BWAHAHAHA: Breeder Pot vs. Wannabreeder Kettle

Against my better judgment, DW and I went to my cousin's wedding today in West Bumfuck, TX. It was in a rural shithole West Texas town even smaller than our little homeburg. It would fucking drive me nuts to live there.

Cousin that got married is a lazy, alcoholic serial breedertwat who is in pig to the newest sperm donor. What the fuck he sees in her lower than skanky ass, I don't know. She has four brats to four different fathers and now the newest wallet/sperm donor is promising to lover her forever. What a fucking gullible asshole.

Enter my other cousin, her older sister who is a rabid wannabreed with a biological clock ticking so loudly it could drown out a 747 at full pitch. She is married to a little weasel who probably had the good sense to be vasectomized. Since her sister is not only in pig but getting married to boot, color older sister with a deep shade of envy green with coveting-yellow detailing. Every time I see her, there is some new drama to unfold about how bad she wants to moo, and her asshole husband always looks like he would rather have his arm sawed off than have to deal with her.

The marriage ceremony is a redneck fucking festival, complete with cousin's squalling brats, whiff o' shitty diapers and my aunt and uncle drunk off their asses complaining how their kids ruined their lives. Then older cousin has a shitfit complaining that in-pig younger breedertwat sister is getting all of the attention and its unfair. Weasel husband of older cousin is trying desperately to find an excuse to leave, while new husband of younger cousin is so drunk, he ends up puking all over his rented tux and nearly gets carted off to jail for exposing himself to the bridesmaids. In-pig breedertwat bride is screaming at the top of her lungs at her older sister and they end up catfighting, which brought the police to the reception.

My wife and I stayed long enough to witness all of this, figuring somebody had to record this for posterity. No one would fucking believe how bad my dad's side of the family is, but they are.

I told my wife that no matter how much money it costs, we are going to fucking move away from my family at the first possible moment. I have got to get away from this shit! I am calling a realtor on Monday to put our house up for sale. Maybe I will take that transfer my boss offered me.

Wow, Billy - I thought crap like that only happened in movies!

Yup, better get away from those people ASAP!

It's always nice to leave a family gathering thinkng "Thank Bob that's not me", or "Phew, at least I'm not in jail"

Family events like that are always good for the entertainment value. It makes people even more thankful and appreciative of their peaceful, childfree existence.

"I can escape this, you can't. HAHA!"

Billy C,

Go for the transfer!!! Also write a screenplay and title it, "Wedding Crashers II - Blue Collar Version."

If it were me, I'd be leaving the country, with no forwarding address!

Seriously, though, if you want to make beaucheau(sp, sorry) bucks, write it up and sell it to Hollyweird.

Your writing rocks! I've got to print your eperience out and read it when I'm feeling low, or bored, or wondering, "Did I make the right choice to stay CF?" As if!!!!

Thanks for a much-needed laugh and reality check.