Fed Up and Want to Walk Away From Everything

This is really sad for the daughter, who didn't ask to be born let alone born into a mess like this. I am surprised that she hasn't left the kid with grandmoo and grandduh and taken off for parts unknown.

I know I'm opening myself up to a lot of judgement with this, but I need to talk it out and vent. This is really, really long, sorry, but I really felt like I needed to give the back story. Why anyone would think it's a good idea to post their deepest, private, oh-so- personal, and easy to ascertain her identity due to specifically divulged information about herself, AND on the fucking world wide web on a Moo forum, is BEYOND my comprehension.

My daughter is 2-years-old. She is my first and only child. I had her in my early 30's. Her dad was someone I hadn't dated for very long. I wasn't even sure if I wanted kids, but if I did have them, I wanted them in a good, solid family situation. My family, although my parents are still married, have never been especially close. We are supportive of one another, but not the family activity type and I wanted something different then that. Jeeeez, SO MUCH fail from the very beginning! On the one hand she wants her future kid raised in a "good solid family", but before that she wasn't even sure she wanted kids at all, then she goes on to sluice with what amounts to a stranger while in anything but a "solid family" relationship!:headbrick

Back to her dad...he was raised in foster care and has no family. He was in his late 30's and he convinced me that I was the one who he finally was ready to take that step with and have that perfect little family. Long story short, the second I got pregnant, he dumped me and continued to use my pregnancy to mentally torture and humiliate me. It was nine months of on again and off again, getting us a nice house, then moving out because he "didn't love "me and leaving me to the rent I couldn't afford, borrowing money from me...I could go on and on and on. WHAT made her think a man she barely knew, who was passed around his entire life in foster care, with ridiculous delusions about a "perfect" famblee, would in ANY WAY make a good father let alone a good husband AND he didn't even offer to marry her first to lay the ground work for his promised "...perfect famblee" scenario? :fmbl

To abbreviate it once again, by the time I had my daughter, I was completely broke, desperate, miserable. I'd sobbed nearly every day of my pregnancy. I had panic attacks. My boss "laid me off" so I could collect unemployment and move across the country to my family. I never ever wanted to go back to my home state. It's northern and frigid and completely not for me anymore. Which would have been an EXCELLENT time to give that poor child up for adoption! If she had an employer willing to forge paperwork to provide her with an income, it is obvious she HAD a support system in place where she was and she could have made her situation better by dumping the bastard "boyfriend", giving the child a chance at a decent life via adoption, and she could have rebuilt her life SANS the baggage she was quickly accumulating.

I'm sure you know the exhaustion a newborn causes, so after she was born, it didn't get better like I expected. It just got worse. I didn't eat and therefore couldn't maintain breastfeeding. I continued to cry and cry uncontrollably every day. I'd feed her and rock her to sleep and my tears would fall on her. Her dad still had pull over me from halfway across the country, threatening that he would disappear and never help with a thing if I got the state involved in child support. He'd call and scream at me because I had called him and his girlfriend found out. His GIRLFRIEND found out? WHY does she even give a shit what this man thinks,says, or does anymore? He CLEARLY doesn't give a shit about her or their love -loaf. WHO CARES if he "disappears" and since he isn't paying child support ANYWAY his threats are empty. AGAIN, this would have been an excellent time to cut her losses, give the kid up, and move the fuck ON with her life!

My family was getting frustrated with me because I'd walk around like a zombie all day in my robe and got little joy out of parenthood. No matter how horrible her dad treated me, I continued to give him chances, thinking that his upbringing had him scared. I made some severely stupid choices, but just didn't want to accept that I'd been fooled and lied to. I didn't want to accept that something I had always said was the last thing I would ever want in life was happening to me (single parenting). God, the stupidity make my head swim. How she can give him ANY more chances makes no sense what so ever. At least she admits she's made stupid choices though, but she needs to act on that and fucking give that kid away, move back to her old life and support systems, and never look back! :headbrick

