Oopsing friend backed out of abortion

Hello all of you wonderful childfree people. How are we today? This is my first post here so please be kind. My best friend (one of the last ones that did'nt have kids) since childhood abruptly decided she needs a baby. NOW. Regardless of whether or not her boyfriend of only one year wants it or not (he absolutely doesn't. She just turned 20, he's 21). Even though she has a shit job, he has no job, and they're living in her mom's storage room. So much fucking stupidity. She stopped taking her bc pills without telling him. Now she is inpig. Since finding out she's been a raging dickhead about EVERYTHING. He found out about the pills and was rightfully furious, so she reluctantly scheduled an abortion. The whole time leading up to the abortion, she tried to convince him to love the unwanted clump and want to father it. Never worked. Last minute she canceled the much needed aborting, saying she loooves it and doesn't care if he's not ready. He wants to just leave her and sign away parental rights. I agree, but dont want my friend hurt either. He comes to my fiance and I for advice about all this alot, we're not sure what to tell him. We're all good friends, I don't want either to suffer really. Should we tell him to run like hell, or be miserable along with her? Advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.

I know you asked us to be kind, but I doubt you'll get any nice comments about your friend commiting such a deceitful act.

If you really don't want them to suffer tell him to run. Your friend is a dick.

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pelucheux
If you really don't want them to suffer tell him to run. Your friend is a dick.

This.

There are no winners in this situation, but deceit is not tolerated in my book. She deliberately deceived him and now expects him to help perpetuate her lie. She is a bigger douche for dragging you guys into it.

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From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
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I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."

I'm trying very hard to be tactful but I don't have anything nice to say about a supposed adult altering someone else's life so drastically. The idea that he'll "love it once it's here" could not be further from the truth. My advice to the reluctant father is to find a lawyer who can help him sign away parental rights and run like the wind.

You don't just decide sign away parental rights, he's on the hook. They should have been worried about their plight of living in a storage room. I'd be so depressed I wouldn't even be thinking about sex. Your friend is retarded and the bf is stupid. They should name the baybee Storagella.

People are always bleating "what about the childrun" but it applies here. They are both stupid and she is deceitful as well as stupid. But it's the kid who is going to pay the price.

This is coming from someone who is close to the half century mark: It's hard to grow up. It takes hard work to leave your parents and figure out what you are going to do with the rest of your life and become a separate, self-supporting individual. I'm guessing your friend felt the pressure of this and didn't have anything going in her life, so she took the all-too-common,socially-acceptable female escape route. .

People who have kids before they are grown-up people are shitty parents. Give it two years. She'll have a rude awakening and see having a baybee/toadler is really hard and can be unsatisfying and isn''t for the faint of heart or the immature. (That is, if she or her next FOTW doesn't shake the kid to death.) Maybe she'll meet someone who doesn't want her baggage. How many times do you think she'll screech at the kid and tell him/her to STFU and she wishes he/she weren't here? No person deserves to hear that.

You know, people ASSume the childfree are heartless. I am not. I just wish the default were NO CHILDREN and having children were DISCOURAGED, not the be-all and end-all it's portrayed to be.

This is a scenario that is tailor-made for abortion. If she can't bear that, she should adopt out the kid after it's born because she can't take care of it and raise it properly.

Your friend is a dumbass. She's messing up her life, her boyfriend's life and the future kid's life.

You are asking us to be kind, but tell me, does it sound as if she's being kind to anyone in this scenario? She deserves harshness because all she can think about is herself.

My take is similar to Bell's; every baby should be wanted and every baby should be loved. They deserve no less. Yet three quarters of them are brought into this world for the wrong reasons: to land a man, to keep a man, blackmail, empty vessel humans needing completion.

The kid in this case is the one who will suffer. And it doesn't deserve it.

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From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
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I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."

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blondie
You don't just decide sign away parental rights, he's on the hook.

Exactly. Besides, even if he could sign them away, then we'd ALL be on the hook. Unfair. Better the parents pay than the taxpayers, right? After all, in theory at least, that includes reluctant mothers who would rather have chosen adoption (but the fathers got custody).

If you don't like that, use birth control. It isn't rocket science. The only two big things to remember are that 1) you always have to use two artificial methods, and 2) regardless of gender, YOU'RE responsible for preventing a baby you don't want.

BTW, the crazy CF Elizabeth once said (possibly tongue-in-cheek) she was in favor of paternity fraud because at least that way SHE, the taxpayer, wouldn't have to pay when the true father can't be found. I can only hope she wasn't serious. Kids don't ask to be born.

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navi8orgirl
My take is similar to Bell's; every baby should be wanted and every baby should be loved. They deserve no less. Yet three quarters of them are brought into this world for the wrong reasons: to land a man, to keep a man, blackmail, empty vessel humans needing completion.

The kid in this case is the one who will suffer. And it doesn't deserve it.

This! Two idiots write a reality check and the child gets to cash it.

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“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

I'd tell the dude to laywer-up! If he can get some proof that she pulled the goalie, I'd gather that, not that it will do a lot of good.

I would also tell the guy to make it very clear that he will not participate in any of this, other than what is mandated by the state. He will send a check once a month, but have no contact with her or the child. Maybe by being this blunt, he can get your inpig oopsing friend to realize that it's going to suck to be a single moo.

