Moos Exchange "The Death of a Child is Worse Than Other Death" Stories:rolleyes2
Posted by kidlesskim
http://www.circleofmoms.com/motherhood-after-the-death-of-a-child-pregnancy-infant/how-to-respond-to-person-who-says-losing-a-husband-is-worse-than-a-child-415624#_
Original Moo Lowing::Violin
How to respond to person who says losing a husband is worse than a child? How do you respond to this? Its been 11 year since my goregous Ben lost his fight with cancer, does his death mean any less or ache differently because he was a child and not a husband - some people are just so bloody insensitive....I am trying to figure out HOW this topic even came up if her loaf has been dead ELEVEN YEARS? I'd guess a co-worker recently lost her husband and this Moo was trying to cash in and TRUMP her pain by saying some shit like, "You DON'T KNOW GRIEF until YOU lose a chylllld!", in which case the co-worker probably(and rightfully so) responded, "My husband's death is worse than your stupid loaf's death a fucking DECADE ago,you cunt!".
The Stampede
There is absolutely no way in my mind that losing a husband or wife can be worse than losing your child. A spouse is a spouse until "Death Do Us Part" or a divorce. Many people remarry after spouses die or get divorced. You cannot ever replace your child. Your child is part of you. You brought them into the world and your connection to them is forever. They will always be known as your child in life or death. A deceased spouse is no longer your spouse. I'm sure losing a husband or wife is a very traumatic thing but I fail to see how that compares to a child. As someone else said it is not the natural way for children to predecease their parents. Most parents would give their own lives to save their children. I know that I would. People who have not lost children should not comment on such. In fact, they shouldn't comment, period. It's rude and insensitive.: Maybe SHE can "replace" her husband and maybe SHE no longer considers her deceased husband her spouse, but she certainly doesn't speak for everyone!:BS
I am a wife and a mother, both my husband and I feel the loss of one of our sons would be much, much worse to bear than the loss of each other. JEEZ, they've discussed it? These cows simply must not love their husbands very much, is all I can imagine.
When my son Lucas died someone said this to me. "When you lose a parent, spouse, sibling, friend, ect... you lose a part of your past. But when you lose a child, you lose part of your future." It is the most painful experience a person can go through, losing a child. MY GOD how preposterous! That doesn't even make any sense, unless she's referring to that "second chance" she won't be getting to relive her own life.
I too would not even respond to someone who is being so insensitive to you. Here is something to think about
If you loose a spouse you are a Widow/ widower
if you loose a parent you are an orphan
but there is no word for the parent left behind when they loose a child
why is that, I think because there is no word great enough to exspress theat kind of loss.. How about, "kidless".
Losing a child is the hardest thing any person will ever go through. You expect that there is a possibility that you will outlive your spouse. You know that you will outlive your parents. You should not outlive your children. NO ONE KNOWS when someone might die or how, usually. There are no guarantees a child will outlive it's parents either. I fail to see why it's so SHOCKING a kid might die first. Kids died first ALL THE TIME back before modern medicine could save them and still often do!!:headbrick
Personally, i would tell them to give me their opinion after they've lost one of their kids. NOTHING in this world can compare to the loss of a child, you gave birth to it. Losing a husband can be sad, but at least they were grown. They shouldn't say that to you unless they've lost both. So, not even the parent of an adult child who died is allowed to make a comment then?
People are sometimes ignorant and insensitive. I had a co-worker tell me(3 weeks after my son died) that she knew exactly how I felt, she lost her husband in an accident 10 years ago. I couldn't believe she had just compared the two! I forced a smile on my face, and told her I was so sorry to hear about that, and also that I hoped she would never have to learn the difference between losing a husband or losing a child. Then I walked off. Maybe it was a bit cold, but I was totally shocked. What a sensitive thing to say to someone who was obviously trying to comfort her by sharing her own feelings of loss and pain.
