Parents admit baybee was total mistake

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/carolyn-hax-couple-realize-they-are-not-cut-out-for-parenthood/2015/08/27/a4edf388-411e-11e5-846d-02792f854297_story.html

Parents finally admit baybee was a total mistake. Baybee is 8 months and parunts had no idea the changes baybee would cause. The colunmist answering suggested EVERYTHING but giving it up for adoption which they better do soon while it is still "cute and adoptable"

It says this is favourites from the archives...so no doubt already too late.

I really enjoy this comment. It has 13 likes right now. It absolutely needs to be pushed that parenthood is not for everyone, and you are not abnormal, or a bad person for not wanting kids.

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Salunga
11:15 AM EDT
Speaking for myself, I really resent your remark that "It isn't normal." It may not be normal for you, but you have no business judging what's normal for them. I never wanted children, and I don't consider myself "not normal." I'm just me. CH is right, postpartum depression may be a factor. But I also know a couple who had their only child after 14 years of marriage (she was reluctant, he pushed for it) and discovered the same thing. And both were school teachers, so it's not like they didn't have any experience around children. Do NOT judge.

______________________________________________________
Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Evan Davis

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Authors advice to parents...
The moment you hang up, call the first one to make an appointment. If s/he can’t meet within a week, then call the next one, and so on through the list. If nothing works, call your doctor again. (Don’t be afraid to go to the emergency room if you ever think you might hurt yourself or your baby.)

The letter in no way indicated that the baby would be threatened or harmed. They were just saying that parenthood SUCKS, restricts your freedom, and implied that the whole thing is a waste of time.

The "advice" of calling a doctor and screening for post partum depression is a red herring, with the author assuming that something is medically wrong with people for not wanting to take care of a baby.

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StudioFiftyFour

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Authors advice to parents...
The moment you hang up, call the first one to make an appointment. If s/he can’t meet within a week, then call the next one, and so on through the list. If nothing works, call your doctor again. (Don’t be afraid to go to the emergency room if you ever think you might hurt yourself or your baby.)

The letter in no way indicated that the baby would be threatened or harmed. They were just saying that parenthood SUCKS, restricts your freedom, and implied that the whole thing is a waste of time.

The "advice" of calling a doctor and screening for post partum depression is a red herring, with the author assuming that something is medically wrong with people for not wanting to take care of a baby.

I have to disagree based on experience. This letter is from the kind of person who is intellectualizing to hold on. This is the person who snaps out of the blue and does real damage. I've seen the bloody results on the street and in the ER. I've been the reporter to CPS.

These people needed help long before they wrote the letter. Post Partum Depression is not a red herring here. It is a red flag. The only advantage this couple has is they are not in denial. Psychiatric intervention for PPD as well as couples therapy is imperative here. It needs to happen before more severe issues occur.

Reality is adoption won't happen. Reasons are obvious so they will have to parent. They need to face it and step up. Therapy for both of them along with parenting classes have to be embraced. If not there will be a damaged or dead child and 2 more in the prison system.

_______________________________________________
“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

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thom_c


I have to disagree based on experience. This letter is from the kind of person who is intellectualizing to hold on. This is the person who snaps out of the blue and does real damage. I've seen the bloody results on the street and in the ER. I've been the reporter to CPS.

These people needed help long before they wrote the letter. Post Partum Depression is not a red herring here. It is a red flag. The only advantage this couple has is they are not in denial. Psychiatric intervention for PPD as well as couples therapy is imperative here. It needs to happen before more severe issues occur.

Reality is adoption won't happen. Reasons are obvious so they will have to parent. They need to face it and step up. Therapy for both of them along with parenting classes have to be embraced. If not there will be a damaged or dead child and 2 more in the prison system.

You bring up some interesting points, thom, and it's always good to read the perspective from someone who is observing this stuff on the "front lines," so to speak.

Putting this case aside for a moment, what should society be doing in the long-term to ensure that fewer of these instances occur?

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StudioFiftyFour

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thom_c


I have to disagree based on experience. This letter is from the kind of person who is intellectualizing to hold on. This is the person who snaps out of the blue and does real damage. I've seen the bloody results on the street and in the ER. I've been the reporter to CPS.

