Daily Fail: "The REAL reason grown women like me won't leave our parents' house"

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My name is called and I make my way to the dining room.
As I've requested, there are sweet potatoes to accompany the chicken - breast meat only.
Even better, there's apple crumble - just this side of tart with a hint of cinnamon, and a choice of custard or creme fraiche.
No, I'm not in a country house hotel. I'm at home with my doting parents, and home-made meals like this come as part of my all-inclusive package.

When I tell people I'm a 30-year-old woman who still lives at home, they pity me.
They tut-tut about rising house prices and I nod in agreement, explaining that my meagre earnings as a freelance makes leaving home any time soon a financial impossibility.
I am part of a generation who can't get well-paid jobs, can't afford houses and as a result can't even leave home.

But it's a little more complicated than that. The truth is that living in the comfortable luxury of my family home, a warm, cheerfully decorated, four-bedroom, semi-detached house in North London - a property way beyond my means as a single woman - means that I have no impetus to leave.

Why should I? Where could I live this well, with three meals a day, a laundry service, full use of the garden and all utilities - all completely free? Where is the incentive to strike out on my own?

I know my friends feel the same.
No wonder a survey by Saga magazine revealed that there are nearly three million 20 to 34-year-olds living with their parents.

We are known as the boomerangers - the generation who have come back to live off the wealth created by our baby boomer parents, now in their 60s.
I admit I do get the odd stab of shame when I think that my parents had left home by my age.
Like most people of their generation, it was unthinkable that they would still be living with their parents in their 30s. Traditionally, you lived at home until you married, at which point you set up home with your spouse.
When most people married in their early 20s, that made perfect sense. But times have changed.
In Europe, it's normal to remain in your childhood homes into your adult years, and sometimes even after marriage. It's now happening in Britain.

While sociologists warn of the creation of a stunted generation unprepared for the responsibilities of adult life, I don't see it that way.
Why should I leave a home I'm happy in just to conform to social norms, when my parents are still happy for me to live here? In fact, my younger sisters, who are in their 20s, still live at home, too.

Furthermore, I know the dire nature of the alternative. In a foolish bid for independence, I moved out of home for a year in my mid-20s, renting a room in a shared house in East London with five other young people. I hated it.
The kitchen sink was permanently over-flowing with dirty crockery (yes, some of it was mine) and the house was freezing because we couldn't afford to heat it. After a year, I'd had quite enough of having to queue for my morning shower as if I was at a campsite.
From the cheap furniture to the bland decor, living in rented accommodation was absolute misery. Then there were my housemates. While two are still friends, if I never see the others again it will be a blessing.
When my contract was up, I happily moved back home. Months later I was still furious with myself for spending £600 a month to live in a dirty house with people I couldn't stand.
Of course, there are times when my parents, sisters and I fall out, but because we love each other, things blow over quickly.


'In fact, like me, most of my friends are still living with their parents. Not only does it make financial sense, but we recognise we'd be stupid to suffer in discomfort and penury just to prove a point.'

Occasionally, other people will make snide comments about my 'poor parents' and muse on how desperate they must be for me to flee the nest, but this couldn't be further from the truth.

My parents have worked hard to build a comfortable family home and are only too pleased that I still want to live in it.
When I moved out in my 20s, Mum was indignant; she took it as a personal insult that I wanted to leave her lovely home and castigated me for frittering away my hard-earned money on paying a greedy landlord's mortgage.
Now I'm back home, some other people assume my living situation would make me a social pariah among my peers.
In fact, like me, most of my friends are still living with their parents.
Not only does it make financial sense, but we recognise we'd be stupid to suffer in discomfort and penury just to prove a point.

Other friends say they would still be at home given the chance. Even the ones who wear their domestic independence like a badge of honour run home to mummy and daddy at the first sign of a cold or after a break-up.
The truth is nothing will ever be as comforting as a home-cooked meal followed by a TV marathon on your parents' sofa, no matter how old you are.
The fridge is always well-stocked and we never run out of milk or toilet roll - which can't be said about the homes of friends who live by themselves.

But not everyone agrees that my set-up is a lifestyle nirvana. I've been accused of holding myself back and missing out on the freedom of being young and single.
And while I admit that living at home means you can't invite a long line of boyfriends back to stay or host wild parties, I can live with that. If I want to sit up drinking all night, I can do it at the home of one of my friends who rents.
Best of all, after a weekend of partying, I can always return to a warm, clean house. It really is the best of both worlds.

