12-year-old won't shit; Moo obsesses over it

I was gonna include this in my (still in progress) Commode compilation, but it just seems so messed up that I felt it needed its own topic. My thoughts are in red.

Summary: 12-year-old girl refuses to shit and Moo obsesses over it.

http://www.mothering.com/forum/17516-child-teen-health/1459514-encopresis-how-do-i-get-my-12-year-old-daughter-board-her-treatment-plan.html

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My 12-year-old daughter has been dealing with retentive encopresis for about 5 years now. She avoids going to the toilet at all. This results in soiling and the production of an amazing huge toilet-clogging log-like object every week. We have been trying for years to get her to talk about this, but she absolutely refuses to talk about this despite what her pedi, GI doc and psychologist tried to do or suggested we do to get her to talk about it. When we do talk about it, the response is ALWAYS "I don't know". Well, could it be the girl doesn't want to discuss her toilet habits with her mother? She's almost a teenager, and she's probably menstruating by now. She's a young lady and it sounds to me like maybe she had a bout of bad constipation at one point and her mother is overprotective and controlling and just will not let the issue go.

We have tried so many treatment plans over the years, specifically tailored to her, such as enemas, scheduled toilet sittings, she just kept holding it in. I'd hold it in too if I was under the pressure of being expected to have a scheduled toilet sitting. I couldn't go on cue with an audience standing within earshot listening through the door for turds to fall in the toilet! Right before school ended last year, her pedi and the GI doc laid out a clear treatment plan of laxatives, regular bathroom visits, and a rewards program. She did take the Miralax daily as directed, but the problem is every time after she took it, she kept holding it in, so the Miralax NEVER worked. I admire this girl's dedication. Not many people can fight the effects of a laxative. I tried telling her "if you poop, I will buy you XYZ" (something she REALLY wants)" you can do XYZ only after you poop" and not letting her do things "you can't do XYZ until you poop" and XYZ would be something she LOVES to do. I wouldn't let her leave the toilet until she pooped, for hours no luck. Did Moo ever consider that maybe her daughter is embarrassed and doesn't want to be treated like a toddler with a rewards system and ultimatums? I'd probably hold it just to spite Moo for talking to me like I was a tard.

When school started, her pedi and GI doc came up with a new treatment plan involving fiber intake enemas. We TRIED to involve her, the response is again "I don't know." She refuses to take the enema and when she does she just holds it in. Again, talk about determination! So if she doesn't release the enema fluid, where does it go? Does she hold it in indefinitely? I asked her why she doesn't want to poop. Does it hurt? Does it scare you to poop? Does it feel good to hold it in? The answer is always "I don't know" and you can question her for hours and still get no answers. Because she doesn't want to talk about her bowel habits with her mother for fuck's sake. No kid that age wants to discuss poop or periods or sexual urges with their parents. We have ruled out all physiological issues for not popping. We explained to her the digestive process, she knows why she needs to poop daily. 2 years ago we tried ucanpooptoo, didn't help. She does her own laundry.

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I'm not sure why the girl quit using the toilet properly, but it sounds to me like she's embarrassed and is not comfortable with her mother obsessing over what does and does not come out of her ass and dragging her to countless doctors to be examined and medicated. Plus, I imagine long-term use of laxatives and enemas and continuing to not shit will have adverse effects on the girl's health.

OR I think there may actually be a psychological issue at hand that Moo is conveniently leaving out. According to some stuff I read while writing this topic, retentive encopresis can be caused by something like a bout of painful constipation that scares the kid, being frightened by the sound of the toilet flushing, stress... or repeated sexual abuse. I saw no mention of a Duh or fuckbuddy in the story, but could the girl have been abused five years ago? Possibly anally, and that's why she refuses to go, refuses to cooperate with treatment and responds to everything with "I don't know?" I have a sinking feeling this girl has been abused.

Moo sounds bat-shit crazy and the kid is not pooping to punish her. It's probably the only control this poor kid has over her own body. Sort of like an eating disorder in reverse.

Doesn't the mom realize that her daughter is saving her a lot of money on sewage fees and/or septic tank pump outs?