These people needed help long before they wrote the letter. Post Partum Depression is not a red herring here. It is a red flag. The only advantage this couple has is they are not in denial. Psychiatric intervention for PPD as well as couples therapy is imperative here. It needs to happen before more severe issues occur.

Reality is adoption won't happen. Reasons are obvious so they will have to parent. They need to face it and step up. Therapy for both of them along with parenting classes have to be embraced. If not there will be a damaged or dead child and 2 more in the prison system.

You bring up some interesting points, thom, and it's always good to read the perspective from someone who is observing this stuff on the "front lines," so to speak.

Putting this case aside for a moment, what should society be doing in the long-term to ensure that fewer of these instances occur?

Including parenting in prenatal education. Simple child birth education is not enough.
Adding parenting as part of core health classes, not just sex or abstinence eyes2 education. Adding early recognition, not just injury pattern recognition to Paramedic, ER nursing and police training so early (non punitive education and family support) intervention rather than reactive criminal intervention becomes the norm.

_______________________________________________
“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

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Troubled Mother
Hi, Carolyn: Please help; I’m desperate. My husband and I are parents to an 8-month-old son, and although we were very excited to welcome a baby, we have learned over the past eight months that parenthood is not for us. We knew we would be changing a lot about our lifestyle, but we had no idea we’d be miserable every day doing it.

We can’t talk to anyone because it’s so shameful admitting this level of failure at something others do naturally. We are honest only with each other, and it is obvious that what we are doing now won’t work. We can’t imagine what options we have. Please, please help me look at this from a new angle and, hopefully, save my family somehow."]

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Caroline
"Out of almost 12 years’ worth of letters, this might be one of the most heartbreaking — and bravest. I can’t tell you how many people want to hold your baby right now and not let go."

Look at that! Caroline thinks the content baby should get hugs but no hugs for its struggling parents! Harsh!

Just wondering why adoption won't happen as it seems like the best thing for everyone?

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cfdavep
Just wondering why adoption won't happen as it seems like the best thing for everyone?

I suspect that states do not want to loosen the rules regarding adoption, as they may be inundated with a bunch of unwanted kids in their already burdened foster care systems.

I don't know why adoption is completely ignored as an option. I know the kid is no longer a freshly-shat newborn, but what's worse: surrendering a slightly older kid that you cannot deal with and hoping someone buys him, OR keeping him, being miserable and taking one's anger and resentment out on the kid? Because you know it's gonna happen. Sometimes all the pills and therapy in the world won't stop an angry parent from shaking the piss out of a screeching loaf.

After eight months wrangling the loaf, they haven't warmed up to it at all. I know it's taboo to surrender an older baby, but it's not going to do anyone any favors for this kid to be raised by people who don't want it and who probably hate it just for existing. Maybe a family member would be willing to adopt it so it won't have to possibly grow up in the system and the biological parents could still watch the kid grow up without the inconvenience of raising the fucker.

Makes me wonder if these two genuinely wanted a baby, or if it was a more unilateral decision. Did they even know they had a choice, or did they just figure breeding is merely what people do when they hit adulthood? It needs to be pushed more and more that parenthood is not for everyone, and that if you happen to be one of the ones who can't do it, that's okay. Childfreedom has gotten quite a bit of attention in the news in the last couple of years, but the public still views the choice to not reproduce as an edgy social rebellion by twenty-somethings who don't want to grow up. There needs to be more awareness that even if you think you want kids, you still might not be cut out for it, and that it's something you need to try and find out before breeding.

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There needs to be more awareness that even if you think you want kids, you still might not be cut out for it, and that it's something you need to try and find out before breeding."

In many "I hate being a parent" confessions I've read, they say they wished people told them how hard it is being a parent But then, there's the parents who say they were told how hard it is but parenting is much more difficult than what they were told. I guess there is no being fully prepared for the hell of raising children.

I wish there were a way to call out all the "being CF is abnornal" crowd and socially shame them. The forced birthers are of course even worse. I see these people as indirect child abusers and indirect murderers for the misery they place on those too weak to stand up to them.

Post Partum Depression

AKA

When Reality Sets In About Raising a Child

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beezle

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There needs to be more awareness that even if you think you want kids, you still might not be cut out for it, and that it's something you need to try and find out before breeding."

