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There's a new Dear Prudence in town and she's even worse than the previous one (Gift trees)
Posted by Dorisan
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There's a new Dear Prudence in town and she's even worse than the previous one (Gift trees) December 01, 2015 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 6,607 |
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Q. Charity Tightwad: I am trying to instill in my young children the importance of being generous and empathic to others in need, but during the holidays I feel like such a hypocrite. I don’t want to give to poor children during the holidays! I think my line of work has made me cynical. I get tired of people continuing to have children when they can’t afford them, and I get bitter and resentful when they then sign up for Christmas gifts on the various angel trees at church and at the mall. In my heart, I know the choices their parents made are not the fault of the children, but in my head I can’t reconcile that I feel I am rewarding bad behavior in the adults, and I am teaching these kids that they can rely on the kindness of strangers. I feel mean-spirited but justified at the same time. I tend to steer my children to charities that help disabled and sick children instead, but I feel like a judgmental Grinch.
A: I disagree strongly with the majority of the sentiments expressed in your question, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with giving to charities that align with your values, which is what you seem to be doing. You’re donating to charities that help sick children, which is a good thing to do, and encouraging your own children to do the same. You don’t have to give to every well-meaning organization you come across, and I think you can gently explain to your children the importance of finding a few charities whose work you respect and supporting them.
As for the rest of it, I would encourage you to gently dismiss your concerns about whether or not other people are insufficiently wealthy to have children. It is unlikely that many people are having children just to score a few anonymous, afterthought gifts from mall-based charities once a year, and at any rate, they are not your problem to worry about.
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Re: There's a new Dear Prudence in town and she's even worse than the previous one (Gift trees) December 01, 2015 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 1,983 |
Except it is her problem to worry about, because it's her taxes that keep being raised in order to pay for these people to have children that they can't afford.
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"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin
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"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin
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Re: There's a new Dear Prudence in town and she's even worse than the previous one (Gift trees) December 01, 2015 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 2,704 |
She's more generous than me. I don't give to any children's charities. I find it offensive that breeders and their enablers beg, beg, and beg again for endless amounts of money, with no consideration or concern about anybody else. There is so much that's given to children, yet the elderly, the childless, the single people are left to fend for themselves. If I donate, it is to elderly charities or animal charities, because we all eventually become old, and animals don't ask to be abused by heartless humans.
You breed 'em, you feed 'em. Ain't my problem.
You breed 'em, you feed 'em. Ain't my problem.
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Re: There's a new Dear Prudence in town and she's even worse than the previous one (Gift trees) December 01, 2015 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,440 |
I don't think anyone is suggesting people have kids in order for once a year gift grabs. It would take someone really, really stupid to see that as a financial win. Nice way to tackle a complete straw man.
But people do have kids because they don't bother to think about it or plan, and that is evident in the gift grabs.
But people do have kids because they don't bother to think about it or plan, and that is evident in the gift grabs.
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Re: There's a new Dear Prudence in town and she's even worse than the previous one (Gift trees) December 01, 2015 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 2,308 |
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yurble
I don't think anyone is suggesting people have kids in order for once a year gift grabs. It would take someone really, really stupid to see that as a financial win. Nice way to tackle a complete straw man.
But people do have kids because they don't bother to think about it or plan, and that is evident in the gift grabs.
Gift grabs are par for the course with having kids.
But I think far too many people have kids simply so those kids can be an extension of themselves. They think little about what the kid's future will be, what kind of a life he'll live. The shit is going to hit the fan when we reach 10b population. "Peak everything"... coming to a civilization near you... parents either haven't got a clue about resource depletion, or they simply don't care what that will mean to their offspring.
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Re: There's a new Dear Prudence in town and she's even worse than the previous one (Gift trees) December 01, 2015 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 1,603 |
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Re: There's a new Dear Prudence in town and she's even worse than the previous one (Gift trees) December 01, 2015 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 1,304 |
I was at the grocery store the other day and there was a Salvation Army Angel Tree that has tags with a child in their age and their sizes. I also noticed that it was printed right on the tags: "Please no bicycles or electronic devices". My thought that was a good idea because these kids get really greedy with their requests.
But while perusing some of the cards listing the children's interests like arts and crafts and reading and anything trucks I also saw "minecraft". Isn't that something that you need an electronic device to play? I don't know
We only have one cell phone between my husband and I and we're only on the Xbox 360 (minus the high speed internet connection which pretty much makes some games useless). But you know we've learned to live within our means instead of begging people for our wants and desires.
