100+ Reasons To Have Children (and they're all stupid!)

Quote

9. Children are some of the most charming little people I know: full of wonder, curiosity and innate kindness.

I see someone has never read the Lord of the Flies.

Quote

19. Families: they are a reflection of the Trinity.
Whatever that means, I guess famblees with more than one brat don't count. LOL!

Oh, you're not familiar with that religious patriarchy concept? God is the head of Christ, as Christ is the head of the church. So is the husband the head of the wife, as the wife is the head of the children. It's a hierarchy!

Don't know how any sane person would see this as a good thing, but we're not dealing with a sane person here.

Quote
juliewashere88
Oh, you're not familiar with that religious patriarchy concept?

Unfortunately I am intimately familiar. It made no sense then and makes even less sense now that I am an unbeliever. And who is at each point of their little love triangle varies depending on who you ask. I thought the Trinity was exclusively reserved for God, Jebus, and The Holy Poltergeist. Seems to me that Xians thinking that their breeding habits are a pantomime of this is just more idolatry.

Quote
law1204

Quote
juliewashere88
Oh, you're not familiar with that religious patriarchy concept?

Unfortunately I am intimately familiar. It made no sense then and makes even less sense now that I am an unbeliever. And who is at each point of their little love triangle varies depending on who you ask. I thought the Trinity was exclusively reserved for God, Jebus, and The Holy Poltergeist. Seems to me that Xians thinking that their breeding habits are a pantomime of this is just more idolatry.

Oh, you're right. I was thinking of another religious meme. Kind of made a bastardization of two different concepts. Lol. My bad.

No, you're good - the patriarchy thing is their way of mimicking the trinity, I believe...don't hold me to that but it's just as unbiblical as the rest of the BS they believe.

I'll take a crack at the list Julie put up ~

40 Reasons to Have Kids

1. Desiring children with the man you love is as natural as breathing.
Actually, a better breathing analogy would be inhaling from a bong.

2. The experience of delivering a new life to the world is singularly exhilarating. If you fear pain, there's this lovely thing called an epidural.
The experience of parasailing off a cliff on a beach in Caracas is exhilarating. Painless, too. If you fear the $ conversion rates - they take US Dollars and Euros.

3. Breastfeeding: it's not only economical, efficient, and good for the baby, but it releases hormones that relax and calm both mother and child, lulling both of you to sleep. Who wouldn't want a natural nap-inducer?
With the proper diet and exercise, you'll have no trouble sleeping. If so - get some Ambien.

4. The world doesn't revolve around me and my daily desires.
My world DOES revolve around me and my daily desires and I LIKE IT THAT WAY.

5. Every human being has dignity and worth.
I agree with this; But - why make another human to prove this point?

6. A child is an unbreakable bond between husband and wife. Love breeds love. And more love. And more. There's nothing more desirable than the father of your children.
Completely untrue. Ask any divorcee.

7. A couple becomes a family -- the whole becomes greater than its parts.
Not with my parents. Although the whole is greater than the parts as it includes bartenders, drug dealers, and correctional facilities officers.


8. Having a child is a cooperation with the sacred.
The sacred WHAT?

9. Children are some of the most charming little people I know: full of wonder, curiosity and innate kindness. Properly nurtured, they become equally charming adults.
99% of children are little fucking assholes. Ask any victim of bullying. Hell, ask ANYBODY.

10. You get to read all the favorite books of your childhood all over again.
I can do this as is. Make friends with a Librarian and it's even easier.

11. Children naturally grasp the lesson that people are more important than things
PAHLEEZ. Children are greedy little sons of bitches - they have to be to survive - and then they're trained to be even more so by our consumerist culture.

12. Children teach us the freedom that comes with self-discipline and self-sacrifice.
I don't think "sacrifice" = "freedom". To Hitler, maybe.

13. The biggest drudgery is facing no one but myself day after day.
A shrink could fix that.

14. I am not ideal ... why should I expect my children to be? Kids teach us the joy of unconditional love and acceptance. Dogs do too.

