Great blog, some cf stuff some other stuff

http://rachellucas.com/?p=620

If you, like Gottlieb, insist that I am lying or in denial, you are projecting your own craziness onto me. It has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you. (this is the link she mentions http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23053553/page/1/)

Because why would a sane, rational, self-supporting adult woman be panicked when she reached 35 (let alone 30! jesus! that is young) and wasn’t married, of all things? Gottlieb’s answer to that is that all women want babies, and it’s easier to find a husband before you have them, and since your odds of having babies decreases every year, you will start to panic as you get older and don’t have a husband.

The problem with her theory is, not all women want to have babies. But Gottlieb did, and all her friends did, so “every woman” she knows panicked when they turned 30 and had no husband. The fact that women like me, outside the circle of “every woman” she knows, don’t want babies and therefore have no reason to panic about not having a husband at 30 or 35 does not make us liars or in denial or disingenuous. It makes Gottlieb offensively presumptuous and self-absorbed.

Every woman I know who’s over 30 and doesn’t already have kids, doesn’t want them. But I’m not about to say that any woman who doesn’t feel the same way is a liar or in denial. Why the hell would I do that? People are different. They want different things. Just because someone doesn’t want the exact same shit you do doesn’t mean they’re denying their own true nature.

Sure, some women might feel panic and desperation when they turn 30 or 35 without a husband, even if they don’t want kids, because they’re worried they won’t be able to get a man simply because they don’t look as good as they did in their 20s. You know what their problem is? They have nothing else to offer.

I’ll admit that sometimes I whine about getting older. I’ll say something to Rupert about not wanting to age, not liking the changes in my face. He snaps me out of it every time by reminding me of what I already know.

Women who should worry about losing their looks are women who haven’t bothered to develop an appealing personality. They haven’t invested any effort in educating themselves and having something to say. They have no sense of humor and they’re superficial. Often, they haven’t managed to find a way to earn enough money to take care of themselves.

You can only get away with that when you’re young and beautiful. Some men will put up with a vacuum between the ears if you offer what they consider an acceptable alternative - being hot. Once you stop being hot, you’re screwed, because you’ve got nothing to counterbalance your shitty personality.

As much as I hate the stereotypes about what “all women” want, I equally hate the stereotypes about what “all men” want. The idea that every man is more interested in looks than anything else is BULLSHIT. It’s simply not true. I’m a perfectly average-looking female and I’ve had four serious relationships, all with high-quality, good-looking men, and every one of them liked me more than they liked better-looking women who were interested in them because I’m smart and because I’m not crazy. My lack of big boobs and perfect face haven’t hindered my man-catching adventures in the least, because smart men want women they can stand to be around outside of the bedroom.

But back to Gottlieb’s article, the thrust of which is that women should “settle” when they meet a minimum-standard decent guy, else they’ll be old and alone. And the part I love the most, about how any woman who says she’s not worried about that is in denial. I have an alternative theory.

Women who will call you a liar if you say you’re not worried are in denial of something themselves: that they’re projecting their own crap onto everyone else. That they realize they’re just not very interesting and the lack of a husband has little to do with their age. Gottlieb, in particular, is in denial of the fact that she made a huge mistake when she used artificial insemination to have a baby if she in fact wanted to get a husband at some point in the future. She says she’s 40 now and can’t even date because of the baby, which she used a donor to create, while single. Well, duh.

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

mercurior Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> http://rachellucas.com/?p=620

> Women who should worry about losing their looks
> are women who haven’t bothered to develop an
> appealing personality. They haven’t invested any
> effort in educating themselves and having
> something to say. They have no sense of humor and
> they’re superficial. Often, they haven’t managed
> to find a way to earn enough money to take care of
> themselves.

I agree. Women who have only invested in their looks are in for a rude awakening as they get older and no longer get the jobs that were reserved for young, hot chicks. Yet, there are women who have done the 'right thing' all of their lives but do have this concern as they get older because of how society views older females.

>
> You can only get away with that when you’re young
> and beautiful. Some men will put up with a vacuum
> between the ears if you offer what they consider
> an acceptable alternative - being hot. Once you
> stop being hot, you’re screwed, because you’ve got
> nothing to counterbalance your shitty personality.

I've known of some very smart women in the IT world who used their looks and sexuality in the 80's and 90's. Having sex with the boss for 'favours' and to get ahead was their MO's. Wonder how they are doing now as they are in their 50's? I doubt life is so grand for them as there are younger and better-looking women to replace them.

