"How the Boomerang Generation Can Destroy Your Retirement Plans"

http://www.nextavenue.org/your-kids-will-never-let-you-retire/

If breeders let their spawn move back in with them after they've done what can reasonably be expected of them to launch their children into self-supporting lives, that's on them.

Although it seems to me that a sizeable portion of breeders don't do much to launch their spawn on their own paths, and most of the others baybee them too much.

Anyway, neither problem can be solved by letting fully fledged adults go on living as kyds.

The job market is bad, but it was already bad when I moved out (unemployment rates varied between 12 and 17 percent in my city state while I was at uni). It's simply normal that you don't usually get a cosy life at a good address and nice jobs for a long time, if ever.

Quite frankly, it seems to me that parunts can ruin your retirement far more easily than spawn. Spawn can legally be cut off. When depends on the laws where you live, but at the latest it tends to be after a completed first post-secondary qualification or at a certain age, whichever comes first, and the parental financial support towards that qualification is comparatively moderate. And if the breeders don't provide it, they have to be sued by the spawn - and few do. Most just deal.

Parunts, on the other hand, quite frequently have to be supported throughout their old age, at least if they need old-age care, and if you reach the income threshold that really allows you to have a comfortable life and save up at the same time, you can find yourself having your income and savings siphoned off for the support of your parents. For as long as they live. Unless they made sufficient provisions to support themselves, which can't always be hoped for as long as even affluent people have children to look after them in retirement.

The threshold for parental support is relatively high, yes, but considering that you might be paying for them for decades, that can easily add up to many tens of thousands over the years that can't be put towards your own goals nor your own retirement.

And if you don't pay, the state will come after you, which isn't the case when parunts don't support their children during their first post-secondary qualification.

Breeders can complain till the cows come home - they created the problem in the first place, now they'll have to cope with it. And legally they don't even have to, at least not indefinitely. Funny how that works even though parunts create chyldren, not the other way around.

It might also be time for these breeders to ask themselves what they've done to create this problem. I'm sure many of the insecurities, mental health problems or plain entitlement that keeps the spawn from venturing out on their own were put there by the breeders themselves. No one grows up in a vacuum, and not everything is down to genes (though the breeders would still be at fault, if differently, in that case).

But whatever they've done (or not done), from a certain point forward - if the kyds just don't get their act together - the most productive thing to do is just to throw them out. If they have to sink or swim, most will swim, I bet. No, life isn't as cushy when you have to come up with all the money and do all the work yourself, but unfortunately, there's no good alternative to becoming a useful member of society with the tiniest bit of humility thrown in.

The ones who'll sink will just drag everyone down with them if left on parental life-support. No good alternative there, either.

Gawd, I just can't stand the complaining that wages are low and life is expensive. Newsflash: it's been that way for freakin' decades!!! And before. The only ones in living memory who caught a break on a grand scale where many of the babyboomers. Unfortunately, that generation still serves as a reference point, which is utterly unrealistic.

In many ways, life sucks utterly. But stomping one's feet and screaming that it's unfair doesn't help, and neither does pretending to still be a kyd in other ways. Ensconcing oneself in the cradle - or letting someone - changes nothing for the better, and I wish both breeders and spawn would finally grok that.

But anyway - parunts not getting to enjoy retirement? That's a problem of their own making. No sympathy here.

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whiskysnob
The job market is bad, but it was already bad when I moved out (unemployment rates varied between 12 and 17 percent in my city state while I was at uni). It's simply normal that you don't usually get a cosy life at a good address and nice jobs for a long time, if ever.

Same here. I was "lucky" among my age mates in finding an entry level job at a corporation where I hoped to work my way into the IT department, but it was only at minimum wage. I was paying 17% interest on a beater of a car and lived in a Skankville apartment. But I didn't have much choice, not having anywhere else to go.

I don't have an issue with the boomerang young adults as long as the situation is arranged with minimal impact so no one has any reason to bitch. THIS situation:

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But many other kids — even those with jobs — are moving home because it makes their lives easier (financially or otherwise) or because they’re holding out for their dream job. And thanks to that full fridge, comfy bed, washer and dryer and spending money, they’re liking it there. Nearly eight in 10 adult children who have lived with their parents said they were satisfied with that living arrangement, according to a survey by the Pew Research Center.

