Whoa! Prudie gave decent advice to the subject of mentally ill people breeding

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Dear Prudence,
I am getting married next year and my fiancé and I both love children and see ourselves having kids. Recently, though, I have been concerned about what having children will mean for us. Both of us have been diagnosed with mental illness that we’ve dealt with throughout our lives. My fiancé has social anxiety and is often reluctant to leave the house. He has turned to alcohol in order to cope with his anxiety, but he has rarely had an episode of binge drinking in our three years together. I have obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, and was recently diagnosed with PTSD as the result of an abusive relationship in my teens. I've been hospitalized for depression and have attempted suicide. I’m wondering if we are the sort of people who should not be having children. The rituals and compulsions I experience from my OCD are mostly linked to household activities, and I am frightened of what might happen if my child disturbs a routine. When that happens, I become agitated to the point of a panic attack or a verbal outburst. My fiancé knows there are things he can't do because of this (open the curtains, take plates out of cupboards, etc.), but I don't see how a child will comprehend this. I'm on medication, but nothing seems to stop it entirely. I work with children and would love kids of my own, but I don't want to raise kids in an oppressive and possibly abusive household. Please help!

—Don't Want To Be a Mommie Dearest

Dear Don’t,
You should be praised for thinking through with the greatest gravity what it would mean for the two of you to have children. I hope both of you have real therapists, not just someone managing your medications. If not, as a couple you should engage someone, say a social worker, who can explore all the issues you raise. You both sound as if you’re generally stable, but also somewhat fragile. As you have acknowledged, dealing with mental illness, especially multiple conditions, is a lifetime struggle. Even with the greatest vigilance and compliance with medications, the course of an illness can be unpredictable. You love kids and have been able to overcome tremendous obstacles to work with children. But while your job has time limits, you can’t clock out at the end of each day when you’re a parent. Because of your training and experience, you and your husband might want to consider becoming foster parents. You could start with short-term placements, which would allow you both to help kids in need and see how it feels to have children living in your home. If it turns out you aren’t approved to provide foster care, that’s not a final judgment, but it’s something serious to contemplate. Additionally, you two should meet with a genetic counselor to talk about both your families’ medical histories. But you are asking for my opinion, and based on your description, I don’t think you two right now are candidates for taking on the overwhelming nature of child-rearing. I say this reluctantly and as someone who has mental illness in my family, so I wrestled with the question of my genetic legacy. Whether or not you decide to have children, you’ve already shown that those with serious mental illness can have productive lives filled with love.

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Snark Shark
" I’m wondering if we are the sort of people who should not be having children."

@#%#@$^%#^$#$ OF COURSE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

clinical depression is something I actually DO know about, and anyone intentionaly putting their kyds through THAT (by passing it ON to them, or by attempting to raise them with it) is a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Feeling suicidal for NO apparent reason FUCKING SUCKS.