Do brats do anything alone anymore? (long)

Or, let their handlers do anything alone?

Me and my pal, who I never see since breeding, had a walk at 8AM on a Sunday morn, because it was the only time she could get free (from her kids' schedules). Now, we tried to do it again this Sunday. Believe me, I would like to sleep later on a Sunday, or at least lounge around in my PJs a little later, and I bet my pal would like to also. But it is ri-damn-diculous that we can never see each other especially since we only live a mile apart. So this is our only option for friend time. Would you believe her 8-9 yr old son now wants to tag a long? And, he did.

He is a good kid, as my pal is a PNB, but still, can I ever see her w/o one of them? Even first thing in the AM?

What is wrong with these kids? I mean, the parents drive them everywhere as it is, so they are with them all the time. As when we were kids, we didn't have a million activities, over the top b-day parties, playdates, Gymboree, etc., and for the things we did, we usually got there ourselves. But no, now parunts are with their brats 24/7 because they have to be in a million activities and they must be driven because the world is soooo unsafe!!!!! The parents have to be at home and do their homework with them! Even 11-12 year olds can't baby sit for an hour or two, like we did, because no parunt trust them. Every adult restaurant and bar is full of brats b/c parunts are never w/o their brood. Now weekends also have to be formal 'family time' and we must have family activities! You get the idea.

So, you're a 9 year old boy, who already has plenty of family time, and you want to get up at 7AM on a Sunday and get dressed, when you don't have to go to one of your million activities, to go walking with two "old ladies"???? In my day, kids didn't want to hang with their parents and their friends, let alone at 7-8Am when they could be sleeping. In fact, most of us dreaded it and resented anytime that was taken away from our 'play time' with our friends. Parents had to force us to go with them. But no, I can't even have an hour at 8 am with my pal, because her kid asked to go, she said yes. (I guess checking with me didn't even occur to her, but what would I have said, without hurting her feelings?) I know she loves her kid, but doesn't *she* ever want any adult time? especially with someone she doesn't get to hang with? I mean the walk is meant for US to stay in touch more and catch up.

Well, anyway, he came. He was pretty good. I did suggest that we walk around the park 3 times, instead of endlessly meandering thru the 'hood, b/c it was what we used to do before he was born, but also, because I thought it would be even more boring for him. Also, it made it a "finite" walk, so I could skedaddle out of there since I wanted to walk with my friend, not a kid, and since that wasn't happening, I was going back to bed. I think it might have worked. I did think it took nerve of him to invite himself along for the walk, then complain how boring it was b/c we just 'walked around' 3 times, then "talked". Well, kiddo, that is what 40+ women do at 8AM who haven't seen each other, and that is why a kid should NOT be there. My pal didn't say anything to him (parunts are way too nicey nice now). If my kid invited himself somewhere and then complained, I would have said, hey, this was mommy's thing, this is what we do, and you asked to come, so don't come with or complain if you don't like it. :yeah He even complained when the walk was over and they had to get to the other side of the park to get to their car (why she brought the car, I have no idea). She again said nothing to him, I finally said, well, we can stop walking if mommy can twitch her nose and magically get the car on this side of the park, but since she can't we have to walk to it. (not rudely, but I said it, I think this should have been obvious to someone his age and he's gifted also.) Then, me and my pal talked about 3 more minutes and he complained about "talking". I mean what did he expect, to be entertained with clowns and a trapeze artist at an 8AM walk? *I'M* the one who should be bored because me and pal couldn't talk about adult subjects and really catch up with what is going on in our worlds b/c the kid was there. All subjects had to be rated G and maybe PG but under our breath. We actually just talked about what he wanted to talk about. He actually interrupted us a couple of times too, and of course moomie let's him change the subject. And, I guess b/c we got coffee last time at the donut shop, he was disappointed we didn't do so this time. I mean really now, he didn 't get up at this time and walk w/ 'old' ladies just to get a donut, did he? Kids eat cereal and pancakes and cookies all the time for breakfast now, a donut can't be that special to him. (and believe me, no matter how many sports he's in, he doesn't need a donut with his girth)

I cant get over the fact we actually picked 8am, because it was the only time she didn't have kid commitments and the kids would be asleep (I guess you can't have a minute to yourself when your kyds are awake even tho your hubby, aunt, mom could look after them for an hour as they live there anyway and they aren't babies for god sake), and we (especially *I*) can't get away from them for a minute even under these circumstances. I could see if she *had* to bring him w/o a sitter and all, but there is really no reason for him to be there during our adult time. Shit, I don't come to his activities and squeeze in on their family time, do I?

