that time of year again, mothers day rants

I wouldn't say this is a rant so much as a topical disscusion/ emotional outlet for dealing with the day.

So its nearly moos day, and of course ads, magazines, and shopping places are littered with moothers day gear, and nauseating graphics of smiling kids and moos everywhere. I'm not a big fan of mothers/fathers day even when I was younger, I mean what's the point other than saying congrats you had sex and coincidentally formed a child, here's something I purchased because the media says I have to.

Off topic a bit, Anyone notice that the images used for moothers day have more infant/toddlers, vs fathers day having more almost school aged kids?

I thought I'd open up the channels early for any moothers day pre rants about what your likely dealing with.

I'm lucky this year, my partners fathers birthday will be dead on the weekend directly after moothers day, which would be when my mum would plan to force a multi generation mothers day dinner on me. So no way in hell I'm suffering that this year, I also have plans on mothers day anyway. I'm not that close to my family anymore, so I hate being expected to buy a gift when I neither have the money or attachment to do so.

Personally I got her a card, which I'll probly just send to her work as acknowledgement of her existence.

I HATE Fathers' Day. I lost my father to a freak car accident when I was 4 and it easily beats out Valentine's Day and Giftmas as the most horrible time of the year. When I was little the whole class had to make Fathers' Day cards in class because, in the suburban breederville I grew up in, everyone was assumed to have an unbroken famblee with a white picket fence and two and a half cars. If you had no father you and to make one for an uncle. Cthulhu forbid you were the product of someone widowed or divorced. Classmates spread rumors--not just among themselves but to teachers--that my parents had gone through a nasty divorce which explained why I was so fucked up. I wanted to rip the trauma right out of me and fling it in their simpering faces.

In the third grade I vetoed and told the teacher straight out that there was no way in hell I was going to keep reopening the wound every year by making a Fathers' Day card for my one uncle who I was never very close with or my other uncle who hollered and howled so much it's a wonder my aunt hasn't gone completely deaf by now. She gave me a strange look but I held my ground.

There was never any more forced making of cards for that sickening Hallmark-invented holiday ever again.

Quote
aes sedai
I HATE Fathers' Day. I lost my father to a freak car accident when I was 4 and it easily beats out Valentine's Day and Giftmas as the most horrible time of the year. When I was little the whole class had to make Fathers' Day cards in class because, in the suburban breederville I grew up in, everyone was assumed to have an unbroken fable with a white picket fence and two and a half cars. If you had no father you and to make one for an uncle. Cthulhu forbid you were the product of someone widowed or divorced. Classmates spread rumors--not just among themselves but to teachers--that my parents had gone through a nasty divorce which explained why I was so fucked up. I wanted to rip the trauma right out of me and fling it in their simpering faces.

In the third grade I vetoed and told the teacher straight out that there was no way in hell I was going to keep reopening the wound every year by making a Fathers' Day card for my one uncle who I was never very close with or my other uncle who hollered and howled so much it's a wonder my aunt hasn't gone completely deaf by now. She gave me a strange look but I held my ground.

There was never any more forced making of cards for that sickening Hallmark-invented holiday ever again.

Good for you.

Schools should focus on the "3 R's" and stop wasting time with other fluff, anyway.

It was only earlier this year that I finally acknowledged to myself that my mom was in fact emotionally abusive, not just "really stressed" and "well people were always mean to her". It did not make her a good mother! I'm still in the anger stage, I see and hear all these stories of people's good mothers and I just want to shout "its not always like that!" And now mothers day and everyone will be pushing it down my throat to be "thankful". For what? Years of abuse since I was old enough to talk?

See I agreed about schools cutting the heart felt crap and getting on with what's ment to be taught.

