1173 CF Question - Losing Friends

Yes, I have lost oodles of friends. They are now Mommies and breeder mommies really only want to spend time around other breeder mommies, anyway. The first few that spawned, I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt that they still *MAY* continue to be real friends. How wrong I was. It got to the point where they couldn't leave the house, couldn't leave Shitford with his duhddy because don't 'cha know, only Mommy can do the child-rearing thing properly, we couldn't have intelligent conversations anymore because said friend's brain turned into a placenta, couldn't plan anything because it was always canceled at the last minute, all things had to be scheduled around Cuntlina's nap time. The kids even dictated whether or not mommy got to be on the phone. If my parents were on the phone and we were acting up, interrupting the conversation, we got our asses smacked good when she finally hung up. Not today, it's, "Oh, I have to go, Snotlina is causing a ruckus."

Then when the kids got older, it was the same old shit. Bratleigh has ballet, Girl Scouts, mommy can't work because heaven forbid, Shitford simply CANNOT take the SCHOOL BUS with all the trash, we have to chauffeur them back and forth to school in our hermetically sealed rolling safe house. Keep in mind this is the same "trash" they spend 8 hours in school with. Then there are the scheduled playdates, perfectly orchestrated birthday parties that take the mommies weeks to plan for, scheduled time with nana, scrapbooking class, game night, etc. I often wonder if they schedule time for the kid to take a shit? Then it's the mealtime drama. Kid won't eat what's put down so we have to make a whole other meal for them, usually consisting of fried chicken fingers and mac n cheese. Mommy has turned into a slave to the spawn. Just look at a mommy's appearance and it will tell you she has no time for herself or anyone else - everything revolves around little Shitass and his needs.

I feel your pain here, after 2 friends full of this shit, I gave up. Now I get emails from them that read, "I haven't heard from you in ions! The kids are finally able to do their own thing and hubby and I finally have some free time!" Well guess what? I'm doing my own thing now and it doesn't include spending time with YOU!

This post hits home. I have a terrific brother that I have always loved spending time with. Two years ago they had a baby. We went to visit them at Christmas time this year, like we usually do. We were unhappily surprised to find that they had turned the entire upstairs of their home into the child's room. The child has a bedroom with her crib in it, she sleeps in this one. The guestroom, that we always stay in has been changed into her room with a single bed, that she will move into once she leaves the crib. Then the family room, that also had a nice fold out sofa in it, has been turned into a playroom. Even the upstairs bathroom has been turned into a child friendly bathroom. When they invited us to visit this Christmas they neglected to tell us that we had nowhere to really sleep. They had us sleeping on an air matress in the rec. room. It was freezing. We also had to watch home videos of my niece, when we could watch her live! All of their conversation is about the kid. I left there feeling that I had lost some of my intelligence. The kid is only 18 mos. and the already have her pre-enrolled in a private school that she won't start until she's 5.
You are so right about all of the overscheduling of activities that parents do. I can't imagine having my life that planned out. I hate to live by the constraints of time.

Good morning/afternoon friends! I also have lost friends due to being CF. One friend told me how she wished I would change my mind and have that bay-bee. Never mind that she knew of my tubal ligation. I sent off a letter trying to educate her about the childfree. Never got a response. I did see her about a year or so later in downtown Winter Park. She tried to act so nice. I enjoyed how her husband was eyeing me. I know that is not spiritual. I wish I was better about the "hee...I got you back" mentality.

A best friend is really no longer a "best friend". She was a single mother with a young daughter. Friend married again. Now she is into the corp thing and bought that home in the suburbs. Yeah...she changed. I could go into detail but this is nothing that unique. This issue has been posted on other CF forums.

I did post earlier about one stepbrother who is going to be a daddio since the pedigreed wife is pregnant. I could sense this stepbro changing once he married that woman from the "right family". Gag me! I saw how this fellow was so different after he married her during my visit to my mom's a few years ago. The other stepbrother's wife is whining for a baby. That brother was CF but allowing himself into "relenting".

