Moo wannabees feel inadequate when others are knocked up or have kyds

"Lately when I'm out and about with ds and see other women with children, MAINLY those who have like 3 kids all young in age, one after another (this happened yesterday) I just think, "Wow, she must be *really* fertile" and just feel like she's "Better" than me and that somehow I am some kind of genetic failure of a human because I have yet to get pg with my second child....."


"... I haven't been trying for that long yet but I have wanted to for about 9 years(waiting on DH). I have felt inadequate as I saw single friends meet their spouses, plan weddings, get married, wait a year and then get pregnant their first month of trying while I was waiting for DH to be ready and dealing with some health problems. I accept that I am on a different path in life but it still hurts..... I know that people mean well when they suggest adoption for people who are struggling to get pregnant but that is so hard to hear. Adoption is a wonderful thing but it doesn't take the place of being pregnant, of wanting to feel a child growing inside of you, of wanting to give birth and of wanting to nurse a newborn............"


"I think feeling inferior is a totally normal part of not being able to conceive. I've been infertile for 7 1/2 years and have a son through adoption, and I still deal with these feelings. I handle them better now than I have in the past, because of a round of therapy and lots of practice, but they are still there.
Adoption is wonderful, but it doesn't take away the fact that you are infertile. I still struggle with body image, with feeling like a "real woman". When people talk about giving birth as a rite of passage, or the universal female experience, yeah--that stings. I still sometimes feel abnormal. When people talk all that talk about women needing to trust their bodies to birth and to nurse, I think--some of us really can't trust our bodies."


"Wow! I'm on cycle 16 and feeling exactly as you are. I am constantly feeling envious of mothers with 6+ kids (even though I wonder how they do it...since it's so tough with just one!). Pregnancy announcements are the worst!"



I absolutely can not begin to imagine feeling inadequate or jealous of women because they are pregnant or have children. It's as foreign a feeling to me as tits on a boar hog. They torture themselves over this and actually, I find it rather sad, strange and unnecessary, yet sad. I wonder why some women have these feelings and others don't? I can say with complete honesty that none of this has ever crossed my mind. The only thing pregnancy related pertaining to me personally which I have thought to myself is, "God I hope I am not". What really gets me is that SOME of them already have children, yet they still get these feelings.

kidlesskim Wrote:
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> > I absolutely can not begin to imagine
> feeling inadequate or jealous of women because
> they are pregnant or have children.

Me either, Kim. It's a totally foreign concept to me too. I've never felt the least bit envious when seeing a pregnant woman. All I feel is a yuck factor and glad that I never went through that.

"Lately when I'm out and about with ds and see other women with children, MAINLY those who have like 3 kids all young in age, one after another (this happened yesterday) I just think, "Wow, she must be *really* fertile" and just feel like she's "Better" than me and that somehow I am some kind of genetic failure of a human because I have yet to get pg with my second child....."


I know what you mean Kim, I've never had those feelings either. Unlike this woman, when I see a woman with kids I feel like they've just flushed their life down the toilet. I actually feel like I've got one up on them by not being tied down.

"Wow! I'm on cycle 16 and feeling exactly as you are. I am constantly feeling envious of mothers with 6+ kids (even though I wonder how they do it...since it's so tough with just one!). Pregnancy announcements are the worst!"

This moo wannabe should not be envy over mother with 6+ kids because fell sorry for thos 6+ kids with not enough space and resources.

How can anyone be jealous over Bull-Shit like people with kids. People with kids go through shitty burden.

"Lately when I'm out and about with ds and see other women with children, MAINLY those who have like 3 kids all young in age, one after another (this happened yesterday) I just think, "Wow, she must be *really* fertile" and just feel like she's "Better" than me and that somehow I am some kind of genetic failur of a human because I have yet to get pg with my second child....."

Bull-Shit of a woman. How can this moo-wannabe can be a faliure as human being, again on the topic of "Childless & IVF".
Also moo-wannabe think child is like a-walk-in-the-park. In reality it's not.

Okay, so why is this cow "mainly" jealous of other cows with kids UNDER 3? Older kids don't cause her to feel this way? Teenagers? Hmmm. This is baby-rabies as its worst.

Count me as another who absolutely cannot FATHOM feeling this way. The thought has never so much as crossed my mind! It's a completely alien concept. I'm totally the opposite...when I see preggos or breeders with any age kids...screaming loaves, tantrum-y toadlers, or sullen teens, I ALWAYS think "sucks to be them. Why would anyone ruin their life like that?" I can honestly say that EVERY SINGLE DAY I thank the gods that I don't have kids.

