Smothering Smorgasbord: July 2018

Hey, let's do one of these again! Since I'm here again after being MIA for several months, I'm sure the sob stories from our favorite Moos are ripe for the picking.

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• Wanna-Moo can't have a kid due to ovarian cancer, so her cousin will be the surrogate. However, Wanna-Moo doesn't like that the child won't look at all like her and also may not have the same personality because the cousin is such a different person. But her and her husband can't afford a surrogate through a clinic. Apparently it doesn't cross her mind that one benefit of a surrogate is not passing on a risk for cancer by having a biological child. She also seems to think that her child would be a complete carbon copy of herself if it were biological - never mind the fact the kid could be just like her if it was her cousin's or it could be nothing like her if it was her biological offspring. Not to mention the potential legal issues that will arise if the surrogate becomes attached to the child and doesn't want to give it up since it doesn't sound like Wanna-Moo and her spouse are going about this with a contract or anything.
https://www.mothering.com/forum/179-infertility/1603609-can-t-give-birth-baby.html


• Infertile Myrtle goes to Ukraine for IVF because apparently it's a more economic choice than donor eggs and surrogacy. Too bad they don't stay there for good afterward.
https://www.mothering.com/forum/179-infertility/1602951-trip-ukraine.html


• Moo somehow gets her insurance to cover her home birth 100 percent. First of all, WAT. Second of all, isn't the whole point of a home birth to avoid the medical aspect of sluicing entirely? Apparently the one expense associated with stunt birthing - a midwife - is something Moo could not afford out of pocket and so she had to convince her insurance to pay for it for her. I'd love to know how she managed this when I've had to fight tooth and nail and recruit multiple doctors to get my insurance to cover very basic diagnostic tests.
https://www.mothering.com/forum/20-homebirth/1283407-insurance-covered-100-my-home-birth-here-my-letter-unitedheathcare.html


• Moo gets knocked up by stellar human being that does drugs, lives in a total pigsty, has fetal alcohol syndrome, has a kid with his ex, and outright said he won't pay child support to the Moo telling the story. Oh, but he wants to be a part of the kid's life. Thankfully, this Moo is showing signs of brain function and doing her best to keep the guy out of the kid's life (and isn't naming him as the father on the birth certificate) because she knows he'll be a shitty parent, but why the hell would you voluntarily fuck such a trainwreck and then have his kid in the first place? She said she'd known the guy for years, so it's not like his behavior was some big secret. It may not be difficult for the guy to find her and make her miserable to punish her for not allowing him to see his child that he doesn't want to pay for.
https://www.mothering.com/forum/19-i-m-pregnant/1605587-birth-certificate-father-need-help.html


• Autistic guy wants to know if awtards can be good parents. He yammers on about how he would never spank his kids and would lavish them with toys, and he'd punish them for wrongdoing by making them listen to Disney songs while doing handstands. Autistic or not, this sounds like the making of an awful parent and I can only hope no one ever breeds with him. I think he's getting some brownie points for being against actual discipline, but that site is a Moo club, so he's probably a little out of his element. He even says in another thread that he's very childlike and can't even go out by himself, so anyone dumb enough to reproduce with him would essentially be caring for two kids: him and the actual child.
https://www.mothering.com/forum/36-gentle-discipline/1597865-can-severe-high-functioning-childlike-autistic-adults-raise-children.html


• Pioneering elimination communication Moo got tired of doing EC (which involves using no diapers, watching the kid for facial cues for when it needs to go and then lugging it to the toilet or designatedTupperware container) and just decided to let her she-brat run around naked and pee all over the floor like a feral puppy. Now she's shocked that her brilliant potty training method is failing because she gave up on it and the kid is still pissing on the floor when it's almost two years old. I get that potty training isn't easy, but surely it has to be easier than constantly cleaning up piss and shit (unless, of course, Moo just got tired of cleaning too and leaves the bodily fluids where they land).
http://www.mothering.com/forum/17518-potty-learning/1600394-ec-gone-wrong-pt-please-help.html


