"I'm a new mom, what if I never work full-time again?"

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I do want to be clear that I consider my husband’s money to be my own and I have zero qualms at this stage in life about spending it. The division of labor (though I don’t consider caring for a child to be “labor” so much as it is “living”) runs like this: I take care of our daughter, I manage our finances, I take out the trash, I run the errands and cook the meals, I take the dog to the vet, and I call the plumber when a pipe bursts. He works. At a job. For money. He works a lot and very hard. We both work equal amounts of hard, and we’re OK with this arrangement. Therefore, I have earned the right to spend his money, which isn’t, in fact, his. It’s ours.

I work and I take care the finances, the trash and home maintenance. Where's my cookie?

Equal amounts of hard? Nice try, but I'm not buying it that staying home and making one's own schedule for the most part are equal to working for someone else and following their deadlines. Not even close.

I know there are people on this page who have arrangements where they stay home. I'm not starting this topic to make an issue out of that. My point is: when I was in school somewhere along the line I learned that the greatest indicator of whether a woman lived in poverty was whether she had children. Why? Because of the divorce rate and death, etc.

In an alternative universe where I sprogged, I wouldn't have stopped working. I just wouldn't feel comfortable and I want my own pension and savings. I know plenty of women who continued to work after their kids were born.

IMO, this woman can't really afford to have a child. Yeah, she can live off her husband, but what happens if he wants out?

What those bints never seem to fathom is that they'd be doing most of that stuff anyway, if they weren't married or had a kid.

I'll bet there is some unspoken justification: "I pick his dirty laundry off the floor and make sure it is returned cleaned/ironed/folded. I service him in bed, even when I'm not in the mood. He wouldn't eat as well if I wasn't here to shop and fix the food, cleaning up after his meal." Saying those things would make her sound like a resentful servant, so she has to gussy it up and create a more dignified role for herself.

I wish they'd just spit it out: they don't want to work while the child(ren) are small and it is beneficial to the children and finances to not put them in daycare. And it's OK with their spouse that they take on this role.

It's just a boggle to me that they feel so fearless about this. If they are able-bodied and clearly capable of working, don't they have any worries about their status? Anything could happen, from spouse losing their job, to dying or just up and leaving for a new piece.

I took a couple of mental health breaks; neither period stretched longer than a couple of years. It was nice being at home, but seeing the savings account balance become static because there wasn't a second income to contribute to it, getting quarterly statements for my 401k from a previous employer and noting that growth only came from how well the investments did, budgeting the bills and realizing that those only get paid out of one income ... After about a year or year and a half, it started to look scary. I had recovered my mental health and felt ready to face the prospect of employment, it was time to get back to work.

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Dorisan
I service him in bed, even when I'm not in the mood.

Prostitution, plain and simple.

Now, I have no problem with prostitution. How one obtains food and shelter is their and their providers business, as long as they aren't coercing anyone.

However, I do have a problem with hypocrites. Don't pretend you're somehow better than a prostitute with multiple clients because you only have one. It's still the same job.

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"If you can't feed your baby, then don't have a baby. And don't think maybe, if you can't feed your baby."
- The wisdom of the late Michael Jackson
"The mother of the year should be a sterilized woman with two adopted children." - Paul Ehrlich

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bell_flower
Link

Choice quote:

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I do want to be clear that I consider my husband’s money to be my own and I have zero qualms at this stage in life about spending it. The division of labor (though I don’t consider caring for a child to be “labor” so much as it is “living”) runs like this: I take care of our daughter, I manage our finances, I take out the trash, I run the errands and cook the meals, I take the dog to the vet, and I call the plumber when a pipe bursts. He works. At a job. For money. He works a lot and very hard. We both work equal amounts of hard, and we’re OK with this arrangement. Therefore, I have earned the right to spend his money, which isn’t, in fact, his. It’s ours.

I work and I take care the finances, the trash and home maintenance. Where's my cookie?

Equal amounts of hard? Nice try, but I'm not buying it that staying home and making one's own schedule for the most part are equal to working for someone else and following their deadlines. Not even close.

I know there are people on this page who have arrangements where they stay home. I'm not starting this topic to make an issue out of that. My point is: when I was in school somewhere along the line I learned that the greatest indicator of whether a woman lived in poverty was whether she had children. Why? Because of the divorce rate and death, etc.

In an alternative universe where I sprogged, I wouldn't have stopped working. I just wouldn't feel comfortable and I want my own pension and savings. I know plenty of women who continued to work after their kids were born.

IMO, this woman can't really afford to have a child. Yeah, she can live off her husband, but what happens if he wants out?

If he wants out, chances are she'll get a shitload of child support and alimony. For this reason, I do not think that guys should agree to these kinds of arrangements. I think the prospect of future long-term financial doom should be an indicator that this kind of living arrangement is outdated in 2015.

I also sense this insinuation coming from moo that if not for she, he'd have no clean clothes, a house full of trash, and would soon starve to death. C'mon, now. That's doubtful. He'd probably just do that stuff himself. What she's attempting to do is make it seems like doing laundry or throwing tater-tots in the microwave constitutes highly specialized, skilled work. It does not. It is the minimum of what all adults can do.

The young guys who are interested in having children should avoid these types of women. They are delusional and completely overestimate their actual worth and contributions.

And let me be clear that I firmly believe that people need to decide for themselves what the best living arrangement is. If they want to be a SAHM/W, fine. If they want their husbands to stay home, fine. If they both want to work, fine. If they've got enough cash on hand to live off of investments, fine. If they've got enough cash to retire, fine.

All I'm asking is that they live with the consequences of whatever they decide, and don't go crying to the general public when they suffer a tragic death or job loss. How many times have we heard the old refrain, "Well I'm a SAHM and my husband died... we didn't have life insurance... please help us!"

Uhhhh... no. While you've been at home, the rest of us have been working. Time to join us. Welcome to reality!

http://www.gofundme.com/6ha8yc


Haha, look! Donate money so this Moo can be a stay a home mom by purchasing her start up kit for a sex
toy MLM!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If you can't feed your baby, then don't have a baby. And don't think maybe, if you can't feed your baby."
- The wisdom of the late Michael Jackson
"The mother of the year should be a sterilized woman with two adopted children." - Paul Ehrlich

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jmc
http://www.gofundme.com/6ha8yc


Haha, look! Donate money so this Moo can be a stay a home mom by purchasing her start up kit for a sex
toy MLM!!!

Note that she could not make 175 in 18 months.

I can't say I disagree with the mom in the first one. She is taking care of the home, kids, dog. And I have seen more than one give up a high powered career because their husbands were shooting for a higher powered one. I don't disagree that she may be entitled to his income.

That is a business arrangement.

However, the hazard here is that marriage and SAH is at will employment--you can be let go for any reason with little recourse. Yeah the courts may make him pay, but how long can you afford to fight?

I told many a friend taking time off to raise babies is fine, but you need to get back in the saddle ASAFP. And you need to hone skills any way you can (and wiping noses and asses is not a skill unless you are a CNA or day care provider.) Online classes, volunteer work...anything to add value.

This is the mistake of many a former working mother--they think they will just get their old job back once they take 4-5-6 years off.

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From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
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I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."