all wrong SIX ways from Sunday (literally), Christians (and others) step inside...

http://www.inrich.com/cva/ric/news.apx.-content-articles-RTD-2008-07-12-0101.html


Alright we're going to play a little game.

Someday in the near future everyone here is forced to attend a christian church, by law. Not attending is as serious as not paying your taxes, so you have no choice. However, you do get to choose the christian church you attend. I'm going to list the drawbacks and benefits for the three major types of christian churches, and you get to pick your poison. Which one would you choose to attend?

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1. The evangelical and/ or fundy church

a. abortion outlawed, but some of the churches do allow birth control pills and sterilization. god can "call you" not to have children, although some might not agree, in a fundy church it's hard for people to judge when someone has been "called" to do something.

b. brats get their ass whipped if they get out of line at church, "spare the rod and spoil the child" is a church belief based on the bible

c. brats are under control at church functions. quiverfulls do exist in some churches, but even quiverfull brats are behaved properly for fear of the "rod of correction"

d. tithing is preached, but no one forces you to put anything in the plate

e. hardcore bible preaching, homos banned, (if you are gay, you do it in secret like Pastor Ted Haggard) some evangelical churches allow beer, wine and rock and roll (in a christian context).

f. nothing much expected of you as long as you keep your lips flapping, praying, judging others and or being hypocritical

g. you'll probably be required at least 2x a week for church and bible study or more


2. The Liberal "social justice" Christian Church (like the one in the article, the episcopalians, church of christ, etc)


a. Homosexuality accepted. Abortion not liked, but no particular complaints or campaigns against family planning. Birth control is accepted, sex out of marriage, accepted. One downside is that sterilization is less acceptable than the fundy church, generally.

b. Brats run wild at services and functions. Spanking or any discipline outlawed.

c. If you complain about brats running wild, you'll be hated out of the church.

d. Although you aren't expected to spend two or three times a week at services and bible studies like in the fundy church, you will be expected to swing a hammer at least two full weekends a month while some undeserving breeder spends three days hotel poolside (like in the article). Also, whatever "volunteer" projects the church can come up with to fill some of your after-work hours during the week.

e. Tithes are not really taken up so the pastor can drive a hummer, like in a lot of the evangelical/fundy churches, they're taken up for "famblies." You're not "forced" to give, but you're watched. If you're childfree and driving a nice car, living in a nice home and not giving to the "famblie charities" you might get a talking to and definitely have to deal with stares, sneers and judgement.


3. Conservative "social justice" church (generally this means Catholic)

a. Abortion outlawed, birth control outlawed. Homosexuality closeted, but more of a don't ask don't tell policy inside, while it's condemned on the outside. Becoming a nun or a priest is the only excuse you have for not shitting out brats.

b. Brats run wild at services and functions. Although this varies from church to church, depending on the priest.

c. If you complain about brats running wild, you may get a sympathetic priest, and you may not.

d. Although you aren't expected to spend two or three times a week at services and bible studies like in the fundy church, you will be expected to swing a hammer at least two full weekends a month while some undeserving breeder spends three days hotel poolside (like in the article). Also, whatever "volunteer" projects the church can come up with to fill some of your after-work hours during the week.

e. No one pays attention to what you are tithing, childfree or not.

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I'll take the FUNDY church for 500, Alex.

Your turn...

I don't want to pick !!! How about NONE of them?

This is too scary for me to even consider. And if the redneck Mike Huckabee had been elected President, this would have become reality. He wanted to change the U.S. Constitution to make our country a theocratic government.

They all sound horrible, as I am very anti organized religion. The fundy church is alright with the "spare the rod" thing. I would definitely be called by Gawd to not to have children. My sister is a lesbian, and all three either closet it or condemn it. I don't want to tithe, or build things for other famblies. Shit, I guess I'd have to leave the country. Organized religion has too damn many rules. Life is too short to be constantly judged!!

Awwwww come on guyssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know you aren't picking because you know you'd have to pick the fundy church!!!!!

Who the fuck wants to spend most weekends swinging hammers for breeders sitting up hotel poolside?????

You don't have to do that shit in the fundy church.

Not to mention the other advantage you'd have in the fundy church is you could say that your "ministry" is to preach about the sins of single moos. They love to hear that kind of sermons and ministry in the fundy church!

If someone can think of why the liberal or catholic church would be better than joining the fundy church, feel free to add to my list of benefits/disadvantages.

oh and if i were gay, i'd still go with the fundy church. you can closet your relationships and claim that god has "called" you to be single, most gays don't get caught in the fundy church, like ted haggard did. but what you can't do in a liberal church is get out of swinging a hammer for these undeserving breedersows and not have to listen to their out of control crotchdumps. i'd fuckin stay in the closet just to avoid that. sorry if i offend anyone who is gay, but think about it...

lol

I disagree that brats don't run wild at fundy or evangelical churches.

casseyrod Wrote:
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> I disagree that brats don't run wild at fundy or
> evangelical churches.


hmmm... well after growing up in the baptist church and having a cousin who is a nazarene pastor, i can tell you for a fact that the rod of correction is not spared.

but i dunno... i can only give a very generalized statement on that based on my own anecdotal experience.