They don't understand. When it's ur child, u carried them 9 months. When u lose them it's like a part of u died. u have to find who u r without them. the part of u that's left has to learn to compensate for the part of u that's here. Being married u r as one but a child actually has ur blood running through it's veins. It's a different loss all together. It's only been 4 years since my Jackie was killed in car accident. It's hard to go on sometimes. Anyways if u need to talk I am here. We all gotta live on this earth. We may as well help each other through it. At least I think so. SO, they are also alienating Moos who lose adopted or step children. It HAS to be a biological minor child loss, or it doesn't "count". They probably have "trumps" based on age and manner of death too, which I have outlined in my "Moo Hierarchy Of Kid Death" in the past.:BS
a husband is not someone you grow inside you, he is not part of your flesh! although I am sure it hurts deeply there is nothing or no one closer to your heart than your own flesh and blood!! when my twins passed away it was and is the hardest thing in the world to deal with! I however have a drama queen of a sister in law that thinks her pain over my daughters is worse than mine so i know how you feel with insensitive people putting their nose where it does not belong! THIS cunt takes the trump card a step further and alienates fathers. So, in conclusion, to REALLY understand grief, you have to be a Moo who has lost a biological minor child.:BS
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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!
Original Moo Lowing::Violin
How to respond to person who says losing a husband is worse than a child? How do you respond to this? Its been 11 year since my goregous Ben lost his fight with cancer, does his death mean any less or ache differently because he was a child and not a husband - some people are just so bloody insensitive....I am trying to figure out HOW this topic even came up if her loaf has been dead ELEVEN YEARS? I'd guess a co-worker recently lost her husband and this Moo was trying to cash in and TRUMP her pain by saying some shit like, "You DON'T KNOW GRIEF until YOU lose a chylllld!", in which case the co-worker probably(and rightfully so) responded, "My husband's death is worse than your stupid loaf's death a fucking DECADE ago,you cunt!".
The Stampede
There is absolutely no way in my mind that losing a husband or wife can be worse than losing your child. A spouse is a spouse until "Death Do Us Part" or a divorce. Many people remarry after spouses die or get divorced. You cannot ever replace your child. Your child is part of you. You brought them into the world and your connection to them is forever. They will always be known as your child in life or death. A deceased spouse is no longer your spouse. I'm sure losing a husband or wife is a very traumatic thing but I fail to see how that compares to a child. As someone else said it is not the natural way for children to predecease their parents. Most parents would give their own lives to save their children. I know that I would. People who have not lost children should not comment on such. In fact, they shouldn't comment, period. It's rude and insensitive.: Maybe SHE can "replace" her husband and maybe SHE no longer considers her deceased husband her spouse, but she certainly doesn't speak for everyone!:BS
I am a wife and a mother, both my husband and I feel the loss of one of our sons would be much, much worse to bear than the loss of each other. JEEZ, they've discussed it? These cows simply must not love their husbands very much, is all I can imagine.
When my son Lucas died someone said this to me. "When you lose a parent, spouse, sibling, friend, ect... you lose a part of your past. But when you lose a child, you lose part of your future." It is the most painful experience a person can go through, losing a child. MY GOD how preposterous! That doesn't even make any sense, unless she's referring to that "second chance" she won't be getting to relive her own life.
I too would not even respond to someone who is being so insensitive to you. Here is something to think about
If you loose a spouse you are a Widow/ widower
if you loose a parent you are an orphan
but there is no word for the parent left behind when they loose a child
why is that, I think because there is no word great enough to exspress theat kind of loss.. How about, "kidless".
Losing a child is the hardest thing any person will ever go through. You expect that there is a possibility that you will outlive your spouse. You know that you will outlive your parents. You should not outlive your children. NO ONE KNOWS when someone might die or how, usually. There are no guarantees a child will outlive it's parents either. I fail to see why it's so SHOCKING a kid might die first. Kids died first ALL THE TIME back before modern medicine could save them and still often do!!:headbrick
Personally, i would tell them to give me their opinion after they've lost one of their kids. NOTHING in this world can compare to the loss of a child, you gave birth to it. Losing a husband can be sad, but at least they were grown. They shouldn't say that to you unless they've lost both. So, not even the parent of an adult child who died is allowed to make a comment then?
People are sometimes ignorant and insensitive. I had a co-worker tell me(3 weeks after my son died) that she knew exactly how I felt, she lost her husband in an accident 10 years ago. I couldn't believe she had just compared the two! I forced a smile on my face, and told her I was so sorry to hear about that, and also that I hoped she would never have to learn the difference between losing a husband or losing a child. Then I walked off. Maybe it was a bit cold, but I was totally shocked. What a sensitive thing to say to someone who was obviously trying to comfort her by sharing her own feelings of loss and pain.