Meanwhile, I'm not expected to contribute to the running of the house, financially or otherwise.
While my dad, who owns a shop, works six days a week to pay the bills, my stay-at-home mum spends her days cleaning, washing and tidying up my mess.
Yes, I may have to sleep in a single bed, but I never have to wash the sheets myself.
That said, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't conscious that I'm not pulling my weight.
For my part, I live by my parents' rules, work hard and try to make them proud. I'm also an enthusiastic cook and make a family meal at least once a week.
It's not much, but it's heartfelt on my part and appreciated by them.
It's not always plain sailing, though. On occasion, my parents have rebelled. More than once Mum has thrown in the tea towel, and the pair of them have demanded that my sisters and I do more to help out.
In fact, a note outlining our household responsibilities - including putting dirty crockery straight in the dishwasher and keeping our rooms tidy - is stuck on the fridge door as testament to one such row.
But actually, nothing really changes. After years of living together, we're stuck in our ways, regardless of the rights or wrongs.
Spoilt? Quite possibly.
Cosseted from the harsh realities of the world? Almost certainly.
Living in a state of suspended adolescence?
All of these things may be true. And I'd ponder them deeply, honestly I would. But right now Mum is calling me down for dinner.

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screaming sausage
In the UK it also has a lot to do with house prices rising faster than wages. We have a real scarcity of affordable housing now and the current government don't want to do anything about it because most of them are buy-to-let landlords themselves and it's in their best interests to keep people desperately scrabbling to rent their tiny properties at extortionate rates. In addition we have the help-to-buy scheme as a means of "helping" people to buy houses they can't really afford- again, all geared towards the baby boomers pulling the property ladder up after them.

Some examples of how bad things are getting in London- the pictures have to be seen to be believed:

Tiny London studio flat taken off market by council

Only suitable for tenants 2ft 4ins tall: Landlord fined for renting out flat which you could only get into by CRAWLING

...and the latest money-making scheme for the truly heartless: butyng up rooms in NURSING HOMES so you can profit from people desperately looking for an affordable place to die:

Latest buy-to-let craze: buying rooms in care homes

There's also the real problem of the "job for life" being a thing of the past, and more people on short-term contracts now. Even landlords now often require tenants to be in a "full-time permanent job" when fewer of them exist.

Our whole economy is still based on the idea that a man leaves school and goes into a job he'll have until he retires, earning enough to support a wife who will stay at home to look after their children. That isn't the world we're living in now, this system no longer works and something will have to give shortly.

The British obsession with owning property ("An Englishman's home is his castle", is it really your home if you don't own it etc) is one I can't get on board with. I think I'll be renting until I retire- and then buying a nice cheap home abroad!

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rockchick
This is one of the main reasons I left London.

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screaming sausage

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rockchick
This is one of the main reasons I left London.

London aint all that, and for what it costs to live there the quality of life is appalling. There are far nicer, safer, friendlier, cleaner and cheaper cities to live in, but unfortunately London is where all the jobs are. This is why my London-based friends stay there, and they all have a love/hate relationship with the city. Again, things are changing here as more people realise they would be better off elsewhere, even if they're fairly well-off:

New York Times article

I'll have to look for a new job when I finish my PhD and most of the places where I could work are in London, but the thought of living there again makes my blood run cold. I don't know why anyone would want to be "a slave to a mortgage" there, is being in a six-figure debt to a bank for 50 years really any better than paying someone else's mortgage for them when you're not tied to the place and don't have the stresses of repairs, maintenance etc?

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selidororous
I am sure there's more stories like these out there, but why is it they succeeded where today's younger generation failed? Was it the coddling by their parunts? What gives? I am seriously curious about this subject.

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selidororous
Just off the top of my head here:

I knew a few Baby Boomers who left home at the age of 16 to eke out a living and succeeded. One's a woman, put herself through college, a single mother at the age of 18, eventually made good money, never went back home to live with Mommy and Daddy...I am sure there's more stories like these out there, but why is it they succeeded where today's younger generation failed? Was it the coddling by their parunts? What gives? I am seriously curious about this subject.

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rockchick
I agree it's not all that. It used to be amazing in comparison to other places before the advent of the internet

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selidororous
Just off the top of my head here:

I knew a few Baby Boomers who left home at the age of 16 to eke out a living and succeeded. One's a woman, put herself through college, a single mother at the age of 18, eventually made good money, never went back home to live with Mommy and Daddy.

The second one, a guy, also college educated, owns his own business, owned rental properties, makes good money.

I am sure there's more stories like these out there, but why is it they succeeded where today's younger generation failed? Was it the coddling by their parunts? What gives? I am seriously curious about this subject.