I often do feel alone and pretty much give up on friends unless I meet the hard-to-find CF buddy...

well india you got us cf here as buddies best we can do, but.. at least we wont change

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

India_Darshan, maybe there is a No Kidding! chapter near you. It's a social group for childfree & childless adults. Go to www.nokidding.net for a list of chapters.

Hey Sherz, I've been enjoying your posts! That Christmas sounded like it sucked royally. I'm going through the same issues with my brother and his 18-mo old shitball & chain.

We used to really talk, but it's like he doesn't even hear me anymore or even respond to my emails. I can't even call them on a Sunday for a minute since they don't answer the phone unless it's an emergency cause it's their designated "family day". Ughhh.

He's so whipped that he can't even take a shit without my SIL & the kid. It's like they are all one person and he has no individuality spark anymore.

And get this- they've enrolled the 18 mo old in some kind of school. No-not daycare. Not preschool either-you have to be 4 for that. Yep-this is a 3-hour per day 3-day per week "school" for toadlers. What is an 18 mo old gonna do in a school? Stare open-mouthed at each other, drool, crap & wait for moomie to come back from yoga?

lv67 Wrote:
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> What is an 18 mo old gonna do in a
> school? Stare open-mouthed at each other, drool,
> crap & wait for moomie to come back from yoga?
>

Okay, picturing that gave me a good laugh. "School" for 18 month olds - ohhhh-kay!

I lost one friend who had a child because she turned into a total breeder. She takes her child everywhere, and her child is a hellion - she never disciplines her kid.

My other friend had a child and we are still close. She always makes time to not only spend time alone with her husband, she also makes time to hang with friends. Her child is only 3, but she understands when her parents discipline her and she behaves well for her age. BTW, she happens to be a teacher, and Sherz reminds me of her. I wonder if there is some kind of connection...like teachers who become parents are usually PNBs. Hmmmm.

So far, I've only had one friend get pregnant and have a child, I guess that's one of the benefits of hanging out with a bunch of slacker stoners.
Fortunately, her and her husband are parents, not breeders, AND Dad stays home with the kid. The only mildly annoying thing is that when they do get to go out, because they've got a babysitter or grandparent to care for the kid, they always say "We've finally got some time off from the kid, lets go out for (whatever)". Putting it that way always bugs me, mainly because it sounds like complaining about the choice they made. Also, while Dad does stay home with the kid, it's Mom who still has to do the majority of the housework after a putting in a full day at the office. Compared to other stories, that's pretty mild though, and they're still fun. Hell, we even had a good ol' grown up Halloween party in their basement last year, they just put the kid to bed and had a montering device in case he cried.

>>>>but it's like he doesn't even hear me anymore.

I totally agree if I go out w/ a moomie friend, even a general PNB, every thing I say is generally ignored or skipped over b/c she will have one eye on 5-7 year old sproggy and is worried about him, even tho he is obviously "safe"

and if sproggy talks, I swear, I could say I have cancer, and it would be ignored as if I said nothing, or it would be 'hold on a minute I got to tend to sproggy' or "oh really, that's terrible" and off to more sproggy entertainment. (i know this b/c I got mugged and she never cared to really hear my story)

I don't know how generally polite people almost ALL turn in to these MoMBIE Zombies after sprogging. It seems like we all start out as individuals, then people sprog and turn in to the same sterotypical mooos. It is the only thing that makes people act all the same. How can that be when we are all supposely so different?

Hello Everyone.... I can relate to you all.the hardest thing for me was loosing my best friend after she had her kids.
It is so hard to meet like minded child free friends here...
If anyone knows any childfree people from melbourne australia throw them a line and send them my way.sometimes My husband and I feel so alone as all our childed friends talk about is you know what....

