of people with major health problems that of course, all of us are going to have to pay for.

JD

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Shiny
Even if all the nanny and babysitting were provided, you just KNOW that Moomy and Duhd would be getting them out of said care and parading them all over anyways, because we know they can't stand to be separated from their crotch droppings for more than a few minutes at a time.

I think it's more like they can't stand to be out of the spotlight for more than a few minutes at a time. You can't babystalk if your kid is in another room.

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"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

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With that said, I think destination weddings themselves are rude and entitled.

They don't have to be.
DH and I had a destination wedding and it was fucking awesome. In deference to my in-laws, who only travel by car, it was about equidistant between our house and their house. Unfortunately, we also went by their schedule, which means we got married in June in Charleston, South Carolina and it was fucking hot. (I think we should have just set the date and said screw you and all your "but the kyds are in skool" bullshit, but my DH wanted them there.) It was immediate family only, mothers fathers sisters brothers and their kyds, all older and well behaved.

DH and I paid for everyone's room the night of our wedding--I think it was about $130 a night. It was a Marriot courtyard, I think. Funny story, which illustrates how cheap/tacky my in-laws are: They came up the day before and stayed 45 minutes away from us because they thought $130 for a night at a hotel was too expensive. (I might mention here they are not indigent---they blow money on the grandkids like it's going out of style and my FIL is one of those inveterate casino gamblers--there isn't a casino in the U.S. where he hasn't been. ) They stayed at some low budget inn that went for $60 per night. When they checked out the joke was on them, because those hotels charge per person, and the front desk noticed they were four and five to a room, so they ended up paying close to $100 a night, and probably burned $50 driving their van back and forth. Anyway, their money, their choice, but I can also laugh at them.

After the ceremony, we ate at an Inn. DH and I paid for dinner of course.

they think their kids should be invited along or the wedding couple is "selfish"? and they insist the wedding couple pay for a babysitter if they are invited along, but that's not "selfish" that they insist? a hint to these moos and duhs-a wedding is called "the bride's day". not "the children of wedding guests' day". not "childed adults' day". "THE BRIDE'S DAY". That alone means that at least one of the wedding couple has a right to tell you your howler monkeys are not invited to come because it is HER ceremony and HER day.

"Amazing the number of breeders insisting that 4 year olds need to eat be spanked 'every couple of hours'..."

There, Melanie. Fixed that.

One of the couples we had invited to our wedding, the guy was Jewish; I don't know what religion is GF was, but she had the audacity to call me and DEMAND that we serve kosher food at our wedding. Keep in mind, we had invited about 50 guests, none of which was of that belief system, so I felt that it was quite tacky for this bitch to make demands for MY WEDDING. Also, our reception was in the afternoon and it was a garden lunch, consisting of tea/finger sandwiches, peel & eat shrimp; basically lighter fare. I promptly told the woman that I had already had ordered the food and could not make last minute changes, not to mention that it was only she and her boyfriend who had "special dietary needs due to religious beliefs." I'm sorry, can't accommodate you. So they brought Matzo with them. The guy was fine with it, but his gf was a bitch and complained about it. And she wasn't even JEWISH! Of course, it would be a woman like this who would also inquire how much money we were spending on our wedding, how much my dress cost, and other various idiotic and rude questions. Thankfully we don't see this couple anymore. The guy was ok, but he was really pussywhipped and is pretty much putty in her hands.

People who make DEMANDS for other people's events have a LOT of nerve. Especially those with brats, because they invariably always try to shove their fucking baybeez in the midst of the wedding or event. If the invitation says NO CHILDREN, it means NO FUCKING CHILDREN. No, we won't accommodate your brats with a sitter or nanny, stay the fuck home. As for bridezilla giving them a summons instead of an invitation, she should thank her lucky stars that this couple is NOT going to foist their brats into her wedding; we all know too well that a screaming shitsack will completely destroy a wedding. It's akin to having the proverbial ants at your picnic!

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I'm so glad that I have no goddamned kids - it gives me more time to spend with my pets, who will always love me unconditionally.

Then all destination spouses to be should provide me with doggie daycare while I attend their wedding!

Do breeders HEAR the shit that comes out of their mouths?

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CF Uter
Do breeders HEAR the shit that comes out of their mouths?

I suspect not. I think they utilize the same MUTE function that gets deployed when their kids turn into howler monkeys at public places.

larious