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ex lurker
Graduating HS became the norm because of the Great Depression-there were no jobs, so the under 18s just completed school and got a diploma . Going to college became the norm because of the GI Bill post WW II , and it was the scarcity of college graduates that let so many GI Billers step into the middle class just because of a business admin degree. Because going to college became the norm, a college degree is no longer a guarantee of a job, much less of a career or financial stability. Trying telling people over 70 that, though. Too many of them "know" that 'young people these days are lazy and Don't Want To Put In Their Dues at a low pay, low prestige job so they can work their way up the ladder.' Try telling them how many people apply for every one of those low paid, low prestige jobs, how many places reject "over qualified " applicants with degrees or with no RL experience. Try telling them how many jobs are gone overseas (factory) or are done online overseas (medical billing, transcripts) or are being done by imported workers (healthcare ) or how many jobs have been automated ....Lots of them LIVED through these very changes in the 1970s, 1980s, but they still seem to want to believe that what they were told when they were in HS is Holy Writ.

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ex lurker
I can't believe the ongoing financial collapse has become so bad that we are seeing a reversal of decades old progress, a regression to earlier patterns of living just for survival's sake . A lot of young people today are never going to have the opportunity to fulfill their dreams and ambitions: All they can do is (try to...) get A Job and hope for the best. :-(

So glad I stayed CF, not just so I didn't have the financial burden of children, but so I know I will not leave behind people who I suspect will face steadily deteriorating economic conditions over the next few decades. (Not to mention environmental, political, societal...) I wish I could go back and thank my younger self for doing at least one thing absolutely right.



*Graduating HS became the norm because of the Great Depression-there were no jobs, so the under 18s just completed school and got a diploma . Going to college became the norm because of the GI Bill post WW II , and it was the scarcity of college graduates that let so many GI Billers step into the middle class just because of a business admin degree. Because going to college became the norm, a college degree is no longer a guarantee of a job, much less of a career or financial stability. Trying telling people over 70 that, though. Too many of them "know" that 'young people these days are lazy and Don't Want To Put In Their Dues at a low pay, low prestige job so they can work their way up the ladder.' Try telling them how many people apply for every one of those low paid, low prestige jobs, how many places reject "over qualified " applicants with degrees or with no RL experience. Try telling them how many jobs are gone overseas (factory) or are done online overseas (medical billing, transcripts) or are being done by imported workers (healthcare ) or how many jobs have been automated ....Lots of them LIVED through these very changes in the 1970s, 1980s, but they still seem to want to believe that what they were told when they were in HS is Holy Writ.

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lisbeth
Well, I find it...interesting...that on one hand it's all Doom and Gloom because no good jobs/no affordable housing/etc. but then also Everything's Fine Have Tons of Babies! To me it's a strange and contradictory message.

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breakstuff

I am sorry but taking out tens of thousands in loans to get a BA in LGBT Studies does not make any sense. What the hell do you do with that? I only bring that degree up because we had an interviewee come in last week for an HR position who had that exact major. She expected us to agree that field of study prepared her to deal with HR issues in a very rough and tumble industry. The roughnecks would have eaten her alive.

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navi8orgirl
I get where many of these people are coming from. Many fields, technical writing comes to mind, could write their own ticket 10-15 years ago. A decent TW with a particular specialty could be getting six figures in short order. Today it is easier to outsource to temp agencies and most are laid off. When a company cuts costs, departments like marketing and PR are the first to be culled.

Writers of all sorts have it tough so it would be wise to rethink this career. I decided to try one of the freelancer sites as my recently founded company has a lull in clients. I discovered that they do not want quality, they want cheap. If you go to a PR firm, they will charge you 300 for a press release. My firm charged half that. These people don’t want to pay more than 20. They wanted entire novels ghostwritten for under 500 dollars and 40 Original, Never Been Published Smoothie Recipes for their cookbook and they will pay you 15 bucks. Oh and they need them in four days.

One of my runner friends has kids looking at college but did not know what they wanted to do. I said unless they plan on majoring in engineering, medicine or nursing not to waste the money. There are plenty of teachers, MBAs and artists who are out of work or doing the minimum wage thing.

Many don’t want to do the work though. They major in something interesting to them, but useless to the working world. For the oilfields (or any field), LGBT study is only part of a well-rounded HR person. She would not have made the cut based on that major alone.

They won’t move where the jobs are because all their family and friends are located where they are not. Even if you major in aerospace engineering, living in a small town nowhere near an airline, space station or airport won’t help you in the least.

They are unwilling to start at the bottom. When I retired from military service, I had both advanced education and skills that should have merited 75K+ easy. I had to settle for 52K because…no one was hiring in 2008.

Like Lisbeth states, they are not doing their kids any favors. When they die, these big babies will not have the first clue on what to do because at 40 they have been babied their whole lives. Add babies having babies and it is a recipe for disaster.

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I said unless they plan on majoring in engineering, medicine or nursing not to waste the money.