Rant 783

Get out NOW. Dating a breeder if you are CF is bad, dating a breeder with a kid(s) is worse and dating a breeder with a moo for a mom and who doesn't mind or is disciplined is the WORST.

Trust me. This will NOT change. I tried this. Was totally in LOVE with someone with two kids. He was a good father. We had a great relationship till his kids took over the picture. Their bitch moo mom could have cared less about them so we got stuck with the brats. These two kids were totally undisciplined, did whatever they wanted, drew all over the top of my glass coffee tables, thought my couch pillows were napkins for their dirty hands and noses. I tried and tired to come up with some way to make it work (and hell, I am a social worker and am quite good at things like this) but I couldn't make him parent his little brats the way I thought they should be so I ended up having to call off the relationship, move out (we were living together), and realize that I would NEVER date anyone with kids EVER AGAIN.

I always said I'd never date a breeder but here I am. Actually, he was the real parent, his ex-wife was the breeder. He tried discipline and correct upbringing, she'd undermine everything he did and bad-mouth him. Fortunately, the kids are grown (17 and 20) so they're not in my hair. The son is a troubled kid, the daughter is fine. Sonny lives with mum. Mummy Dearest totally poisoned these kids against their dad right from the get go so they never had any respect for him at all. They divorced when the kids were like 9 and 12. Sonny boy was living with dad for a year and moved back with mummy 2 months ago - mummy built a mega-expensive new home with new hubby and after dad's been soaked dry by leach mum, there isn't much left over for extravagant surroundings. Hopefully we won't be hearing from sonny boy with any of his usual bullshit. We are planning on moving in together this spring (into my house) and I don't want any snags in my plans. When Sonny boy moved out recently, it was under the worst circumstances possible: fist fight with dad, physically attacked dad's brother, busted down doors in house, stole money and booze, wrecked tons of shit in the house, etc. Nice kid. Model son.

As another CFer involved with a parent, I can sympathize. Sounds like the kid is a spoiled brat who is acting out because he wants ALL of daddy's attention and doesn't want to share daddy with you. And duh is letting him get away with it instead of taking a stand. Instead of punishing the kid when he acts out, he lets him get away with it because (as he rationalizes it) he doesn't get to spend a lot of time with him and he doesn't want to "spoil" their time together by being a discliplinarian. This is a very common pattern with divorced dads. A lot of them are also afraid the Moo will go ballistic and use any excuse to cut off his visitation rights.

Your BF probably knows why the kid is acting out, but doesn't want to do anything about it. He needs to understand that he can't get the kid get away with this type of behavior. If the kid successfully breaks up your relationship, he'll think that he can do whatever he wants as far as dad is concerned, and Dad will be VERY sorry, because the behavior will only escalate.

Some strict discipline is necessary. Bratley needs to be taught firmly by Dad that peeing on someone's couch will not be tolerated and that he should treat you with respect at all times. Whether your BF has the guts to spank him or send him back to his mom's when he misbehaves is another story.

***Whether your BF has the guts to spank him or send him back to his mom's when he misbehaves is another story. ***

If he sends the kid back to the mom's when he misbehaves, what the hell kind of message does THAT send? That guys are incapable of caring for their children? Actually, if he ever did this, then I would really say run for the hills since he shows no sense of responsibility.

And how appropriate that someone thinks the moo should get dumped on when brat misbehaves.

My advice to the poster is to stay out of it, but at least read a book or two on child development if you insist on being with the guy. Peeing the bed at 7, especially when you are under stress, and in a strange place, is not uncommon. Don't have the kid at your house anymore if you can't handle it. The bottom line is the kid isn't going anywhere, so either suck it up or get out of the relationship.

Reply Quote

Joujou2 Wrote:

> If he sends the kid back to the mom's when he
> misbehaves, what the hell kind of message does
> THAT send? That guys are incapable of caring for
> their children? Actually, if he ever did this,
> then I would really say run for the hills since he
> shows no sense of responsibility.
>
> And how appropriate that someone thinks the moo
> should get dumped on when brat misbehaves.
>
You misinterpreted what I wrote. I think returning the kid to the Moo when he misbehaves would teach the kid that acting bratty will NOT get him Daddy's attention: in fact, acting bratty will get him LESS of Daddy's attention.

Also, in many of these cases, the spouse is the one poisoning the child against the non-custodial parent and that person's girlfriend or boyfriend. I have a hunch one of the reasons the kid is acting this way is because Moo has given him a clear message that Daddy's new girlfriend is not someone to be respected.

***Also, in many of these cases, the spouse is the one poisoning the child against the non-custodial parent and that person's girlfriend or boyfriend. I have a hunch one of the reasons the kid is acting this way is because Moo has given him a clear message that Daddy's new girlfriend is not someone to be respected. ***

That may or may not be the case, but unless we are directly involved, we don't know if mom is an ass or not. In many of these cases too, spouses like to over exaggerate the horribleness of the other spouse. In other words, we don't exactly have an unbiased retelling of the "facts".

Regardless, children will conform to whatever standard of behaviour is expected of them in different situations, *IF* there is an expectation. If dad doesn't have any expectations, and if girlfriend doesn't put out the vibe that she is to be respected, then the kid won't respect them. I don't know what exactly this kid's deal is because the ranter didn't go into the specifics. For all we know, the kid could be exhibiting normal untrained, kid behaviour, and she just has a low tolerance level.