elder care

I am new to this board. I'm a 33-year old childfree woman with a wonderful, also childfree 47-year-old common-law husband of 2 years. His Mom [God love her] is 87, the mother of 10.

My SO is the youngest of her 10 kids. Several of the boys died but she has 6 kids remaining, ranging from 60+ down.

Guess what? My SO lived with her and supported her financially and otherwise until we got together [long story]. He cut wood [older folks tend to like the wood stoves and paid all the bills, bought groceries, etc.

Now, he's just finished training for a new career and has to be away from home for weeks at a time. While he was in school, he went to visit her every week, buying her groceries, still keeping the house up, etc.

Now that he's not around sometimes, guess who gets to do this? One of her other 5 kids, who live within 10 miles? Nope. Yours truly, who lives 2 hours away.

now don't get me wrong. I love her, and am happy to do it. I feel nothing but love and respect for the elderly. I think they deserve all the accomodations and attention currently lavished on children, who are, after all, hardy and robust little things. If i didn't do this, she would literally starve to death [she never drove, lives in a very rural area, and doesn't go out]. SO's disabled brother also lives with her, so she's not alone. but he can't do it either.

My point is, give me a break about children looking after you in your old age. If if wasn't for my SO, his rotten selfish breeder sisters would have her in a nursing home quicker than you could blink and be fighting over the house [she has no $$$, except a paltry pension]. Granted, he does look after her, wonderfully. However, he's the only one of her children who doesn't have kids of his own, and 1 in 10 doesn't seem good odds to me. Basically, she's luckier than most, and it took 10 kids to have one responsible, loving one to care for her in her old age. Sheesh.

Just my $.02.

Hey CanadaCF! Welcome to the board! Man, that's great that you and your SO take good care of his mom, but I know that's got to be exhausting too! I'm living in DC now, which is about 600 miles away from my hometown now and try to get down to the ATL every few months to visit and help mom and dad out with stuff. Fortunately, we're at least on the same time zone now and there are 3 airports here and we've all got unlimited long distance. Still, I want to make sure that my folks are able to live in their homes as long as they can. They've both told me they don't want to ever be in a nursing home and I don't blame them.

Thanks, Responsible Adult

I appreciate your kudos, but we honestly just figure it's our responsibility, duty, etc. Also, I don't mind being in good with the mother in law and besides, you can choose whether or not to have kids, but not parents! I admire your dedication; 600 miles, wow. I told my mom [i'm an only child] that i'd rather be dead than see her being looked after by someone else if she was in need.

Thanks again for the welcome, I hope to be a frequent contributor to the board.

Welcome aboard, canadacf! I'm in Canada too. In Montreal to be precise. Where are you located?
It's good your SO's mom has one of her kids take care of her. How many in nursing homes never get one single visit and are left to rot.

Welcome, canadacf!

You're so right about the children looking after you in old age thing. I worked in a retirement home once and I can honestly say, the residents with hardly any visitors had children. Surprise, huh?

I've never forgotten one old lady who had nine children. Occasionally, one or two of them would pay her a brief visit every few months. When they did bother to turn up, they would inevitably bring their badly behaved loaves and keep glancing at their watches.
She was a sweet lady and dedicated her life to those ungrateful brats and look how she was repaid. It still bugs me thinking about it.

Hey, Mrs. Ogre

I'm in New Brunswick. I live in St. Andrews ("By the Sea" LOL) which is a lovely little coastal tourist community where people come to spend a few idyllic days away from the daily grind in the summers. It's cool (sea breeze), clean and small (pop. about 1700). I love it here; i live about 10 feet from the water of the Bay of Fundy tides. it's a great inspiration for my writing.

Thanks for the welcome. I've been to Montreal. And to TO. I'd love to go back to Montreal.

Liz (hey, my name's Liz too! cool.)

You're so right. i (as an only child, i was pretty mature) worked as a volunteer from grades 8 through 12 at a senior's home. I fed them dinner, took a "goodie" trolley around, orgsnized entertainment and bingo nights, and generally visited. They were so happy to have us young people volunteers (all other only children) around. And i very rarely saw any of their children visiting. These folks all seemed very nice, if a few of them were a bit dotty. I once asked a nurse if most of them were without children, and she said, "oh, no. their kids are here on drop-off day'. Sad.