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more TMC:

I had the same boyfriend through HS, nice guy, we got married @ 20 as most of my mom's family has women who marry between 18-22. I went on to have two children by age 25 (also the "norm" in our family).


Today I was reading someone's blog about how they were having breakfast on a balcony w/their DH mid-morning, drinking mimosas, contemplating redecorating, an upcoming trip to New England...no kids to interrupt the breakfast or find sitters for the trip...

It never even occurred to me that such a life was an option.
Comments (0) | me too (2)

I just can't get my brain around this woman's statement. Was a time machine from 1950 involved, somehow? Did she have a lobotomy?

LOL Yep, sure does suck to be a breeder. But she made her bed, now she just has to suck it up and make the best of it.

Such a life IS an option. It's not hard to have it, either. Just say NO to breeding!!!!!!!

Throw away the damned LifeScript(TM) and write your own!!!!!

Tiquer Wrote:
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> I just can't get my brain around this woman's
> statement. Was a time machine from 1950 involved,
> somehow? Did she have a lobotomy?


No, just an example that: they do not think, ever ever... once in a while they do but they get smacked down
b) no greater expectations than the mommy track. Nothing better to do with their lives.

Did these people NEVER read a book, pick up a newspaper or magazine, watch a documentary, a movie, or speak with anyone other than their family until they were TWENTY years of age? I can understand if they had been raised in a commune type religious environment with homeschooling and church services being their only source of human contact and doing something stupid like this, but I don't think that is the case the majority of the time. Most of them attended public schools, outside functions, and had plenty of contact with countless other people by the time they reach 20. By the time I was 20 years old I had worked in a restaurant, a dentist office, and a bank, attended public school for 12 years and two years of college. So, I had come into contact with ALL kinds of people who didn't follow this "life script" and was WELL aware there were "options" of all sorts WAY before I was 20. Where did these women grow up, Pleasantville?

How can someone walk the earth for TWENTY years with blinders on? They must have been the most unobservant people in the world to have not realized that there were options in life besides marrying their first fuck and immediatey popping out kyds. Any woman this unaware of her surroundings and stupid shouldn't be left alone or allowed to wander around aimlessly. This explains a lot of "freak accidents" which cause severe injury or death. When women get smashed to death while crossing railroad tracks maybe they just were not aware of the "option" that they could back up, drive forward, or get out of the vehicle, for instance. Maybe they didn't see or hear the train, the lights, or the crossing guard.

It would be an awful way to muddle through life if someone was that unaware of their surroundings, options, or choices.

>>>>>It would be an awful way to muddle through life if someone was that unaware of their surroundings, options, or choices.


this is my biggest pet peeve, not just about brats/CF stuff, but people so unaware of things going on right in front of their faces, just so clueless about anything and everything. It happens even to smart people. I don't get it, sometimes I wonder if people know the sun rises every morning and actually provides the daylight.

lifescript.

My CF sister just ran in to an old friend from High School and the friend asked my sister. "How many kids do you have" (not, do you have kids)

my sister is hard core CF and doesnt hide it and answered "NONE, i dont like kids and I never want them"

the dumbass said "ohhhh you know i never though it was an option" (she has 2 kids)

ummmmmmm it always amazes me that people just dont think for themselves, SHEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

That is exactly how I was raised. Women get married and have babies straight out of h.s. or while in h.s.

I got the hell out of there the day I graduated h.s. and never went back for more than the ocassional holiday dinner.

My mom, grandma, aunts, and cousins have also said that they never thought there was any other option. They are all depressed and pretty much hate me for not conforming.

I remember being as young as 11 and showing nothing more than human kindness and understanding to younger kyds and being labeled, "She'll be SUCH a good mommy one day!" I remember other typical bingos as a young girl as well like, "She's such a good helper in the kitchen! I bet HER kitchen will always smell like homemade cookies when SHE has kyds", or "You are so good with the younger kyds' groups, you will make a wonderful mother one day". However, had I been male all of that would have either gone unnoticed or the bingos would have been replaced with, "You will make a wonderful Teacher, Chef, or Psychiatrist...", instead of "mother". I always felt VERY out of place and uncomfortable when people said crap like that to me because it was the least of my desires to become a moomie from my earliest memories.

What all of that nonsense did was make me aspire to be the exact opposite of what was considered "motherly-like". For the longest time I wouldn't cook, and I am VERY creative in the kitchen, but I just didn't want to be associated with "being a good cookie baking mommy one day". I stopped babysitting and found other ways to make money to avoid being associated with childcare, although I was "good" with kyds. I entered male dominated professions, on purpose, soley so people would think of me as a serious "career woman" rather than in a stereotypical moomie job where you are expected to quit after you get married and knocked up.

