Rants 790 and 791

I don't understand it either. Women with nice careers, great clothes and well-dressed, guys and girls both putting themselves through college, graduating, getting a good job, having all kinds of money and freedom to play, have a good time, have peace and quiet. People give all this up to have kids. They lose their figures, never take time for themselves, bitch and moan, dads usually end up schtooping a chick from work because the home life sucks, moms end up on Prozac. I don't get it. All of this is proof that people simply follow the "norm" of what is expected of them. Very sad. Like lemmings following each other off of a cliff. Why can't people catch on that the real happiness is 1. remaining single or 2. finding that significant other to share life with and not reproducing?

Mark me down also for not understanding this. This is one side of the CF story that I sometimes forget about (or take for granted), and then reading this board reminds me of. THANK GOD I AM CF!! A person spends the first 18 years or so UNDER THEIR PARENTS THUMB. Then, off to college or a job or whatever to "make it" in the world. Still under someone's control--no freedom. Then, FINALLY, a person gets a nice job and nice place. FREEDOM AT LAST, after 20-something years. AT LAST. But wait! Most people follow society's norms like good little cattle and RUIN THEIR FREEDOM ALMOST AS SOON AS THEY GET IT, by haaavingggg a baaayyybeeee. Their hard-won freedom is now LOST FOREVER, as they become ENSLAVED by little BRATLEY. They are now in for TWENTY MORE YEARS of endetured servitude. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID. However, most people don't see this because they follow society's dictates like mindless zombies. HOORAY FOR BEING CF!! I have enjoyed freedom for 20 years and I DONT SEE HOW ANYONE can want kids. What a PAIN in the ARSE! --Thanks for reading.

Excellent point. I wonder if they do it because they don't know what else to do with themselves. If someone has never had any freedom, then they may not know what to do with it, how to handle it, etc. Just a thought...

Yeah, that confuses me as well. The only thing I can add is that lots of people just don't stop a moment and think about all the work and sacrifice that must be made to be a parent, and don't have many good childfree rolemodels. No ones parents are actually going to say "my life was way better without you", and very few of us grew up really knowing any child free people.

Interesting point. We grew up not knowing many CF people because we were kids ourselves, so our friends were kids and their parents were, well, parents. But, do you remember the CF aunt/uncle or cousin that was always a barrel of fun? I had an older cousin without kydz and he was a blast! He taught me fun games and took the time to just have fun. And, he never had kids, and is still a fun guy. But, it is definately true that we didn't really know many CFers while growing up.

That reminds me of one thing: almost every mother I know (including many fathers) are on prozac or some type of antidepressant and anti-anxiety medication. Correlation anyone?

Personally, I don't understand it much either. I didn't grow up with any CF relatives (except an aunt, but she died before I was born, and I kept hearing from my mom's side of the family that she died because she didn't obey the will of God by being a wiccan, not getting married and having children), so the whole, "You must follow the societial life script of getting married and having 2.5 children is something you have to do" is pretty much ingrained through everyone in the family. That's probably the reason why they don't see the CF lifestyle as a valid lifestyle. Or, they may just be jealous of it, since they realized they didn't have to follow the societial script, but they did anyway just to fit in.

Have you ever met someone who seems to genuinely believe that you can't not have kids? I've had more than a few people say something like, are you really not having kids?

Sometimes they are pissed off, as if I am getting away with something. Yeah, getting away with not having a life of drudgery, which defines life as a mother. Sucks to be you, doesn't it? Too bad you didn't think about it first.

And about this thread, I'm really enjoying the comments. Everyone has this fantasy that children are innocent little beings and that parents must knock themselves to give their children perfect childhoods.

I don't know about you guys, but even when I was a child, I thought childhood was stupid. I wanted to do what I pleased. And now, although I must work to support myself, I generally do whatever the fuck I want during my off time. Being an adult is SO MUCH BETTER than being a kid. Adulthood in general is SO UNDERRATED these days and being a CF adult is the best.

I wouldn't give that up for ANYTHING. Not for a man and certainly not for some stupid baby.

Even from single older women (i.e. former college professors) who don't have kids and who I still have contact look at me different because I am married and I don't have kids. I would think that these women who chose not to marry and give up their careers as tenure professors would understand me better, but I sense that it is different when you are married. Two of my former profs said that a baby would be part of us, or maybe you'll change your mind later, etc. I would think I would get an applaud or a high five from these profs, but NOOOOOOOOOOO. Just because a women is married she is supposed to have a damn kid! I too wouldn't give up my life of freedom, travelling with DH, etc. because of a damn baby. It is not worth it! Not in a billion, billion years!

KidFreeLuvnLife Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I don't understand it either. Women with nice
> careers, great clothes and well-dressed, guys and
> girls both putting themselves through college,
> graduating, getting a good job, having all kinds
> of money and freedom to play, have a good time,
> have peace and quiet. People give all this up to
> have kids.

Someone posted an article about this phenomenon over at evildragonlady's site (www.evildragonlady.com/viper) . Here's a brief summary:

Apparently a lot of these future SAHMs got discouraged after graduating college and realizing the world wasn't going to be handed to them on a platter. They decided the working world was "too hard", so they opted out to become SAHMs.

Their husbands, on the other hand, got out of college with the same degrees but believed that failure was not an option. Thus they were able to transition into the working world much more easily.

Something I've seen too, through some women I am friends with that grew up in poor households, their parents scraping by week to week - never enough money for nice clothes, vacations, car, etc. These girls I knew realized they wanted to land themselves a rich man (walking wallet) so they never have to deal with the same hardships their parents did. Some of them even think that they "deserve" a rich man because they grew up in such squalid surroundings. Poor babies. These girls landed themselves a rich man and started breeding immediately OR they trapped themselves a rich man by getting knocked up. Suck it up, put yourself through college, get a job and make your own damn money - just like I did.