I don't get it. They are young and presumably healthy, why aren't they making plans for themsleves? Their adult life is just beginning - why do this? The economy sucks but people are still living and planning and going on and things do get better. I guess she just wants the welfare check because the unemployed guy isn't going to pay. If he ever does work money will be taken from his check. It's hard to be nice about this because they should be desparately trying to get out of their situation to make a better life for themselves, not creating more obstacles. A lot of guys in his position take off and work crap jobs under the table to avoid paying support and live in cheap motels and drink a lot and do meth. And the little moo gets her precious snowflayke and the grandma raises it and the taxpayers pay. So it goes.

I know this wasn't the question asked in the OP, but I would cut off the oopsing bitch as a friend and wash my hands of this mess. People who stoop to that level will never know the meaning of loyalty and will turn around and stab you right in the back if they have something to gain from it. I speak from experience.

When a former friend of mine backed out of her abortion, everything I told her was going to happen if she kept that kid came true. I told here there would be no more freedom, she would be tied to the asshole for life and you will eventually break up anyway, you will have a ruined body, and no decent man will want a woman with a kid when you do get back on the dating scene. Well, fast-forward to one year later and that was her life at age 25. I think that's why she ended up hating and resenting me, and tried to fuck my ex behind my back. She was also supposed to be my "best friend," so think about that.

If she's okay lying to her boyfriend to get her ow way, then she's definitely capable of lying to everyone else for the same reason. I would tell the guy to run like hell - I think it's far better for a kid to have no father in its life than one who will blatantly resent its existence. Or, at the worst, hurt it physically (shaking it). People who don't want kids ad have them anyway tend to get very very resentful, and even if they try to hide it, it does come through. It's not fair to the kid since they didn't ask to be born, but Duh would take it out on the kid rather than the Moo.

And yeah, I'd also say to cut this friend out of your life. Unless you want her hitting you up for free babysitting all the time or lying to you to get what she wants. Unfortunately, there's no way to prove an oops in court, so the guy can't go the legal route. All he can do is run far, far away and send brat support checks. Or work entirely under the table if he doesn't want to pay. Maybe he could get a restraining order against her so she doesn't try to fob the kid off on him when she's sick of it.

I'd be convincing her to get the abortion for real or give the kid away. The only bad thing is women like her will get to work on a replacement loaf immediately after losing the first one, so the boyfriend would have to keep it in his pants when she's screeching for another baby.

Do they have internet access? Tell the boyfriend to do Google searches on things like "How to kill a baby and make it look like an accident" or "How to make my girlfriend miscarry." Leave it in the history and let her find them. I bet it'd give her a good freak out and show her he does not want a bastard....though it could also give him ideas for real, depending on how desperate he is.

Looks like she's fucked up her life, his life, and ultimately the poor kid's life who will have misfortune of being born to these screwed-up losers. Really she's the one to blame due to not getting an abortion, which should be a moral obligation in such unstable situation. But of course oopsing breeders never care about the kid's wellbeing. The best the father can do is work under table so he doesn't have to pay or simply be stuck with the cunt for next 18 years. I never understand why men don't get a vasectomy before they get oopsed. Theres nothing in domestic life for men as its usually the mother who wants the brat and gets all the control. CS is just another way for her to harass the father.

Yeah, there really is no such thing as 'signing away your rights'.

I think this is some myth that's propagated via daytime talk shows.

I'm going to go one step further here - with advice - to YOU ~

You need to quit ALL of these people as "friends".

Is this the type of trash you want to be involved with? They cannot lift you up, they can only bring you down.

When I was young - I hung around with some questionable people. I got into Uni at 16, and had a part time job - some friends from that - did stupid things. Everything from hard drugs to drunk driving to pregnancy.

By the time I was 18 or so - I saw the 'handwriting on the wall' as they say. I did not want to follow in the path of some of these "friends". And by this time - school had gotten harder.

I had to make the choice to be serious.

These "friends" did not fit with that.

They too had to get serious - taking care of their babies and DUIs.

Of course *I* was the one who wasn't 'fun' anymore. And became a 'snob'. And a 'geek'. And had my 'nose in a book'. But you see - they were jealous. Of the opportunities I still had - which they now did not.

After I finished my first BS, I then went to school in EU and had plenty of real fun partying in the clubs of London, Prague, and Berlin

I was smart. I knew - even young - how to do things 'the right way'. Did it all on a limited budget, too.

Please don't let these people drag you down.

In all honesty - it sounds harsh - but - I would cut the both of them out of your lives.

People can drag you down. And even if you are determined not to take their path - they can still waste your time with their bullshit drama.

Cut 'em off.

People like this can become like a cancer on you. And prevent you from doing your own thing. I've encountered such people often, throughout the years (I'm 36 btw.)

I dated a guy - he was a total Mama's Boy and demanded WAY too much from me. He had to go. He was not benefitting me, only dragging me down. I've met some other friends like this too. They take up too much time, some may call them 'psychic vampires', and they come in all forms, too. Friends, mates, co workers, etc.

Keep your distance. From ANYONE who may distract or derail YOUR plans!

You feel bad for these friends? ITS NOT YOUR MESS.

Say goodbye. They cannot do anything for you and will only drag YOU down.

I realize I didn't give advice of what to tell him.

He should tell her he'll support the kid monetarily if she keeps it, because that's what he is required to do, but he should tell her he'll only fulfill his financial obligations. If she doesn't like the idea of being a single mother, she should give it up for adoption. He should encourage her to do that since she won't get an abortion. And I hope he wraps it up in the future.

You say she's being a dickhead now, so it should be easy. What Zzelda said. She's going to start up with the resentful crap before too long. It's going to get ugly and they are both going to lash out at people who weren't stupid enough to ruin their lives.

Back away slowly from the stupid couple.