I'm in no way fond of my dad, in fact I'm waiting for him to drop dead for all the shit he's put me through, but the relivitives that don't know the real him, tell me I should be greatful, and how dare I hate him after all he's done for me. Done what? Ruined my life financially/mentally/physically, this is a man who cared more about not paying a $400 excess than getting me immediate physiotherapy when I was injured working for him in sub par conditions on faulty dangerous equipment because no one else would support his dream of keeping his business alive after a major natural disaster. And now i cant get a job cause people dont wanna hire a female within breeding age that cant be insured because of perment injurys that comprimise basic fuctions like standing/sitting for long periods of time comfterbly, or lifting 10-15kgs without being in pain or doped up on painkillers. Gee thanks dad.

I don't acknowledge his birthday or fathers day anymore, since I was tossed to the curb once I was injured and wasn't useful, could have recovered nearly 100% if I'd just got treatment quickly enough.

I've commented in the tiger stripes topic how my mother wasn't much better, imposing her body issues onto me during childhood, then harrasing and trying to control me as an adult after I moved out, frequently tricking me into shelling out money I didn't have by being told she would pay, then after whatever meal/place/thing was complete, paying for herself, and having me look like I'm trying to pull a walk out and not pay because I thought she had paid for us both, i had so many weeks where i couldnt aford food because of her tricking me after the deed was done, or paying and telling me i owe her with interest, then trying to get favours out of me for free as repayments (blackmail).

Each time i wanted to belive my mum wasnt a scheming bitch and wasnt doing it purposly till i started keeping count round 19/20years old. Even now mr exile sometimes catches her trying to con me and clues me in before its to late, but as we cf have said many times on here, a baby is programmed to like its mother for survival reasons, even now, as much as I hate my dad, I can't fully bring myself to hate my mum, which is stupid, the best I can do is keep away from her for long enough to see through her crap when I'm next near her.

Hence why I'm not big on mother's day.

Plus theirs her whole idea we should just have her/my auntie/my grandmas mothers day at the same time as my dads and my grandmas birthday is celebrated, as an excuse as for maximum presents, try to force me to give my dad a gift less suffer the wrathful questions and hatful words of the elder relitives/cousins. Meanwhile bingos insured that I should understand one day when I'm a moo on moothers day.. Idiots

As you know, my moo is in a home for Alzheimer's related dementia, so Moo Day is lost on her. It is a depressing day for me, especially going to the home and seeing her like that. Now, I can't even bring her candies with wrappers because she will eat the wrappers.

Because she was such a belligerent bitch when I was growing up, I only ever gave her a card and that was all. I was resentful that she even GOT a special day.

We did grow closer after I left my asshole ex, and I forgave her for all the shit she put me through, though. She was much easier on me then, and we did end up salvaging a half decent relationship before she became ill.

I'm visiting her at the home and bringing her some candies and a card. Maybe a little stuffed animal or something she can cuddle with. She's currently being chemically restrained, so she spends most of her time sleeping. The last time I went, she was fast asleep so I didn't get a chance to visit with her.

I really wish Moo Day didn't exist at all. It's just another stupid Hallmark holiday that doesn't mean anything at all.

I will acknowledge mothers day but I am also not a big fan of it.

Why should they get a special day? They are parents 365 days of the year, whether they like it or not! It also seems like this generation of parents feel like the attention should be on them all the time any ways 'Oh look at me and my pwecious loafy! :bayybee I'm a mawm!'

Why do you need a special day to acknowledge this? Their parents and their kyd are no better than any other parent or kid.

If the duh appreciated his famblee d than he would show his OH / GF / Wife how much he appreciates her and cares about her every other day of the year as well. If they can't do that, than they aren't worth keeping around in my books.

I hate mother's day anyway, since my mother is dead and it's a very painful reminder. This year, my birthday falls on mother's day. So, fuck that.

