20 Signs of Being a Cruncheh-Cunt-MooMoo :rolleyes2

Saw this goldmine of stupidity, so I'm passing it on to you lovely people:

http://thestir.cafemom.com/toddler/160660/20_signs_youre_a_crunchy

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1. You have a chicken coop in your backyard, and you're not a farmer.

No, just a wannabe

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2. You love a good chicken pox party.

The rest of us love the idea of herd immunity, but you cruncheh anti-vax cunts shot that all to hell.

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3. Scoring raw milk is your idea of a thrill.

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4. You and your husband haven't slept alone in your bed since your first child was born.

larious :bedmadelie

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5. Your children indicate their need to nurse ... in full sentences.

If the kyd can ask for it in clear English, it can fuck off.

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6. You use terms like EBF and assume everyone knows what you mean.

Unfortunately, we can Google it...and have barf bags and ::brbl on standby. Oh, and don't bother bringing Shitleigh to my place.

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7. You coordinate your wardrobe around wraps, slings, and other baby-wearing devices.

Mine is coordinated by weather and level of nerd factor of the day.

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8. Your kids whip out kale chips at playgroup while the other kids eat Oreos.

Are your kids actually eating those kale chips, or are they trying to score the other kids' Oreos? :eyebrows

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9. Their diets are gluten-free AND Paleo.

Stay out of this, Whorta! Go write in your own shitty blog! fuck

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10. You know some really good placenta recipes.

Are they all accompanied by fava beans and a nice Chianti? Inquiring minds want to know...

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11. You not only use cloth diapers, you make them (and wash them) yourself.

You go, Cruncheh! :hello

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12. The only school for your kids is homeschool.

Of course...we wouldn't want them amongst the vaxxed masses, now would we? eyes2

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13. You use "family cloth" instead of toilet paper.

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14. You drive a Prius (and almost never look longingly at minivans).

I call :BS

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15. You have a composter, and you use it.

I know several folks that have these...but you're oh-so-spayshul :gun1

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16. Your children aren't vaccinated and never will be.

:baybie1 -----> 2 (Unless your future goal for little Granolaleigh is to be Patient Zero of some new supervirus.)

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17. There's pretty much nothing you can't make yourself from bug spray to cleaning supplies to granola (of course).

Considering how up-to-date your sprogs are on their shots, I'll take my chances with store brands.

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18. You believe coconut oil and breast milk can cure pretty much anything.

Forget the oil for a moment...and we here realize that majikal titteh joose is only as good as what MooMoo eats. Nine times out of ten, it's a McDiet. :dindin

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19. You use a menstrual cup.

Not my cup of tea (no pun intended), but I'm not knocking anyone who goes this route. smile

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20. You talk about transitioning your children into their own bed ... about the time they're ready to go to college.

That shit did not fly when I was growing up down

_________________________________________________________

Why live in a fishbowl, when you could be swimming in the ocean?

"She, and all other rabid breeders, are like crabs in a bucket headed to Red Lobster. When they see a smarter crab escaping, they try to pull it back in." - Miss Hannigan

"Yeah, that's what family is about - guilt tripping people into cleaning up someone else's mess." - mrs. chinaski

(Shameless blog promotion: http://popcornculturejunkie.wordpress.com/)

(Cornucopia of visual rantage: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCD78oSD27mzAlVzsB0q2ibA)

This forum always teach me new things.

I did not know that such a thins as "family cloth existed". Thank you, Popcorn, to have shown me that idiocy truly knows no bound.

I pity this woman's offsprings. I truly do.

_______________________

“I was talking about children that have not been properly house-trained. Left to their own impulses and indulged by doting or careless parents almost all children are yahoos. Loud, selfish, cruel, unaffectionate, jealous, perpetually striving for attention, empty-headed, for ever prating or if words fail them simply bawling, their voices grown huge from daily practice: the very worst company in the world. But what I dislike even more than the natural child is the affected child, the hulking oaf of seven or eight that skips heavily about with her hands dangling in front of her -- a little squirrel or bunny-rabbit -- and prattling away in a baby's voice.”


