Don't You Ignore the Babby Shower Gift Registry!!!

I was adamant about not wanting a bridal shower - the gift grab mentality cheeses me off and I hate parties and being the center of attention (my actual wedding had 9 people total invited). I threw together a quick registry on Amazon after my mom berated me for not giving anyone any ideas. It had a lot of cool stuff we could use that wasn't horribly expensive - bamboo cutting boards, spatulas, etc. We got a couple of things off of it but mostly gift cards. My cousin put together a CD of interviews he did with our grandma about our family history - It probably cost him $0 (I think he was out of a job at the time), but guess which wedding present will be with me for the rest of my life?

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Miss_Hannigan
Aren't you men of Bratfree grateful that you don't have to wade through baby-shower bullshit?

I've never been invited to one. I think I don't know the kind of people who do this, or they know better than to try to invite me. When my SO's sibling sprogged, my SO was invited but I wasn't. I think they already guessed what my response would be.

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cassia

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Dorisan
Understanding the real roots of a wedding or baby shower; that the idea originated long-long-long ago, marking marriage and motherhood as a rite of passage; I have no objection to these ceremonies as long as they are held in the true spirit of marking a major change in that person's life and not merely as a gift grab.

Throughout my entire life, I have been extremely low-income.
I deeply resent that I am expected to subsidize other people's "rite's of passage" with ever more expensive gifts, but none of my life choices are celebrated or gifted by any of them.
Years ago, I decided to entirely skip out out of that system which seems entirely rigged on behalf of the breeders.

It was kind of like that in our family. My dad would never spend money on home repairs we needed or buy me a decent desk when I was in school and living there and the cars were always old and giving trouble but he spent 10s of thousands of dollars on my sisters weddings because it was "giving a couple a good start". A wedding is really a terrible thing to spend money on, because the next day, there is nothing to show for all that money.

Oh, I also heard that for some reason we unmarrieds don't understand, your marriage will last longer if you cancel the honeymoon. That would save a lot there, but Why would that make any difference?

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cassia

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Dorisan
Understanding the real roots of a wedding or baby shower; that the idea originated long-long-long ago, marking marriage and motherhood as a rite of passage; I have no objection to these ceremonies as long as they are held in the true spirit of marking a major change in that person's life and not merely as a gift grab.

Throughout my entire life, I have been extremely low-income.
I deeply resent that I am expected to subsidize other people's "rite's of passage" with ever more expensive gifts, but none of my life choices are celebrated or gifted by any of them.
Years ago, I decided to entirely skip out out of that system which seems entirely rigged on behalf of the breeders.

You need to check out the 'Sex and the City' episodes "A Woman's Right to Shoes," and the one in the early seasons (1 or 2) where the SATC women attend a baby shower. Samantha follows up with her own "because I'm not pregnant" party. eyes2

I remember reading earlier CF boards where people who got snipped (tubal or vasectomy) threw themselves a party and were feted honorably by understanding friends. In the CF world, we usually have to come up with our own rites.

I swore off babby showers after the last atrocity I attended. Not even if it's my closest friend. Unless it's co-ed and there is free-flowing liquor. But being trapped in a room flooded with womben squealing over unremarkable miniature clothes, telling disgusting birth stories, and dealing with nearly a dozen screaming, ill-behaved children for three hours? No. I will sooner remove and eat my own fingernails. And the games . . . THE GAMES!

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mr. neptune
Oh, I also heard that for some reason we unmarrieds don't understand, your marriage will last longer if you cancel the honeymoon. That would save a lot there, but Why would that make any difference?

Probably something to do with starting off on a firmer financial footing and with realistic expectations of what marriage consists of (hint: it's not all big fancy weddings and romantic honeymoons, but some supposed adults can't get beyond thinking they're in a fucking Disney movie). This is not to say that all people who go on honeymoons have unrealistic expectations, but I expect that a much larger percentage of them do, compared to people who don't bother with them. There are probably zero pampered delusional prince(sse)s who willingly skip the honeymoon.

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yurble

Probably something to do with starting off on a firmer financial footing and with realistic expectations of what marriage consists of (hint: it's not all big fancy weddings and romantic honeymoons, but some supposed adults can't get beyond thinking they're in a fucking Disney movie). This is not to say that all people who go on honeymoons have unrealistic expectations, but I expect that a much larger percentage of them do, compared to people who don't bother with them. There are probably zero pampered delusional prince(sse)s who willingly skip the honeymoon.

Agreed on the princess front, but don't let guys off too easily on this one. Princesses exist because their idiot fiancées let them have their way and feed into their entitlement complex. "Princess" Bridezillas aren't created in a vacuum, and the warning signs are out there years before saying "I do." If you are an Average Joe with an Average Joe income, a $50k wedding and $10k honeymoon on your credit card won't enhance your marriage. Chances are, it will put tremendous strain on you and your new "princess" who will no doubt view this kind of profligate spending as normal.

I'm not married but I'd imagine much of married life is similar to single life--laundry, meals, cleaning, paying bills, work, etc. etc. Getting used to the day to day grind and being there for each other is far more important than spending your way into oblivion.

Gift cards rule the world. If someone can't deal with a gift card, sorry about their luck.

I also like to knit a lot, so I sometimes do that for gifts.

Ugh. Baby showers. Those things are torture. I decided years ago that I would never go to one again. If it's someone I know, I may get them a present if I feel like it. But I deliver it personally by stopping by the house, meeting for coffee, etc. and the whole visit isn't about the damn kid. A couple times I've gotten a big fat gift card for a nice restaurant and specified that it's for a date night for the two of them after the kid's born. For the most part, though, I don't give baby presents at all.

The bitch in the article is annoyed that people aren't dancing to her tune. They don't give two shits about her Grand Holy Baby Agenda. She doesn't get the general idea of gift-giving: it's up to the giver to decide what to give you. It's up to you to decide what to do with the gift once you politely accept the present. Don't like it? Sell it, return it, exchange it. But don't dictate what someone gives you.

I thought baybee showers were annoying enough when I thought they were just attention whoring look at me parties. Now they are statement that everyone who comes in contact with moomy-to-be has to supplement her choices with expensive shit of her exact choice. As if I needed more reason to be "out of town" if I ever get an invite.

I was invited to a loaf shower a couple of months ago, and I didn't even know the mooo! How crazy is that shit? I politely declined, of course. I don't go to those events, because I know I will end up having a horrible time. Also, I refuse to spend my money on someone else's life choice, when my life choice is never validated by ANYTHING.

I'm talking about a single mooo here, too. She doesn't deserve shit for her behavior, as far as I'm concerned. I'm not rewarding someone with gifts for doing something stupid.

These mooos are so entitled, they believe that the village should be positively slap-happy to fund their entire brood. I've never heard of people being so rude over gifts that are given to them!

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entitlemoo
But showers aren’t cheap to put on and you’re invited to help out with the cost of having a child

I already do that through my taxes.

Suck it, greedy breeders.

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Shiny
I swore off babby showers after the last atrocity I attended. Not even if it's my closest friend. Unless it's co-ed and there is free-flowing liquor. But being trapped in a room flooded with womben squealing over unremarkable miniature clothes, telling disgusting birth stories, and dealing with nearly a dozen screaming, ill-behaved children for three hours? No. I will sooner remove and eat my own fingernails. And the games . . . THE GAMES!

I guess that's sort of one good thing about my new-ish job: we're all older. My last job, half the people were under 30, getting married and popping babies. That meant mandatory showers, held at work. At least they were held in conjunction with our monthly meetings, so we got paid overtime, but you couldn't get out of them and had to least make a gesture of contributing a few bucks. Smart supervision sent an envelope around so if there were a lot of 1 dollar bills, it was never known who gave the least (or nothing at all). And all the people who had kids were gracious enough to accept whatever gift was given. And no games.

I think that was the majority of my experience with wedding/baby showers. My sisters' kids got gift certificates, but after the last disaster: Niece never sent a thank you for the wedding present (she ended up sending a terse thank you FB message after I asked my sister if her daughter got my gift) and ended up dumping the guy after 6 months. I told them "no fucking more. If you can't be bothered with a proper thank you, and I can't trust that my gesture won't be followed up by drama, then I'm not wasting any more money on you youngsters."

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Dorisan
My last job, half the people were under 30, getting married and popping babies. That meant mandatory showers, held at work. At least they were held in conjunction with our monthly meetings, so we got paid overtime, but you couldn't get out of them and had to least make a gesture of contributing a few bucks.

I'd have rather had to endure your system. At least you got paid extra and could get away with just slipping in a buck (I'd have been sorely tempted to put a string of condoms in the envelope when no one was lookin'). I HATED baby showers at my previous workplace. They were held during the day at first, which meant you HAD to attend since it was during contract-required hours. I eventually pointed out to the boss that the practice meant that I wound up doing even MORE work at home after hours that day, and showers got moved to after contract hours, but there was still lots of pressure-y talk about them...what people were bringing, what (painful, stupid, inane) games were planned, and so on. I slipped out of the staff room when that chatter started, and the day of the shower I made sure that when our contract day ended I was out the door like a shot!

I don't get the point of a baby shower. Women get pregnant every day, it isn't as if someone had won the Nobel Prize and was having a party to clebrate that.