To the little shits sitting behind me at the movies...

It was bad enough that you sat right behind me, snorting loogies and putting your feet up right beside my head and kicking the seats. It also sounded like you were giving your snacks and drinks blowjobs. But then after I finally got up and movef to the next row up and took my mother with me, you threw popcorn at the back of my head. I would have like nothing better than to throw you down ans stomp on your little kneecaps until you squealed in agony. I may have also fantasized about running you over with my vehicle, but I didn't want to go to jail or miss any of the movie. I hope you get whooping cough because your breeders obviously don't give a shit so you're probably not vaccinated. To the handlers of these useless little cretins, I hope rabid ferrets chew off your genitals.

Sincerely, Shiny the Tolkien fan

What age and gender were they, Shiny?

One boy, one girl, in the 10-12 range.

I haven't been to a movie theatre since 2000 when I saw Cast Away with Tom Hanks. I loathe the crowds of rude and noisy people, the way over priced concessions, and the inability to go to the rest room without missing a part of the movie. I gave our local drive in theatre a try a few years ago and it wasn't much better due to people dragging their little kids, and allowing them to roam, wail, bellow out, and otherwise ruin the movie for others, to an R rated movie they couldn't possibly understand or be interested in seeing. If if can't be rented, purchased, or seen on Netflix then I guess I just won't be seeing it.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

I haven't been to the movies since the summer.

And even then, I was going to the matinees where nobody was there except a few people. In all fairness, I have seen people far older than Shiny's tormentors acting the same way.

God, I hate people.

Generally I try to hit matinees, too, but I guess today being a holiday shot that out of the water. These people always show up at the last minute, and always sit by me, and I tend to try and sit just as far away as everyone else as possible. Unless I know you, I do NOT want to sit with you at the movies. We are not friends. I waited until after this one had been out a while on purpose to avoid crowds. Bah. Peter Jackson did some weird stuff, too.

If this happens more than once the next time you go eat a LARGE helping of beans before you go. Then spend the whole movie crop dusting the little shits.

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“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

That's why I've been waiting patiently for school to resume before going to see Skyfall. Plus, since it's been out for a while, people hopefully have gotten their fill.

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"Why children take so long to grow? They eat and drink like pig and give nothing back. Must find way to accelerate process..."
- Dr. Yi Suchong, Bioshock

"Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born."
- Garrett Hardin

"I feel like there's a message involved here somehow, but then I couldn't stop laughing at all the plotholes, like the part when North Korea has food."
- Youtube commentor referring to a North Korean cartoon.

"Reality is a bitch when it slowly crawls out of your vagina and shits in your lap."
- Reddit comment

"Bitch wants a baby, so we're gonna fuck now. #bareback"
- Cambion

Oh whatever. Abortion doctors are crimestoppers."
- Miss Hannigan

I haven't been to the movies since the last Tolkien trilogy was in the theaters. I can't deal with people anymore. I just want to stand up and scream at them when they make noise. Either I've gotten more sensitive as I've gotten older, or people are more rude than they used to be. I want to see the Hobbit, but I fear it will be ruined by other people.

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I miss my little feather baby.

I have a rule when it comes to spawn in movies. Get them tossed as soon as they fuck with me. I enjoy the movies. I enjoy their over priced popcorn. I think it's a fun date night. I refuse to be fucked with by spawn. If said spawn are teenagers they would have gotten my soda over their heads very quickly. They would also be told to shut up when they scream about it.

Like I said, I really wanted to, but I would have missed part of my movie. I thought moving had fixed the problem, but a few minutes later there was DEFINITELY something hitting me in the back of the head. It's The Hobbit. A children's story with enough CG and ad-libbing from Peter Jackson to appease even the shortest attention span, but it was obviously beyond the comprehension of these little cumstains. I really was having the most violent fantasies, it was awful.

That's why whenever I went to movies I would always sit in the last row; I spent what seemed like three lifetimes dealing with people kicking the back of my seat when I was in school so there's no way I'd want to deal with that as an adult.