15. I will inevitably disappoint my children because I am not perfect. But, along the way, I'll be able to teach them that -- while nothing on this side of heaven is perfect -- the journey and the perfection that awaits us are worth every moment of trial on earth.
This is what exploiters call 'carrot and stick' training.

16. To remain or become a self-centered, self-enclosed egotist: what horror!
I find it quite pleasant, actually.

17. Taking time to care for the gifts I've been given ... yes, thank you. Yeah, I felt that way about some of my "gifts" too - then they fell apart - so I called Victory Auto Wreckers. They in turn did seem to care about the gifts they were given, so.

18. Motherhood is a vocation: fulfilling, rewarding, and full of unpredictable surprises.
You could say the same thing about wind surfing off Mt. Baldy. Or a job - yanno - one of those things where you actually GET PAID.

19. Families: they are a reflection of the Trinity.
Whenever I see the moniker "Trinity" I think of this bat shit insane idiot who runs a conspiracy site. Yes indeed that is a reflection of most 'families'.

20. Relive childhood and all of its innocent wonder and mirth.
You can do this on your own, and if you need a little help - that's what Ecstasy / MMDA is for.

21. To persist in saying "me first" is a sign of immaturity.
So why do parents keep doing it then?

22. A child will ignite the fond memories of your own childhood.
My childhood was like a Stalinist boot camp. Pass.

23. While you cannot ensure that your child will be happy 100% of the time, the desire for her happiness is a good, admirable and unselfish thing. I certainly do hope that others are happy, but they're not going to get it at my expense.

24. The enchantment of being with one's children outweighs any and all other difficulties.
Anything that shits in its pants is NOT "enchanting".

25. If you worry about sending them off to school, homeschooling is a delightful, intellectually stimulating option.
Learning geared to adults is inherently more stimulating; Retreading the same ground cannot be stimulating. Unless you are a moron.

26. Do something to change the world. Have a child. Raise a saint.
You can't become a saint until you been dead for eons and a bunch of old rotters vote you into it. Unless this is a euphemism for Religious Chesters? Oh yeah - the world surely does need more of those.

27. Revel in the simplicity of a child's unconditional love and trust.
Dogs, cats, horses, bunnies, construction workers - wave a blank check at a Carpenter and watch the worship of you begin!

28. Parenting will soften your hard edges and sharpen your compassion and empathy.
So will a six pack of beer.

29. Motherhood is an insight into one's soul. It's better than analysis.
I am a Jew, I already KNOW I'm a Chosen One. No further analysis needed.

30. Success is not defined only in terms of what one does for money. To succeed as a mother is beyond worldly success.
So why do you keep begging for handouts and tax breaks?

31. When your husband becomes the father of your children, a new man appears: fiercely loving but practical and still-logical, nurturing but fiercely strong and protective. You will fall in love with him all over again.
Yeah, this happened with my Dad - except it was with his favorite bartender.

32. The child to whom you give life may be the one to fight the culture of death and the notion of a brave new world.
Yep. They're all over WoW and sim games.

33. "How can there be too many children? That is like saying there are too many flowers." -- Blessed Teresa of Calcutta
Why don't you move to India and see how nice and flowery it is there? Do that and get back to me.

34. Children whittle away your time in ways that are ultimately beneficial: they have an uncanny knack for getting rid of the meaningless hobbies that used to consume you.
My main hobby has been 10+ years of higher education - I'd hardly call that meaningless. My work creates jobs for others as well - ever hear - don't bite the hand that feeds you?

35. Watching a child grow into a caring, sensitive soul is a reward that cannot be measured in book sales.
99.99% of people grow into assholes. And what does this have to do with books? Right - Moo's a failed writer.

36. It's an awe-inspiring thing to have a child and the experience of feeling, "I didn't think I could ever love anyone that much."
I don't think I'm going to suddenly feel love towards some thing *I do NOT want*.

