Stereotypical article on CF from NY Times

This article is from the NY Times.

I find it really cheesy. As usual, it paints the CF as having something wrong with them.

I would love to see an article about CF people that shows them as healthy, and happy in their decisions, rather than always wallowing in angst.

At the bottom of the page, you see that this editorial is from a book of essays entitled, "Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids.”

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/15/opinion/sunday/childless-by-choice.html?ref=opinion

This really isn't a mainstream portrayal of childfree life. This is a drunk, lonely, depressed woman who also happens not to have children.

She'd probably still be drunk, lonely, and depressed with children, had she gone through with her pregnancy.

I think it would be a more honest article if childfree people who are enjoying childfree activities if they'd trade in those activities for the opportunity to have kids. Ask the person who is sitting in club seats at the Super Bowl if they'd trade in that experience for a kid. Ask the bicyclist riding the Appalachian trail as the foliage is changing if they could do so with a kid. Ask the person who is driving a new Mercedes on the Pacific Coast Highway if they'd give up their ride for a kid.

Emphatically all would say "HELL NO!"

A frugal childfree life can ultimately lead to a financially secure, captivating life. And parents? So many of them that I know aren't really living. They're only existing. I don't envy them and I don't want any parts of that existence.

And this article is just beyond the pale... I'm really not interested in hearing testimonials on anything from drunk, depressed people. Their judgement is just too clouded.

Just skimmed it so far, but one part stuck out to me. The author says that her one friend was just "so in love" with her older husband that she just had to have kids with him. What? How does that make sense? If anything, it would be the opposite to me; being so in love with someone that you don't want to share them with someone else.

But anyways, that argument doesn't make sense. There's only a few reasons I see for people having kids.

1. Following the life script.

2. Narcissism. They think they owe it to the world to pass on their genes.

3. The fantasy of "unconditional love" that they believe they will get from their kids. They are desperate for someone to love them and they think because they create them, the kids will forever be there to support and love them. Many parents end up with a rude awkening.

4. Trying to salvage a shitty relationship or trying to trap someone into a relationship.

Why the fuck can't media outlets get an actually childfree person to write an article? They get Moos to write mooing articles. But it seems like they get everyone but the appropriate source to do CF articles, ranging from breeders to mopey childless assholes. How's about a genuinely unapologetic, unrepentant childFREE author? Are they worried they'll get bad ratings if the truth about CFdom is printed? If I had the promise of no editing, I'd gladly write something, as I'm sure many of the rest of us here would.

This woman may not have achieved financial stability if she'd kept the pregnancy. Plus, it sounds like she had it rough for a while and would have been a shitty time to breed. She waxes poetic about all her friends marrying people 20 years younger and having babbies, but where are those people now? Were any of them still blissfully happy a year or two after the sprog came along? How many divorced? How many are poor? I bet a lot of her breeder friends are jealous of her.

The grass isn't always greener, Moo. I'd say she dodged a bullet, and had she bred, she'd probably be writing an anonymous blog about how she wished she'd gotten that abortion.

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Cambion
Why the fuck can't media outlets get an actually childfree person to write an article? They get Moos to write mooing articles. But it seems like they get everyone but the appropriate source to do CF articles, ranging from breeders to mopey childless assholes. How's about a genuinely unapologetic, unrepentant childFREE author? Are they worried they'll get bad ratings if the truth about CFdom is printed? If I had the promise of no editing, I'd gladly write something, as I'm sure many of the rest of us here would.

Yep, I'd happily write up such an article. I'd even tone down the style and refrain from profanity, if the NYT insisted. But I don't think they'd like the results. The article would emphasize that:

1. I, like a lot of CF people, had an excellent childhood raised by two loving parents. Nope, I'm not broken. There's no event(s) in my life that I can point to and say "if not for that, I'd have kids". Parents would find that unsettling.
2. Being childfree was a decision to me, but there's tons of people who never really contemplate HAVING kids in the first place. It's not so much "deciding against parenthood" as it is "living my life and using birth control". Parents won't like hearing about that.
3. That my husband and I have a great marriage because we don't have kids, not in spite of it. And that we realize that childfree marriages aren't for everyone. That will make parents mighty uncomfortable, because their own marital troubles over the kids will automatically come to mind. They'll feel attacked, even though I am talking about MY life and not theirs.

They want an article where there's some wistfulness and/or tension in the voice, because that will make the parents in their readership feel better. They will never give any ink to an article written by a happy, well-adjusted CF person with a healthy past because there's no conflict in it.

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randomcfchick
They want an article where there's some wistfulness and/or tension in the voice, because that will make the parents in their readership feel better. They will never give any ink to an article written by a happy, well-adjusted CF person with a healthy past because there's no conflict in it.

I completely agree. The last words parent want to read about is how wonderful and fulfilling a CF person might be.
Wouldn't make them happy at all to see a CF person count out how many times in a day he/she is grateful for not having kids to impede him/her in one of many activities or indulgences. Or say their childhood was good and so is their marriage!