― Patrick O'Brian, The Truelove


lib'-er-ty: the freedom given to you to make the wrong decision, based on the reasoned belief that you will normally make the right one.

Ah, a list of "20 signs that you're a gullible herd-following fucking idiot", how nice larious

Number 16 makes me really stabby, not just for the obvious anti-vaxxer idiocy, but for the "and never will be", like the child is not ever going to grow up and think, "holy shit, I could get measles and die" and vaccinate themself. Another hint that these types think the apron strings will never be cut.

Also, you can drive a Prius from now until the end of time and never, ever make up for the unsalvageably disastrous environmental impact you created by having your handful of special little sneauflaykes. Idiot.

When my brain produced a visual image of "family cloth", I think I threw up a little in my mouth....................

I just googled "menstrual cup." That's disgusting.

I've tried the menstrual cup thing a long time ago...that shit was a hot mess with jelly.

Never again (and I was trying to save a few bucks in the long run...I hate spending money on tampons and shit)...

And raw milk...unless you have a particular food allergy (like my father-in-law)...why would you drink RAW? Are you TRYING to get diseases? :headbrick

"Family cloth" for wiping your asses? Jesus tapdancing Christ. :smn
If Crunchy Moos really cared about their sproglets that much, they would do some research on what really is best for them, but they can't lose their Earth Mother status, now can they?

Nothing wrong with menstrual cups or kale chips, though.

I don't have low self-esteem. That's a mistake. I have low esteem for everyone else.
-Daria

That family cloth is disgusting. I mean I suppose it makes sense somewhere like Mexico where the plumbing isn't guaranteed to handle toilet paper, but you know these crunchy moos are somewhere affluent just trying to identify what they know as "suffering" with actual poverty or third world situations as if it somehow more noble or praiseworthy to try to live like life is a struggle when it really doesn't have to be.

I have a menstrual cup, just in case the zombie apocalypse happens before I hit menopause.
I found it more comfortable than a tampon, surprisingly since it's so much larger. I seem to react a little bit to modern sanitary products, but switching back to pads took the irritation out of my life. Well pads are an irritation all their own, but at least I'm not in pain from wearing them, lol!

10. You know some really good placenta recipes.
"Are they all accompanied by fava beans and a nice Chianti? Inquiring minds want to know..."


GLAD to oblige!

http://www.mothers35plus.co.uk/plac_rec2.htm

Placenta Lasagne
Ingredients:

1 fresh, ground, or minced placenta, prepared as above
2 tblspns olive oil
2 sliced cloves garlic
1/2 tspn oregano
1/2 diced onion
2 tblspns tomato paste, or 1 whole tomato

Method: use a recipe for lasagne and substitute this mixture for one layer of cheese. Quickly sauté all the ingredients in olive oil. Serve. Enjoy!


Placenta Cocktail
Ingredients:

1/4 cup fresh, raw placenta
8oz V-8 juice
2 ice cubes
1/2 cup carrot

Method: blend at high speed for 10 seconds. Serve. A tasty thirst quencher!::brbl

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

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t.
This forum always teach me new things.

I did not know that such a thins as "family cloth existed". Thank you, Popcorn, to have shown me that idiocy truly knows no bound.

I pity this woman's offsprings. I truly do.

I didn't either. As that old saying goes, "You learn something new every day." ongue2

However, if they want to be crunchy, why not use a bidet? Those things use water to clean and there is no toilet paper or 'family clothes' necessary. And if they want to go full crunchy, they could get the squat toilets to simulate the positions our ancestors used to use when they pooed. They also don't use toilet paper.

