2630 - youngest Darwin awards candidate

This might sound crazy, but did anyone else think "Gosh, 10 seems a little OLD to be getting yourself killed during a sand burial while imitating a cartoon"?

Then again, I don't have children, what the hell do I know?

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

YES! Oh my goodness, yes! That's the first thing I thought when I read that... then I felt really guilty for thinking it. Then when I read the quotes from the parents about how bright and intelligent he was -- some very not-so-nice things ran through my mind.

I thought it too. Old enough to know better.

"Bright and intelligent"? Obviously NOT. Delusional breeders.

My first impulse was to laugh out loud, especially when I got to the anime thing. Then I thought, "I'm going to hell!" Watch people try to ban this cartoon now.

But it kind of sticks in my craw that they classified it as a "tragic accident." I think they should be asking those other kids a few more questions. Because you're right, a 10-year-old knows better. It seems like maybe he started struggling, but couldn't get up because maybe... someone was standing on him? I mean, it just doesn't add up. And really, the photo of the kid... he looks small for his age, he's supposedly really smart, plus he's a ginger kid (tm). It's not hard to imagine him as the target of bullying. I mean, if the kids were in preschool, yeah, tragic accident. Not at ten years old.

Stupid is as stupid does. Gotta clean up that gene pool.

He's old enough to KNOW fantasy from reality!

Poor kids are getting weaker and more coddled today.

Plus, the point had to be made that he died "peacefully." Buried alive under sand doesn't sound "peaceful" to me.

For some reason, this story from The Onion just happened to come to mind. Sorry to be so cruel—not.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28331

Fun Toy Banned Because Of Three Stupid Dead Kids
August 16, 2000 | Issue 36•28

WASHINGTON, DC–In cooperation with the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, Wizco Toys of Montclair, NJ, recalled 245,000 Aqua Assault RoboFighters Monday after three dumb kids managed to kill themselves playing with the popular toy, ruining the fun for everybody else.

"The tragedy is inconceivable," Wizco president Alvin Cassidy said. "For years, countless children played with the Aqua Assault RoboFighter without incident. But then these three retards come along and somehow find a way to get themselves killed. So now we have to do a full recall and halt production on what was a really awesome toy. What a waste."

"My mom won't let me play with my RoboFighter because of those dumb kids who died," said 10-year-old Jeremy Daigle of Somerville, MA. "I used to set up army guys around the RoboFighter and have it run over them and conquer Earth for the Zardaxians. But now I'll never see it again, all because three stupid idiots had to go and wreck everything."

Each of the deaths was determined to be the result of gross misuse of the toy, an incredibly cool device that could shoot both plastic missiles and long jets of water, as well as maneuver over the ground on retractable wheels.

The first death occurred June 22, when 7-year-old Isaac Weiller of Grand Junction, CO, died after deliberately firing one of the spring-loaded plastic missiles into his left nostril. The missile shot into his sinuses, shattering the roof of his nasal cavity and causing a massive brain hemorrhage.

Shortly before dying, Weiller told emergency medical personnel at St. Luke's Medical Center that he had shot the missile into his nose in the belief that it would travel through his body and out his belly button.

"I've heard some pretty stupid shit in my time, but that has to take the cake," said Dr. Anderson Hunt, the attending physician. "Why would any kid think he could fire plastic missiles up his nose and expect them to come out his belly button? There's no point in feeling bad about this child's demise, because the deck was obviously stacked against him from the start. What we should feel bad about is the fact that because of him, millions of other children will no longer get to fire the RoboFighter's super-cool Devastator Missiles or soak their friends with its FunFoam WaterBlasters."

Less than one month after Weiller's death, 5-year-old Danielle Krug fatally suffocated on fragments of the toy after repeatedly smashing it with a claw hammer in the garage of her parents' La Porte, IN, home.

"I'm not kidding," said Dianne Ensor, an emergency-room nurse at Our Lady Of Peace Hospital in La Porte, where Krug was pronounced dead. "She thought the broken shards were candy. That's what you'd assume after breaking a plastic, inedible toy, right? Absolutely un-fucking-believable."

The third and arguably stupidest death occurred August 12, when 11-year-old dumbass Michael Torres held the RoboFighter above his head and jumped off the balcony of his family's third-story Torrance, CA, apartment, thinking he would be able to fly like Superman.

"A couple of my fellow emergency workers thought we should cut the kid some slack, because at least he wasn't trying to eat the toy or shove it up his nose," said paramedic Debra Lindfors, who tried in vain to revive Torres. "I considered this for a while, but then I decided no. No way. If you're 11 years old, you should know that it's impossible to fly. And poor Wizco's probably going to go bankrupt because of this shit."

As a result of the extreme idiocy of the three children, the CPSC was forced to order Wizco to stop making the toy and remove it from store shelves, as well as recommend that parents remove it from their homes.

"I know the overwhelming majority of American kids who owned an Aqua Assault RoboFighter derived many hours of safe, responsible fun from it," CPSC commissioner Mary Sheila Gall said. "But, statistically speaking, three deaths stemming from contact with a particular toy constitutes an 'unreasonable risk.' Look, I'm really sorry about this. Honestly. But our agency's job is to protect the public from hazardous products, even if those who die are morons who deserved what they got."

You think they're just going to try to get the cartoon banned? Pssh! I think they'll go all the way and try to get rid of sand, too. Maybe they'll push to have all sandboxes filled with Styrofoam pellets, and entire beaches covered in air-mattresses.

After all -- if it saves even one precious, innocent little life it's all worth it, right?

What I don't get about this whole thing is how someone could physically be half-buried in a sandbox. I remember playing in them when I was a kid and they were too shallow for that to happen. By the way, I managed not to bury myself alive when I was THREE, let alone an older child.

I wonder if the kids set out to hurt or scare the boy and he ended up dying. That sounds very possible.