also, i can tell you that quiverfulls, as outrageous and disgusting as that is, the brats do stay in line, it's a sin not to discipline your brats in quiverfull.

my fatherinlaw is a pastor for a liberal "social justice" church (just like the one in the article i posted before the game), and he's got that whole damn church swinging hammers for these fucking broodsows almost every goddamned weekend, and yes, the brats run wild at his church, which is why we're never invited to attend.

married with rabbits Wrote:
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> nowhiggers Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > also, i can tell you that quiverfulls, as
> > outrageous and disgusting as that is, the brats
> do
> > stay in line, it's a sin not to discipline your
> > brats in quiverfull.
> >
>
> Thank you for saying that. There may be 11 more of
> them than what a welfare ma has, but yeah,
> quiverfull kids stay in line.
>
> I realize this is a game but wanted to add in all
> honesty, I hear fundies say they believe that
> preaching or being a Christian at all will be
> against the law, not the other way around. I know
> of a particular hardcore fundie who without a
> doubt believes this. On the flip side, he never
> suggests anyone should be forced to do anything.


Actually, "the game" is not based on any sort of fundy "force" to be a christian, remember, liberals and catholics are included and fundies do believe that both of those are going to hell. It's more of a general though experiment, based on what was in the article I posted.

Also, I think, now just based on personal observations, there is more "force" in the "social justice" churches than the fundy churches. You can fake it in the fundy church if you had to, but there ain't no way around faking swinging a hammer for undeserving breeders in the "social justice" church.

I'll take "this whole concept is completely wrong" for $10000, please.

CFTeen Wrote:
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> I'll take "this whole concept is completely wrong"
> for $10000, please.




yeah no one is playing the game because they all know that if they had to pick, and had no other option but to pick, as a childfree, you'd have to go to the fundy church, hands down.

married with rabbits Wrote:
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> I'd probably go with the evangelical/fundy church.
> The Church of Christ churches in my area are old
> fashioned and strict.


i guess it depends on the denomination of church of christ, or the sect?
I honestly do not know much about them, except that the ones i know of from the fil are liberal churches that expect you to swing hammers for the habitat for moomanity in your spare time.

can you believe the nerve of that breeder in the article? sitting up at that fucking hotel for 3 days while people sweat for her? ok, that would not happen in a fundy church, i can promise you that. IF they did some kind of charity work for a moo (doubtful) she would be expected to contribute work.

I was also raised C of C and will never go back. One thing I detested was the church-twice-a-day on Sunday. You get home, eat lunch, spend a couple of hours watching t.v., then you have to get dressed up to go back to Church. My parents were very strict about church attendance.

But what really clinched it for me was in my 20s, I was still attending that church sometimes and dated a guy who was C of C. His father was a preacher in a C of C. He was in his late 20s, still a virgin, and looked down on me for having had premarital sex. He told me he could never marry me because of that. He said he was "pure" and I was not. He also hated his mother, apparently. Sometimes "Mr. Pure and Holy" would masturbate in front of me, for no reason. This made me uncomfortable, to say the least. There was some other very strange and sad things that went on in that relationship. I began to realize he was a product of a warped religion. I dated other equally strange men who were C of C as well. I finally decided to move away from religion. The man I am married to now is not religious and he is totally normal. We go to church a few times a year but its a very moderate Christian church, there is no Bible thumping there.

I am not a Christian but would have to pick the fundamentalists. Evangelical families I have known -- not a lot but a few -- tend to have nicer children. I was a Christian for a big part of my life. The more liberal the church, the more liberal of how children behaved.

Can I be Jewish? Jesus was Jewish.

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"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

:eatu

Buddhism for $10,000, Alex!

Krishna Wrote:
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> I am not a Christian but would have to pick the
> fundamentalists. Evangelical families I have known
> -- not a lot but a few -- tend to have nicer
> children. I was a Christian for a big part of my
> life. The more liberal the church, the more
> liberal of how children behaved.

Maybe that is true overall. I think part of the reason fundamentalist churches may have nicer kids is that they are more strict in childrearing, but the flip side of that is, I also think there is far more child abuse in fundamentalist religions.

I wouldn't go in a fundamentalist church no matter how nicely the children behave, because I don't like fundy religions and the way they try to impose their beliefs on others.

Fundamentalist children nicer? Surely you jest! In my experience, fundamentalist children are the meanest, most horrible, judgemental mealy mouthed wastes of skin I've had the displeasure to experience and only well behaved in the presence of people who can beat them. Away from those people, they're as big a bunch of monsters as any other denomination of children.

I was raised atheist in a lutheran family. My beliefs cotton more to the social justice churches because they actually DO THINGS instead of just sitting around on their asses damming everyone to hell, which isn't much different than the cool clique sitting around at keggers dissing nerds in school. Yes, how great thou freaking art while banging the preachers wife and getting your daughter's abortions on the sly. Many social justice based churches do more than just work for breeders, and support a wide variety of causes beyond "breeder rights" like unions, gay rights, homelessness, free speech and even (gasp) reproductive rights.

That said, were I to live in a society where I was suddenly forced to attend church, I would be bringing my legally mandated gun.

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

To answer your original question, I'd pick Catholic because I prefer the devil that I know already to the one I don't know.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

:eatu