They don't understand. When it's ur child, u carried them 9 months. When u lose them it's like a part of u died. u have to find who u r without them. the part of u that's left has to learn to compensate for the part of u that's here. Being married u r as one but a child actually has ur blood running through it's veins. It's a different loss all together. It's only been 4 years since my Jackie was killed in car accident. It's hard to go on sometimes. Anyways if u need to talk I am here. We all gotta live on this earth. We may as well help each other through it. At least I think so. SO, they are also alienating Moos who lose adopted or step children. It HAS to be a biological minor child loss, or it doesn't "count". They probably have "trumps" based on age and manner of death too, which I have outlined in my "Moo Hierarchy Of Kid Death" in the past.:BS
a husband is not someone you grow inside you, he is not part of your flesh! although I am sure it hurts deeply there is nothing or no one closer to your heart than your own flesh and blood!! when my twins passed away it was and is the hardest thing in the world to deal with! I however have a drama queen of a sister in law that thinks her pain over my daughters is worse than mine so i know how you feel with insensitive people putting their nose where it does not belong! THIS cunt takes the trump card a step further and alienates fathers. So, in conclusion, to REALLY understand grief, you have to be a Moo who has lost a biological minor child.:BS
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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!
Quote
kidlesskim
I am a wife and a mother, both my husband and I feel the loss of one of our sons would be much, much worse to bear than the loss of each other. JEEZ, they've discussed it? These cows simply must not love their husbands very much, is all I can imagine.
How much do you wanna' bet this insensitive cow's husband is having an affair with someone who actually cares about him?
MOOOO; People are sometimes ignorant and insensitive. I had a co-worker tell me(3 weeks after my son died) that she knew exactly how I felt, she lost her husband in an accident 10 years ago. I couldn't believe she had just compared the two! I forced a smile on my face, and told her I was so sorry to hear about that, and also that I hoped she would never have to learn the difference between losing a husband or losing a child. Then I walked off. Maybe it was a bit cold, but I was totally shocked.
This is particularly infuriating to me!
I understand that she's grieving, but who THE HELL is she to treat another person like this, when they are trying their best to console her for her loss? Especially by sharing a particularly tragic loss in their OWN life?
Maybe if some mooo comes lowing to me about the loss of her loaf, I'll just offer her a forced smile, tell her to jump in the sack with her sperm donor and go make another one. It doesn't pay to offer any kindness to these vile, repugnant bitches.
This is particularly infuriating to me!
I understand that she's grieving, but who THE HELL is she to treat another person like this, when they are trying their best to console her for her loss? Especially by sharing a particularly tragic loss in their OWN life?
Maybe if some mooo comes lowing to me about the loss of her loaf, I'll just offer her a forced smile, tell her to jump in the sack with her sperm donor and go make another one. It doesn't pay to offer any kindness to these vile, repugnant bitches.
WTF do they mean you can't replace a child? People do it all the time - Junior kicks out for whatever reason and if Moo and Duh didn't kill the kid themselves, they're usually working on a replacement baby within a month of the first kid's death. And they do their best to mold the new kid into an exact cookie cutter replica of the first one (which often fails because if the kid died before it had a chance to screw up much, s/he will be perfect in the parents' eyes, so when the replacement kid fucks up, they'll know pretty clearly how they don't measure up to Deadleigh).
There is no scale on which to gauge grief - some people won't bat an eye when a relative dies. Some people need a week off work to mourn their gerbil dying. If these cunts would cry more over their kids than their husbands, then fine, but that doesn't mean that's how everyone else should goddamn feel too. What a lot of breeders feel toward their kids, IMHO, is not actual love. It's pride - they're so proud of their little pouches of DNA which they themselves made with their bodies. Like a little kid who makes a half-decent cookie in an Easy Bake Oven - they don't love that cookie. They are proud of it, but they might still say they love it. If you step on that cookie, the kid will cry - not because they "love" that cookie, but because you took their work and ruined it. You stepped on their pride.