The media have to maintain the Great Wall of LifeScript against the CF barbarians from overrunning and destroying everything. Can't jeopardize those advertising dollars. eyes2

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cfchevygirl
Just skimmed it so far, but one part stuck out to me. The author says that her one friend was just "so in love" with her older husband that she just had to have kids with him. What? How does that make sense? If anything, it would be the opposite to me; being so in love with someone that you don't want to share them with someone else.

But anyways, that argument doesn't make sense. There's only a few reasons I see for people having kids.

1. Following the life script.

2. Narcissism. They think they owe it to the world to pass on their genes.

3. The fantasy of "unconditional love" that they believe they will get from their kids. They are desperate for someone to love them and they think because they create them, the kids will forever be there to support and love them. Many parents end up with a rude awkening.

4. Trying to salvage a shitty relationship or trying to trap someone into a relationship.

Also animal instinct. Their brains are not developed enough to think through something that should really require a significant amount of thought and planning.

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Cambion
Why the fuck can't media outlets get an actually childfree person to write an article? They get Moos to write mooing articles. But it seems like they get everyone but the appropriate source to do CF articles, ranging from breeders to mopey childless assholes. How's about a genuinely unapologetic, unrepentant childFREE author? Are they worried they'll get bad ratings if the truth about CFdom is printed? If I had the promise of no editing, I'd gladly write something, as I'm sure many of the rest of us here would.

It's actually not an article for the magazine but an excerpt from a book that is to be published "Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids"

I wonder if there was a click-bait agenda from the NY Times in choosing this piece from the book. Certainly, my view of the excerpt was one of impatience and sneering. The author doesn't present a good view of the CF life, in fact, she sounds distasteful.

Reviews of the book are more positive than the excerpt would have you think. Why the Times picked this particular author is mystifying.

I originally the book title in the original post at the top. I just chose to not link to it, because the other essays in the book aren't available yet.

Of all the essays in the book, they have to pick this one. Like others have said, where are the CF op-ed pieces that show us to be happy, healthy, in sound mind and body, and living life on our own terms? Even TIME magazine's CF edition turned out be to a crock of shit, as the woman in the article later spawned.

I also noticed that they don't allow comments on this article. I can just imagine the bingo fest that would be on their servers...and how the CFers would login there to defend their choice to remain spawn-free. I know I would.

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Peace
I originally the book title in the original post at the top. I just chose to not link to it, because the other essays in the book aren't available yet.

And the Times put the book title at the bottom in teeeny print anyway eyes2 It does make it appear that this is an independent writer they solicited for an article.

I find it concerning that magazines are stooping to the tactic of instigating drama llama reactions from people - especially periodicals like the NY Times. I guess it is in response to a lower population of readers: get them to look at the site by posting something inflammatory, and they'll stick around to click on other articles.

ETA - Peace, I'm sorry, this has definitely been a "buh" week :drool Too much stress and an onerous work situation. I think the only part of my brain that hasn't become mush is one tiny piece located behind my left ear

From the editorial review at amazon:
"This collection makes a smart and passionate case for why parenthood is not the only path to a happy, productive life, and takes our parent-centric, kid-fixated, baby-bump-patrolling culture to task in the process. In this book, that shadowy faction known as the childless-by-choice comes out into the light."

The title is definitely sarcastic.

I would gladly write an article about how I "have it all" specifically because I am CF. My definition of "having it all" is not like those of most people. Besides not wanting or having any children, mine includes the huge goal I achieved by getting out of the rat race at age 45 by retiring. Can you imagine an article of mine telling people (read: parents) that someone can generate $40k (which is nearly twice as much as I need to live on) per year in investment income simply by being CF and doing nothing and still be able to do volunteer work with other people's children? I'd get bingoed all over the place from all of those green-with-envy parents. That is, if they lasted through the whole article to begin with LOL!

Cambion, what you wrote a few posts above mine reminded me of a segment on CNN about atheists and atheism a few years ago which included several people discussing (and, for the most part, trashing) atheism but NONE of the panelists were atheists themselves! What an irresponsible piece of "journalism" that was. (Then again, it was CNN.) Maybe my article about being CF and all of its advantages would include my being an atheist so I can offend religious people AND parents (lots of overlap there, too, of course) all at the same time LOL!

I look forward to reading the Meghan Daum book Dorisan posted a link about. It is not yet in any library in my local library system but several have ordered it already.

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Dorisan
ETA - Peace, I'm sorry, this has definitely been a "buh" week drool Too much stress and an onerous work situation. I think the only part of my brain that hasn't become mush is one tiny piece located behind my left ear coffee

Don't worry about it, I know the feeling well, especially this entire month. Just trying to finish up all the paperwork, then taxes, then anything else that comes up, before spring break and freedom!