So I am well aware of the moomie pressures of growing up female in the 70's and 80's, but I was STILL aware that there were "options". How can women be so oblivious and stupid and throw away the only life they will ever have, just because it's "expected"? I have ZERO respect for women who say, "That's just the way I was raised", or "I was always expected to get married and have kyds", to explain away a MINDLESS choice which they consciously made. Even if they had the first kyd and did an about face and said, "no more!", that would be better than repeating the same mistake over and over and over again with a different baby daddy like so many of them do.

I never heard of "child free" until about 1 yr 1/2 ago, I just made my own life choices, i knew i had ZERO interest in having kids, so i just didnt have them, but than again, im NO SHEEP like most people.



I found many crappy, breeder pleaser, pussy CF sites, Than when i found bratfree, it was a breath of FRESH CF air.

i didnt even know the term "breeder" until recently, god i still love that term....lol


I did hear a girl say the word "breeder" on Dr. Phil over a year ago, I laughed my ass off,, ofcourse Dr. Phil ignored the term and moved right on with the show.

I about shit the first time I heard my mother-in-law use the term breeder. Dh and I laughed our asses off. She has no desire to be a grandmoo, in fact she moved away from the area that my brother-in-law lived in once he sprogged with a woman who she knew wouldn't stick around. She didn't want to have to raise another kid.

A gay friend introduced me to the term in college during the late 80's. Thanks, J.

It used to be a term used by gay people or bi people in a same-sex relationship to describe "straight" couples. I personally didn't like using it (I go both ways in case it is relevant), knowing that sexual orientation and reproduction are two different things. Especially since there are loads of gay men and women who want kids.

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"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

:eatu

As I have mentioned in another thread, I knew I wanted to be CF when I was 20 years old. You want to know the best way (I think) to prefer a CF life? Be a DAY CAMP counselor for a few summers, like I was (at age 19 and at age 20). I was surrounded by 25 noisy brats for 7 hours a day, 5 days a week, for 8 weeks, and did not get paid a lot for it (day camp owners are really CHEAP). I also drove one of the day camp minibuses to earn some extra dollars (and provide my own transportation to the camp), and the owners did not like to hire older (read: of driving age) people to work for them b/c they paid their counselors based on their age or level of schooling.

After that second summer I knew I NEVER wanted kyds.

I never heard the term "childfree" until I started searching the 'Net for this stuff last month and finding this website along the way.

Mmm, mimosas on the balcony with one's sweetie, with no more worries but what to pack for the trip! Sounds like a good choice to me!

As kidless kim said, why anyone would grow to be 20 with no clue as to that choice being available...how dim are they?

"we got married @ 20 as most of my mom's family has women who marry between 18-22. I went on to have two children by age 25 (also the "norm" in our family)."

So? Why don't you think for yourself and create your own life based on what you yourself think will make you happy?

Some of you may have heard this story before, but I'll tell it again because it kind of fits the whole blinders mentality that most people who breed are stuck in. About 15 years ago I was in some sort of sociology class and we were to break down into small groups for a family choices oriented project. We were to discuss the pros and cons of a single parent family, dual parent family with one working parent, dual parent family with two working parents and I think a couple other childed options. I was chosen to present for my group, and presented our list of pros and cons, and then said "I'm confused why you didn't have a non-childed family as a choice, because I believe it is possible for a couple to choose to NOT have children for any number of factors." The professor and everyone else in the class looked at me like I'd just grabbed a baby and bit it's head off.

That was when I realized my desires were abnormal, and completely correct.

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

.
Some of you may have heard this story before, but I'll tell it again because it kind of fits the whole blinders mentality that most people who breed are stuck in. About 15 years ago I was in some sort of sociology class and we were to break down into small groups for a family choices oriented project. We were to discuss the pros and cons of a single parent family, dual parent family with one working parent, dual parent family with two working parents and I think a couple other childed options. I was chosen to present for my group, and presented our list of pros and cons, and then said "I'm confused why you didn't have a non-childed family as a choice, because I believe it is possible for a couple to choose to NOT have children for any number of factors." The professor and everyone else in the class looked at me like I'd just grabbed a baby and bit it's head off.

That was when I realized my desires were abnormal, and completely correct.

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

Whoa. If a *sociology class,* which you'd think would be the first to recognize a societal trend/subgroup, is befuddled by the very idea...well, I can only hope times have changed since then.

