2531 Knocking yourself up

Just in case you cannot link to the article, here it is:

Knocking Yourself Up
Some women laugh about turkey basters replacing Mr. Right. The ongoing debate over going it alone.
By Lorraine Ali
NEWSWEEK
Updated: 4:18 PM ET Oct 27, 2007

Sex And The City's" Carrie Bradshaw once asked, "What if Prince Charming had never shown up? Would Snow White have slept in that glass coffin forever? Or would she have eventually woken up, spit out the apple, gotten a job, a health-care package and a baby from her local neighborhood sperm bank?" Though it's hard to say how Disney would have grappled with a no-show prince, if Ms. White were to awaken alone today, it's possible she'd take the advice of Louise Sloan, author of the guidebook "Knock Yourself Up: A Tell-All Guide to Becoming a Single Mom."

Sloan found herself single at 41, though she'd always considered herself "definitely the marrying kind." Determined to become a mother, the Brooklyn-based writer inseminated herself with sperm from an unknown donor she refers to as No. 2, "a tall, handsome green-eyed actor (Favorite color: blue. Favorite pet: dogs)" in the attic of her conservative family's Kennebunkport, Maine, summer house. Sloan now has a 16-month-old son, and uses her experience—as well as those of almost 50 more unpartnered, educated and financially independent straight and gay females over 30—to propel her humorous "how to" book for aspiring single moms. She offers practical advice on choosing the right donor and informing prospective grandparents in chapters titled "Oops, I Forgot to Have a Baby" and "Trysts With the Turkey Baster."

Sloan's amusing take on this provocative subject is already spurring caustic feedback online, though it's the lightest offering among several recent books that include Rosanna Hertz's academic account, "Single by Chance, Mothers by Choice," and Mikki Morrissette's firsthand account/guide, "Choosing Single Motherhood." "We're in a transition period—people are not just getting married because that's what you do if you want to have kids," says Sloan. "Women now have careers, are financially independent and waiting until they find the right guy. Most of us want to meet the perfect person and live happily ever after, but sometimes we don't."

Whether by choice or circumstance, the evidence suggests that more and more women are considering single parenthood. Unwed births among 30- to 44-year-olds rose 20 percent from 1991 to 2006, and last year alone, four in 10 U.S. babies were born outside of marriage even though teen pregnancies hit their lowest point in 65 years. Fairfax Cryobank, one of the biggest sperm banks in the United States, says its single-female clientele jumped 20 percent in the last decade and now accounts for 60 percent of its customer base.

Not everyone is embracing the unorthodox version of mommy. Fifteen years after Vice President Dan Quayle admonished TV's Murphy Brown for having a baby out of wedlock, a recent review of "Knock Yourself Up" on Salon.com generated plenty of criticism, like that from someone who identified himself as "straight, married white male, three biological children." He wrote that Sloan is an "upper-middle-class white woman pursuing her pregnancy fantasies." And recently, blogger Glenn Sacks wrote on the Fathers & Family Web site that the rise of single mothers by choice was a "disturbing" phenomenon and is "bad news for America's children." "It's provocative, this question of 'Do men bring something unique in the raising of a child?'?" says Hertz, chair of the women's studies department at Wellesley College. "The women in my study go to extremes in finding men who will help raise their children—uncles, grandparents, a best friend from college. This is not about creating a world without men."

Controversy aside, what effect does a fatherless household actually have on kids? Studies over the past 30 years have shown that kids in single-parent households don't fare as well as their peers with a mom and dad. Research by sociologists Sara McLanahan and Gary Sandefur shows that children who grow up with only one biological parent are about twice as likely to drop out of high school, and girls from homes with one biological parent are twice as likely to become pregnant teenagers. But most studies on the effects of single-mother households on kids do not differentiate among children raised by teen moms, low-income women in their 20s (this group still makes up the majority of unwed U.S. birth moms) and financially independent older mothers by choice.

When income and education are factored in, "substantially fewer differences arise between the intellectual development, academic achievement and behavior of children in single-parent and two-parent families," according to a 2004 study by Henry Ricciuti, professor emeritus of human development at Cornell. He looked at the adverse effects of single parenthood on 1,500 12- and 13-year-olds across the United States and found what mattered most to a child's well-being was not just two parents, but a mother's education and ability level. "It all comes down to the individual situation," says Sloan. "But for kids whose moms wanted them as badly as I did, chances are the decks are stacked in their favor." And Sloan intends to play the hand she's chosen with a sense of humor.


