Pranks for the childfree

Here some pranks I Posted in the childfree newsgroup years ago. Have Fun!!!

Call the people who want you to have kids and tell them you are expecting. When pressed for details tell them you can't talk now you have to tell everyone else. When they ask about your pregnancy at a later time, deny everything. You can even hype this up by wearing some padding under your shirt.

Go to a store that sells both beer and diapers. Load the cart with your
favorite brew and throw in a pack or two of diapers. When you get to the
checkout pretend you don't have enough money for all and have the clerk void the diapers. Pay for your beer and leave. They will wonder what kind of parents you are.

Of course there's the old carseat/fake baby on the roof of the car gag.

This next one is more of a comeback than prank,
If you're a male and someone ask if yer gonna have kids just say

"I'm not able to""I was born without a uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries. However I got a nice 12 inch....." At that point they will walk off and leave you alone.

And if you are a female........what the hell say the same thing.

That's all I have.

M.I.B.

Reply Quote

A few years ago I did actually see one of the 'Baby on Board' stickers but it said 'Baby in Boot' (boot is trunk here in the UK).

Our neighbour used to have one on their really pretty car which said 'Baby I'm Bored'.

- - - - - - - -
"The death of creativity is a pram in the hallway"
- Cyril Connolly

Easy.

Stare and make faces when you see moos nursing in public.

Better yet, whip out Super Soakers!

Hmm, well, the only prank I can think of is to keep reasonably fit and trim and to walk hand in hand with my hubs downtown, in a pretty skirt, among all the drooling, snot-dripping, frazzled families. Just as a way of showing them what sort of life choices they could have made had they been a bit more thoughtful and ballsy.

I didn't realize this, but DH and I inadvertently played a trick on his family. His familee is a bunch ultra-fertile, baybee-worshipping Breeders. When we started dating AT AGE 40 I might add, they were inquiring about whether I wanted baybees before we even got engaged. My DH just said, it's not physically possible. (Due to sterilization, but that's none of their business.)

They should have read the tea leaves: I was 40 and not desperate to get married; I never talked about baybees, in fact I avoid them, etc. Flash forward a couple of years later when they were visiting us and his sister and I are at the store. She sees me buy tampons and she gets all a-twitter. "I thought you didn't have a uterus!" Seriously, people, can you get over The Rude? I said, um, I do, doesn't almost everyone? and calmly bought my tampons.

Thankfully, after 4 years of dating and two of marriage my MIL is mercifully silent on the subject and we don't get many questions anymore . But my FIL is still kind of clueless about the whole thing. I've already mentioned how he starts talking about The Coins that he's saved for DH's "fyooooture keedz" and all these cheesy family heirlooms which I couldn't care less about. And we are now 46 years old, people!

Well, I'm getting a hysterectomy in a couple of weeks. My DH told them last night. I would have preferred that he didn't tell them at all, but it's too late now. Wouldn't that have been fun? I would have dearly loved to put them through a "pregnasty scare" at age 48 or 50.

Anyway, at least maybe we won't have to get the Family Heirloom tour anymore.

"She sees me buy tampons and she gets all a-twitter. "I thought you didn't have a uterus!"

God, that's annoying. Just because you have a uterus doesn't mean you make poor life choices. Hence the tampons. Proof of a thoughtful decision, in lieu of a lemming pregnancy.