37. Already have a child? Have another. Siblings are the best birthday presents, Christmas presents, Father's Day presents, Arbor Day presents ....
What. In the Fuck - do children have to do with Arbor Day? Oh wait - more trees will be cut down to accommodate them and furnish them with cheap housing, furniture, and fuel. I do believe this should be re worded as - Arbor Day MASSACRE.

38. Baby toes. Need I say more?
WHY are parents SO obsessed with children's appendages??? Toes, penises, worms working their way out of asses ~ Sorry - not an interest of mine. I'm not even fond of Spaghetti. I prefer Penne.

39. Okay, I'll say more. Watching your baby sleep: You didn't know that angels could be held in your arms.
I'll believe in "angels" when one appears with the winning lottery numbers.

40. Worried about money? What's worth more than a soul?
Why don't you ask a homeless person this question?

is this taken from abover.u.b.i.e.s.com?
if we look more closely, those are not reasons to have kids. those are feeling-good reasons to justify the mistake many people have made in their life: having kids. for example, would sane childless people consider having kids as a relief from dish-washing tasks?

worried about money? what's worth more than a soul? we can sell the kid's soul to Lucifer and He will give unlimited amout of money to us.

actually, the real problem is THE PERSON WHO WROTE THIS BREEDS! :headbrick

I feel like whoever wrote that list, does not have a child themselves and is likely just a woman with major baby rabies. There is no other way to explain that amount of delusion....

The article the last one links to is bitingly brilliant.

This is why I won't politely shut up about being childfree. Too many people fail to realise that it really IS a choice.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/i-really-regret-it-i-really-regret-having-children/article784948/page1/

Quote
kaylachrist
I feel like whoever wrote that list, does not have a child themselves and is likely just a woman with major baby rabies. There is no other way to explain that amount of delusion....

I agree. My guess is that either the author is a wannamoo or she's a fundamentalist Christian moo. Fundies tend to believe that it's a sin to be anything other than happy. What happens is that they end up being miserable, dysfunctional types who try to present a happy, carefree face to the world, but it's obvious to many of us outside of the cult just how phony they're really being. This list screams "liar!" to me.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I treat my body as a temple, Laverne. You have chosen to treat yours as an amusement park."

Hobbies? Kids are the most expensive, wasteful, soul-sucking hobby on EARTH. For the price of raising a kid - birth to college - I could move to Hawaii and snort cocaine off the backsides of nubile slave boys for YEARS. But that would just be selfish, tut tut.

--------------------
"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

I couldn't even finish reading that list. It's repetitive and boring. And nothing is a solid fact about childrearing, it's all slanted perception.

The link to the article about Frenchwoman Corinne Maier (above from thursdaynext's post) is absolutely brilliant, besides being extremely well-written. Despite the descriptions of what's going on in France right now (which is shudder-iffic), the guilt, shame and self-deprecation that accompanies most American womens' rare admissions of these feelings is simply missing. Amazing!

Instead of creating a very selfish list on delusional reasons to create more humans due to her human desires, she could be more of a saint herself and not breed and volunteer her time, if she truly gave a damn about someone other than herself.

---

lab mom

Quote
WaterLily
Instead of creating a very selfish list on on delusional reasons to create more humans due to her human desires, she could be more of a saint herself and not breed and volunteer her time, if she truly gave a damn about someone other than herself.

THIS

My brain took this thread's title, "100+ Reasons To Have Children (and they're all stupid!)" and instantly interpreted the meaning as "Children are all stupid".

Ironic that some people doubt that I am child-free when I swear that my brain is wired to be child-free in how I view the world.

I'm pretty sure this one is meant to be a joke. Still worth sharing.

Quote

I thought I’d come up with 10 reasons to become a mother to help along those ladies who aren’t sure weather or not they’re ready to take the leap and start a family. After reading this I’m sure you’ll want to grab your husband and start making some babies!! These are in no particular order.