When you drag kids here, you cause them to need to be cared for. I don't know why you need to get a "special day" for that. It is nauseating.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
"I have found little that is 'good' about human beings on the whole. In my experience most of them are trash, no matter whether they publicly subscribe to this or that ethical doctrine or to none at all."
~Sigmund Freud

Quote
aes sedai
I HATE Fathers' Day. I lost my father to a freak car accident when I was 4 and it easily beats out Valentine's Day and Giftmas as the most horrible time of the year. When I was little the whole class had to make Fathers' Day cards in class because, in the suburban breederville I grew up in, everyone was assumed to have an unbroken famblee with a white picket fence and two and a half cars. If you had no father you and to make one for an uncle. Cthulhu forbid you were the product of someone widowed or divorced. Classmates spread rumors--not just among themselves but to teachers--that my parents had gone through a nasty divorce which explained why I was so fucked up. I wanted to rip the trauma right out of me and fling it in their simpering faces.

In the third grade I vetoed and told the teacher straight out that there was no way in hell I was going to keep reopening the wound every year by making a Fathers' Day card for my one uncle who I was never very close with or my other uncle who hollered and howled so much it's a wonder my aunt hasn't gone completely deaf by now. She gave me a strange look but I held my ground.

There was never any more forced making of cards for that sickening Hallmark-invented holiday ever again.

I can relate, somewhat. My parents are divorced. And I grew up in an Upscale Leave It To Beaver style Suburbia. I'm not that old, either. Well, I am almost 40. And some of these places - as a friend of mine said recently, about 'exurban' areas - it's almost like they're 10 years 'behind'.

Yes, I did pick up on some stink eye because my parents were divorced. I got the idea that they thought my Mom was some kind of "Shameless Hussy". Also? My Grand Parents were divorced. Scandalous!

I was also shoved through the Jewish Temple as well as the Christian Church. Talk about taking it with both barrels! eyes2
I mean - Free Child Minding! FUN! Youth Groups!

eyes2

Um, NO.

And the people in these places were largely ASSHOLES.

I'm not sure what the lifelong homage is about. Sure, when she is actively momming (new word! ) give her breakfast in bed or take her out for a special dinner. Give the woman a break from all the alleged work she is doing. But after the kids have fledged? pfffft. It shouldn't be a requirement. And someone ought to nuke the Hallmark headquarters for crapping out such barf-worthy videos all over the place

blorp


There are many influences in one's life that you shape you into the adult you are. The mother (usually) gives birth to the child and is responsible for the welfare of their earliest years, but then the kid is sent out into the world and shaped by school, by other adults, and certainly by their own inner compass. These people who say they wouldn't be the person they are today without mawwwm are just being overly fatuous and idiotic.

ETA: the reality of MD told in trainwreck fashion

http://community.babycenter.com/post/a56483200/the_big_fat_mothers_day_poll

Here in the UK mothers day has been and gone. It's not normally a holiday that bothers me 'cause it's an excuse to hang out with mum but this year seemed more puketastic than other years. Facebook was awash with moomies (most of whom had kids uner 18) gloating all the wonderful (ie prompted by dad) things their sprogs have done for them *barf*. I don't remember that happening last year. Then again I have trouble remebering my own name

Moo-Day is annoying to me for many reasons which include, but aren't limited to, the following:


1-It's a painful month long reminder, due to all the hoopla at retail outlets and ads everywhere, my mom is dead
2-It's a sad day for my 95 y/o grandmother that two of her children are now deceased and that's ALL she wants to talk about when I call her. "It's JUST not natural for a mother to outlive her chyyldren!!!!!"
3-Acknowledging my moo-in-law on Moo-Day is more annoying since my mom died
4-I fucking loathe the assumption by store clerks, UPS drivers, customers, etc....that I am a moo. "Happy MOO DAY KidlessKim!". Yeah, fuck you very much.


:smn

------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------
If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

My mother doesn't give a fig about mother's day, except in the original intent as an anti-war statement. No gifts, cards or phone calls are expected from the kids or from my father.

Therefore what I hate about mother's day is the way it has strayed from the original intent to become a Hallmark holiday devoted to putting motherhood on a pedestal, and the assumption by random strangers that I am a mother simply because I'm a woman over a certain age. I find it irritating to be handed a flower or some stupid 'gift' by a clerk at a shop simply because I'm female. When they do it on international women's day it's one thing, since I'm undeniably a woman, but mother's day is one big pile of presumption.