Slightly over a year ago, I got a job in the state he had moved to...he helped me pick out a house with promises of helping me pay for it, since he had a job that was paying very, very well. My mom was devastated, which I felt horrible about, but I wasn't willing to give up on a family and I wasn't ready to give up my career, which requires some moving around and weird hours. Not surprisingly, after I moved here, he completely ignored me. I've been here for over a year and he was at my house twice. He gave me a set of couches and $200 right after I moved. Then he disappeared. Child support can't find him. He won't put utilities, vehicles or anything that might trace him in his name. He works under the table for cash. I know this because a friend he screwed over called me and is trying to help me find him. Yet, STILL she seems to pine away for this loser, hang onto his vacuous promises, and now she's relocating AGAIN to an unfamiliar area to do what, exactly? Reading between the lines, it almost sounds like she's stalking him and all the rest is in her mind. She knows way too much about his personal life considering he's only been to her home twice in a YEAR.

My job is insane hours. Luckily, I have really great neighbors who have taken over daycare for me and do just about any hours I need, but I pay dearly for it. Any second I want to myself comes at a price. I make just enough to not qualify for any assistance. My parents have paid rent for me and borrowed me THOUSANDS of dollars already. I make just enough money to not qualify for any kind of assistance. Yesterday, I didn't have a sitter and took her into work with me. It took 5 hours to do one hour of work, because she wouldn't leave me alone and kept making a disaster. So, she's continuing to take her support system of friends, neighbors, employers, and family for granted while pursuing this piece of shit? ALL those people willing to help her help herself and yet she remains consumed with following this fucker around the country and obsessing about HIS life. If he has "disappeared" like she says, his income is untraceable, and he's made it clear how unimportant she and the loaf are, and she STILL doesn't want her own kid, it would be relatively easy at this point to give the child up for adoption. It mentions the loaf isn't even two yet, so if she's gonna give her a chance at a decent life then NOW is the time to do it! She needs to sign up with an adoption agency, ASAP, and the sooner the better for her AND her poor kid. :headbrick

I have considered moving back home where I would have help. However, rent and daycare is twice to three times as much there. I would end up living in a shitty apartment and dealing with the freezing, long winters and landscape with zero character that I detest so much. I feel like either way I'll hate my life. I can either be broke with no life living away from my family, or I can be miserable about the locale and not have much more because of the higher cost and get the occasional weekend off free of charge. ADOPTION IS STILL AN OPTION:litebulb

My electricity is shut off. We're currently staying with a bachelor co-worker in a tiny apartment until I get my taxes back and can pay the bill. My checking account is constantly overdrawn. As if I didn't have enough money issues, I started smoking again out of pure stress. I thought I'd never go back to that disgusting habit. Out of sheer bordem and lonlieness, I've started drinking more after she goes to bed. I can't wait to get fucked up some nights to forget how miserable I am. For the love of Christ! We ALL KNOW her "bachelor" co-worker is taking out the rent in trade. I just hope like hell she's using birth control this time. Now, this stupid cunt is circling the drain with her continuing and escalating self destructive ways. How pathetic is it to mooch up to what is probably a vulnerable co-worker and toss some ass his way once in a while to have a place to stay?

I hate it all. I hate changing diapers and cleaning up constant disasters. I hate being sassed back at and I hate sitting at home night after night after night without the freedom to even run to the store. I hate that I was fooled...I spent years figuring out what I wanted to do with my life and finally figured it out and it's nearly impossible to do the job I love as a single mother. I hate when people complain about being a single mother and then say they only get a break "every other weekend" when their child's parent takes them. I'd kill for that weekend. I hate the never-ending laundry, the constant noise, the hauling bag of crap around to accommodate a kid, the in and out of carseats, the poverty and the exhaustion. I get up for work at 3AM. By the time she's in bed, it's just about time for me to go too. I don't mind working one bit. I wish I had more money for daycare so I could spend more time at work, instead of lonely hours at home. The logical solution(s) seemed to have escaped this idiot and I see LITTLE, if any, hope.:Violin

