She finally went there...

I need to bitch for a minute.

I have a moo friend who is constantly asking me for help with things. Even before she sprogged (first kyd is under 2 years, second is on the way), her and her husband were always asking me to help them move and shit like that.

When her kyd was born, I told her under no uncertain terms that I will not babysit. I wanted to be clear because she is CONSTANTLY asking me to dogsit, which I hate as well (love dogs, but don't want to watch yours).

So in one single day, she asked me to dogsit twice and, AND watch her kyd, to include: feeding him, bathing him, putting him to bed, and diaper service, all so that she can attend some bullshit art class. Her house is one Amazon delivery away from qualifying to be on the show "Hoarders," I would have to drive there on a Tuesday after work in D.C. traffic, AND her kyd is one of the more obnoxious ones I know. He's a fucking screamer and she doesn't correct that behavior.

I told her again that I did not feel comfortable babysitting and to not ask me again. It helps that I have a work function that evening anyway so she couldn't protest much.

I really liked this woman when I met her years ago and now she just sucks. Her and her family are moving away in a couple of months, so problem solved, but I'm sure I'll be at the top of the list to help her clean house and pack, especially since she's expecting another chyld and hubby will be galavanting about Europe for work during the worst of it.

Do any of you have friends like this who just *DON'T FUCKING GET IT?!* Why is this friendship all about what I can do for them?! I NEVER ask my friends for help, I simply deal with my own bullshit. Why can't the favor be returned?

:Violin

I have had to cut off several friends for the same reason. I make it explicitly clear to everyone that knows me that I can't stand kids and will not EVER babysit for ANYONE. Not even when my own brother has kids and yes, I told him that.

Over the last year or so, I started hearing little hints here and there from a couple with two kids that I was friends with about babysitting. So I stopped taking their calls and don't call them back anymore. And if I ever run into them again, I will tell them why. No offense to you guys who have friends who are parents, but in my experience it simply does not work. They only care about what they can get out of you once they have kids, whether it's in the form of endless parties/showers for gift grabs or free babysitting. Fuck parents.

I would suggest that you turn off your phone and send any emails to the spam folder until Moocherella moves. It doesn't sound as if there's much of a friendship anymore, so why should you put yourself out helping her move.

After a certain point in life, you don't ask people to help you move, you hire movers, pack your stuff up and generally deal with it all yourself.

Suggestion: Read about what a "People Pleaser" is and how to disengage from this behavior.

I too avoid people with kids entirely. For people who might pester me to watch their kids - first of all - this has never happened to me. But if it would I would simply point out that I have a weak immune system and must avoid germs. Possibly backed up with: I have never interacted with a small child. I'd very well likely feed it beer or lock it in the bathroom. Eg. - no experience, not qualified, no can do.

If they kept it up (at which point you'd have to assume the person is an asshole who views you as a doormat) - a great big loud and clear NO would follow.

I have a friend who would continually ask me for small favors, from making her web accounts (because she was too lazy to try to figure it out) to buying games for her (I did buy one for her birthday, but that's it). I finally told her that she needs to do things herself and if she didn't knock it off, that was the end of our friendship. She pouted for a while, even tried to have her boyfriend threaten me (saying I better not hurt her; she cried that I was being mean), but she gave it up pretty quick and hasn't asked me to do anything for her since.

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"Be yourself, no matter what. Some will adore you, and some will hate everything about you, but who cares?

It's your life. Make the most out of it."

I don't mind helping out close friends with moving and such, if I have time. But it's often a one-time deal. If someone is always approaching for help, I have no qualms about telling them, "Sorry, that won't work."

And though I work with children for a living, and find it a satisfying career, I do not work with kids for free. It's a hard limit for me. There's been exactly one time I've watched a kid for free, and that was a present to the parents--when their baby arrived, DH and I told them we'd give them an evening of free babysitting on an evening of their choosing so they could go out on a nice date.

Starbelly, it sounds like your friend doesn't want to plan things out, or won't accept things that don't "fit" (like your no-babysitting policy). She KNEW she'd have art class that day, so she should be arranging for paid childcare and pet-sitting. You've told her you are not a source for that. Repeatedly crossing that line is just flat-out rude. Hopefully she and her spouse are talking NOW about how the packing and moving will happen, since they KNOW he'll be gone and she'll be incredibly pregnant. They have time to make arrangements. If they say they can't afford movers, then I guess they get to stay put.

In the 40 years that I have spent on your planet, I have never once babysat....and I intend to keep it that way. Like Zzelda I have no experience with kyds and wouldn't have the faintest idea how to get a nappy out of the packet, let alone how to put it on a screaming, writhing babby body.
A friend of mine is about to drop at the end of this month, but I'm pretty sure she's going to be a PNB and I know she would never ask me to babysit.

NEWSFLASH:
Most Breeders are takers.

They will keep targeting you unless you make yourself unavailable or become very assertive for your personal boundaries.

Quote
cassia
NEWSFLASH:
Most Breeders are takers.

They will keep targeting you unless you make yourself unavailable or become very assertive for your personal boundaries.

Very true. A friend of mine who had a lot of brats by different guys (a different girl mentioned in the other thread) asked me to loaf-sit after I hadn't seen her in a long time. She was living with some dude, and apparently they were desperate to get out and run some errands.

Stupidly, I agreed because I thought she needed help. WHAT A NIGHTMARE!!!

Her kyds were unruly, loud and constantly fought over everything. By the time they got back, I insisted she take me home, as I don't drive. Of course, I didn't get paid, either.

It was the last I ever saw or heard from her - thankfully. She was my best friend in our teen years, and I just can't believe she could throw her life away like that...and a friendship to boot!

Breeders just take and take and take...and they will dispose of you the moment they feel you are no longer any good to them.

Had to log back in to comment on this one....

Starbelly, you have every right to be mad. My sister, she has seven kids, used to try to get me to baby-sit. Even though she knew I was uncomfortable around kids (especially babies) and I NEVER baby-sat when I was a teenager. The shit she would pull was I would drive out to visit the family (they lived an hour away...) and she and her husband would go off and run errands! God that used to piss me off and now we hardly speak to each other.

I admit I felt bad because I only have one sister. But my mother has been very supportive and caring. And she recently admited that she doesn't even want to deal with my sister and her family because of they way they act/ carry themselves and because they take too much.

What really helped me to finally be at peace with the situation was when my oldest niece said she understood that I was uncomfortable and held no ill- will towards me. The more I talk to her the more I realize she is her own person. I am impressed. (The others, I'm not so sure about...)

NOBODY asks me to babysit. Why would they? I don't know how to take care of brats, and I'd make a royal mess of it.

Problem solved. Just tell your silly friend that you don't like brats and don't know how to take care of them. Your silly friend certainly wouldn't want to put her pwecious offspring at risk in the hands of someone who wasn't a competent care giver, now would she???