1 Your breasts will look full and amazing (for about two weeks).
2 Once your breasts don’t look amazing anymore you have a noble excuse to get them “augmented”.
3 “I have a headache” doesn’t have to be your only excuse anymore.
4 People wont judge as quickly when you go out looking like you’ve been run over by a truck.
5 You’ll finally have an excuse to buy new furniture because yours will be covered in pee and vomit.
6 You have a good reason to leave a boring dinner party “got to get home to the baby, she needs to nurse”.
7 You finally get to expose yourself in public.
8 There’s a ton of new clothes to be bought, from maternity clothes, to after “fat” clothes. Then there’s the “all of my old stuff is out of style” clothes to buy once you’re back to ideal form.
9 You get presents (even though they’re actually for the baby, it still feels a bit like Christmas).
10 For nine whole months you get to play the pregnancy card and get back rubs, late night snacks, foot rubs, and whatever else you “need”.

1 Your breasts will look full and amazing (for about two weeks).

I'd rather enjoy my perky pair, then ruin them and have them sag like a la "shapeofamoodot.com"

2 Once your breasts don’t look amazing anymore you have a noble excuse to get them “augmented”.

See above. I like mine just as they are, I wouldn't want to change them. They're just perfect.

3 “I have a headache” doesn’t have to be your only excuse anymore.

Well what excuse to you want/need/have for being incompetent?

4 People wont judge as quickly when you go out looking like you’ve been run over by a truck.

I make sure I look presentable before I walk out the door, and not like a slob nor like I came from the gutter, so unlike most moos.

5 You’ll finally have an excuse to buy new furniture because yours will be covered in pee and vomit.

I'd rather cherish the furniture I already have, and not have it ruined by some shit sack.

6 You have a good reason to leave a boring dinner party “got to get home to the baby, she needs to nurse”.

I'd rather stay at the party than mess with moo shit work. How degrading.

7 You finally get to expose yourself in public.

I'd rather not. I'm fairly modest, as I would die of humility, if I did. I would NOT want anyone thinking me as a slut.

8 There’s a ton of new clothes to be bought, from maternity clothes, to after “fat” clothes. Then there’s the “all of my old stuff is out of style” clothes to buy once you’re back to ideal form.

I like the clothes I already have, and would much rather buy clothes for myself. Cheaper.

9 You get presents (even though they’re actually for the baby, it still feels a bit like Christmas).

I already get ENOUGH presents with having my birthday in December. Problem solved.

10 For nine whole months you get to play the pregnancy card and get back rubs, late night snacks, foot rubs, and whatever else you “need”.

I'd rather not and would hate to be an annoying entitlement minded lazy butt. Besides, my husband already does that for me, and I'm childfree. You're doing it wrong.

---

lab mom

Most of the excuses - er...reasons to breed are flimsy and emotionally charged, where reasons why NOT to breed are often well thought out, logical and intelligent.

Someone's argument of, "Babyyy toes...ya gotta lurrve them baybee toes...." ain't gonna hold water against the argument that raising a chyld will cost over a quarter million dollars by the time it reaches 18...try that times 2, 3 and 4 with today's large famblees in strained economic times.

Nobody has ever been able to convince me that breeding would make me happier, healthier, or in any way lead a better life than if I just lived my life as is - CF. The listed reasons in this thread as to why breeders actually breed are not only ridiculous, but some of them don't even make sense.

EG: Tiny diapers is a reason to bring a whole, brand new human life onto an already overpopulated planet...yeah, okay. That convinces me. I'm gonna get knocked up right away, so I can play with tiny diapers. eyes2

I find titfeeding to be sickening, and want no part of it. I can find my orgasm in other less stressful...less pedophile-y ways...and the whole God thing has been taken way outta context. People need to start reading a few more passages outta da bible than just "be like fruitflies and multiply." Someone's gotta tell breeders there is other stuff in that book too.

Babies are a dime a dozen; have been done to death. Now, I have a parrot that sings, dances and stands on his head when you tickle him. That's something to celebrate! I'll bet he would get far more oohs and ahhs than any smelly little diaper monkey whose only tricks are screaming and shitting itself.