If they have dogs and cats though, I hope they aren't so crunchy that they won't at least get THEM vaccinated and spayed. I hate people like that.

this obsession with placenta eating is fucking disgusting. You wouldn't chew on a tampon, and it's the same stuff! only....meatier. I felt quite sick reading those recipes

Sorry, but this whole thread is disgusting. It should have come with a warning

Placenta recipes?!? Family cloths?!?!?

There's not enough bleach in my laundry room to wipe away those images

::brbl ::brbl ::brbl

I've a strong stomach for gross, but this shit (literally) made my poor stomach squeeze like it was gonna barf. You know that sensation.

These bimbos with their family cloths aren't doing anything for the planet. Hot water requires taking from an aquifer or some other local, cleaning, heating with gas or electricity, soap and (I hope) bleach.

CF's using tp are very tidy in their lifestyles, even if that lifestyle isn't green for reasons gone over and over in this forum. Lack of children in the end will help Mother Earth.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

All I can say is ewwww....

Wow...some shades of wrong in this little lot.

My aunt lives on an organic farm so she's semi crunchy, and they had a composting loo which is far more eco friendly than boil washing shitty bits of cloth. Toilet paper is composted and biodegraded and made into usable fertiliser (not raw waste, I hasten to add, it has to be broken down by the anaerobes first).

As for the extended beefing and Co-sleeping, that bothers me more than the toilet habits. The idea of having no privacy freaks me the fuck out, what is wrong with these moo freaks that they need their offspring physically attached all the time?

And the anti vax shit, well as someone with a compromised immune system that just makes me angry.

A portable bidet like this one is a lot more sanitary without the e coli colony party on that "family cloth".

I have a sodastream maker, compost, use public transportation, partial vegetarian, use eco friendly products when available such as Tom's of Maine, using CFL bulbs, gardening, childfree, walk, carpool, use hand drier, live at home, use reusable bags. I'm still greener than Crunchy MooCunt.

My environmental sins include le gasp not recycling (you have to take your recyclables yourself to the recycling plant. Too many assholes ruined it). Bathing vs showering (I don't have a shower only a tub). Using incontinence pads (my meds fucked up my bladder).

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t.
This forum always teach me new things.

I did not know that such a thins as "family cloth existed". Thank you, Popcorn, to have shown me that idiocy truly knows no bound.

I pity this woman's offsprings. I truly do.

I didn't know this existed either! In fact, I was so taken aback when I read it that I had to google it. OMG gross gross gross! Are these people for real?

I must go and get me some ::brbl

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juniper jupiter
I've tried the menstrual cup thing a long time ago...that shit was a hot mess with jelly.

Never again (and I was trying to save a few bucks in the long run...I hate spending money on tampons and shit)...

And raw milk...unless you have a particular food allergy (like my father-in-law)...why would you drink RAW? Are you TRYING to get diseases? :headbrick

I don't understand this crazy 'crunchy' trend that is slowly starting to infiltrate society. It's as if humanity is regressing. People invented vaccinations, flushable toilets, toilet paper, tampons and the process of pasteurization in order to make life easier and less lethal, but now idiots are turning their backs on the achievements of civilization. At this rate we will soon be living in caves and wearing animal skins!

ETA: Have these people never heard of moist toilet paper? Or maybe a bidet? eyes2

The only things on this list that don't make me want to slap this bitch silly are the Prius (pretentious, but at least not repulsive) and composting. Don't worry thought, everything else MORE than makes up for it. ::brbl

These bitches are a plague on society.

Here's another thing that creeps me out. Why is the family cloth called "FAMILY CLOTH"? Why not like "toilet cloth" or "wipe cloth" or, if the purpose is to be eco-friendly, something like "earth cloth"? Why stick the word "family" into something that's about wiping your ass...like do these people wipe each other's asses or something? Wtf...

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thundergirl85
Here's another thing that creeps me out. Why is the family cloth called "FAMILY CLOTH"? Why not like "toilet cloth" or "wipe cloth" or, if the purpose is to be eco-friendly, something like "earth cloth"? Why stick the word "family" into something that's about wiping your ass...like do these people wipe each other's asses or something? Wtf...