Quote
elaphe_guttata
It was only earlier this year that I finally acknowledged to myself that my mom was in fact emotionally abusive, not just "really stressed" and "well people were always mean to her". It did not make her a good mother! I'm still in the anger stage, I see and hear all these stories of people's good mothers and I just want to shout "its not always like that!" And now mothers day and everyone will be pushing it down my throat to be "thankful". For what? Years of abuse since I was old enough to talk?

Ah yes, the scales falling from eyes moment- I had mine about four years ago and I still get the odd flashes of rage- I'm not as angry as I was but still processing things, remembering old instances of cruelty pepetuated by my mother and sister and trying to make sense of it all. Good luck to you, it gets better eventually- the hurt may not fade completely (can we ever really get over something as major as family?) but in time it will get more bearable, and you will get stronger!

I hate Mother's Day too- as a child I forgot it a few times and my mother would be furious with me, especially as my complete arselicker of a sister would make a big show of getting her an expensive card without asking me to sign it, or reminding me to get one

My parents were both dead by the time I was 23 (they smoked like chimneys) and I hate going into shops and having sales assistants trying to plug their Mother's Day and Father's Day gift offers. One time I was paying for something at The Body Shop and the assistant was trying to get me to buy a Mother's Day gift set. I kept saying "No thank you" but she didn't take the hint or register that I was upset and kept yakking away, eventually shoving some free samples into my bag. I found them again when I got home and hurled them in the bin- just looking at these unasked-for samples for my dead and abusive mother was upsetting enough.

Now Mr Sausage and I just send a card to his mother instead- she's a true PNB who is a million times more kind and loving than my own mother was. AND she never bingoes us!

Quote
gnarler
I hate mother's day anyway, since my mother is dead and it's a very painful reminder. This year, my birthday falls on mother's day. So, fuck that.

I can't really say anything about your mum or mothers day, but regardless I hope in advance you have a nice birthday through it all


I do hate being assumed to have bred just cause I'm a female of a suspected age, though I've never had it shoveled down my throat by sales people, normally just random shoppers assuming. Mind you I tend to default to cranky tired appearances, wear comfterble sometimes daggy worn in clothes, don't bother with hair or make up, so I guess the assumption could be founded on that.

Actually I do find if I wear make up people assume I'm single, if I don't they assume im in a relationship and relationship must = kids.

Quote
kidlesskim

4-I fucking loathe the assumption by store clerks, UPS drivers, customers, etc....that I am a moo. "Happy MOO DAY KidlessKim!". Yeah, fuck you very much.


:smn

***shudder****

I don't mind mother's day on a personal level. I always managed to get my mom a gift or card when she was alive. What I do mind is the assumption that EVERYONE is supposed to celebrate EVERY mother. Why do I have to give thanks to some random person I don't even know, who's kid I don't know and who will probably never do anything worthwhile that will benefit me or anyone I know or really anyone anywhere?

All these mothers out there want to be appreciated, that's fine. But appreciation should start at home and end at home. Moos, teach your kids to worship your gaping twat, no one else cares. The most ironic thing is that the people who should be appreciating them on mother's day, their children, are the people who will least appreciate anything their moo ever does. :headbrick

My issue with Mother's Day, as some of you have pointed out, is that if you're a female of reproductive age, it seems to be assumed that you have reproduced. I don't know how many times I've had the following conversation with customers when I've worked on that "holiday":

Customer: Happy Mother's Day!
Me: (trying to be polite) Thank you, but I don't have kids.
Customer: Not yet?
Me: Not ever.
Customer: Why? You're young! You don't know what could happen!
Me: (screaming mentally)

Funnily enough, last year, it was mostly men of all ages and women in their 30s-40s who seemed to take issue with my choice not to breed. Women in their 60s and 70s tend to respond more along the lines of, "That's fine, then" or "Good for you." Even had one woman in that age group tell me that I was too young to worry about being a mother and should enjoy my life before thinking about having kids. (Left me a bit speechless, in a good way. Also slightly amused, as I'm in my late twenties-- not what most people would consider "too young" for kids.)