• Moo has two she-brats, ages 9 and 6. Seems she likes having them three years apart, so now she wants to have #3. She got herself in pig with an IUD in and miscarried and she was butthurt about it, but for some reason, trying to have one intentionally causes anxiety attacks complete with crying fits and night sweats. Oh, she also decided to go off her bipolar disorder meds in order to have another kid, so I can imagine what a joy she must be to be around. Hey, here's a thought: how's about not having another kid that might grow up and develop mental problems or be affected by yours by proxy?
https://www.mothering.com/forum/329-stay-home-parents/1549209-scared-try-3-a.html


• Moos discuss bedtime rituals and chaos with their brats, which range from kids who want to stay up and chatter for an hour or so past bedtime to the ones who need to be dragged kicking and screaming to bed every single night. Some talk about their long-winded routines involving co-sleeping, reading, behavior charts, timers and reward systems. One of the biggest reasons I will not breed is I love sleep too much. As in I like being able to sleep on my own time and not have to worry about doing any of this shit for three hours every night only for the little bastard to wake up every half hour for the rest of the night and sleep all day long. But it's all woooooooorth it, right? If I had to deal with this bullshit every day for years on end, I'd be buying Benadryl wholesale, for myself and for the brats.
https://www.mothering.com/forum/329-stay-home-parents/1461706-how-can-you-not-hate-bedtime.html


• Moo doesn't like that the Duh she's dating (he has four kids) makes time for his own brats, but not for hers, and if he does have extra time, he prefers to spend it with his kids rather than with hers. Uhh, lady, the guy has four kids that are a priority for him, plus he works. How much energy do you think he has, woman? She talks about the potential of marriage with this guy, but then says that her kids deserve better than a man who has the gall to put his kids first. Sounds like she's expecting a lot from this guy. Also, she doesn't say how much she commits to his brats. My guess is she doesn't at all because fuck them, but she expects him to put her kids before his own. Sounds like single Moo logic to me, all right!
https://www.mothering.com/forum/234-single-parenting/1606503-man-i-m-dating-won-t-make-time-my-girls.html


• Woman gets knocked up by some guy she's been screwing on and off for years and he wants nothing to do with her now. She was on the fence about having the kid (decided to keep it) because she admits she's a bit selfish and doesn't have a good job, but some of the people in her life are encouraging her to have it anyway. Telling her shit like "you should have it because some women can't conceive" or that she'll definitely regret an abortion, everything happens for a reason, it's not as hard as you think it'll be and Grandmoo wants to have more grand-shits. Read further down and you'll notice that the original topic was from 2014 and Moo came back this year to tell everyone that her brat is three years old, the father ran off overseas and never came back and she's telling herself that life turned out not like she wanted, but she still enjoys it (bullshit).
https://www.mothering.com/forum/234-single-parenting/1402435-single-pregnant-father-child-ignoring-me.html


• Moo asks if it's worth it to go to couples counseling with a narcissistic ex-boyfriend with whom she bred. The guy would gaslight her during the counseling sessions. One member suggests that if he's attending the sessions, he's aware that he has a problem, but it sounds more to me like he's using them as a tool to back the Moo into a corner and blame her for everything and possibly try to get the counselor to side with him. And because Moo had to go and reproduce with a narc, their kid is going to be the one who suffers most from it because narcissists will use their kids for their own selfish desires no matter the cost.
https://www.mothering.com/forum/234-single-parenting/1606315-any-positive-outcomes-counselling-narcissist-exes.html

It always amazes me how breeders are prepared to place so much weight on heredity (refusing adoption, or being like the first one you cited), but place no importance whatsoever on the quality of the person they breed with (several stories). Which is it, breeders?

Autism guy does not sound high-functioning to me. The only sort of woman who could be interested in sex with him would be ones with a fetish for age-based role-play. While I wish him all the luck in finding a compatible sexual partner, I sure hope she isn't stupid enough to breed with him.

Is it just my imagination, or did people used to think the quality of the person they bred with was important? It seems ever since voluntary single parenthood started rising in the 80s people have become less and less picky about who they fuck and breed with.

None of these people should be breeding, they lack any self-awareness and their posts reveal a plethora of additional reasons.

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ondinette
Is it just my imagination, or did people used to think the quality of the person they bred with was important? It seems ever since voluntary single parenthood started rising in the 80s people have become less and less picky about who they fuck and breed with.