Heck, I did the same thing from about the age of 5. My mother insisted I must go by a certain time every morning or I got a freekin' Exlax. That only led to more problems which I have had to deal with my entire life....until I found probiotics. My mother was freekin' obsessive when it came to the 'daily movement' and I blame it for my digestive disorders to this day. Why do parunts do that? It's nature and it will happen when it happens. The kid is probably afraid to shit because he mother is so obsessed about it and will come in and look and then say 'that's not a proper poop..you can do better.' Hey.. my mother in law did THAT to my hubby when he was little. These parunts really mess up our minds...or our digestion.... They gotta mess up something.

my nephew suffered from this when he was younger. it was psychological, and ultimately developed because his father was sexually molesting him. maybe there is the same thing going on with this girl.

The retentiveness itself can be a major problem & is hard on the body, so mom has some reason for concern here. But damn, her methods are ridiculous. Scheduled toilet-sits, incentives, and ultimatums? At least she's not busting out a sticker chart, but damn. Way to treat your middle-schooler like a toddler. She's already fucking toilet trained, so knock that off, mommy.

At this point the daughter seems pretty shut down. Her defensive walls are up, and she's so sick of being questioned that of course all the mother gets out of her is "I don't know".

Something's going on. Yes, retaining like that can be a sign of abuse or other deep-seated issues.

So glad this will never be my problem.

Reminds me of a King of the Hill episode in which Hank Hill had a similar problem. Peggy tried slipping him laxatives, he was given a designated bathroom time, and none of it worked. Finally, he calmed down and told Peggy you can't treat a grown man like a baby and when she realized he was right, he all of a sudden was cured. Maybe that's what needs to be done here.

I assume this girl's other personal/hygiene habits are private, like showering and periods, if she has them. But her bowel movements are public information. I'm sure the poor kid is too ashamed to have friends over because she doesn't want Moo telling her to go have her scheduled toilet sit in front of classmates. For all we know, maybe the girl's friends know about this and she gets picked on for it. I also wonder if the kid can go in school just fine and the reason she doesn't go at home is because she does her business in the school bathroom without a chaperone and she can relax?

I understand that holding it in all the time has its own set of consequences, but Moo obsessing over what comes out of her kid's body all the time and making her sit on the toilet at a specified time each day isn't going to help. The whole "go in the bathroom and try to go anyway" thing is fine for toadlers who are notorious for holding their bowels and bladders until the last fucking second before saying anything, but not a pre-teen girl.

Would it be that difficult to encourage the kid to eat more foods that would get things moving along and just let the issue sort itself out? Moo is doing more damage to her child than constipation ever could. No 12-year-old girl wants to talk about shitting with their parents, or with anyone.

Moo is being stupid, and the girl is too. The girl just needs to get it done so moo will stop obsessing, she is making matters worse by being so stubborn. I can't imagine how she can hold it after using a laxative. Something seems really off besides a creepy moo.

Five bucks says that she goes at school to avoid this drama.

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blondie
Moo is being stupid, and the girl is too. The girl just needs to get it done so moo will stop obsessing, she is making matters worse by being so stubborn. I can't imagine how she can hold it after using a laxative. Something seems really off besides a creepy moo.

I have to disagree in regard to the girl's behavior. Just my two cents, but in my own experience, once you give up and let a parent have their own way when they obsess like this heifer does, it just tells the parent that they can sway the child's actions in their favor if they just push them hard enough (and not in a good way, like trying to motivate the kid to do better).

If the kid gives Moo what she wants, it will validate Moo's creepy behavior and she'll continue doing this in other situations and not just ones where the kid's bowel movements are involved. It's like when a toddler throws a tantrum for three hours and the parent eventually breaks and gives them what they want to shut them up. The brat learns that if they scream long enough, they'll get their way. Same with controlling breeders. When you give in, they know they've won and broken you... and they'll do it again in the future when they want to control something else.

Moo is probably a control freak in all senses and, like stillwaters said, it could also be that this is one precious way in which this kid can maintain some kind of control over her life. Or if the kid has been abused, she probably just wants to be left alone. Most kids won't open up about abuse... perhaps this girl HAS told her mother about being abused and Moo didn't believe her or chose to focus on the symptom rather than the cause because denial is easier than facing the real problem. Tough to tell, and I could toss theories left and right about what the actual issue is.

The girl must use a thigh master to strengthen her asshole.

All kidding aside, I hope the kid just deuces at school to avoid moo's anal(lol)ysis of what comes out of her ass, or not, and when. Christ, I'd just lie and say that everything was fine, and if she kept pushing, I'd take a shit on the doilied dining room table. It'd be quite something for moo to wake up and discover, I'm sure. What a fucking bizarre bint.