This isn't to say that it can't be upsetting for someone to lose their child because there are the occasional few parents out there who DO love their kids. These also are the same people who love their spouses and would actually care if their wife/husband died. But as we've seen so much evidence of, there are a lot of people out there who just do not love their kids - they put up with them. Let us also not overlook the fact that kids are the source of crazy checks and free gubmint money for many breeders, so Junior dying means loss of income sometimes. I'd be sad over a big pay cut too.
Sometimes I think breeders just mourn their dead kids because they just spent X number of years and XXXXX dollars trying to raise their loaf into a grown dick trophy/living proof of their fertile loins and when it dies, it means all that money and effort was for naught. Kind of like a farmer who nurtures their crops with fertilizers and proper care and watering, only to have the whole field eaten by animals and insects. I think it's less grief over the loss of the product and more grief over the loss of effort, time and money spent trying to go from start to finish and having nothing to show for it.
I think if someone can say "a child's death is worse than a spouse's death" without missing a beat, their spouse was probably nothing more to them than a sperm donor, incubator, wallet, or someone they fucked once and stayed with due to pignancy. This is what you sign up for if you marry a breeder or breed with someone - you no longer matter to them, or just not nearly as much. If both you and the kid died, Moo would probably cry over Junior and not at all over her husband because pfff, she can go marry someone else! Husbands are a dime a dozen! You totally can't make another kid once the one you had dies.
eyes2
There is no scale on which to gauge grief - some people won't bat an eye when a relative dies. Some people need a week off work to mourn their gerbil dying. If these cunts would cry more over their kids than their husbands, then fine, but that doesn't mean that's how everyone else should goddamn feel too. What a lot of breeders feel toward their kids, IMHO, is not actual love. It's pride - they're so proud of their little pouches of DNA which they themselves made with their bodies. Like a little kid who makes a half-decent cookie in an Easy Bake Oven - they don't love that cookie. They are proud of it, but they might still say they love it. If you step on that cookie, the kid will cry - not because they "love" that cookie, but because you took their work and ruined it. You stepped on their pride.
This isn't to say that it can't be upsetting for someone to lose their child because there are the occasional few parents out there who DO love their kids. These also are the same people who love their spouses and would actually care if their wife/husband died. But as we've seen so much evidence of, there are a lot of people out there who just do not love their kids - they put up with them. Let us also not overlook the fact that kids are the source of crazy checks and free gubmint money for many breeders, so Junior dying means loss of income sometimes. I'd be sad over a big pay cut too.
Sometimes I think breeders just mourn their dead kids because they just spent X number of years and XXXXX dollars trying to raise their loaf into a grown dick trophy/living proof of their fertile loins and when it dies, it means all that money and effort was for naught. Kind of like a farmer who nurtures their crops with fertilizers and proper care and watering, only to have the whole field eaten by animals and insects. I think it's less grief over the loss of the product and more grief over the loss of effort, time and money spent trying to go from start to finish and having nothing to show for it.
I think if someone can say "a child's death is worse than a spouse's death" without missing a beat, their spouse was probably nothing more to them than a sperm donor, incubator, wallet, or someone they fucked once and stayed with due to pignancy. This is what you sign up for if you marry a breeder or breed with someone - you no longer matter to them, or just not nearly as much. If both you and the kid died, Moo would probably cry over Junior and not at all over her husband because pfff, she can go marry someone else! Husbands are a dime a dozen! You totally can't make another kid once the one you had dies.
eyes2It's an extremely self absorbed person who would dismiss or diminish another person's suffering and place their own on a higher level. EVEN IF I have lost my own mother, I can't possibly know how someone else would feel if he-she lost their mom. Even if these cows have lost a child, they can't know that's any more painful than another woman who lost hers. I don't pretend to think MY suffering, whatever it may be, is worse, more important, or more worthy of "time off" for grieving than the next person's loss. In fact, some people, myself included, do better emotionally when we "jump back in" and try to resume our normal activities after a devastating personal loss. It doesn't mean we were less affected by that loss than another person who can't get out of bed in the morning, we just handle it differently, which isn't necessarily "better", it's just different.
One thing that has ALWAYS annoyed the piss out of me is when people say tings like, "You are so lucky! You are able to continue on as if nothing happened!", on the occasions in my life when I have seemingly "bounced back" after a huge personal loss. No, it ISN'T like nothing happened, I just don't like to wear my emotions on my sleeve and leave myself open to pity. Not that the typical moo could understand, but I do NOT enjoy the sympathy or the back rubbing that goes on when I am suffering on the outside. Like many people, I PREFER to grieve in private. I wouldn't ever be someone who threw my body across a coffin, created and organized candle light vigils, or in any way solicited, directly or indirectly, an outpouring of public sympathy.