URL: http://www.newsweek.com/id/62298

Is this really messed up or is my thinking is not in-line with today's standards?

This is a breederhood encouragement as we know it. Why in the world would they do that? It seems to me that this article has an indirect meaning. If "majority" does it, why should the rest not do it?

I am utterly disgusted with this. This article makes it sound like it's a great thing. Other media is preaching natal movement like crazy. Where are we going?

I do not understand any of this. What boggles my mint is the fact that these women state that they actually want to do it. Does this boil down to an instinct or just a desire to fit in? Both reasons are not good reasons to have kids. I have noticed, that people who have higher IQ have either no kids or maybe 1 kid. People who are out of it, are Dougers. If we all do something just to "fit in", why don't we all do meth? It's cool, and "everybody's doing it".

If it is an instinct and we want to live by it, they why don't we just kill whoever we don't like and just fist fight our way to food in the grocery store. Yeah.

Somewhere, somehow, someone us making lots and lots of money off all of this. I have no other explanation. Kids cost astronomical amounts of money. To get people to spend it, they got to somehow convince that offspring is great. If not, who in the right mind would breed?

This is off the wall, but seems somewhat true. Check it out:

http://pics.livejournal.com/napivprovidnik/pic/0003dr3f


Scary stuff.

I don't trust or give any credit to any news piece that begins with a Sex In The City quote. Their kids are going to have messed up childhoods. Sort of reminds me of that other post with the writer whose boyfriend lived overseas because he has custody of another kid (or so the story goes). These moms are so narcissistic, vapid, and just dumb - too much money and overpriced education, but not enough common sense.

The picture in the beginning of the article...

If these women think they are doing this in the name of feminism, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony are turning over in their graves right now. These moos are doing this just because its "hip". Remember when a certain type of purse or shoes was the thing to have to make a person "cool"? I'm not a supporter of that type of materialism either, but at least a Gucci handbag isn't a human that could potentially be fucked up for the rest of its life for being thought of only as an accessory.

Incredibly selfish IMO. "Mom, who is my father? Donor 56378647829, honey!" Were does our sense of idenity come from? Their child will have a whole other "unknown" family from the sperm donor. But for these women, I guess adoption is out of the question: the kids are too old and not white enough.

sharon j. Wrote:
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> Incredibly selfish IMO. "Mom, who is my father?
> Donor 56378647829, honey!" Were does our sense of
> idenity come from? Their child will have a whole
> other "unknown" family from the sperm donor. But
> for these women, I guess adoption is out of the
> question: the kids are too old and not white
> enough.

I know I would not want to have grown up like that. When did these women ever asked if this stuff will be appreciated by the kid who was born?

I know there are tons of bad fathers, sometimes kids are better off with one good single mom than a bad dad, but starting out as a single mom is just messed up.

The kid who is brought into the world like this is not going to appreciate this "turkey baster" induced mother hood. I know I would not. Adoption of an older kid, on the other hand, could earn some appreciation from the kid, or at least, has a chance to.

I saw a special about the after-affects on the kids of donor dads on one of the Discovery channels. Single moo had 3 kids by diffrent donors. All was just peachy til the kids got around 11, 15, & 19. Then they started asking the who's my daddy questions.

So moo goes on this insane all-out quest to locate records from the sperm bank, which is now closed. The actual names & pertinent info is blacked out, but by chance she finds bits of info on the 11 yr old girl's donor, makes hundreds of phone calls & finally contacts him.

This egotistical career donor agreed to meet her & moo. So, the girl is ecstatic to meet him, then devastated that she means nothing to him. He just makes babies b/c he thinks his DNA is so superior. Oh yeah, he said he'd email her now and then. He never did.

And her 15 year old half-brother went into a deep depression because moo never found even a trace of his donor's identity.

I know a friend with a teenage relative who was told recently of his being conceived by an anonymous sperm donor as well as one of his "parents" being transgendered. The kid went into a funk. I do not know how he is doing now. If anything was to be divulged, it probably should have been done when the child was at a very young age where he could handle it. I remember being about 8 when my mom told me of her gay hairdresser and the transgendered person who also worked at the salon. It was really no big deal to me once I got past the fact that the lady still had her "five o'clock" shadow. "Joy" was just another person to me.