Quote
mumofsixbirds
Most of the excuses - er...reasons to breed are flimsy and emotionally charged, where reasons why NOT to breed are often well thought out, logical and intelligent.

Someone's argument of, "Babyyy toes...ya gotta lurrve them baybee toes...." ain't gonna hold water against the argument that raising a chyld will cost over a quarter million dollars by the time it reaches 18...try that times 2, 3 and 4 with today's large famblees in strained economic times.

Nobody has ever been able to convince me that breeding would make me happier, healthier, or in any way lead a better life than if I just lived my life as is - CF. The listed reasons in this thread as to why breeders actually breed are not only ridiculous, but some of them don't even make sense.

EG: Tiny diapers is a reason to bring a whole, brand new human life onto an already overpopulated planet...yeah, okay. That convinces me. I'm gonna get knocked up right away, so I can play with tiny diapers. eyes2

I find titfeeding to be sickening, and want no part of it. I can find my orgasm in other less stressful...less pedophile-y ways...and the whole God thing has been taken way outta context. People need to start reading a few more passages outta da bible than just "be like fruitflies and multiply." Someone's gotta tell breeders there is other stuff in that book too.

Babies are a dime a dozen; have been done to death. Now, I have a parrot that sings, dances and stands on his head when you tickle him. That's something to celebrate! I'll bet he would get far more oohs and ahhs than any smelly little diaper monkey whose only tricks are screaming and shitting itself.

This. Our pets are smarter than most moos and their crotch droppings, as these so called religious fundies appear to just hate pets. :flaming

---

lab mom

From the comments section...

I'll kiss my babies goodnight. And we'll exchange I love yous that my childless peers would be endlessly jealous of.


Your children don't really love you. Love is a very complex human emotion that can't be experienced on its' fullest level until true maturity is reached. They only love the fact that you're the person who is feeding them and taking care of their every need. The second that stops happening, they don't love you so much anymore. That's the root cause of toddler meltdowns--a parent not responding to the (perceived) need of the child.

Quote
mumofsixbirds
Nobody has ever been able to convince me that breeding would make me happier, healthier, or in any way lead a better life than if I just lived my life as is - CF. The listed reasons in this thread as to why breeders actually breed are not only ridiculous, but some of them don't even make sense.

EG: Tiny diapers is a reason to bring a whole, brand new human life onto an already overpopulated planet...yeah, okay. That convinces me. I'm gonna get knocked up right away, so I can play with tiny diapers.

If someone wants to play with tiny diapers, I suggest spending $20-$30 on tiny diapers instead of $250,000 to $300,000 on a kid.

Quote
Miss_Hannigan
Hobbies? Kids are the most expensive, wasteful, soul-sucking hobby on EARTH. For the price of raising a kid - birth to college - I could move to Hawaii and snort cocaine off the backsides of nubile slave boys for YEARS. But that would just be selfish, tut tut.

gee. why don't they create a kiddie sim in the sims for hobby? buy a tamagotchi, maybe?

i'd rather save my money to orbit the earth with commercial Russian space shuttle service. being selfish is the most awesome thing in the world!

Quote
StudioFiftyFour
From the comments section...

I'll kiss my babies goodnight. And we'll exchange I love yous that my childless peers would be endlessly jealous of.


Your children don't really love you. Love is a very complex human emotion that can't be experienced on its' fullest level until true maturity is reached. They only love the fact that you're the person who is feeding them and taking care of their every need. The second that stops happening, they don't love you so much anymore. That's the root cause of toddler meltdowns--a parent not responding to the (perceived) need of the child.

It seems like these moos do things motivated by perceived envy that their "friends" will feel toward them and deep down, they know nobody is jealous of their lives, save for their infertile childless friends. In which case, a comment like that is extremely bitchy.

Believe me, we are not jealous of the "I love yous" you share with your kid. I'd rather exchange such emotions with a romantic partner. When was the last time these basic bitches said "I love you" to their husbands or heard those words from their husbands that wasn't out of obligation (along with the obligated jewelry)?