While I appreciate "I understand" messages from people in most any form, well meaning acts of kindness in words or actions during trying times, and someone going the extra mile to lighten my pain such as a thoughtful card, call, or email, I do NOT like some of the shit these moos do which is to basically solicit prolonged sympathy from the masses. I have been so depressed from a personal loss before that a chicken casserole could bring tears to my eyes because I was hungry, but too devastated to even nuke a tv dinner, but by and large I prefer to do my deep grieving alone and without fanfare. My pain is no worse than anyone else's though and even though I may feel like I am alone in my grief, logic dictates to me that simply isn't so. WHY can't Moos see this, we might wonder? I honestly believe it's because they are SO SELFISH they are literally blinded by their own self centeredness.
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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!
One thing that has ALWAYS annoyed the piss out of me is when people say tings like, "You are so lucky! You are able to continue on as if nothing happened!", on the occasions in my life when I have seemingly "bounced back" after a huge personal loss. No, it ISN'T like nothing happened, I just don't like to wear my emotions on my sleeve and leave myself open to pity. Not that the typical moo could understand, but I do NOT enjoy the sympathy or the back rubbing that goes on when I am suffering on the outside. Like many people, I PREFER to grieve in private. I wouldn't ever be someone who threw my body across a coffin, created and organized candle light vigils, or in any way solicited, directly or indirectly, an outpouring of public sympathy.
While I appreciate "I understand" messages from people in most any form, well meaning acts of kindness in words or actions during trying times, and someone going the extra mile to lighten my pain such as a thoughtful card, call, or email, I do NOT like some of the shit these moos do which is to basically solicit prolonged sympathy from the masses. I have been so depressed from a personal loss before that a chicken casserole could bring tears to my eyes because I was hungry, but too devastated to even nuke a tv dinner, but by and large I prefer to do my deep grieving alone and without fanfare. My pain is no worse than anyone else's though and even though I may feel like I am alone in my grief, logic dictates to me that simply isn't so. WHY can't Moos see this, we might wonder? I honestly believe it's because they are SO SELFISH they are literally blinded by their own self centeredness.
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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!
These cunts are so full of themselves! I got into this very discussion the other day with a moo at work :headbrick Everyone grieves differently and there is no way to know how hard the other person is taking a loss unless you are that person. Hell, a person could be just as devastated after losing a best friend, an uncle they have been taking care of for years, or a devoted pet. In my profession, I make it a point to never say "I know what you are going through" no matter who the person has lost, since everybody experiences grief differently. I just offer my condolences and help them out to the best of my ability.
There are also some moos out there who will "play up" their grief in public so they can get more attention, sympathy and support. It is more "acceptable" to lobby to the public for funds for the kyd's funeral, even when many funeral homes will offer deep discounts for child funerals when the child is still a minor. Or, in cases of loaf deaths, services will be done complementary, at no cost to the family, they only have to pay for merchandise and, if burial, the "Baybee Land" plot will only cost a couple to a few hundred at most! It doesn't make sense to me: when an adult dies, the family will have to pay thousands of dollars, even for a cremation, yet it is seen as "begging" to lobby for funds for the funeral. But when a minor kyd dies, it is acceptable to raise funds for the funeral that costs next to nothing because moo and duh "have suffered enough".
There are also some moos out there who will "play up" their grief in public so they can get more attention, sympathy and support. It is more "acceptable" to lobby to the public for funds for the kyd's funeral, even when many funeral homes will offer deep discounts for child funerals when the child is still a minor. Or, in cases of loaf deaths, services will be done complementary, at no cost to the family, they only have to pay for merchandise and, if burial, the "Baybee Land" plot will only cost a couple to a few hundred at most! It doesn't make sense to me: when an adult dies, the family will have to pay thousands of dollars, even for a cremation, yet it is seen as "begging" to lobby for funds for the funeral. But when a minor kyd dies, it is acceptable to raise funds for the funeral that costs next to nothing because moo and duh "have suffered enough".
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