Wow, Am, that is a big chunk of cheese for that poor kid to swallow. I agree, coming out with that little tid bit of info at such a vulnerable time in his life (teenhood) is really selfish.

Why can't these women adopt? Why the sperm donor? Oh that's right. They want to prove that their reproductive organs work and 2. have a dna replica of themselves, because, don't you know, it's just not the SAAAAAME unless it's YYOOOUUURRSSS.

Techie Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Is this really messed up or is my thinking is not
> in-line with today's standards?
Probably you are out of line with today's standards. But don't worry, I think most of us on here are. Making rational decisions seems to be out of line with most of today's standards. On here it seems to me that, at least in terms of major life decisions common sense, reason and living in reality seems to be the norm. In real life, with the majority of society it just is "I want, I get", no matter what the situation is.

> This is a breederhood encouragement as we know it.
> Why in the world would they do that? It seems to
> me that this article has an indirect meaning. If
> "majority" does it, why should the rest not do
> it?
This is total breeder encouragement. How could any one of these single mothers tell their teen, "You should wait to have sex until you are with someone you know and care for? You should wait to have kids until you are in a position to care for them?" The mom's actions tell a whole different story. I highly doubt any one of these single moos actually has ever worked a day in her life with children. They just see the friends with babies, and all the attention they get, and think "I want, better get knocked up".

I'd like to see if the xtian right comes out as strongly against this as they do against gay marriage, because if anything is a threat to heterosexual marriage, this is. Gays don't get married to make babies, but heteros do...and if the heteros don't have to get married to make the babies, then why should anyone get married at all? But they won't, because unwed mothers of any economic strata are easy to manipulate, unlike those pesky, self sufficient, gays.

> Where are we going?
How'd I get in this handbasket, and why is it getting so warm?

> If we all do something just
> to "fit in", why don't we all do meth? It's cool,
> and "everybody's doing it".
Because meth is fun, and in spite of all the focus on immediate gratification, our society is anti-fun, especially if that fun doesn't mean giving money to a huge corporation. Meth actually does what it's supposed to, it gets you high. You aren't supposed to remain single, renting, unchilded, carless or any other "abhorrent" life choices that we make, because that means you aren't being an "adult" and selfishly spending too much time (i.e. money) on yourself, and you are only one person who can only own so much. It doesn't matter if you are taking care of yourself, paying your rent and bills, and living within your means...all that matters is that you are consuming, and making more consumers.

> Somewhere, somehow, someone us making lots and
> lots of money off all of this. I have no other
> explanation. Kids cost astronomical amounts of
> money. To get people to spend it, they got to
> somehow convince that offspring is great. If not,
> who in the right mind would breed?
I am guessing that there are a few people who breed because they actually want to raise another person to be a decent human being, but we call these people parents, and don't mock them. The majority are breeders who just do it because it's LifeScript(tm) and don't have the balls to use their brains. They aren't taught to think, but to just circle A, B, or C. This makes corporations Very Happy, because people who don't think will drive themselves into perpetual debt trying to keep up with the Joneses, or make themselves happy....kind of like meth addicts chasing that awesome first high.

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

Feh, you are awsome. :beer I completely agree that majority of this is caused by breeders with no brains. They consume and create more consumers. If these moos really cared about the world and the kids, they would be more likely to adapt and not pay too much attention to child's skin color. People who adopt "white only" need to look in the mirror. They may have horns that they have never noticed.

As far a gay people go, I do not know what is this alleged "Christian" deal is. I have worked with gays and lesbians in the past and I found out that I did not know that they were one or the other unless they told me. Why are "Christians" so concerned? Seems to me they are prying into someone's personal business. I never worry about who is who, they should not either.

We got ways to go to make it as CF. But I think we can do it. I know how difficult it is to raise a child. I researched it left and right. It is not cheap, not easy and very demanding. I do not want to do it. Sooner or later all this will come out. People will better understand what parenting is. I tend to relate this to marriage. Just about all couples used to get married. Today, there are more couples who live together than those who are married. It is because the reality of marriage is coming out - whether the "Christians" are for it or not. Books are being written about the nightmares of parenting. I read a few. I always pass on the information. Those other people pass it on as well. Sooner or later it will hit radio, TV and newspaper. It is already on the internet. Some say it will make parenting rare. Good. Only people who are willing to be true parents should be doing it. And those are hard to come by.