Why oh why do today's brats want to hang with adults when we kids of long ago didn't want to? :bawl They can't be that lonely.

If I dare to go again next Sunday, we'll see if he wants come after this week's boring walk and talk. If he opts out, there was success on my part, but if not, it will be my final walk even tho we said we would do it every week.

Sorry, I didn't realize how long this got.

I don't want to be Debbie Downer but I see this friend not being available too much longer and it's all due to the "hints" dropped in your unfortunate story.

1. She can not say No to her child. My mother engaged herself in a wide variety of activites and if I asked to join her whatever she decided was her "adult time" she would never hesitate to say "No, this is just for me."

2. She allows her child to walk all over her, according to your tale she never corrected his whining or interrupting. Again, my mother would simply have said "You asked to come along and this is what we do. If you do not like it, you do not have to join us again." Okay, my mom would have been harsher, and I would not have been allowed to return the next time, even if I had wanted to.

3. Seriously, the kid's 9? And he can't stay home with the other parental unit, or be trusted on his own? Wow.

4. She can't keep her word. 8am was the time she specifically said she didn't have family commitments and was able to spend some "quality time" with you. Yet, she let the kid come along and allowed him to dominate the tone and topics of conversation.

Hopefully in the next week she some how aquires a clue and tells the kid to stay home, because he's old enough to. I think, if you could find a way to word it politely, it is entirely appropriate to express some sort of dismay at the lack of adult conversation, and your desire to actually spend some "quality time" with her. Maybe throw in something about missing her sharp wit, thoughtful insights or whatever, and you find having her child around, as brilliant as he may be, to muffle the conversation.

CF Uter, I have to agree with Feh - unless you take some drastic action, your friend won't be available much longer.

WTF is up with kyeedz nowadays? There's no way in hell I would've wanted to be up at 8 am on a Sunday morning when I was his age. Even if he's well-behaved, I can see how it would be annoying to have him there, even if it's only b/c you can't have a decent adult conversation.

I wonder if the reason kyeedz want to go everywhere with their pahrunts is cos said pahrunts try so hard to be their best friends?

I also agree with Feh. Sounds like your friend shat out her brains with the placenta.

My own mother who is 64 years old has even commented how her friends - also in their 60's - have no time for her anymore because they are too busy tagging along with their own daughters and the grandkids.

And where are the husbands? Hubbies get shoved aside in favor of MOMMIE. They are out doing what they want, and when divorce comes down the pike, I'm sure it will be the MAYUN'S fault. After being shoved aside by the wifelet, who can blame him?

The kicker here is that all these friends who shove aside their once-close friends in favor of the kyds are the first ones calling when they have a free moment, everything should be dropped at once because they have some free time. And they are also the same ones who want to rekindle waned friendships once their kids are older and have social lives of their own.

I hate how all my friends have to drag their parasites EVERYWHERE! I loved it when my parents left us with a babysitter, we always had a blast and mom and dad didn't have to drag us everywhere. My parents were very much the couple that said pretty much that they were a family regardless if they didn't have kids. They also said we fit into their lives, they didn't fit their lives around us. Some people think it was harsh, but my parents were married 22 years before my dad died. All of my friends whose parents worshipped them got divorced. Us kids never came before my father. There's too much child worship nowadays, it's sickening really.

What did this 9-year-old brat think he was going to miss out on that he had to tag alone with his mom and you (my jaded guess is that he wanted some time alone with mummy at one point to extort money or favors from her)?

He needs to get a life. And I hope mummy comes to her senses before she later becomes a weeping and wailing empty nester, wondering where her friends went. Get a clue, they got tired of being treated like crap!

Really, she generally is a good parent, (even tho a better parent would have done all the above that we expect) but I'm not sure that "modern" parents think like us or the old skool parents.

You know, how they really don't even seem to miss the friend/adult time, they may write in their blogs how they miss adult convo, but at the same time, in all of my adulthood, I have yet heard a modern parunt say, "honey, let the adults talk now and don't interrupt."

Their kyds latching on to everything is just par for the course. Nor, do even PNBs find anything wrong w/ what Junior says, unless it is out and out swearing or rude or crazy. And, especially of an overweight Junior wants to do more physical activity, they look at it as a positive thing.( I find it funny that the more activities that modern kids have, they are still grossly overweight. In my day, the one or two overweight kyds in the school, usually were the bookworms, or had an overweight family who just liked to cook a lot and show love thru food.)