There seems to be lots of solid evidence of this. Maybe this explains the ever increasing divorce rate?

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freya
None of these people should be breeding, they lack any self-awareness and their posts reveal a plethora of additional reasons.

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ondinette
Is it just my imagination, or did people used to think the quality of the person they bred with was important? It seems ever since voluntary single parenthood started rising in the 80s people have become less and less picky about who they fuck and breed with.

There seems to be lots of solid evidence of this. Maybe this explains the ever increasing divorce rate?

It could also explain the increase in tards and defective loaves. The ol' sperm 'n' egg omelette ain't what she used to be.

Re: the bedtime rituals....could u imagine this being your life after work? After the meal time struggle, then the bath struggle? Then, bed struggle, then u get to go to bed?

I said to a wanna breed friend of mine, I just dont think many parents are happy. She of course said, I think they are just tired.... I then said, If youre tired all the time, youre NOT happy.

What a miserable life. While I used to be anti-corporal punishment, I think it can be much ez'r. I dont think many parents were spending 2-4 hours getting kids to bed. It was go to bed or get a consequence. Boom.

Oh, and I forgot, the homework struggle and the taxiing around to stupid organized activities struggle. whew!

I think some parents enroll their kids in a ton of after-school activities for the sole purpose of having time away from them so they can relax, sleep or watch something in peace. But then that begs the question: if you're willing to fork over a fortune to put your kid in sports and dance classes that they don't even want to be in just to get the fuck away from them, why did you even have them?

Every fucking aspect of being a (good) parent involves turning everything into a teaching moment or it's just a constant fight because your kids don't want to do what they're supposed to be doing. They don't want to eat what you made for dinner (or if they're babies, you spend two hours getting them to eat a tablespoon of food and then they puke it back up anyway), they don't want to do homework, they don't want to get off the computer, they don't want to take a bath, they don't want to go to bed. And because these parents all think that spanking is abusive, the kids are never taught that this behavior isn't okay, so they keep right on doing it.

I Totally agree about the activities. I once took my preschool niece to a gingerbread house making activity for SIL while she went on vacay(probably to save her marriage--which failed much later anyway).

First of all, that sounded like the lamest, most waste of time and money activity in the world, something I woulda never thought of doing if I bred myself.

2nd, it consisted of putting like 5 big squares together and frosting it. 3rd and most striking to my CF self....it was just an hour long.....outta the 10-12 kids, I was the only adult who stayed there on the sidelines....(it wasn't my neighborhood, and had no where to go, had no clue what was expected of me), like the moms were DYING to have less than 60 mins to themselves. I coulda tried to find a Dunkin, starbucks or McDs or gone back to SIL's house to see my hub, but I figured what was the point of even driving 7-10 mins somewhere, to do the same on the way back, just to have 30-40mins to myself, it seemed like busy-work, so I sat there. My niece (who was a total total brat at the time becuz of grandma's spoiling and SIL's stupidity to not stand up to grandma) was kinda mesmerized w/ my presence. But I knew then mom life had to suck if this is what they did to have 30 mins to themselves.

I always thought that spanking was taking the ez way out, I guess I still do, but it certainly seemed to save hours of this bullshit that goes on now. My SIL did those behavior charts w/ nephew at the time, and it still took 6 yrs to potty train him. Also, nephew was a monster thru same babysitting I was doing w/ his sister-my niece. My hub spontaneously did spank him around 6p. Everything was smoooth sailing after that.

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ondinette
Is it just my imagination, or did people used to think the quality of the person they bred with was important? It seems ever since voluntary single parenthood started rising in the 80s people have become less and less picky about who they fuck and breed with.

Breeding with the wrong person used to fuck up your chances in life. Now it only fucks up your kid's chances, and everyone knows how little breeders really care about that.

I think just beating the crap out of your kid for everything is the easy way out, but avoiding spanking entirely is just making far too much work for yourself because all this shit where parents try to discuss their feelings with their toddlers is just a waste of time. Young kids need punishment that's fast and effective, and spanking meets both criteria. Ideally, I think somewhere in the middle is best: try to correct bad behavior using non-physical punishments like time-outs, loss of privileges, learning things the hard way, and so on first. If the kid is still being a shit, then you smack them. Not hitting them as hard as you can either. A spanking isn't meant to leave a bruise or cause a lot of pain - it's meant to be more of an attention-getter that stings a little to make the kid associate bad behavior with an uncomfortable sensation. They'll cry because they don't like it, which means it's effective.