In many "I hate being a parent" confessions I've read, they say they wished people told them how hard it is being a parent But then, there's the parents who say they were told how hard it is but parenting is much more difficult than what they were told. I guess there is no being fully prepared for the hell of raising children.

The ones I have no sympathy for are the ones who have more than one kid.
"I have three kids and I hate being a mom" JHC, yet you went on to have two more?

______________________________________________________
Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Evan Davis

Breeders will not listen to reason about how hard it is.
And if the breeders could adopt out kids when they do find out, there would be so many damned babies up for adoption there wouldn't be enough people to take them.
Mainly because they just got rid of theirs..

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

< warning, TANGENT AHEAD >

I've said it once before and I'll say it again: Do people like this comprehend what their day-to-day life will be like before they fuck without protection? I'm not talking about the endless rounds of baybee showers and having their own parunts freak the fuck out and start throwing wads of cash at them or basking in societal and workplace approval because we all know Parenting Makes You a Better Person^TM and Mommies and Daddies Deserve Money and Workplace Promotions And Flexibility More than Some Maladjusted, Abnormal Person Who Chooses Not to Breed^TM?

I'm talking about what happens after the shower is over, the people have gone home, and it's time to shit a cantaloupe through your quarter-sized vagina and go home 24 hours later and TAKE CARE OF a non-sentient lump of human flesh. How about: "What would my day-to-day life be like taking care of a helpless human that can't clean itself, feed itself, take care of its own piss and shit and will likely cry all the fucking time for years? And what about the things I do now, such as: going to work, taking care of myself, and having some leisure time? How would this effect the relationship with my spouse?"

I've fostered kittens that have been abandoned by their mothers. They need to be fed every couple of hours. Sleeping too long means they could die. They need to be stimulated to pee and poop. Do that incorrectly or forget to do it and they will die. Thankfully, that whole process lasts only a few weeks and hopefully at about 4-6 weeks they can start lapping formula out of a bowl.

I did it because they are small and helpless and there was nobody else. But if I knew I were in this position for MONTHS OR YEARS, and I willingly signed up for it, then I would want to die.

Seriously, if I realized taking care of a baybee is a shit deal when I was a kid myself, why can't grown people figure it out?

Anyway, there's no way of knowing this letter-writer's situation. I have a couple of honest PNB friends who genuinely liked raising a child, but they thought the baby and toddler stages sucked. They liked it a whole lot better when they could start interacting with the kid and after potty training when the kids started getting some self-sufficiency.

This woman and her husband may get some professional help and say, hey, we'll hang together and do this and things might get better for them. Or they might be abusers. But FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, I certainly hope one of them gets sterilized. (We all know OH SO MANY people who are completely miserable with Baybee #1 who compound their misery with successive infants. Because the definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and hoping for different results and BREEDERS ARE FUCKING INSANE.)

THE LW has one thing going for her, however: at least she and her partner are on the same wavelength and they can admit to each other that it sucks. Many times a baybee is indeed a hand grenade tossed into a relationship and Mommy and Daddy end up at cross-purposes.

Eh, these breeders will probably be having a second kid in two years once the first brat is more self-sufficient. They'll be the ones who go around telling everyone how great it is being a parent, either because they actually enjoy it by then or have simply resigned themselves to 18 years of suffering.

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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

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thom_c
Including parenting in prenatal education. Simple child birth education is not enough.
Adding parenting as part of core health classes, not just sex or abstinence eyes2 education. Adding early recognition, not just injury pattern recognition to Paramedic, ER nursing and police training so early (non punitive education and family support) intervention rather than reactive criminal intervention becomes the norm.

Is it possible that postpartum depression is simply reality kicking in? And for those not experiencing PPD it is a result of the bonding hormone oxytocin?

Oh yeah, breeders almost always have another loaf within 2-3 years of the first one's birth, even if they're miserable and hate one another and hate the first kid. And there's a good chance that loaf #2 will be born around the area of September or October after being drunkenly conceived by the parents on New Year's Eve when booze helped numb them just enough to fuck.

I think they just figure that life can't possibly get any worse. They have their l'il life sentence, so what's a couple more years added on? And then I laugh when the second kid turns out to be a tard or has something wrong with it that makes it dependent on mommy and daddy forever. And of course abortion never ever crosses these people's minds. If you don't want a kid (or another one) or can't afford one, who's making you have it?