It would be a dream to have childfree friends.I am so glad that I can come here and talk to you guys about this without being judged.

http://www.childfree.com.au/ may have some people

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

Thank-you for all of your kind words, everyone! I have made a couple of really good friends from being on CF forums. CF Scorpio, there is a No Kidding chapter in my area; however, most of their outings are to expensive places to eat. It is great that we do have a chapter in my area but it is more "yuppie". Not a problem...to each his/her own.

I can also relate to those with childed friends, who say how the CF person has not kept in touch. Believe me, I did all I could to stay in touch with my former best friend - a woman with a child. Until she got her major promotion, it was not that difficult. The move-up the corp ladder changed her. My friend said she feared changing into a person that she would not like but it still happened. She got the house in 'burbs and is working on friendships with the upper-class SAHMs & working moms.

I just gave up. At first, I was angry and acted out like a kid by deleting her number in my cell. Childish, huh? I did attempt to call when I missed her call last week. Yeah, it was the "you are never in touch" mantra on my voicemail when *I* have been the one trying to initiate communication. Oh, well....

Hello!

I read the rant and the replies and I have had a similar experience. When a good friend wanted a bayyyyybe, she turned into a super breeder. She would forget lunch dates with me or cancel at the last minute so she can bond with other moo's at those Mommy and Me sessions. GAG!!! The final straw was that the phone calls became obligatory - I would call her and she would call me, etc, in that pattern. After 9-11 she called me to see if I was "ok" and I did not return her call and you know what? She never called me again and I was fine with that.

My other friend was just a breeder with 2 out of control crack monkeys. I would have to wear the "special outfit" to go over her place because I would always end up with a stain on it from her kids (sticky hands syndrome, running with juice cups and splashing).

When I moved, I just never gave her the information. Oh well!!!

I only seek out other women who are CF. I suppose it's easy to do that in NYC. I enjoy friendships with career women my age (40ish). As soon as they get pregnant, I don't want to be friends with them anymore.

Hi Iv67!

Glad you've enjoyed my ranting. At the risk of sounding stupid, a risk I often take on a daily basis, what is a PNB? I'm assuming being one is good!

I think years of teaching other people's snot monsters, and dealing with their unreasonalble parents, makes you terrified of being like them, or having brats like they do. I've always been a very realistic person, and I can't understand how they can have a full life with their focus being totally on their kids. I'm not saying, be selfish, ignore your children, and do whatever the hell you want to do. I'm saying, strive for a balanced life. My parents were a great example for me. They taught my brother and I to be independent people with manners and consideration of others. THey spent plenty of time with us, but made sure they had time for themselves, and for their friends. It wasn't unusual for my brother and I to have a sitter now and then so they could go out. I remember really enjoying playing cards and other games with the teenaged girl that stayed with us when they went out with friends. I wasn't traumatized by this in the least!

Our society is too child focused. I don't understand how people who are spending every free moment of their time carting their children back and forth from activity to activity can be having a life with any quality. I would bet that 90% of the parents of these overscheduled kids aren't really enjoying their lives at all. They are just trying to keep up with what all of the other idiot parents are doing. They're not smart enough to be individuals, not feed into guilt, and set limits.

PNB - Parent Not Breeder

I don't have very many friends. My best friend is 36 and says she is not having children, but sees herself helping them in some way. I have another friend who recently got married. She's only 25, and she and her husband are very cool and semi-stoners. I think they will sprog, though. I don't know how that will impact our friendship. I'm bracing myself.

And WTF is with the over-scheduling? I read an long feature article two years ago in an SF Bay Area paper about a couple who had two kids that were around 13 and 16 and the mother and father shlepped them around to music classes, sports activities like soccer and fencing. These kids had some type of crap going on every single day after school. (Aren't these kids old enough to bike or take a bus to some of this crap? Their flippin' teen-agers.) Anyway, every weekday evening, the kids and parents would sit down to a dinner of some kind of instant pasta and meat meal like around 11 p.m.! Then the mother got up at like 5 a.m. and the nightmare began again. The parents were like, "We are there for our kids, want them to have lots of opportunities. Some might think we have too much going on, but we think it's great! Then there's a picture of mom at the kitchen table over her midnight pasta bowl, a vacuous shell of her former self, looking like SHIT with bags under her eyes. It's pretty dubious what they are teaching their kids, IMO. What about allowing oneself quiet time to explore the world in the way that comes to them?

