I just don't get it...

I just got done speaking w/ a co-worker here. Somehow the convo morphed into how his college-aged (which would make him between 18-22, right?) son has an internship downtown here and he eats lunch with him EVERYday.

God, do offspring have any friends of their own these days? I don't know one person who would want to have lunch with their parent EVERYday at this age back in the day. I rather eat lunch alone after awhile. I just don't get how young folk just don't have any outside influences in their lives and WANT to hang with their parents, almost 24-7.

Do you see that families are closer these days and our other generations were more distant? What kid doesn't want to make new friends, his own age? network inside his own office? Walk around on a summer day and look at the pretty girls or something? I could see lunch with dear ol' dad once a week, but everyday?

Am I nuts, or did people not want to do this before when they were college-aged?

I don't think family closeness is the same as we had back in our "kid days" - I was born in '66 just for a point of reference.

Nowadays, parents are their kids best friends, and often times, their only friends.

When I did things with my parents, it was a parent-kid relationship. I still respected my parents and behaved apropriately around them. I still do to this day. My mom and I didn't show up in matching track suits and I wasn't sitting in my dad's lap at age 15 like I see some young girls doing nowadays.

Kids today want to be around their parents because their parent has pandered to them endlessly their whole lives, I don't think they would know HOW to function if not under moo or duh's wing. They've been told everything they do is wonderful and they don't have to answer to anybody but them - their parent. They are completely 100% dependent on said parent.

I think it's all related to the helicopter parent thing.

I lived to get away from my mom and become my own person. I agree that being friends with mommy and daddy is a way to keep the resource pipeline open. It's also a way to avoid the sometimes rough initiation we all go through to find our place in the pack.

God, I had a LIFE at 18 (I was married at 20). The last thing I wanted to do was hang with my parents. I had friends for that. And a first job downtown? My lunch time would be for shopping and exploring the eateries and hanging out with the other summer students on the patio. Lunch with Dad? "cringes". I can see once a week as well, just to be polite - but every day?

Family dynamics are so fucked up these days. Give the kid some space, FFS!

My initial reaction was, I bet dear old dad pays for his lunch, but with the pricetag attached and the unspoken rule that it has to be eaten with him. If he was a GOOD parent, he would slip the kid a few extra bucks at the WEEKLY lunch date and say something like, "Take a friend to lunch on me tomorrow". One of my ex husbands was always going out with his father too, who had him VERY late in life so his dad was nearly 80 years old and he was 30. The only reason he gave the old man the time of day is because he paid for everything and was good for a handout to support his gambling career.

What the hell kind of friendship IS this anyways?

Dad obviously doesn't have any friends or colleagues himself. Not if he prefers to play the in-charge role continually with his child, oh I mean 'friend', rather than having grown-up sort of relationships with his peers. He gets off on being superior over the pastrami I guess. But he's still going to die of neglect in some far-away nursing home.

Son obviously doesn't have a life of any sort and his colleagues probably hate him for his obsessing about fambly. He gets off on his non-stop intravenous drip of acceptance and fatherly approval because he can't relate to other human beings, who appear to be nothing more than cardboard cut-outs to him. When his father dies, he's going to kill himself.

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"The death of creativity is a pram in the hallway"
- Cyril Connolly

By the time I was in my late teens, I didn't want to have anything to do with my parents anymore. My parents did not help me find a job either. If they tried to help, I would have got mad. I did all that stuff on my own.

Well, I did forget this was a child from his first marriage but he is an involved dad, altho he doesn't live with the kid. But still, I think it is odd you hang with daddy every day.

I have to say in the line of so-called close families...like my IL's claim they are, there always a lot of money, gifts, donations, free lunches being transferred to the teens that there turn into college "kids" (which used to be called college "men"), that turn into late 20's somethings, newlywed, newly parented, and my MIL still pays for everything even tho everyone is now into their 40's (me and hubby are the only ones basically who ever TRY to pay or make a real offer). I'm so sure that my SILs would deny this, but it is easy to hang out w/ mommie all the time if she is constantly buying you shit. I, on the other hand, realize there is no such thing as a free lunch, which over time my SILs' husbands had to learn the hard way. Too bad for them.

>>>>>>When his father dies, he's going to kill himself.



that's funny because I always think my SILs will kill themselves and really not know how to go on when MIL dies.


>>>>>He gets off on his non-stop intravenous drip of acceptance and fatherly approval because he can't relate to other human beings, who appear to be nothing more than cardboard cut-outs to him.

This is what I always think of my SILs, who I have know since we were all teens. I guess it feels so good to be with mommie since she is queen of denile and never says a bad word to them. And, they don't want outside influences and friends because it is too hard because someone may live differently from you or not agree with you or , oh my god, even occassionally judge you! My one SIL moved out of state, and really has no friends of her own. Hubby is always confused, but hello, she really didn't have any friends here either.


>>>>>>his colleagues probably hate him for his obsessing about fambly

I always wonder about this...my other SIL does have some friends from her old cheerleading days <*puke*>, and I'm sure they know MIL, but I always wonder, what does she talk to them about when she finally makes some friend time over family time, her mom paying for everything? all the gifts she gets from her? what they did together that day? I wonder if her friends are thinking, "hey, shut up 'bout the fambly already."

What a secluded world they live in, I'm sure they feel it is safe because they are surrounded by loved-ones always, but they never went on a limb (except w/ their hubbys) to get love from someone that doesn't "have" to love you and accept you and have to make more than safe small talk with. To actually connect with someone that doesn't have to talk to you for the family's sake.

"What a secluded world they live in..."

Fambly means never having to leave the paddling pool to swim in the 'big' pool. Normal adults think that's a disgusting and depressing prospect. Emotionally retarded adults can't imagine living any other way.

- - - - - - - -
"The death of creativity is a pram in the hallway"
- Cyril Connolly

Gee, I feel odd as I am relatively close to my parents. I'm glad I can talk to them about most things, but I'm equally glad that they don't see fit to question me about my life choices, or demand I live my life in a way they approve of more. The thing is, we all have our own lives that are quite busy, so even though we all live in the same town, we rarely see each other. I do payroll for my Dad's business, so I see him every couple weeks or so. I probably only see my Mom once a month. Now that I'm an adult and on my own, it's really nice to relate to them on that level.

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

When I was a kid, my parents had their friends and we had our friends. Also, I was on my own when I turned 18. I just don't understand these kids in their 20s and 30s still living at home. Like was previously posted, these kids don't know how to be on their own. Pretty pathetic, IMO

dont feel odd, Feh. But what you say proves most of our points.

In my IL's famblee closeness=suffocation, at least in my definition, it definitely =no outside socializing from what I can see. Constantly on the phone with each other, see grandma every single weekend+, expected to come to every famblee function and stay six hours. There is not enough time in the day to do all that in my life especially for both my family and my hubby's.

You have real closeness in my book, real convos where you could confide about real issues, and if you see each other once a week or once a month, or once every other month, that is fine because it is the closeness of the souls that counts, not being marked for attendance every weekend.