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Guy donates sperm says he is not a father

Posted by cfdavep 
Guy donates sperm says he is not a father
February 25, 2019
https://old.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/aum3hw/having_donated_sperm_does_not_make_me_a_father/

Guy donates to his wanna breed brother and wife and they have his kid, brother's bio nephew raised as his son. Donator says he and his wife are CF after the donation. SIL asks when "CF" couple will breed and they say "never" SIL who was drunk says "well, you already have one anyway..ie their kid and this causes a lot of discomfort. I can't imagine marrying a guy willing to donate to his brother and wife and getting into those complications. Someone on the comments said that if you are a bio father you are a bio father even if you insist the kid is a nephew.... cause guess where that kid is headed if his present parents are killed in a car accident.
Re: Guy donates sperm says he is not a father
February 25, 2019
If you have a kid and then abandon that kid to be raised by the other parent, are you a parent? Yes, of course you are. You may not be parenting, but you're a parent. Same case here.
Re: Guy donates sperm says he is not a father
February 25, 2019
I wonder how her husband felt hearing her basically say he's not a real father. I know most true CFers would never get involved in this kind of shit because it's a very gray area of childfreedom and biologically, the guy is a father because his sperm was used to create the child in question and a DNA test would show him as the biological dad (unless he and his brother are twins, in which case, their DNA would be the same). However, from all other standpoints, he's not a father because there's far more that goes into being a real father than just the sperm used.

Hopefully the sister-in-law's insensitive behavior was just due to being drunk. Otherwise, I have a feeling that she's going to be expecting a LOT in regard to child care from the author because it's his bio-kid. I sure as fuck hope this guy got a lot of shit in writing before SIL starts latching onto him for various child care bullshit like child support or legal guardianship or college funding.

This is why you don't donate sperm to people you know.
Re: Guy donates sperm says he is not a father
February 26, 2019
Quote
Cambion
Hopefully the sister-in-law's insensitive behavior was just due to being drunk. Otherwise, I have a feeling that she's going to be expecting a LOT in regard to child care from the author because it's his bio-kid. I sure as fuck hope this guy got a lot of shit in writing before SIL starts latching onto him for various child care bullshit like child support or legal guardianship or college funding.

Oh, I can see that situation getting weird fast....
Re: Guy donates sperm says he is not a father
February 26, 2019
Actually it was not the SIL who said that...it was the SIL's friend who made the tacky remarks.

The whole situation was badly done. If they wanted to get sperm, the guy should have told him to go to the sperm bank, but if he did do it, hopefully there were legal adoption papers where he relinquished his rights to the kid and vice versa.*

No way should the friend know the details, so Moo or Dud had a big mouth.

These situations are bad deals. These people need to get over their own DNA and just go to a sperm bank or better yet, adopt.

ETA: and more fallout from the situation would be: what do they tell the kid? Just wait until friend gets drunk and tells the kid, if he doesn't already know.
Re: Guy donates sperm says he is not a father
February 26, 2019
My uncle's wife had her BIL's kid and the kid was told at the age of 16 and freaked. His world was turned upside down.

It must be weird to find out your uncle is your father and your father is your uncle. His legal father, bio uncle never stopped harassing him to be his "other father" and the guy never could get his brother off his back over it, the bio mother wanted the bio father to have nothing to do with the kid, so more conflict.. The bio father went on and married another women who can't stand either of them, but is stuck. Kid is 29 today and is an alcoholic.

Nothing but complications
Re: Guy donates sperm says he is not a father
February 26, 2019
EVERYBODY in a situation like that would need to be supremely talented at detaching emotionally from the whole thing, including the resultant kid...even if all the adults are 100% capable of handling the situation with poise (and that's a big fucking "if"), how can you guarantee the kid will be, too? This is just another case of breeders being selfish. And probably trying to save the cost of going outside the family for a surrogate.
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