I've seen a couple people I know do this shit - they're not on welfare, but are totally fuckin' broke and are already living paycheck to paycheck at a shitty job raising their existing child(ren) when the woman gets herself pigged up. Rather than just getting it taken care of quietly, they announce it to the whole world on Fakebook and pretend to be happy because babby! Meanwhile, they have no clue how the fuck they're gonna survive and probably have to go "borrow" money from their own parents on a regular basis. Or Duh works a shitload of overtime to support the brood and never sees the damn kid anyway, so WTF's the point of keeping it? On top of that, neither parent will even consider sterilization, meaning that the woman will get knocked up pretty much every time they have sex because they won't use any kind of contraception.

And yes, these will be the same parents who sit there and tell you that calving is so worth it, it's the greatest accomplishment of their whole lives and you're an unstable deviant for not breeding too. They tell you that with a painfully forced smile and empty soulless eyes, probably because they're trying to convince themselves more than they are you.

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beezle

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There needs to be more awareness that even if you think you want kids, you still might not be cut out for it, and that it's something you need to try and find out before breeding."

In many "I hate being a parent" confessions I've read, they say they wished people told them how hard it is being a parent But then, there's the parents who say they were told how hard it is but parenting is much more difficult than what they were told. I guess there is no being fully prepared for the hell of raising children.

Yeah, look at how many breeders follow up the "It's the hardest thing in the world" with "but it's totally worth it!!!!" You can't make an informed decision when you're being lied to.

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bell_flower
< warning, TANGENT AHEAD >

I've said it once before and I'll say it again: Do people like this comprehend what their day-to-day life will be like before they fuck without protection? I'm not talking about the endless rounds of baybee showers and having their own parunts freak the fuck out and start throwing wads of cash at them or basking in societal and workplace approval because we all know Parenting Makes You a Better Person^TM and Mommies and Daddies Deserve Money and Workplace Promotions And Flexibility More than Some Maladjusted, Abnormal Person Who Chooses Not to Breed^TM?

I'm talking about what happens after the shower is over, the people have gone home, and it's time to shit a cantaloupe through your quarter-sized vagina and go home 24 hours later and TAKE CARE OF a non-sentient lump of human flesh. How about: "What would my day-to-day life be like taking care of a helpless human that can't clean itself, feed itself, take care of its own piss and shit and will likely cry all the fucking time for years? And what about the things I do now, such as: going to work, taking care of myself, and having some leisure time? How would this effect the relationship with my spouse?"

.

Excellent post.

Note to prospective parents: eventually the cash stops flowing in from your parents. The gift grabs come to an abrupt end. The people at the office no longer fawn over you. Your fellow parent "friends" don't follow through on their promises. Remember those offers to babysit? They were said in jest, purely with the intention of simply being polite. They were never going to make good on that offer. While you are struggling, everyone else will return to their regularly scheduled lives. Only a few weeks ago you were the center of attention. Now? The interoffice gossip is surrounding other people... specifically other mothers to be. You are an afterthought.

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selidororous
Post Partum Depression

AKA

When Reality Sets In About Raising a Child

Get a load of this:

https://monochromebook.wordpress.com/2015/05/21/the-eighth-month-late-onset-ppd-tips-on-wading-through-the-blue/

I mean, that's not a thing. I mean, not a medical thing. That's buyer's remorse.

I can believe that some women experience a post-birth hormonal issue that makes them very depressed. But 8 month PPD? GTFO.

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Cambion
And yes, these will be the same parents who sit there and tell you that calving is so worth it, it's the greatest accomplishment of their whole lives and you're an unstable deviant for not breeding too. They tell you that with a painfully forced smile and empty soulless eyes, probably because they're trying to convince themselves more than they are you.

I've just had an epiphany. Maybe these people genuinely - do - think that the beats are their greatest achievement because that is all they have in the time spent rearing the brats. I'd be willing to bet these types of people have no higher education, no personal ambitions akin to self-acrialization, and no fulfilling careers. Given that, they probably really do think that the best thing in their sorry existence - the only thing remotely resembling an accomplishment - is their brats. Average Joanna is a beggar to Bill Gates and Bill Gates to a beggar

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selidororous
Post Partum Depression

AKA

When Reality Sets In About Raising a Child

This right here. wink