Oh HELL TO THE NO. That's the parents' fault in some respects, but also the young person. Talk about selfish, self-absorbed fuckheads. Seriously. If they learned anything from their math classes, they'd know that this is not likely to be a financially feasible situation for their parents. Yet still they sponge.

I've seen some mutually beneficial arrangements. It helps the parents financially if their kid lives at home paying a share of everything and doing things that the parent can't manage. The offspring is the benefactor of better cooking and sometimes other house-oriented tasks that they'd loathe to do on their own, but that's rare.

If they can afford to live on their own, even if it means driving a Toyota Putt-Putt and living in a studio apartment, then they should be gone - they should want to be gone.

"Toyota Putt Putt" ???????? I guess you mean a 20 yo Tercell or something. I drive a very nice/new Toyota so... I will not take it as an insult. Humm... wouldn' t have a new Toyota every few years if I had adult leaches at home. So... there's an on topic point. LOL

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starlady
"Toyota Putt Putt" ???????? I guess you mean a 20 yo Tercell or something. I drive a very nice/new Toyota so... I will not take it as an insult. Humm... wouldn' t have a new Toyota every few years if I had adult leaches at home. So... there's an on topic point. LOL

We're on our second Scion xB eyes2

I wouldn't have an older Echo, though. Took a test ride on the interstate and felt like a butterfly, buffeted in every direction by passing semis.

My first car was a 1981 Dodge Colt. $4,000 new and I had to finance it. Looking back at pictures of the thing, I think "yee gawds, oogly."



When I had enough money, I decided to move "up" to a Ford Escort. Unbelievable.




But, when your take home pay is $159/week (that's the equivalent of about $400, today), your rent is $250/month and car payments are $179/month, you have to face reality. What I really wanted was a Trans Am, like the rich kids whose parents paid for their college and didn't have to scratch like me. But that was just a dream



Back in the early 80s, it was only the young people from seriously rich families who lived with their parents after college. It wasn't even considered among most of my classmates. Those who weren't already married by that time and scraping by in cheap apartments knew that as soon as they graduated, out they went.

Maybe it was the Midwest life, with all the factories leaving for Japan and your parents not knowing if they'd have a job 6 months down the road, but mandatory independence was just the fact of life

Yep, when I started out on my own (or in my early married years) we scrimped and drove a bunch of crappy cars. Didn't fall back on moomie and duh. We were on our own and we made our own way and did without nice stuff for quite a few years. I had nothing but a lumpy mattress, dresser with sticking drawers, a second hand couch and a board on cinderblocks as a coffee table when I first went out on my own... but... I made it. NEVER moved back home... not once!

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Dorisan
Maybe it was the Midwest life, with all the factories leaving for Japan and your parents not knowing if they'd have a job 6 months down the road, but mandatory independence was just the fact of life.

To me, the paradox of the job losses of 1980's is that people, not for one second, stopped and gave it any amount of thought about breeding. This is when many millennials were being born and their parents showed no regard of any kind about the fact that their job maybe going overseas and that they maybe without any kind of income.

Fast forward to the recession of 2008. These parents, now older, are still beating the same drum. "Ya know, y'all need to start thinking about having them bay-bees, it is time", they were saying. Nobody, not for one minute, stopped and thought about job losses, student loan payments or rising rent and cost of living. If I would bring that up, they would simply reply: "It's OK, you will always find money for kyds, people were born during the war, depression and famine and it all worked out for the better". I am not sure how it all worked out for the better, but I am sure some greedy corporate leader has benefited from that.

Married Boomerangs who moved back in with the 'rents, the Mrs. puffed out with twins, complaining about the setting.

http://community.babycenter.com/post/a58531828/inlaws_dont_want_me_to_create_a_nursery

LOL - love the first (and general) response

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Shut up and move out. It's not your house.

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Dorisan
Married Boomerangs who moved back in with the 'rents, the Mrs. puffed out with twins, complaining about the setting.

http://community.babycenter.com/post/a58531828/inlaws_dont_want_me_to_create_a_nursery

LOL - love the first (and general) response

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Shut up and move out. It's not your house.

