DuhCamp Chronicles: Bum High Fives and Groundings

http://www.Dad-camp.com. Look at the posts "What Is a Bum High Five?" and "How Do You Ground Kids?"
“That is a bum high five.”

I call that a light spanking.

“Charlie invented it last week. No idea why, no idea how, no idea.”

Learning how to sexually harass other people I see. Wonderful. By the time he’s 14 he’ll be a full-fledged rapist. Congratulations, Buzzkill.

“People like high fiving kids. From the grocery store to the bank clerk, if a kid is there an adult will ask for “a high five!” Well, don’t be surprised if Charlie returns the favor with a request for a ‘bum high five.’”

No, I’m sorry. I’m not about to let your toddler spank me, thank you very much. And no, not everyone likes high fiving kids. What alternate universe did you pop out of?

“There are few rules in life. You always answer a phone that a toddler hands you, and you never deny a high five from anyone – even if that includes a request for a bum high five from a 3 yr old.”

Again, I refuse to let your fucking kid smack my ass. And if he did, I sure as fuck will make a seen. I can’t believe he thinks this is actually appropriate.

“And that, my friends, is what being a parent is all about.
You’ve been warned.”

Anyone no of a back alley doctor that does hysterectomies? Give me his name and number. This post made me want to cut my own uterus out with a bbq fork.

“Zacharie decided he didn’t want to wear any shoes walking home from school today.
We are in that season of weather when it’s cool one minute, hot the next. After rain and thunder most of the day, we sent him off this morning wearing his rubber boots except it was sunny and awesome after school.”

Then why didn’t you pack an extra pair of runners or sandals? I mean, that would have made life a hell of a lot easier. Oh wait, you’re a drama whore.

“When it came time to go home, Z complained his feet were too hot and took off his boots to walk home in just his socks. Despite all pleading from our nanny, he walked home 2 blocks in his stocking feet.
2 problems: 1) our nanny is too passive and isn’t taking control. This worries us after the last international nanny we had looking after the boys had the same issue. 2) we have a kid that doesn’t listen to the designated authority figure.”

One, the nanny is passive because you probably gave her shit for attempting to discipline your children. Two, your kid doesn’t listen because his parents are morons who let him get away with anything.

“With summer around the corner, our nanny will be the boss for many more hours than she is now. We’d love it if she was stronger with the boys and wouldn’t put up with their protestations, but she gives in. So we will work on that with her, and try to give her the confidence to alpha dog them, but in the meantime something had to be done for Zacharie’s defiance.”

No, you’ll just give her more shit for daring to discipline your pwecious angels. We know how you breeders roll.

“We grounded him. No shows after school and he was required to be in his room for the whole night except for dinner. He stayed there from 4-5 and 6-8. The other stipulation? No toys. He could have all the books to read and puzzles to solve he wanted, but there were no toys and no tv.”

A shame you didn’t start that earlier.

“In the end? He spent a couple of hours working on his penmanship and practicing his letters.
Can we ground him every day?”

Something tells me this is a one time thing.

Hey, Duhd Camp never mentioned the floods. You’d think he would since he lives in Calgary and the city is practically underwater. Nope, not a word. Did he take his famblee and fuck off to their summer home or what?
I’ve also noticed that he’s a big supporter of Team Diabetes. Does he have Diabetes himself? Is it type 1 or type 2?

Allowing your toadler to randomly smack people in the ass is beyond rude!

If any duh thought it was funny for his toadler to smack me on the ass was funny the toadler and the duh would both be stains on the wall.

The last time I saw the 'high five' was on a rerun of Seinfeld.

So that was like what? 80s? 90s?

They do get stuck in some kind of time warp, don't they?

As far as summer and flooding goes - OK, Calgary, I saw stories about this. Here, Summer begins in March. And gets stupid hot and humid by May. And it floods ALL the time here, in this hot, jungle like swamp.

Deal with it or move.

That far N is weird - but yeah - global warming.

Caused in part by - overpopulation.

It is sofuckingHOT here, you don't even want to know. And the Humidity? Oooooeee. Steam coming off the pavement. All this pavement? Overbuilt. Overbuilt because - too goddamned many people.

Just as the Rolling Stones once asked in one of their songs (Sympathy for the Devil, I think) - who killed the Kennedys? And answered - it was you and me. The same goes for the Breeding Bitchers - who caused that flooding? YOU DID.

Oh he can "bum high five" me as long as I get to return the gesture. I guarantee my aim is better and my swing is harder.

That, "bum high five" nonsense is ridiculous. Even IF the kid truly "invented it" and wasn't just raising his ass into the air like kids often do, the moo shouldn't have encouraged an adult take part in this for obvious reasons.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

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Zzelda
Here, Summer begins in March. And gets stupid hot and humid by May.

Just been outside - without a coat! - and it seems to be the first day of summer here in England. Hurrah! It's been so cold I've still been wearing my winter pyjamas. (Not in the daytime, I'm not a Moo who keeps the same clothes on day and night withouth stopping to wash themselves or the clothes)

Just when I thought Duhd Camp couldn't get any fucking dumber...he lowers the damn bar!

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"She, and all other rabid breeders, are like crabs in a bucket headed to Red Lobster. When they see a smarter crab escaping, they try to pull it back in." - Miss Hannigan

"Yeah, that's what family is about - guilt tripping people into cleaning up someone else's mess." - mrs. chinaski

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So people can't look when your kid uses the shower as a urinal but your kid CAN smack people on the ass? NOT!

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The last time I saw the 'high five' was on a rerun of Seinfeld. So that was like what? 80s? 90s? They do get stuck in some kind of time warp, don't they?

So glad that you said this. I was afraid that I was starting senility and was seeing my HS days again.

What dumb ass kid wears sock outside? Barefoot I get. I grew up in FL and be it black tip in the summer or above freezing in the winter (97% of the time) I went barefoot (my parents gave up worry about winter and colds when I was about 10) whenever I was home. Why the fuck would you get you socks all wet? They are only going to protect your feet for about 5 seconds. Kid is as dumb as his Duh.

I think Duhmduhm here actually means that his spawn likes to touch its ass to stranger's asses.

Which of course doesn't sound a whole lot better than him letting his spawn smack people, even so, Duh needs to be "bum high-fived" in the face. With a chair.