Maybe it's because it's such a "family friendly" thing to do? I 'm losing it here...larious

It takes a child to raze a village.

And the peanut gallery weighs in (some of these are either plain gross, plain out there, or both):

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Yay! I consider it something to be proud of that this was me, at least 2/3 of it, after my divorce. Leaving my ex and the mainstream ideologies of his mother allowed my son to conquer his autism, my daughters ADHD to be diminished, and my youngest to be brought up from birth the way I saw fit.

Of course...because being cruncheh is the majikal kyure-all for everything!!! eyes2

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How about adding EC (elimination communication) and baby led weaning? And using homeopathic medicine? And yes- natural unmedicated birth!

How about you waddle your ass to the nearest cave and just stay there? No using modern medicine, and FFS, no gadgets! You're supposed to a primitive earth-moo...so act like it!

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I'm not a crunchy mama by any means, except for co sleeping. I do plan to EBF, as long as my son is willing. I am more of an attached parent. My son is glued to my hip, and most times I prefer it that way. I think I may have some form of separation anxiety. My oldest is 12 and I still hate saying goodbye every morning. Especially with all the craziness that happens in the world. I can't help my want and need my babies close.

May you and Junior enjoy the rest of your miserable lives together...if he doesn't break free from your crazy ass.

_________________________________________________________

Why live in a fishbowl, when you could be swimming in the ocean?

"She, and all other rabid breeders, are like crabs in a bucket headed to Red Lobster. When they see a smarter crab escaping, they try to pull it back in." - Miss Hannigan

"Yeah, that's what family is about - guilt tripping people into cleaning up someone else's mess." - mrs. chinaski

(Shameless blog promotion: http://popcornculturejunkie.wordpress.com/)

(Cornucopia of visual rantage: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCD78oSD27mzAlVzsB0q2ibA)

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popcornculturejunkie
And the peanut gallery weighs in (some of these are either plain gross, plain out there, or both):


I'm not a crunchy mama by any means, except for co sleeping. I do plan to EBF, as long as my son is willing. I am more of an attached parent. My son is glued to my hip, and most times I prefer it that way. I think I may have some form of separation anxiety. My oldest is 12 and I still hate saying goodbye every morning. Especially with all the craziness that happens in the world. I can't help my want and need my babies close.

May you and Junior enjoy the rest of your miserable lives together...if he doesn't break free from your crazy ass.[/quote]

You just KNOW that her son's name has to be Norman.

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juniper jupiter
I've tried the menstrual cup thing a long time ago...that shit was a hot mess with jelly.

Never again (and I was trying to save a few bucks in the long run...I hate spending money on tampons and shit)...

And raw milk...unless you have a particular food allergy (like my father-in-law)...why would you drink RAW? Are you TRYING to get diseases? :headbrick

I drink raw milk regularly and have never had a problem. There is more risk of illness from garden variety deli meats than from raw milk from a reputable source. However I also have no problem eating raw steak and fish, but that is just my strange eating habits. I hate the taste of pasturized milk, it is fishy and it smells like unkempt swimming pool.
However, anyone who knows anything about raw milk knows that it is not for people with shitty immne systems or anyone under 18.

I'm all for doing what we can for the environment but I will never, ever use "famblee cloth." How much does that really help the environment? I thought toilet paper eventually dissolves anyway in the septic system or city sewage treatment system? I would think TP is not the same as garbage in landfills that takes thousands of years to disintegrate. Haven't had time to research it, but that's my hypothesis.

I will also never understand the need to have all the kyds in the bed all night long with moo and duh. That just seems so destructive to the adult relationship.

And if your kyds are old enough to throw a tantrum that they want to breastfeed, NOW, then they're wayyyy too old for titfeeding. There is something sick going on with moos who insist on titfeeding way beyond the point of infancy.