But while perusing some of the cards listing the children's interests like arts and crafts and reading and anything trucks I also saw "minecraft". Isn't that something that you need an electronic device to play? I don't know
We only have one cell phone between my husband and I and we're only on the Xbox 360 (minus the high speed internet connection which pretty much makes some games useless). But you know we've learned to live within our means instead of begging people for our wants and desires.
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Re: There's a new Dear Prudence in town and she's even worse than the previous one (Gift trees) December 01, 2015 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 9,990 |
The average American breeder will reproduce with zero thought put into if they can afford said child. But since our society has proven repeatedly that it will rescue breeders from their own irresponsible choices so the brats don't have to suffer, breeders don't learn any lessons and generally proceed to repeat their bad choices. They have no incentive to try a little harder next year when they have to explain to their kids that there are no Christmas or birthday gifts because Mommy is too fuckin' poor to buy any. Why would they, when random strangers will buy presents for the kids (and everything else breeders have via WIC, food stamps and welfare)?
The kids don't learn anything either. They learn the exact same lesson as the parents do: somebody else will give us what we want. While I don't have a lot to donate to charity, I would never EVER donate to any child-related charity because it has reached a point where breeders expect and rely on the kindness of strangers while they sit on their ever-expanding asses doing NOTHING to support their own goddamn kids. You can't afford to give your kids gifts for X-mess? That's not my goddamn problem. Your ass should've thought about that when you chose to have those kids. You think for one second these gimme-breeders and their greedy brats would ever give up their time to volunteer in a soup kitchen, raise money for the local animal shelter, set up a clothing drive, or do anything that would help another human being that isn't themselves?
I think Ms. Charity Tightwad has a good head on her shoulders. She doesn't want to finance irresponsible reproductive choices, nor does she want her kids to do the same. Kids get more free shit and money than any other group - they don't need more. Frankly, I think less should be given to kids via charity and more given to other people and/or animals. I guarantee that charity proceeds would be far more appreciated by animal shelter staff, disabled people or the elderly.
One thing this lady could do is donate money to a charity in the name of a brat on agimme gift tree. I bet that would make for a serious tantrum knowing that this person gave $50 to the local Humane Society instead of spending it on a crappy piece of Chinese plastic.
The kids don't learn anything either. They learn the exact same lesson as the parents do: somebody else will give us what we want. While I don't have a lot to donate to charity, I would never EVER donate to any child-related charity because it has reached a point where breeders expect and rely on the kindness of strangers while they sit on their ever-expanding asses doing NOTHING to support their own goddamn kids. You can't afford to give your kids gifts for X-mess? That's not my goddamn problem. Your ass should've thought about that when you chose to have those kids. You think for one second these gimme-breeders and their greedy brats would ever give up their time to volunteer in a soup kitchen, raise money for the local animal shelter, set up a clothing drive, or do anything that would help another human being that isn't themselves?
I think Ms. Charity Tightwad has a good head on her shoulders. She doesn't want to finance irresponsible reproductive choices, nor does she want her kids to do the same. Kids get more free shit and money than any other group - they don't need more. Frankly, I think less should be given to kids via charity and more given to other people and/or animals. I guarantee that charity proceeds would be far more appreciated by animal shelter staff, disabled people or the elderly.
One thing this lady could do is donate money to a charity in the name of a brat on a
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Re: There's a new Dear Prudence in town and she's even worse than the previous one (Gift trees) December 02, 2015 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 7,149 |
Side me with Charity Tightwad. You don't want to teach your kids to beg. I get sick of angel trees asking for shit I have yet to buy for myself.
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From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
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I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."
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From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
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I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."
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Re: There's a new Dear Prudence in town and she's even worse than the previous one (Gift trees) December 02, 2015 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,045 |
I would absolutely give to a family who's temporarily down on their luck because of bad circumstances, but from what I've seen most of these families are entitled career leeches who just say gimmie, gimmie, gimmie.
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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny
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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny
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Re: There's a new Dear Prudence in town and she's even worse than the previous one (Gift trees) December 03, 2015 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 7,149 |
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Miss_Hannigan
I would absolutely give to a family who's temporarily down on their luck because of bad circumstances, but from what I've seen most of these families are entitled career leeches who just say gimmie, gimmie, gimmie.
This.
The last gifting I gave, the family wasn't down financially. They were the parents of twins with DS. They were DS activists and were about to adopt more DS kids when an accidental pregnancy happened. It was discovered mom had stage 4 ovarian cancer.
She was hospitalized for treatments for much of the fall, and her husband had no time to fix things up for the 9 year old girls to have a semi-normal Christmas (the baby was only 6 months old.)