Maybe this year, I'll just go along with them, if only for the laughs.

Example: clerk wishes me happy moo day.
Me: (smiling) Thank you.
Clerk: How many do you have?
Me: Two!
Clerk: Boys? Girls?
Me: Two girls!
Clerk: Awww! How old are they?
Me: (trying to hold back my laughter, gives out the ages)
Clerk: Ohhh, those are such great ages!
Me: Yes, they are! They're my pride and joy! (leaves store)

Clerk has no clue I've been talking about my two dogs.

How many days until we have to hear about how much money a mom would make if she were paid a fair salary for the loafin? There is always at least one of those obnoxious articles this time of year.

Quote
night owl
Maybe this year, I'll just go along with them, if only for the laughs.

Example: clerk wishes me happy moo day.
Me: (smiling) Thank you.
Clerk: How many do you have?
Me: Two!
Clerk: Boys? Girls?
Me: Two girls!
Clerk: Awww! How old are they?
Me: (trying to hold back my laughter, gives out the ages)
Clerk: Ohhh, those are such great ages!
Me: Yes, they are! They're my pride and joy! (leaves store)

Clerk has no clue I've been talking about my two dogs.

hahaha, I've done that before, but I used my two cats one was 16 other was 2 I was like 23, they never even picked up on the inconsistency of the 23-16 years 7 years old or adopted, the other time I used it, my elderly cat had passed on, so I used my cat and new dog, one was 4 the other was 1, sounded much more plausible. the only problem with engaging people who ask who many/how old, they either pick up on the lack of enthusiasm and whipping out of photos for extended attention whoring like they would, or.. dun dun dun, they go full out speal into everything about their own kids that you couldn't give a crap about.

Quote
freya
How many days until we have to hear about how much money a mom would make if she were paid a fair salary for the loafin? There is always at least one of those obnoxious articles this time of year.

for me I think its exactly 7 days away, suposidly mothers days a sunday, even though its ment to be the 5th of may, my mum dosnt go on about how much she should be respected and paid for having raised kids, but she dose expect me to take her out somewhere and buy her meals most of the day, which I so don't have the money for even if i'd had some to spare before my fence fell down in Fridays storm, but even knowing that, she still EXPECTS to be taken out, and will of course try to have me buy her things.

Quote
elaphe_guttata
It was only earlier this year that I finally acknowledged to myself that my mom was in fact emotionally abusive, not just "really stressed" and "well people were always mean to her". It did not make her a good mother! I'm still in the anger stage, I see and hear all these stories of people's good mothers and I just want to shout "its not always like that!" And now mothers day and everyone will be pushing it down my throat to be "thankful". For what? Years of abuse since I was old enough to talk?

Yes, I have also finally realized that I am the daughter of a narcissistic mother and that in fact, me and my brother have been emotionally abused all our lives. I am still baffled by how I haven't realized this way before.
I have lost all respect for our parental units once our dad said to my face that we were created just to fill the emptiness in them, and he also dared to say to me that if I feel empty inside, I better get to making a baby soon as well.
I told him that this cycle of creating a human being just to be used ends with me and that my life has to have some worth even without me popping out a child.

Seriously, Fuck mother's and father's day.

Quote
zeropop


Customer: Happy Mother's Day!
Me: (trying to be polite) Thank you, but I don't have kids.
Customer: Not yet?
Me: Not ever.
Customer: Why? You're young! You don't know what could happen!

Well, I know an abortion could happen.

Mother's day, Father's day, Christmas, Thanksgiving...My yearly Days of Dread, where I have to go to the in laws for enforced cheer, and on three of those to church services (I am a mostly closeted non theist). groan...! At least Easter and the 4th of July have fallen off the celebratory calender, and New Year's was never on it.