It's a :flaming fest over there. They're lighting her up worse than we torch tr0lls here. jerry

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“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

That woman on the moo board is an entitled bitch.
Granted, the inlaws and all other parents of adult boomerangers need to set very firm guidelines and have a plan in place and in writing for the returning spawn to be out. It is one thing for people to hit temporary hard times due to sudden illness, sudden job loss, skyrocketing rent in certain cities, a disability, having an SO with an addiction problem, an abusive partner or being screwed over a room mate. However, these are all temporary situations. It is also different if a parent and child decide to combine households to save money like any other two adults.
There are people I would allow to live with me in an emergency but I would never, ever allow somebody to live with me for the purpose of paying for fertility treatments, saving for a house or paying off debt, especially not debt they willing acquired.
Maybe I am a bitch, but I would have very strict rules that would be written down and all adults sign and agree to before moving in. A person in a true emergency will be happy to have a roof over their head rather than worrying about their right to paint walls. My rules would be something along the lines of:
You may stay here for no more than 8 weeks provided all other rules are followed.
No guests at any time, especially not overnight guests.
I will clean out space in a cabinet and the refrigerator for you to keep your food. You may not eat or drink anything other than what you have purchased unless specifically invited.
You will not acquire any new pets or kids while living here.
If not employed, you will spend at least 8 hours a day 5 days a week applying for jobs or going on interviews.
You may not use our cars. Don't ask. We also will not be providing rides for non emergency purposes. Here are cab numerous and map showing bus routes and stops.
You can use the kitchen to prepare food but all utensils and dishes need to be put in the dishwasher and the kitchen cleaned as soon as you are finished. Start the dishwasher if you fill it.
When using the washer and dryer, limit it to 2 loads per day and do not leave clothes in the washer or dryer.
You will be out of the common areas and in your own room by 10 PM and remain there until 6 am except for absolutely vital trips.
No coming and going from the house after 10 PM or before 6 am unless required for work. If you want to stay out later or leave earlier find a place to stay for the night.
If you have money for "treats" like vacations, road trips, concerts, meals out, etc you have money to get your own place.
You can use the WiFi but not our computers.
You will park your car on the street and not in the driveway.
No smoking (anything) or vaping in the house. No illegal drugs.
I don't think anybody would want to stay with me long under those conditions!

I dread to think what I'd be like if I'd have boomeranged back to the nest. I've grown so much as a person thanks to living on my own and dealing with my own shit. I look at my friends and siblings who never moved out and it's kind of depressing, they're like they where when they were teenagers.

It was one thing for people to live at home until marriage was the average age of marriage for women was 16 to 18 and around 20 for men. People also often lived on large farms with minimal modern conveniences so live at home adults were not lounging about all on the internet or watching cable. I think then moving out wasn't always an option to do alone because it took so much work to maintain a household as well as a farm. Heck, some of these young adults were expected to go work an 8 hour job during the day to contribute to the household and then come home and do farm chores.
As of now, with modern conveniences cutting down household chores, the move away from rural to urban living a and the average age of marriage up near 30 and rising, adult children are now spending over a decade mooching off their parents and are then unable to launch because they know nothing about what goes into maintaining a household. This is why losers marry and breed, or just breed and are unable to move out on their own. I think years ago, even though the roles were very gender divided, people at least had an idea of what went into maintaining a household when they moved out.
But I agree with Chicken. There are entirely too many people living at home into their 30s and beyond who are still living like a 14 year old. That moo board is full of women on other posts complaining about meanie head MILs that they are living with and mooching off of. On another post one woman said her MIL threw her out of the house but hePr husband "put a stop to it." They are living with the ILs for free and she is knocked up! There is no way a house guest is going to tell me who I tolerate in my house. The MIL should have tossed them both out.

I am loving the flame throwing on that post.
I remember once listening to Dr Laura (I know a lot here don't like her) but a similar scenario where the cow and duh were living in her mothers basement with her two sex trophies. She was whining because she wanted to moo again and the mother flat out told her to get out if she did. Dr. L told her to shut the hell up and get her own place if she wanted to moo again so badly. And lambasted her on the financial end of things as well. Moo didn't like that at all if I recall correctly. But she did have her head handed to her on a platter.

update: still laugh out loud over there. I have yet to see if this whiny cow comes back trying to justify herself but no go. brouhaaaaaaaaaaahahahaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaa

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

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twocents
I am loving the flame throwing on that post.
I remember once listening to Dr Laura (I know a lot here don't like her) but a similar scenario where the cow and duh were living in her mothers basement with her two sex trophies. She was whining because she wanted to moo again and the mother flat out told her to get out if she did. Dr. L told her to shut the hell up and get her own place if she wanted to moo again so badly. And lambasted her on the financial end of things as well. Moo didn't like that at all if I recall correctly. But she did have her head handed to her on a platter.

update: still laugh out loud over there. I have yet to see if this whiny cow comes back trying to justify herself but no go. brouhaaaaaaaaaaahahahaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaa

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In reply to Fireballzz:
Posted 23 hrs ago
Our home would cost 345,000. We want to have the twins in separate rooms and then two extra rooms for a guest and baby or two babies. I work each month for 2475, DH works for 4300. Take out money for insurance, cars, we are left for nithing. Until you've gone through your savings with fertility treatment then don't judge

And in reply

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“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

I will say that it is the parents' faults (to an extent) in some cases when their grown-ass kids come back home and refuse to leave. And it can be for several reasons: they welcome the kids back home, they make the formerly empty nest nice and cozy for their brats, they buy them shit and feed them, they don't ask for rent, they don't set rules, they might not be too adamant about the kids finding work or better work, they watch the grown kids' children if there are any, they'll make idle threats about "get a job by X day or we're throwing you out" and then X day comes and the parents do nothing. They wuv their kids too much to toss them out on their asses.

I think some parents are still harboring resentment toward their own parents for throwing them out at age 18, so in an attempt to be better parents than their parents were, the parents of 20-year-olds will welcome their spawn back home with open arms and let them mooch for years and years.

But it can also be a problem from the opposite end of that "cares too much" spectrum in the form of helicopter parents. The ones who go to job interviews with their kids and wait on them hand and foot so Junior doesn't have to get up from playing XBox. Or control-freak parents who sabotage their kids' efforts to become independent. Both helicopter and controlling parents tend to not teach their kids how to do anything in regard to real-world survival because said parents never intended for those kids to ever leave the nest where Mommy can't keep a leash on them. Many 20-somethings have no idea how to dress for interviews, write proper resumes, balance a checkbook, budget, clip coupons/shop sales, do basic car maintenance like checking the oil or inflating the tires, cook for themselves, clean, very basic sewing like reattaching buttons, nothing. I personally didn't know how to pump gas until I'd had my license for at least 3 years, which I suspect was intentional. Don't let Cambion learn to pump gas because that might make her too independent! eyes2 I had to have someone else show me how.

So I think the direction in which the finger of blame should be pointing (and for how long) will depend on what kinds of parents the kid has. Did you try your best and the kid is still a failure, or are you the brick wall keeping them from succeeding? If you're gonna fucking breed, then you better teach that kid how to be on their own when they're no longer children. You can't make a kid, teach them absolutely nothing in regard to life skills and then expect them to morph into responsible adults overnight. You want them out, show them how to get out and stay out. On the other hand, don't bitch at your l'il basement dweller to get a job and then do shit like forbid them from taking 98 percent of jobs or hide the car keys because you don't like the owner of the company your kid is interviewing with.

The job market doesn't help matters either. Years ago, it was pretty easy to get a job and at least get by. I watched a documentary on one of my favorite musicians and remember a part that discussed how the guy had a part-time bakery job and could afford an apartment by himself in New York City in the 1980s. Now, you have 200 assholes vying for the same burger-slinging position. Employers have become more spoiled than ever before too - they want someone with a college education, but don't want to pay more than they would a high school graduate. And "overqualified" is an actual thing; we live in a country where being too good is an excuse to not hire someone. I know employers have to be a little picky (more so with some jobs than others), but the way they are now is total bullshit.

The blame cannot be squarely placed on any one party because I think parents, kids and employers are all at fault to varying extents.

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evilchildlessbitch
My rules would be something along the lines of:
You may stay here for no more than 8 weeks provided all other rules are followed.
I don't think anybody would want to stay with me long under those conditions!

When I returned to the states after living abroad I needed a place to stay, briefly. Rules weren't given to me but with the exception of food I pretty much followed your rules to the tee. I did eat the same food as everyone else and I also made regular trips to the store to replenish any food I notice there was a shortage of, plus a few food items I hoped would be appreciated. I did do more laundry (and vacuumed, etc.) but that is because I washed some towels for the people I was staying with. Guess it was just being a respectful guest. Also spent 8 hours a day job hunting and had an offer in 4 days.