Don't give parents opinions if they ask for them.

This is probably more of a rant than anything else, but I am sure others here have faced similar bullshit.
(Apologies in advance for being a vague mofo)


There is a group of people I have socialised with for some years. I'm not all that close to the group any more but one person in the group is my best friend. Likely the main reason why I still hang out with the group.
Of course, some of the people there are parents. But it's only one I have taken issue with. She's got a young kid and ever since she had the child about 90% of what she talks about is somehow kid related. The kid is difficult to manage, she is struggling financially with the kid, husband won't help out with the kid, family overstepping with the kid and so on.
Now all this I can deal with. I'm not obligated to listen and I can walk away/talk to someone else. No problem. But of course if that were the end of it I'd not be posting.

Well, this Mother has been thinking over some parenting choices and decided to ask the group about it. She wanted our 'real opinions' on the subject. I, not trusting people when they claim they want 'real opinions' (especially when children are concerned), chose to keep my mouth shut. Everyone else either gave vague approval of Mother's idea, kept their comments neutral or said nothing.
Best Friend, however, opted to give the Mother her views on the subject. (ie Thought the idea was a bad one) Friend also brought up comments the Mother has been making over the past few years and pointed out how those complaints conflicted with the parenting choice Mother was thinking of making.

All seemed fine and dandy, until some time later at another gathering which Best Friend was not able to come to. Mother decided to launch into how unfair everyone is and how everyone is trying to control her life when they don't know anything blahblah and of course bitched about my friend who was not there to defend herself. Because by giving her opinion on the subject previously (which was fucking asked for!) friend is obviously a kid/mum hater who just does not understand.
Another member decided to join the mum in the attack by making insulting comments about my friend (also the more maddening because the insults did not make logical sense) and I got pissed at them. Oh, they made their apologies after a bit of back and forth about it at least, I suppose. And it 'wasn't really about friend', y'know. It's just one of those general complaints about whatever bollocks they want to pass their behaviour off as.
Further maddening was the excuse the mother defender came back with. They didn't even know what the complaint was about! They were not there to hear what was said by friend on her views on the subject. This idiot had no idea what was said or why the mum was so mad at my friend. Mother defender just got the mum signal and came running.

Ugh. :sbx

Exactly! You can't tell them anything, breeders are like sociopaths, nothing is ever their fault, it's always someone elses.

I NEVER give any piece of advice to these kind of people even if i'm asked for it. Because i know that whatever i say it's turned against me with "you don't have kids so what do you know?" Usually it's none of my business should do.

Giving advice to a moo-cunt about her kids, EVEN IF she asked, is a HUGE mistake. It was smart of you to not say anything.:bdid

------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------
If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

This reminds me of a place were I used to work. The owner would often bring her kid to work with her. She and the others told me "if she is bugging you, just tell her to go away". I never did, because I had the feeling that that was a bunch of crap. The kid was a spoiled little princess on top of that. Glad I don't work there anymore.

Much credit to you for recognising the futility of commenting and keeping your gob shut, also for defending your friend who wasn't there to do it herself.

I believe most people who ask for advice have already decided what they're planning to do, and will happily accept the advice only if it matches their plans. This is particularly the case with parents.

People constantly ask me for advice about children and/or parenting because of my work history, and the only advice I ever dispense is strictly medical, and even that is dispensed ONLY if I feel the kid is getting some needs neglected.

I usually tell the parents to follow their instincts or some other bullshit, because I am not getting into the drama.

i never never never give breeders advice about their chitlins. i generally don't give advice to anyone about anything unless it's something specific and inocuous, like recommending a hotel.

________________________________________________________

L'enfer, c'est les autres.

Quote
myrna minkoff
i never never never give breeders advice about their chitlins. i generally don't give advice to anyone about anything unless it's something specific and inocuous, like recommending a hotel.

Seriously. I think some people only ask for advice as a way of pity-whoring.

--------------------
"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

Quote
kidlesskim
Giving advice to a moo-cunt about her kids, EVEN IF she asked, is a HUGE mistake. It was smart of you to not say anything.:bdid

This. Just sit/stand there and look smug as a bug 'cause it sucks to be moo!

---

lab mom

Quote
Miss_Hannigan

Quote
myrna minkoff
i never never never give breeders advice about their chitlins. i generally don't give advice to anyone about anything unless it's something specific and inocuous, like recommending a hotel.

Seriously. I think some people only ask for advice as a way of pity-whoring.

This, of course. Their lives suck crap, so they want more reassurance they made they right choice. The usual breeder spiel.

---

lab mom

Anytime a Moo asks for an opinion, they don't really want an honest one. They just want to be told their idea is the best thing ever and they should just go along with it. Basically, they want validation and nothing more. If you give them an honest opinion and suggestions that differ from theirs, they'll tell you why each and every one of those suggestions is wrong or will not work, and then tell you you don't understand what she goes through.

The best thing to do is say nothing, so you did good. She wouldn't follow any advice that differed from what she wanted to hear anyway.

Quote
Snark Shark
"In my opionion, you should have the abortion."

"My kyd is TWO YEARS OLD!"

"And you should have asked me SOONER."

:yr

Quote
Snark Shark
"MY opinion? Well, I think you're an idiot and your kyd's a retard. Anything else?"

larious

---

lab mom

In my experience, very few people asking for opinions want the truth.
They are looking for reassurance and validation, especially when they are wrong.