Or wait until it's just about ready for the theater to stop showing the movie, almost no one is there. It was like that when we went to see The Two Towers. It literally was the last day it was playing, a weekday afternoon, too. Huge theater, stadium seating, and we were the ONLY ones in there. I can't tell you how glorious it was.

Opening shows are hit and miss, although most of the ones I've been to were great, especially for sequels. We saw the opening showings for the second and third Pirates of the Caribbean films and it was amazing, the audience was so into it. Also Return of the King.

Oops, my geek is showing.

The hobbit was terrible. I loved the first 3 movies. But the hobbit.....nothing happened really....when you finally think you're getting to the climax the credits hit. Everyone in the movie theatre(it was packed) left frowning talking about how terrible it was, how disappointed they were and how glad they were to leave. My mom and I spent $20 on the tickets, $8 for one bag of popcorn just to end up with a sore back/butt and struggle to not fall asleep. Its not worth your time in my opinion, if anyone is planning on going. The acting/costumes/animation/music were okay to excellent but the way it was executed was just plain bad. I regretted not trusting the ratings. I wish there were screaming brats so I would've gave up on the movie sooner and just left.

I saw the new "Woman in Black" a few moths ago, and the theater was graced with the presence of three 12-13 year old boys. They were skeered of the scary lady and all the jumpy bits. During one particularly intense scene they made a lot of noise. I was pissed by that point, so I became the noisy asshole, albeit for just a few seconds: "SHUT UP YOU LITTLE BITCHES!"

And they did.

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michaela

"A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter." -Jonathan Swift, A Modest Proposal

I would have told them to shut the fuck up, and I have done that before. They WILL shut the fuck up, trust me. This wasn't at the movies, but I was the "scary, mean lady" not long ago when I told some little cumstains that if they any one of those snowballs they were throwing hit me, there would be a foot up their ass.

Rude people of all ages are the reason I haven't set foot into a movie theater since 2007. There's a lady that passes by my job with dvd quality bootlegs for $5 and I just get one of those when I want to see something that's in the theater.

My BF and I are so fortunate to live in a town where there is a kick-ass little nonprofit arthouse theatre where no one ever brings their little shits. I have never seen a child in there one time and I have been going since 2008. It's always older people in their 40's and 50's. It is NOT state of the art, it's an OLD theater with smaller screens and old seats, but you go and tickets and concessions for two people including popcorn AND large sodas will run you less than $25 (with our military and student IDs). They exist through both ticket sales and sponsorships and donations. It's fucking fabulous. It is ALWAYS a fantastic night out for us. It's always quiet, clean, and classy. It's small and there are no video games in the lobby, gaggles of screaming idiots, etc.

They have four screens and show recent releases as well as foreign films and independent films. It's an experience and we never go to the regular theaters anymore. It's in a good area of town where the incomes and rents are higher and there are upscale gourmet eateries nearby as well as affordable fare.

Those of you who live in larger cities can see if you have an indie/arthouse theater, some big cities have them and they are definately an entirely different experience than your AMC-type places which are normally way overpriced.

Last time I went to a movie was in 2000 to "how the grinch stole christmas". With a lady friend and her well behaved two girls. If I want to see a movie I buy the DVD as it comes out. I prefer to go to see live dirty comedians on stage. Ron White and Lisa Lampanelli, in the last two years. And, no brats.

Last movie my wife and I went to, a couple of cell phones went off during the film. We shut our phones off just before it started, why can't others do the same?

JD

That places sounds like heaven law.

Excellent idea.

I had an experience with mouthbreathers when I saw The Hobbit a few weeks ago with my BF. As we walked in, I noticed a few children sitting in the audience and I thought "oh shit". I didn't hear a peep from them, but had to endure foolish behavior by the adults who were sitting near us in the back row. The woman about two seats down from me could have walked right out of "Idiocracy". She was loudly slurping her soda and opening random cellophane-covered packages while guffawing at every single part of the film. At the end of the row, a group of teenagers kept running up and down the stairs. We noticed that they left a mess after the movie. Don't even get me started on the amount of glowing cell phone screens that were causing a distraction.

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