CFADinNYC, same here, once a friend announces she's knocked up, I'm history. Open cell phone address book - locate name - DELETE!

I got burned twice by 2 "friends" so I put a stop to all communication with breeders right then and there.

I know, I used to have a ton of friends, till they turned into sheeple who move to McMansions in the 'burbs, and shit the spawn out.

Now, I basically have no one. Just one or two here or there. I make new friends, but then they too turn around and sprog and it starts all over again. too sad, too painful.

Once I get the In Pig announcement, I know it is over, but I don't delete their numbers, etc., until they actually DO something to me. I'm a glutton for punishment like that. It is inevitable.

If I didn't have u guys, I would probably go berserk!

over-scheduling, that's like those sh*t parunts who have a marriage in the shambles, then show up on the Dr. Phil show, thinking he could save their frikkin' marriage. Only since they have absolutley no time for themselves (as a couple). Breeders suck, there is a rant about the childfree loosing friends once they sprog, at www.happilychildfree.com.

I thought I was the only one who was basically friendless due to breeding.

Also, I've noticed that most parents/breeders will only hang out with other people with children. I met someone awhile back who has 7yo son. She's a really awesome lady but I haven't been able to hook up with her in six months or so, but she's always dashing off doing this and that with her childed friends but with me it's "we'll hook up".

There's only one good, old friend I completely lost touch with. She turned into a big fundie breeder. Once she started popping out kids that was the last I heard from her. I would see her once every few years but I was always the one calling and often she would break plans because she was tired. After I had to put my dog to sleep (he was mine, then hers for a few years then mine again) I called to let her know. I was very upset to say the least but she couldn't even have an important phone conversation because the kids were all over her and duh didn't want to handle the beasts, so she cut the conversation short. He couldn't watch his damn kids for 10 fucking minutes.

I finally gave up and stopped calling.

I hate having freinds or family members who have kids because they only talk about their kids. How boring!! When you are on the phone, you can hear the damn brat in the background interuptingthe phone conversation a billion times. These stupid breeders also send tons of pictures via e-mail or worse they give you those stupid wallet size photos or tacky frames with brats on them. Who the hell is going to walk around with photos of their baby cousins in their wallet and make it bulky? Good grief! In the past my sil used to give DH and I tacky frames with those stupid studio photos from Wal-Mart with tacky backgrounds of DH's niece as a Christmas gift or birthday. We never displayed them! We live in a small one bed room apartment and hardly have room for our own photos of our travels, we sure don't want to clutter our place with these stupid frames or put these wallet photos on the fridge and have a home look so tacky like a breeders' with frames everywhere of their brats or grandkids. I refuse to go to any showers. This year I turned down 3 in one week! Unfortunately, I have gone only to DH's family member showers.

That sucks.

Thankyou for that mecurior I will look into it.Most likeley though anything like that will be based in Sydney...There has got to be some fellow chilfreers near me somewhere...

it actually mentions melbourne quite often. not sure if its melbourne based.

*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

I know a woman who owns a pagan store. She was way-cool until she had that baybee back in 2002. The woman divorced her husband a few years ago. Now, the ex-Wiccan goes to the Traditional Catholic Church and complains that her boyfriend, who I think is creepy, is not "Catholic" enough even though he gives sermons about the devil. Ex-Friend just keeps her store because she would not make much money in a traditional job. Besides, where else could she work and bring her toddler in with her. I am glad I escaped traditional religion with the emphasis on a man-made devil!