I appreciate all you guys' comments and advice but no matter how I phrase it, it won't be a good thing. I'm sure I'm the only CF she sees and no matter what positive spin you put on things, parunts never hear this stuff but from you, the mean CF lady, and they look at you as if you had horns outta your skull. They take it as an affront to *their* kid. You could go on and on how much you love their sproggen, but just want some one on one time so please leave Jr at home, but since none of their other (childed) friends ever say this, they just think you're a child hater. I usually prefer to be straightforward with my friends, but I notice once a friend becomes childed, PNB or not, and the straightforward, diplomatic kid talk from a CF is not truly welcome. You know once you breed, every decision you make re: sprogs is always the right decision automatically. No one should judge you, never ever. :lips

I hope my passive-aggressive steps have worked. We'll see this week. It really won't get any worse as it is as I usually don't see her but a couple times a year since modern parunts make parunthood so intense and an extreme 24/7 job when it really doesn't have to be. It usually is easy to "blow" her off because she allows herself to be so wrapped up with the kids, she doesn't notice I'm not there. I bet if something comes up once, or it rains, if I don't suggest another Sunday outting, I won't see her the rest of the summer...or fall for that matter.

I just can't understand today's kyds tho. WHY would he want to do this in the first place? I do think it is what someone said above about today's parunts being their kids 'friends', the kyds fall into the trap also. I'll be shocked if he comes again after the "boring" walk around the park of last week, but I'll keep you posted.

Unless you guys can suggest something more subtle to make it more 'boring' without making me look like a social clod...?

Just talk about women's stuff, periods, cramps, bloating, feminine hygene products, maybe throw in some convo about shoes, make up and where the best sale racks are. That'll drive him away, or he's gay or transgendered, in which case you might just want to accept it and keep him around, he'll probably need the support eventually.

Too funny!!!!

Feh, you rock! If the son turns out to be gay or transgendered, he will also be able to give mummy and CF Uter fashion tips. Winners all around!!!!!

Thanks for having such a great sense of humor, Feh. You made my day!!!!

unfortunatly then you get people like me, who study everything. fennel is supposed to be good for bloating btw

i dont like discussing certain things, but my brain is full of the crap. ..

walking encyclopedia me..

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

OMG!!!! Too funny Feh. And some great tips for the kid! LOL

Maybe I should go on that talk show...win 'em over by being a funny broad.
Merc, I will always think highly of a man who is comfortable with menstruation. You keep on reading and rocking and rolling!

I think the kid in CF Uter's rant is a coddled little brat. He might also be passive aggressive, as well. (Mommy isn't "allowed" to have fun without me, type attitude, 'cause I'm the center of the universe....) He is old enough to learn these behaviors from his parents.

At any rate, I had a grand ole time without my parents. My brother and I
would be left alone at a very young age. We knew how to cook, making pizza dough from scratch. We watched whatever we wanted to on TV. Plus, in the long Florida summers, I didn't see mom or dad all day. The first time I would see one of them, was when I came home as darkness fell, like 9 p.m.

Well.....

I woke up just in case she called me from her cell Sunday morning, so I could go walking with her at the last minute as if it was "in my plan" but I was just "late", but just as I thought, even tho she wanted to make it a "regular" thing for us, she didn't call me if I didn't call her. So, I got out of the kyd walk so far. I had a lot going on with my dog being sick and my house being remodeled, so I didn't want to wake up and waste time on that when I have better things to do.

Maybe if I go again next week, the kyd will be bored with the whole idea....

Generally, kyd isn't coddled in the true sense of the word, but Nour, as I see it, I really don't know too many kyds theses days who aren't coddled to a point and get everything they want, one way or another. Modern parunting dictates to be your kyds pal and have him with ya at all times in the name of safety and never yell in the name of self esteem. It is a different world and I too feel sorry for them. I too, and most all of my friends, never ever ever hung with the parunts, and I too luv'd it. I felt more self esteem making all my own choices with TV, food, play, and never asked them for virtually anything all day. For some reason, these moos and duds either don't remember this from their own lives, or are thoroughly convinced that it is too "unsafe in the world now", or just luv being their kids pal so much that they don't miss adult time. s

I just hope I can pull this walk off with out the kyd in the future. Cross your fingers, please.:smoke