Another friend decides to have a kid...

I just heard last week that a friend of mine is expecting the arrival of his first child sometime late this year. At my age (just on 30), I have heard this news from many friends before, but what made it different this time was that this particular friend was (supposedly) CF.

He and his wife had been married for 10 years or so and both (from what I could tell) were ardantly CF. They have their shit together financially (both have high paying jobs, own their own house, have some passive income, etc) and had told me about their grand plans for early retirement and world travel, etc.

Now this...

I wouldn't say my world is shattered, but I don't know what to think now. I looked up to this couple as a shining example that the CF philosophy worked, and something that I could aspire to once I found the right woman (which, CF guys, we all know it's damn near impossible to find a CF woman). We actually had a few long discussions about the topic over a few beers one night and I felt that finally someone else I know shares this view point. Most of my other friends either have kids or are planning to. It wasn't an accident or an 'oopsing', it was a decision they both made. They both changed their minds about being CF.

I've yet to see him since he sent out the intial text message announcing the news, but I'll certainly have a few questions for him, thats for sure. Mainly, what it was that changed his mind? I mean this in a purely curious way, not in a sarcastic way. Look, its his decision, and his life, but I would like to know what changed his mind.

Like my other friends who have had kids, I'll probably end up seeing less and less of him, but that is to be expected. The upshot is that this couple would be proper parents and not allow their kid(s) to grow up as spoilt brats.

I had a friend where I lived who got pregnant. I used to really dislike her child as the toddler was loud and seemed spoiled. The kid did grow on me as she had certain insight beyond her years. Still..she could be too loud and dominate the conversation. Her mum would tell her daughter to calm down and be considerate.

The lady was worth my friendship but it was not always easy to get her ear for conversation unless the little girl was busy doing something else because the kid was at work as well. It was never the same after the baby was born. Friend was still a Friend but different. Mum owns her own business so the girl is around constantly. She is expecting another one. Now, I live over two hours away and maybe will see her once a year when my mom visits the area. If I still lived in that part of the state, I think the friendship would really change as the lady will now have a baby AND a five-year-old to handle by Halloween.

This lady is from the thread I started about her young, unmarried employee having a baby with a guy who does not want to work. Different topic altogether...

Non-PC, there are childfree-by-choice people who *DO* change their minds. Many on our side believe it is not possible but it is. After all, there are childfree people who wanted children at one time but changed their mind on that as well. I often feel pity for a person who changed his/her mind about the CF life. Once you have kids, you absolutely cannot go back. I would like to know ten years from now if the former CF'ers regret their choices especially since that decision cannot be erased once the kid is born.

My condolences to you, Non-Politically Correct. Very sad. It's like the death of someone when they announce they are in-pig. At least that's how I always felt. My first reaction was, "Well, there goes another one!"

Aw man, I KNOW what you mean about the "another one bites the dust" part! I got a call from one of my 9 friends who are getting married this year (yes, 9!) who informed me that she was getting married AND oh by the way was 10 weeks pregnant. As if I was supposed to be HAPPY about this?! All I could think was that even if her husband DID want children (according to her they BOTH wanted children), WHY in the WORLD would you be in such a rush that you couldn't spend at least a LITTLE time together as husband and wife BEFORE becoming mom and dad? I really feel for her husband, as his values were to wait until marriage to have sex and now he's dealing with the fact that a baby is on the way in less than 7 months. Yes, I know it takes two to make a child, but it just seems like she's being so selfish and focusing only on what SHE wants. I feel for this kid who's on the way, as most marriages I have seen that start off with kids arriving shortly after the wdding have failed with the kid caught in the middle. Considering the fact that marriage #1 for this chica ended because she wanted kids and her then-husband didn't (you'd think you'd have this ironed out BEFORE you got married!) and her track record of communication (or the lack thereof), I see another single mother in the making. And people say the child-free are selfish!

I hear ya. I'm at the age (40) where my friends are all done breeding. The youngest kids of all my "former friends" are 3 and 5. All these people are kinda in limbo with their lives, trying to pick up the pieces of friendships that have waned, now that they have some free time again, or the divorced ones are trying to find suitable partners now that that the kids are older and can handle another mayun in mommy's life. GAK.

I never understood why people have to get knocked up so quickly after (or before) marrying. Like you said, don't they want to spend some time together? Who knows, enjoying married life might even change their mind and make them realize they really DON'T want to spawn!

Responsible Adult, I hear you! I worked with a woman who basically had a "wedding night" conception. She married this Don Juan player-type from another dealership who used to work at my location. As soon as the baby was born, word was my former co-worker was going to stay home. I have no idea what happened as I left that job when my other job needed me for more hours. I can hear it now at the front desk with this woman calling CONSTANTLY for her husband who wants to avoid her calls as he tries to make time with the female customers or young ladies who work in this biz. A woman does not know it but she really screws herself up when she has children. The man now knows he can do WHATEVER he wants and the wifelet has to just smile & look the other way. Thank the gods it ain't me!

A lot of people I know have had children - one dropped out in eleventh grade to move across the state to live with her man and have a family, one worked her ass off to lose weight to join the National Guard and got pregnant immediately after graduation, and an old acquaintance who allegedly did not want kids dropped out of a great college to be a Moo. My boyfriend's ex shat out her third kid before she turned 19 (her first two got taken away).

I've recently started talking again to another acquaintance where I go to college. She told me she's pregnant, but I don't think she really wants to have a kid - she didn't get an abortion because she's adamantly pro-life. I don't know if she plans on dropping out of college temporarily to care for her kid or what. I'm really hoping she doesn't take her kid to class considering she's a culinary major and it would just be fuckin' gross if she sat her kid's germ-infested ass on a surface where food would be prepared. She also happily smokes - part of me wonders if she doesn't care that she's risking fucking up her kid or she doesn't want the kid so bad that she wants to fuck it up.

Cambion Wrote:
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> I've recently started talking again to another
> acquaintance where I go to college. She told me
> she's pregnant, but I don't think she really wants
> to have a kid - she didn't get an abortion because
> she's adamantly pro-life. I don't know if she
> plans on dropping out of college temporarily to
> care for her kid or what.

I gotta love the pro-lifer girls who say abortion is murder and immoral while they look the other way when it comes to fucking men without the "sanctity of marriage". Ha! And...she smokes while pregnant? That is really pro-life...ain't it? Thank the gods it is not me...