One I knew said she did not want to age because she would no longer have men fawn over her. The woman had a horrible personality and loved to play the 'female games' with other women by usually being able to get with their mates. Doubt that is happening now. I would love Karma to be getting her ass now!

>
> As much as I hate the stereotypes about what “all
> women” want, I equally hate the stereotypes about
> what “all men” want. The idea that every man is
> more interested in looks than anything else is
> BULLSHIT. It’s simply not true. I’m a perfectly
> average-looking female and I’ve had four serious
> relationships, all with high-quality, good-looking
> men, and every one of them liked me more than they
> liked better-looking women who were interested in
> them because I’m smart and because I’m not crazy.
> My lack of big boobs and perfect face haven’t
> hindered my man-catching adventures in the least,
> because smart men want women they can stand to be
> around outside of the bedroom.

I am glad this 'average-looking' woman was fortunate to have all of these relationships with the 'high-quality, good-looking men'; however, I tend to think the stereotype did hold true. She does not mention keeping any them for more than a 'long-term' relationship. How 'long' was each of these 'relationships'? Where did her 'high-end' men go when the relationships ended with her? How did those relationships end? Does she have one of those 'high-quality' (probably meaning big wage earners) now? Why does she seem to protest so much about being 'average-looking' if she aging is not an issue?

Many women will fool themselves thinking a man is not interested in large breasts or the beautiful face even if they claim to not want those hotties. A man with manners is not going to tell his small-breasted, average girlfriend that he is into those big tits. That would hurt the lady's feelings. However, it does seem that the guys still want the 'Anna Nicoles' or Hooters girls even if they are quiet about their women not being so well-endowed. Then, there are fellows who will give the backhanded compliment of how they love their "smaller" women but really do prefer big boobs and super-model looks.

There are men who do not behave that way but it takes a lot of patience to find one of that sort of quality. I am always a little supsicious of a man who says he does not notice the larger breasts and 'hot chicks'. It tells me that he is lying to himself and more likely trying to lie to me. Some men do not approach the more 'high-maintenance' women because they feel they cannot attract them for whatever reason but look from afar wishing with the "what if's".

> But back to Gottlieb’s article, the thrust of
> which is that women should “settle” when they meet
> a minimum-standard decent guy, else they’ll be old
> and alone. And the part I love the most, about how
> any woman who says she’s not worried about that is
> in denial. I have an alternative theory.
>
> Women who will call you a liar if you say you’re
> not worried are in denial of something themselves:
> that they’re projecting their own crap onto
> everyone else. That they realize they’re just not
> very interesting and the lack of a husband has
> little to do with their age. Gottlieb, in
> particular, is in denial of the fact that she made
> a huge mistake when she used artificial
> insemination to have a baby if she in fact wanted
> to get a husband at some point in the future. She
> says she’s 40 now and can’t even date because of
> the baby, which she used a donor to create, while
> single. Well, duh.

As we get older, it can be hard to find a mate since we tend to get set in our ways. I will be 44 this year and had no problem attracting men in my 40's. For a long time, I was not looking for anything serious until I met a man who is truly a good person. The Gottlieb woman did make a mistake with the artificial insemination. She may have a good career and a home but a man who is going to date 40/year-olds are not going to want middle-aged women with those crying babies. She did it to herself.

for her she may have lucked out, or she had a more down to earth view, or a myriad of other things, or she may be exagerrating slightly. but it is an interesting blog, not that i agree with everything she says, but she does make some good points.. (and some dumb ones too)

*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

The lady does make good points re: how not all women want marriage and those babies. On the MSN site, there were some postings to the article from married and non-married people who admitted to being happy to choose a childfree life. Single women also posted their contentment with not having another person in their lives. More of us in the childfree world are going public. My only thing about the blogger is how she protesteth too much re: the aging thing. She seemed angry re: those who worried about losing their looks. That is very human. Men AND women have been taught how getting older means no longer being attractive, desirable, or even interesting. If she had to catalogue all of the 'quality' men with good looks who she had 'long-term' relationships aka 'been to bed with', which probably meant good earners, it could have been her way of trying to compete with the 'hotties'. Maybe personality and being a down-to-earth person helped land those 'quality' men but none of them are around any longer. Probably, they moved onto women in their own league when they got bored with Ms. Average-Looks?

or maybe those men were blind to what they had, and left finding that they are or were damned fools.

stupidity isnt always logical.

*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein