1132 If The Kid Thing Happens

So sorry to hear the news about your friends. It's like dealing with a death. Hopefully they will step into the light and get a firm grip on reality and realize that pahrunthood is certain unhappiness. I was casually chatting with a realtor after a short business dealing the other day and she said she and hubby are married 2 years and are still on the fence about kids. Said how friends and famblee are pressuring them to "do the right thing." Of course I took this opportunity to share with her my thoughts on the subject. She seems to be leaning towards CF'dom but we'll see...... Not everyone is strong.

This kind of *thinking* (or should I say *non-thinking*) is a major peeve with me...the whole *baybees just happen* thing. As the ranter said, "you either plan to have them or you don't!!!" Do these people not realize that there is such a thing as BIRTH CONTROL, and ABORTION should said birth control fail? Do they think that baybees come from the stork, and you have no choice should Mr. Stork choose to make a delivery at your house?

When are people like this going to realize that THEY HAVE A CHOICE?

Married women are less likely to abort than single women. I guess it is because a woman feels that being married equates to having a family. Even if birth control fails, the married woman often feels she "has" to have it. Abortion is becoming more scarce. Look at South Dakota. Despite Planned Parenthood trying to get this on the ballot, it is extremely hard for women to secure their rights against once those rights are lost. Florida and Missouri are next regarding these abortion bans. Women in this country are going to be screwed in more ways than one.

Aggreed with all of you on this as well. WTF does it mean "if it happens?" Translation "We will passively embrace a coital mistake?"

We moved to the burbs (I am married) so I can have a house that faces NYC. Pets get a room, we have a room, we have a yoga room, etc. I don't feel compelled to fill the 5 bedrooms with evolved vaginal discharge!!! OY!!!!

I wonder how the grandparents feel about the ASSumption that they'll do free babysitting at a moment's notice.

<"if it happens?" Translation "We will passively embrace a coital mistake?">

I totally agree, CFADinNYC! I also think this "IF it happens" crap (as opposed to WHEN it happens) is a way to be accepted by the breeder-minded as well as a lame attempt to still be cool. ("See us? We're still young and spontaneous-but on the road to doing the 'right thing'")

More than likely they'll have kids- so they should just skip the act and get right to the misery and mediocrity that will be the rest of their lives.

its so hard for potential cfers, to follow their own beliefs, due to family pressures and society pressures. that i think if we know of a potential cfer, we have to explain to them look, your not alone, theres a few of us out there, who feel the same. perhaps we can save these people from this mistake.

What a sad, sad thing. "If it happens"? I guess it's okay to just HAVE a kid without thinking or preparing in anyway, what a lark! Just spoot it out, add water, a little fertilizer and they pratcially raise themselves! They just happen, I mean, come on...how many of you women have woken up in the morning and went..."Get a load of that, I'm pregnant! How'd that happen?!" It happens to me all the time, even when I'm not having sex.

I've just gotta say that if you're still on speaking terms with these brain wizards, you might want to have a serious talk with them about children, even to just let them know that they don't "Just happen" and actually require quite a bit of work...even for the shittiest of parents.

" if the kid thing happens????" are these two for real?
You fuck without birth control - you get pregnant - It just happens!

I hate that too. So pathetic, why don't those idiots just 'fess up' about being irresponsible. Stupid breeders.

My mother made it known to me that she would NEVER be made a babysitter if I had kids. She totally resents that kind of mindset. Of course, I am certified CF so there wont be any baby dumping on "granny." But the point is, my mom made it known to all 3 of her daughters that she would not do it as it was not her job to do it. Also about my mom--she never EVER told us she was expecting grandchildren nor made us feel less than special because we chose not to breed. Both my sisters are CF too.

sounds like my mum, she liked her own, but hates other peoples, and doesnt want to be a granny babysitter. and my bro is cf of sorts. he is 46 and no g/f so..

My mom and I have been made to baby-sit my young cousin against our will, and it's from those experiences that my mom doesn't like little kids. My cousin would get into damn near everything...boxes, bags, baskets. You name it and she was into it, and she was never taught to clean up her messes, even a little bit. My mom told me once, loud and clear, that I better not have any grandchildren. Me, having been of the anti-child mindset for about two years, is more than happy to comply.

Anyway, I just had to sigh and roll my eyes when I read the original topic. "If the kid thing happens?" - give me a fucking break. I know that it can be easy to conceive if precautions are not taken, but do these people know that it's usually a pretty damn good idea to plan for children? Having kids cannot be a spontaneous decision - otherwise, there will be some major problems. And I hate it when people think that married couples are required to bear children to make their marriage "complete".

These people act as though pregnancy would be the end of the story and there are no other options to seek if an unwanted or unplanned pregnancy were to occur. I suppose, if these people were anti-contraception and anti-abortion, they would believe that. but dear lord, why put yourself through the torture of caring for an unwanted child?

I hate it when people say "If a child comes along then we'll take care of it" - you either want them or you don't. It's easy to say you wouldn't mind if it came along, but it's not like you can push a baby into the corner when you're done cooing over it (much to my dismay).

CFADinNYC Wrote:
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> My mother made it known to me that she would NEVER
> be made a babysitter if I had kids. She totally
> resents that kind of mindset. Of course, I am
> certified CF so there wont be any baby dumping on
> "granny." But the point is, my mom made it known
> to all 3 of her daughters that she would not do it
> as it was not her job to do it. Also about my
> mom--she never EVER told us she was expecting
> grandchildren nor made us feel less than special
> because we chose not to breed. Both my sisters are
> CF too.

My mother is that way, too. She loves me without children. My in-laws love and respect us less, for not having children. Screwed up huh?

Kids "just happen"...kind of like cancer.

My mother's always made it clear that she has no intention of being a babysitter for any runts. Her reason [as she so eloquently puts it] is that she's "already done her time".

Yup, she's definitely a CFer -- she just found out a little too late.

A lot of grandparents do resent being used as a unpaid child caretakers. That is a myth of the smiling Grandmama taking on the grandkid at a moment's notice. Also, many older people are not keen on the single mother daughter returning home with her child(ren) in tow. The lack of privacy and added costs are nothing to get jolly over.

A day ago, I heard one young woman - who got pregnant in college - make a statement of how her parents were not thrilled when she moved back home with a toddler. Then...the woman made it clear how SHE did not even want to be there -- in her parents' home. There was such attitude in her voice. It is so easy to be ungrateful when one is not paying any living expenses while not worrying about a place to stay.

I moved back home a couple of times until I was 22. Granted, it was just Me, Myself, and I. However, I was more than grateful to be able to live in my mom and stepdad's place at a much lower cost than if I had to pay rent on an apartment alone. There was no attitude or entitlement behaviours.

My father was very frank about his dislike of children. LOL He'd tell me, "Don't have kids, they're nothing but a pain in the ass. You and your brother are good kids but having them is too much of a gamble. Just don't do it." My mom felt the same way but she'd never come out and say it, being a woman, we're "expected" to love kids. They both hated the mess, noise, chaos, etc., which is why we were raised to be well-behaven and polite.

Wow, I'm amazed how many of you have parents who understand CF so much. Good for them. I wish I knew even 1 CF adult growing up!

My mom & dad are finally at the point of understanding why I don't want kids. It took a while to get over that hurdle with them, but part of their understanding comes from seeing how happy I am without kids & they'd rather see me happy.

I don't understand how one is made to babysit against their will. It is entirely possible to tell people "no", it's not like they're just going to leave their children sitting on a street corner if you don't babysit them. If that fails and they do just leave the kid on your front step, then just call child protective services, they'll never leave a kid with you again.

Other ways to ensure you never get saddled with someone else's kid?
Show up to the door with booze and/or a bong in hand when they "stop by"
Have a room decorated only with paintings of knife weilding clowns, tell them "that's for the kids to play in"
Put the kids in a closet as soon as the parents leave, tell them the monsters will get them if they try to get out.
Tether them outside with a bowl of water and a head of lettuce.
Hire a bum to watch the kids, bums work for cheap and will teach them kids a valuable lesson.
Tell the parents you're planning a fun game called "lets see if these pills have expired yet"

>>My mother is that way, too. She loves me without children. My in-laws love and respect us less, for not having children. Screwed up huh?<<

Water Lilly - You're not alone. My parents loved being grandparents when their first two (my older sister's children, who are now 24 and 15) were born, but they don't want to be babysitters to my younger sister's children - 7-year-old boys, a 3-year-old girl and another boy who will be born this summer. And they're glad that my DH and I can spend time with them without asking them for child care and without having children get in the way of our visits.

Now that my parents are 75 and 79, they find it too tiring to spend much time with my younger sister's children. My sister hasn't disciplined them enough and they're often unruly. My nephews were born three months premature and are still very socially and mentally immature for their age.

Last year, my parents started saying "No" to my sister's expectations that they could take care of the children whenever she needs "a break." (My sister can't count on her husband, since he only reluctantly spends time with his own children and avoids child care as much as possible) I think my sister was expecting my parents to care
for her children this summer when she has the new baby - but that won't be happening, particularly since my mother had a knee operation two months ago and is in physical therapy.

So my parents are now turned off to grandparenting. They definitely weren't thrilled when my sister announced that she was pregnant again, and that the baby wasn't planned. My mom's words were, "Your sister is so irresponsible!"

But my DH's mother is another story. I have never felt totally comfortable around her because she's always talking about which of DH's friends and cousins, and people at her church, are having babies, and she seems much more accepting of DH's brother and his wife, who had their first child last year, than us.

Part of me thinks she's mad that she had to wait so long to be a grandparent (this is a woman who was buying baby clothes before her sons were even married!), since DH and I didn't have children right away and DH told her that children weren't in our plans once we had been married five years. She's made remarks such as "All my friends were grandparents a lot sooner than I was."

I also think she's mad that her only grandchild is living thousands of miles from her and she can only see him a few times a year, while DH and I are only a few hundred miles from her and she could see any children from us more frequently. It's like she counted on us to have children because she knows that we're not likely to move out of the same state where she lives, while DH's brother is in the Air Force and has to move around frequently. So she's missing being a close-at-hand grandmother like so many of her friends. I wish she would count her blessings about not being saddled with grandchild care instead!

My in laws cant stand the fact that we are not having any children.My husband id their only child so they miss out totally.I feel hurt because I know they dont like me because of it....My father in law said once that " I would be his best friend if I had a baby" they are even offering to pay our morguage for us while I am not working!!!

They live 5 minutes down the road and they hardley come to see us but I bet if we had children we would not be able to get rid of them.They resent us so much but it is our life isint it? mother in law said once "think of the way we feel" WTF??? Whos life is this?

They just want something to spoil and hand back thats all.I am sick of getting hints on the rare occasion I go there.They have actually stopped lateley though...It feels awful to be so hated by your inlaws because I refuse to be an oven.The fact that I make their son happy seems to mean jack shit to them.They cant stand to see us so happy and I know they are hopeing we will split up.

Mother in law has tried several times to start trouble accusing me of saying hurtful things to her I never said...What can I do with a slut like that?

Blossom, I would not be alone in a room with her. Make sure your husband is there. If he leaves the room, follow him out. I had a similar problem with my ex-boyfriend's mother. She usually spewed her venom when it was just the two of us in a room.

It is sick that your ILs are trying to bribe you into having a screaming crotch dump.

Feh Wrote:
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> I don't understand how one is made to babysit
> against their will. It is entirely possible to
> tell people "no", it's not like they're just going
> to leave their children sitting on a street corner
> if you don't babysit them.

It's sort of the whole "family obligation" thing - my mom didn't want to tell her sister "no". There were many times that my mom and I would be on our way out the door from visiting Mommy and Kiddy and my aunt would just go, "Oh why don't you go with Aunt Chrissy for a few hours?" She wouldn't even ask us if we had plans - she'd just tell the kid to go with us because she had other stuff to do. See, my aunt has been used to living the life of going out at night every night and having fun, but she can't do it as much with the kid straddling her ankles, and it drives her nuts. Other times, she would bring the kid to our house and leave her off and come get her late at night. It was annoying as fuck; this is pretty much the only reason why I'm glad there is a conflict between my mom and my aunt...no more fucking forced baby-sitting.

I'm sorry to hear that your in-laws are so grandbaby-rabid, Blossom. Honestly, kids are not worth all the trouble they cause, and I can't believe your in-laws don't respect your decision. It damn well is your life and only you and your husband should be in charge of how it's going to be lived.

Thankyou nour and Cambion for your comments.My husband has told me the same thing(not to be alone with her) he has even brought me a tape recorder to tape our conversations which I think is a bit over the top but I have to look out for myself.

Oh they would be so happy if we split up...Everytime we go over there we make a point of being overly affectionate(holding hands e.c.t) and you should see the greasys I get off moo in law! God the way she looks at me you would think she wanted him herself...

Thank you Lynn.