If you let them get away with everything and don't punish them at all and/or engage in gentle discipline (which is useless), the kids will turn out fucked up. If you beat them to a pulp over every little thing, they'll turn out fucked up.

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Cambion
I think some parents enroll their kids in a ton of after-school activities for the sole purpose of having time away from them so they can relax, sleep or watch something in peace. But then that begs the question: if you're willing to fork over a fortune to put your kid in sports and dance classes that they don't even want to be in just to get the fuck away from them, why did you even have them?

Every fucking aspect of being a (good) parent involves turning everything into a teaching moment or it's just a constant fight because your kids don't want to do what they're supposed to be doing. They don't want to eat what you made for dinner (or if they're babies, you spend two hours getting them to eat a tablespoon of food and then they puke it back up anyway), they don't want to do homework, they don't want to get off the computer, they don't want to take a bath, they don't want to go to bed. And because these parents all think that spanking is abusive, the kids are never taught that this behavior isn't okay, so they keep right on doing it.

So basically daycare when they are preschool age then after school activities. Like you pointed out seems that some parents just want to push them out of the house as soon as they can, sometimes as early as a few months old. And they will pay lots of money for daycare, after school activities, etc.

When I was a kid parents had it easy, they'd just tell you to leave the house and not come back until a certain time such as 7 or 8 p.m. unless you want to do chores. And they didn't need daycare once their kid was old enough to unlock the front door. Occupy yourself, kiddos.

one of my best friends has a daughter who attained a PHD, including study in exotic countries, and now teaches at a well respected Uni. She married a fellow with a great job, also , and they bought a big house. First thing--honeymoon--of course she gets preggo on purpose (after all she is in her late 30s!!). First baby born, sent to day care when a couple of months old. The lessons start right away--apparently they teach INFANTS sign language, Spanish and swimming these days! Anytime the hubby has to leave for a night or two on business, the Moo pretty much demands my friend comes up to help her take care of the kid!!
But meanwhile, they are working HARD to have a second one!! Miscarriages,IVF, or something. Finally #2 arrives (the Golden Penis this time!), and same story but worse. I just can't understand why the Joy of Moohood doesn't extend to taking care of one or two kids for the "huge time" of a day or two, by yourself! Didn't most of our parents care--alone--for several kids every day, all day? And yet, you want to practically kill yourself to make a second one!
Practically every month or so my friend has the guilt trip laid on to make the hour's drive to attend yet another toadler "graduation" (from baby swim class, etc etc etc etc. Good for her she's a kid person, pretty much, but even she gets sick of it WHY!!?? What is wrong with these people??

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reeniebessagain
The lessons start right away--apparently they teach INFANTS sign language, Spanish and swimming these days!

I didn't realize this until a sibling taught her baby sign language but infants have a hard time communicating and get very frustrated when they try and are unable to do so. She said teaching him a few signs alleviated all of his frustration because he could tell her what he needed and wasn't able to form words yet.
Think I've heard of infants swimming but Spanish seems like a stretch as the kids can't form words, maybe they just listen.

Infant swimming seems like a new PNA method.

The amount of help today's moos need to control their kyd for like 4 hours before bedtime is crazy. I had a male friend whose wife was a med student/doctor. He was w/ the kid all the time after work. He went to the xmas party ONE night outta the year, and she called his phone repeatedly becuz she wanted help w/ the kid the ONE night she was with it. Also, he couldn't stay at an overnight week long seminar in the suburbs for work w/ me, becuz she spent ONE night w/ the kid and couldn't handle it alone. He had to drive back and forth every night to the seminar.

In the meantime I want to say.....WHAT did the moos do of yesteryear who always took care of babies by themselves at night? CFs dont want to do it, that is why we made the choice, but after youre used to it, and signed up for it, how hard can it be to bare minimum "put up" with it? One would think reminding themselves how joyful having kyds is would help them to get over it.