Sounds like a walking womb catfight.

What do the women libbers of 1970s say to THIS today???

"Adoption is a wonderful thing but it doesn't take the place of being pregnant, of wanting to feel a child growing inside of you, of wanting to give birth and of wanting to nurse a newborn............"


"..... I've been infertile for 7 1/2 years and have a son through adoption, and I still deal with these feelings. I handle them better now than I have in the past, because of a round of therapy and lots of practice, but they are still there......"



These two comments bother me greatly. The first one has been "waiting on DH" for NINE years to give her the go ahead to TTC (Try To Conceive)and she gets upset when people mention adoption, because it doesn't take the place of having your own. So, basically, it appears that her husband does not want kids but she's going ahead and "trying" anyway, and it's all about the pregnancy and infancy rather than the finished product. The second is even worse because she already has adopted a child, yet she has had to have therapy to get over this overwhelming desire to give birth. I feel sorry for her adopted child and I also feel sorry for the other one's kyd if she does have a baby, because obviously hubby doesn't want one.

To these women it isn't about having the child to love and raise as a part of their family at all, but rather about the pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding part. I find these the most strange feelings they profess out of all of them. The bottom line is it is all about them, NOT their child.

Giving birth as a woman's rite of passage? OK, sure. I've never felt these feelings. Even when I was little the thought of having to give birth some day repulsed me. When I was around 10 or so I found that getting your period meant being physically ready to have a baby. "I wish something was wrong with me so it doesn't come," I thought. "Getting your period sounds annoying." Then I thought "But your period is a sign of your reproductive system...if it never comes something might be really wrong. I might never be able to have kids!" I thought a little more: "Never able to have kids? Well, that sounds like a built in excuse to me! No period and no babies...it's a win-win! I hope something wrong with me!"

I swear to jeebus, these are thoughts that were going through my head as I watched that stupid video in the fifth grade. At least I knew what I wanted at a young age.

On another message board about an unrelated topic, I mentioned that I work only 12 hours a week. Another poster wanted to know "my secret" and I private messaged my answer which included as my main reason for being wealthy enough to be able to do this "being childfree". The other poster, to whom I hold no bad feelings whatsoever, replied that he (age 39) and his wife have a young daughter who is the pride of his life. He commended me on knowing early on (at age 20, I told him) that being CF was what I always wanted.

Good to have them a little jealous of me for my choice, huh? [And I expect to fully retire soon, I will surely let you folks here know about that if/when it happens.]

I suppose getting hassled for being CF may be more for women than for men. I can't say I have ever been hassled about my choice. But that could be a topic for another thread........?

Okay, someone please hold me and tell me the wanna-Moo on "cycle 16" is talking about her periods and not about IVF.

Ironically, this is posted on PostSecret:






hope the link works, otherwise, just go to postsecret.com before this Sunday.

Cambion Wrote:
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> Okay, someone please hold me and tell me the
> wanna-Moo on "cycle 16" is talking about her
> periods and not about IVF.


Generally when they refer to the cycle number, they mean how many months (periods) they have been fertile since the birth of the last kid.

kidlesskim Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Cambion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Okay, someone please hold me and tell me the
> > wanna-Moo on "cycle 16" is talking about her
> > periods and not about IVF.
>
>
> Generally when they refer to the cycle number,
> they mean how many months (periods) they have been
> fertile since the birth of the last kid.

Thanks! I wondered what in the hell that meant too. These women are really obsessed with their reproductive organs!

Cambion: I had the same exact thought!

I agree with kidlesskim: I find this sad. If one is scoping out the other moms in public and constantly calculating whether to feel superior to them or saddened by them, that seems stressful and pointless. There will always be someone with more and someone with less and it just doesn't matter that much. Seems better to do your own thing, just focus on that, and be happy with that.

It is sad. And pathetic.

And, once again, a total giveaway about their real motivations to squat out sprogs. It's all about THEM, and their EGOS, and their WANTS, and their JEALOUSIES. Nothing at all to do with 'the baybee, the baybee, the baybee'.

Until I found this forum, I thought I was the oddball who always detected a strange flash of pure anger from certain women when another woman announced a birth or an imminent birth. Of course the cow would wear a rictus grin and pretend to squeal and get all happy, but I always thought the vibes off her were in total contrast... more like she's trying to cover up a strong desire to kill the other cow. I know I can't be the only one to have detected those powerful vibes hundreds of times over the years and naturally blamed myself for imagining things just because I do not like kids.

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"The death of creativity is a pram in the hallway"
- Cyril Connolly