8 year old suffocted by balloon

This sounds like a PNA....

http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/news/a37107/8-year-old-suffocates-balloon/

She was found with a large mylar balloon "on" her head. Not over her face. Apparently she was trying to inhale the helium by putting her head up inside the balloon. Isn't eight old enough to know better?

(An uncle also refers to this second-grader as a "toddler." When does a kid stop being a toddler? When they get a drivers license?)

Bullshit. The openings are not large enough for a human head to fit through. Someone helped her out.

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From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
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I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."

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kittehpeoples
(An uncle also refers to this second-grader as a "toddler." When does a kid stop being a toddler? When they get a drivers license?)

"Toddler" covers ages 2 and 3. Once a kid hits 4 it's a "child," no longer a toddler. Uncle's a dumbass.

Wow. Just wow...nothing says Happy Birthday like a dead kyd.

It takes a child to raze a village.

A very merry unbirthday to you, ya dead dumbass.

At the risk of sounding like a total dick, we should celebrate this shit.

I had to look up what a mylar balloon was because I'd never heard that word before. It's just those normal foil balloons you see in grocery stores (and that's something new I learned today). Yeah, I'm not buying the head insertion excuse either, because the air spouts on those balloons are probably not even big enough to get one's finger into, let alone an entire human head of any age. And if a hole was made big enough for her to put her head in it, there would be no helium left to inhale.

Plus, as far as I know, mylar balloons are not stretchy like latex ones, so there's no way they could get stuck on anyone's head, not to mention they're bigger than any adult's head, so even if the kid did chop the balloon in half and stick her noggin into one of the halves and inhale the balloon partly, it would probably just fall right back off her head. Plus, eight years old is more than old enough to know better than to kill oneself with a damn balloon, unless she was a tard. I think, given how these balloons are made, they'd be more of a choking hazard than a suffocation hazard.

Yeah, she had a little help suffocating. But I'm kind of surprised - eight years old is a little old for a PNA. Usually parents off their brats before or at five years old, or at least, that's the pattern I've noticed. No sense pouring too many resources into raising a kid for years and years and years that you're just gonna kill anyway.

I'm looking at an article on this story via AOL.com as well, and it says the girl was found in her bed with the allegedly lethal balloon over her head. Why the hell would a kid take a three-foot-tall balloon to bed with her? The AOL coverage even says mylar balloons are far less dangerous than latex ones, which I assume means it takes a hell of a lot to kill oneself with them. My guess is Duh suffocated her with a balloon in her bed, then acted all distraught when he "found" her. Death by balloon could easily be construed as a tragic accident caused by an otherwise harmless object, and it's certainly not news that kids are damn good at finding retarded ways of offing themselves with the most innocuous things. Duh probably knew this, and may have even chosen a balloon (usually a symbol of a happy occasion like a birthday, graduation, shower, etc.) to make it seem even more tragic and innocent so that fewer fingers would get pointed at him.

No mention of Moo either. I wonder if Duh might have killed the kid to get back at the Moo for something.

yep cambion, I worked at a Meijers store in Middletown ohio many years ago and I sometimes (when covering the floral department) had to blow up both latex and mylars. only thing I can think of this idiot kid doing is sticking the valve in her mouth and breathing.
the only other method would be to cut a slit in it and then stick it over her head.
I think as far as forensics have come along, if the duh or whomever asphyxiated the kid, it will show up in the tests.

as an aside, one of the saddest balloon blow ups I had to do was for a lady who bought 23 mylar birthday balloons. would have been for her 23 year old son who dropped dead from a heart ailment which should have been detected if they had run the test. because the condition was generally only found in middle aged males and not a 23 year old, they did not run it. damned if they do, damned if they don't. I have always felt a bit sad about that.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

We used to suck the helium out of balloons to talk like Daffy Duck as a kid. Guessing we were around the age of 8 or younger.
But I recall doing this once or twice as a teenager too.
Never once did I see a kid wind up with the balloon over their head or any other mishap, not even the really young kids.

(Tried to post the image itself here, but kept getting error messages.)

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kman
(Tried to post the image itself here, but kept getting error messages.)

take-a-plastic-bag-challenge-to-cure-stupidity.jpg

Yeah...I think someone did it to cure parenthood.

"Local officials say she tried to suck helium out of the balloon and suffocated; the death was ruled an accident and officials won't perform an official investigation."

Of course there won't be an official investigation. All they see is a poor grieving duh who lost his kid in a "tragic accident", and can't see his story for the lie it so obviously is. He's suffered enough, after all.
And where is Moo in all this? Are they divorced? Was their a nasty custody battle? Perhaps this was a case of "If I can't have my child, nobody will have my child." But we'll never know because Duh is really good at crying.