Yup, when I turned twelve, I had several babysitting jobs, and had to put a LOT of kids to bed. Around an hour before their bedtime, I'd let them wind down with some quiet play - nothing too overstimulating, and then I'd put them to bed and read them a few lines out of a book. That usually relaxed the kids well enough to let them sleep. I was also firm about bedtime and wasn't willing to put up with too much BS from them.

I mostly babysat older kids, but there was the occasional toadler or loaf thrown into the mix, too. It really depended on the loaf, but the kids who were most attached to their parents were the hardest for me to get to sleep.

One little fucker wet the bed one night, and he told his moo the next day that I didn't allow him to use the bathroom before he went to bed. It wasn't true, obviously, but she accused me and believed her kid, even though I was a very reliable sitter and had an amazing reputation for caring for the kids. I decided to quit babysitting in favor of another job after that.

I have to add that the moos really did screw themselves over that. I was a responsible, caring babysitter. I was also reliable and charged very little for my services.

I don't get it either. Why do people have kids on purpose and then dump them on other people most of the time? I understand needing time away from them now and then, but what the fuck's the point when sitters, teachers and daycare staff are doing most of your job for you? The ones I love the most are the stay at home parents who put their kids in daycare. Your kid is the whole reason you stay at home, but you have someone else do the cunt work for you.

My aunt was like this when her kid was around 3-4 years old. She got pregnant by accident, kept it anyway, and refused to give up her very active social life, so her kid spent most of her early years being raised and minded by whatever relatives her mother decided to leave her with (usually with no prior warning - she'd just show up, leave the kid and bolt off before the designated sitter could protest).

I think they just like having a cute baby to play with for a little while and when the kid stops being a cute baby and becomes a screaming, less dependent toddler, they decide they want another cute baby to play with and start "TTCing" about two years after the first one is born. They get their new toy and neglect the first kid, then wonder what's wrong with the older one when it acts up and then they doctor shop to get an autism diagnosis so they can medicate their kid into a stupor to shut him up.

If 24/7 daycares were a thing, I wonder how many parents would use them. Sluice the loaf, dump it at a long-term daycare facility and reclaim the kid when it's grown up so you can brag about being a parent after not lifting a finger to raise them.

AND let's hear it for the almighty gene! 1010wins had some sort of puff piece stating 'same doctor who delivered baby that was a preemie decades back, around to deal now with this guys ALSO preemie baabbeee. talk about passing on genetic incompetence.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

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cfuter
The amount of help today's moos need to control their kyd for like 4 hours before bedtime is crazy. I had a male friend whose wife was a med student/doctor. He was w/ the kid all the time after work. He went to the xmas party ONE night outta the year, and she called his phone repeatedly becuz she wanted help w/ the kid the ONE night she was with it. Also, he couldn't stay at an overnight week long seminar in the suburbs for work w/ me, becuz she spent ONE night w/ the kid and couldn't handle it alone. He had to drive back and forth every night to the seminar.

In the meantime I want to say.....WHAT did the moos do of yesteryear who always took care of babies by themselves at night? CFs dont want to do it, that is why we made the choice, but after youre used to it, and signed up for it, how hard can it be to bare minimum "put up" with it? One would think reminding themselves how joyful having kyds is would help them to get over it.

This seems really silly. Both parents having the ability to put their kids to sleep sounds like the only practical option.
Besides, kids are creatures of habit and if parents start them off going straight to bed they will pick up the habit after a few weeks to a few months. My sibling did this with her kids when they were toddlers and never had trouble with them, she would read to them during the day only. If they do wake during the night and come into her room it is for good reason. Parents CHOOSE to reinforce bad habits and the longer they do it the worse it is to break the habit. I could see if they adopted a kid, it may have deeply ingrained bad habits. But if they sluiced it is their own laziness they have to blame, not the kid. They need to stop whining about self-inflicted problems.

re:24/7 child care? Back in the 1970s, I worked with a couple who owned a music club/bar. They were really "country" but , obviously, very business savvy. They had an 8 year old daughter who LIVED at the babysitter's. Due to their working all night, almost every night--they just left her there. I THINK I remember they had maybe one day a week off, and they went to "visit" her then. Sheesh! It WAS before abortion was legal. so maybe she was just a mistake. They really hardly even spoke of her.