All I do is yell at her. She's sweet and cute and beautiful and funny, but all I do is yell. I'm already counting down the years til she's 18 and I can't wait til I can legally just LEAVE. My mom just took her for 3 weeks over Christmas and I was actually annoyed when she said she was on her way to drop her off. I just wanted to be alone. I am so close to either calling my mom and telling her I can't do it anymore or finding her dad and dropping her off at his doorstep. He's a total sociopath who ruins lives, but all I can think is that it's only fair that he see what it's like. I just want to run away and go back out west and never again contact my family or friends and just have my old life back. I've considered counseling, but I don't qualify for any sort of low-income help and I can't afford the $25 co-pay to go weekly, nor do I really have any sort of time. The only thing that's improved since the day I got pregnant is that I don't bawl uncontrollably without warning on daily basis. At least moving here finally got it through my thick skull that her dad is a liar, loser and has no soul and will never, ever help with anything...and even that doesn't stop me from wanting to leave her with him. Blah, blah, blah, WOE IS ME Martyr-Moo speak. It's such a broken fucking record. Her miserable demise is someone else's fault, always.

I will never, ever have another child no matter what the circumstances. Pregnancy was emotionally traumatic to me. I would never take the slightest risk that someone might walk out on me and leave me a single mother of two. ***shuddering*** I still have not met a guy who isn't at least 20 years older then me who has the slightest capability of sitting home every night with a kid, especially with my schedule. Well, we can all thank God for small favors! Of course she's going to be stuck with undesirable men because SHE is undesirable and that is an under statement!down

I don't know what advice anyone can give me; maybe I just need to vent. People keep telling me "it gets better." Yeah, in certain way it has, but in other ways it's way worse. I feel like the world's most miserable person. I'm bitter, angry and a horseshit mother and I'm just FED up. My advice is to give that child up for adoption and a chance at a decent life, WAKE UP, and fucking move on! No, it will NOT "get better", of that I can promise her! What a STUPID Cunt. fuck

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

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deanad
I have been around long enough, and I am waaaay too smart to believe one word this worthless bint says. I see her future and it is NOT what she "guarantees" it will be.

She will meet the mayun of her dreams, and immediately decide that she wants to do motherhood "the right way". She will sluice again to prove she's a good person. These cunts are all alike. It would be like Nate Silver predicting who will be president.

I would be willing to bet my tickets to South By Southwest on it.

Yep. She'll marry some divorced guy about 10 years older than she is, who sees his kids about once a month .He'll be the "great father" that her baby daddy never was and he'll "love my daughter like she's his own." Then it'll be "I said I never wanted another child, but I know this time will be different. This time I'm going to do it right. I want to give Dainsley a sibling and make our family complete." eyes2

She can always cut her job hours and make less money and then be eligible for assistance. But don't these women think of something like that?

Oh jeez. In the follow-up posts, she diagnoses herself as having PTSD.

And she scoffs at the idea of adoption. Why? She doesn't love the kyd. She never says that she does anyways. How could she if she was willing to drop it off with it'd deadbeat dad? She wants a child-free life, so what's wrong with adoption?

I agree with the posts here that say this is another post-natal abortion waiting to happen.

“And she scoffs at the idea of adoption. Why? She doesn't love the kyd. She never says that she does anyways. How could she if she was willing to drop it off with it's deadbeat dad? She wants a child-free life, so what's wrong with adoption?”

Because she’s a fucking attention whore. She had a shit ton of options. Abortion, adoption, dumping Loaflina with Mee Maw and taking off, and if she really cared about her kid and wanted to try to make this work she could have moved back with her family, cut back on job hours so she could qualify for assistance, and so on. But she didn’t do any of those things, and it’s because if she did, she wouldn’t be getting all that attention. She couldn’t give two shits about her kid. It’s all about her and her needs.
PTSD my ass! She’s a narsicistic bitch who gets off on the suffering of others (her kid for example) just so her needs are met. I hope her coworker, parents, or neighbours have CPS on speed dial. Because I see a post-natal abortion in that poor kid’s future.
I’m hoping she and douche rocket baybee daddy are in the same building when a satellite falls on top of it.