Feh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> .
> Some of you may have heard this story before, but
> I'll tell it again because it kind of fits the
> whole blinders mentality that most people who
> breed are stuck in. About 15 years ago I was in
> some sort of sociology class and we were to break
> down into small groups for a family choices
> oriented project. We were to discuss the pros and
> cons of a single parent family, dual parent family
> with one working parent, dual parent family with
> two working parents and I think a couple other
> childed options. I was chosen to present for my
> group, and presented our list of pros and cons,
> and then said "I'm confused why you didn't have a
> non-childed family as a choice, because I believe
> it is possible for a couple to choose to NOT have
> children for any number of factors." The
> professor and everyone else in the class looked at
> me like I'd just grabbed a baby and bit it's head
> off.
>
> That was when I realized my desires were abnormal,
> and completely correct.


It initially surpised me when I first realized that A LOT of people do not think of a non childed familial unit as a family. Even more surpising to me is that there is a certain segment of society, namely fundie breeders, who don't think of a married couple who has adopted older children as a "family". If they did then they wouldn't refer to them as, "Mary, Joe, their little girl Amy, and their adopted children are long time members of our church". If, however, they spawned them or adopted them as babies, then it's "Mary and Joe's family have been members here for ten years". I remember explaining this concept to my step daughter once when she was about 5 years old when she asked me if I was part of her family, because her mother had told her that she and I were NOT "family".

I explained that friends and other non blood related people can be considered "family", and then I explained the legal concept of famblee to her in hopes she would relay this tidbit of info to her shithole of a mother, which I was delighted to later find out that she had. LEGALLY, unless there are powers of attorney or other legal documents which state otherwise, a married couple are each other's next of kin. I explained that legally, ****I**** was her father's SOLE beneficiary of private life insurance and that it was up to me to disperse/manage funds to her, in the event of his tragic death,:bawl) and that SPOUSES make life and death decisions for one another, and are legally the closest family member possible, over bio kyds AND ex wives, EVEN IF they had chyldren together, unless otherwise legally specified.

My husband is my family and my next of kin and it pisses me off when people don't consider us a famblee because we do not have kyds. I hate it when people are so narrow minded as to not even consider that a famblee is often more than just sharing a common gene pool. Genetically speaking, wouldn't I be more "related" to my sister than to either of my parents? Moocows place WAY too much importance on their uteri.

Various comments:

Original post:

"we got married @ 20 as most of my mom's family has women who marry between 18-22. I went on to have two children by age 25 (also the "norm" in our family)."

I kind of feel sorry for people like this. There are people who grow up in some environments where you WILL breed. Sometimes it can be very hard to overcome the pressure from your primary family, especially if they are narrow-minded, Jeebus-obsessed fucknuts. Especially if you need them to support you. This woman no doubt went from her parunts' support to being supported by some may-n, which I think is criminal in itself. I don't believe parunts owe their kid's a carte blance college education, especially when the kids party and don't take it seriously, but I do believe parunts should insure their kids have life skills and some kind of skill so the kids are employable.

My mom messed up in a lot of ways, mostly due to her shitty choices in men after my father died when I was very young, but I'm kind of thankful I had a non-traditional childhood. We were practing Catholics (and my mom was raised Catholic) until after my father died. Once he died, my mom quit dragging us to Mass. Today, I would count myself "not sure" whether there is such a thing as God. I would call myself agnostic more than anything else.

I'm not happy my father died, but I am happy that I got away from religious brainwashing. I saw happy single people, unmarried people, people that didn't follow the life script. I lived in an urban environment too so I think that helped.

But at the same time I can feel like this too:

Comment by kidlesskim:

"So I am well aware of the moomie pressures of growing up female in the 70's and 80's, but I was STILL aware that there were "options". How can women be so oblivious and stupid and throw away the only life they will ever have, just because it's "expected"? I have ZERO respect for women who say, "That's just the way I was raised", or "I was always expected to get married and have kyds", to explain away a MINDLESS choice which they consciously made."

I need to thank my mom because when we were kids she said stuff like this: Hey, kid, open your eyes and look around. It's a big world. There are billions of people in the world. Some of them are very good people. They live good lives because they are good people. They may be Unitarian or Pagan or Buddist or Sikh or Muslims (there are a few that are not nutjobs) but the point is, you can be a good person and not be a Christian. Any Fundy will tell you that these people are proceeding directly to the fires of Hell and they aren't collecting their $200. Does that make sense to you?

I'm glad I was exposed to different viewpoints and she taught me to question things. As for the original poster, 20 years is not a long time. (I'm back to having some sympathy.) That woman never had a chance to live.

married with rabbits Wrote:
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> I call my husband and I (and the critters) my
> family. I say I worry about my family, want it to
> stay strong.

Damn right! My two cats and I are a happy little family.

Medusa Wrote:
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> married with rabbits Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > I call my husband and I (and the critters) my
> > family. I say I worry about my family, want it
> to
> > stay strong.
>
> Damn right! My two cats and I are a happy little
> family.


I live alone (no pets, against co-op rules). Ain't I a family, too???