A lawyer in my running group was the woman's good friend and asked for some help to pick up gifts for the girls, decorate the house and get ready for Christmas. The girls loved Frozen, books, Disney princesses and playing house and grocery shopping.
So most of us did just that. I ventured into Toys R Us (yikes) and discovered great sales. Picked up storybooks, play shopping carts/food and Frozen stuff for the girls and some cute outfits for the baby.
I do consider that one of the best $130 I spent. I got a very sweet thank you note in the mail from them, with a picture of the family. I was glad that they got a normal holiday which turned out to be the last one for the mom.
This is the exception to my animals only rule.
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From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
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I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."
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Re: There's a new Dear Prudence in town and she's even worse than the previous one (Gift trees) December 03, 2015 | Registered: 8 years ago Posts: 128 |
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Re: There's a new Dear Prudence in town and she's even worse than the previous one (Gift trees) December 04, 2015 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 7,149 |
Yes, it was. And at least two little girls would have some sense of normalcy. Plus you don't have a problem helping out genuinely nice people who got a complete shit sandwich through no fault of their own...they could afford their kids. They wanted to adopt more DS kids because no one else would.
For these people who get mega tax breaks, government subsidies, housing, food bills paid....piss off. Buy your own flat screen and X box and iPhones.
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From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."
For these people who get mega tax breaks, government subsidies, housing, food bills paid....piss off. Buy your own flat screen and X box and iPhones.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."
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Re: There's a new Dear Prudence in town and she's even worse than the previous one (Gift trees) December 04, 2015 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 7,858 |
That was a very kind thing you did, navi.
The way I see it, is these giving trees or whatever they are called are just enabling people to produce more kyds than they can afford. They don't have to go through the hardships of having bad Christmases, because they automatically figure that they can get the presents given to them by random strangers. That's why I wouldn't bother. A tree for disabled, elderly or animals, though? Yes. They didn't ask for their situation and they deserve it more IMO.
I think the LW is right in what she is teaching her kyds.
The way I see it, is these giving trees or whatever they are called are just enabling people to produce more kyds than they can afford. They don't have to go through the hardships of having bad Christmases, because they automatically figure that they can get the presents given to them by random strangers. That's why I wouldn't bother. A tree for disabled, elderly or animals, though? Yes. They didn't ask for their situation and they deserve it more IMO.
I think the LW is right in what she is teaching her kyds.
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Re: There's a new Dear Prudence in town and she's even worse than the previous one (Gift trees) December 04, 2015 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 7,149 |
Thanks MO6B. Those poor kids were profoundly affected by DS so they would not understand their mother being gone or Santa being a no-show. It was a rare situation that I would give to kids and this was one.
Other than that, it is encouraging bad breeding. The village should not be obligated to take care of your impulse babymaking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."
Other than that, it is encouraging bad breeding. The village should not be obligated to take care of your impulse babymaking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."
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Re: There's a new Dear Prudence in town and she's even worse than the previous one (Gift trees) December 04, 2015 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 5,716 |
A - different? and positive thing I saw 'here' apx. 2 years ago ~
OK it floods alot here. Region wide. There were fairly bad floods that affected my local area here and at the one grocery store - they had a 'bin' to donate in the front for 'flood victims'. Actual things - such as paper towels, cleaning supplies, bleach, etc.
As they would do with other Holidays - some stores have 'food bags' - you can buy for others. Some have bins to donate various things such as coats or toys. I don't know how these things are distributed.
At the one store I frequent (large chain type with many local outlets) - I was hangin around the Service Desk (because they always screw up something ~ ) and I overheard one of the workers say to another that they had 'sold out' - whatever Charity - Things - they were promoting, and it was in the $4K range - I will assume it was for the past (US) Holiday of Thanksgiving.
Anyway, this store (the local one I frequent) - did have the bin for 'flood victims' - when that happened. I think they have had pet / animal rescue things too.
OK it floods alot here. Region wide. There were fairly bad floods that affected my local area here and at the one grocery store - they had a 'bin' to donate in the front for 'flood victims'. Actual things - such as paper towels, cleaning supplies, bleach, etc.
As they would do with other Holidays - some stores have 'food bags' - you can buy for others. Some have bins to donate various things such as coats or toys. I don't know how these things are distributed.
At the one store I frequent (large chain type with many local outlets) - I was hangin around the Service Desk (because they always screw up something ~ ) and I overheard one of the workers say to another that they had 'sold out' - whatever Charity - Things - they were promoting, and it was in the $4K range - I will assume it was for the past (US) Holiday of Thanksgiving.
Anyway, this store (the local one I frequent) - did have the bin for 'flood victims' - when that happened. I think they have had pet / animal rescue things too.
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